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Old 06-13-2004, 11:12 PM   #1
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QuockQuock HB User
Dating out of your class??

I was just wondering how people feel about dating people who are poorer, richer, wilder, calmer etc...
Recently I was dating a girl who drove a beat up car, smoked pot, was kind of into motorcycles, clubs etc... We were totally opposite, but I put all that aside, becasue I really liked her. She dumped me for no apparent reason. Could it be I was too clean cut, or "well to do" for her? I am no saint, and don't act like a perfectionist, but I do live life in a certain way, but I was willing to accept her for the way she was. It just kind of bugs me, because if we stayed together, I would have been willing to help her, (never mentioned it) help her get her life a bit more together.

 
Old 06-14-2004, 12:05 AM   #2
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soulster HB User
Re: Dating out of your class??

Mabye she thought you were dull and boring.

 
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Old 06-14-2004, 02:15 AM   #3
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Re: Dating out of your class??

Hi maybe she picked up on the fact that maybe you didnt think she was good enough...You already made the statement about HELPING her ? So I would say that is the case ! No one likes to feel like they arent good enough ! Also maybe she was quite happy with her life ????
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Old 06-14-2004, 04:35 AM   #4
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Hoop HB UserHoop HB User
Re: Dating out of your class??

Yes, maybe you are just a NICE GUY!

What makes you think she needed any help?
What makes you think she wanted any help?

Maybe she didn't like the fact that you thought you were better than her or better off than her and tried to make that an issue directly or indirectly or by your actions or behavior towards her.

You should have just accepted her for who she was. Maybe she picked up on you passing judgement based on her material possesions and her life style and she didn't appreciate it. I see that a lot in my life style. For example, I make a decent salary but I have always driven the same vehicle for the past 28 years and I see people passing judgement thinking I can't afford a new one, well except my close friend who just joke about it.

Just exactly, how would you have helped her? By buying her a mansion, a Mercedes Benz and a shopping trip on Rodeo drive?

Maybe, you just weren't compatible with each other, really. It happens all the time.

 
Old 06-14-2004, 08:12 AM   #5
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eightball61 HB User
Re: Dating out of your class??

I believe it ok to date someone out of you class or thiers. Put yourself in her shoes what do think she must have been thinking? why did she brake up with you?

It is hard to change a person if they are allready acoustom to who they are. In a relationship you both will always be different but you have to accept that they are different and get adapted to who they are.

She was more on the wild side but its fun to have a person like that because if you have gotten boring then they will help you to bring out the fun again.

 
Old 06-14-2004, 11:57 AM   #6
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Gtpchic31 HB User
Re: Dating out of your class??

hi, I come from a very well of family. Im 22 and am trying to finish up with school so i do not work. My parents pay for school. My bf of a year is older then me and has an 8 year old. He struggles to make ends meet but he does the best job he can do. Hes a wonderful man and father. Growing up he was just barely above poverty. We fell in love with each other not for what we have but who we are.
Its hard to say why she broke up with you, but since it didnt last then it wasnt meant to be. I dont think it was because of class issues. You guys just werent right for each other in her eyes. And you can only help people who want help and if she didnt ask forhelp you can force it on her. But that doesnt mean that you cant have another relationship with someone outside your class.

 
Old 06-14-2004, 01:34 PM   #7
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RosaMay HB User
Re: Dating out of your class??

Quote:
Originally Posted by QuockQuock
It just kind of bugs me, because if we stayed together, I would have been willing to help her, (never mentioned it) help her get her life a bit more together.
You never told her you were willing to help her, but maybe she picked that up on something you casually said, it could have been a passing remark, etc.
Maybe she never wanted to be helped by anyone. Maybe she liked her life the way it was. People have their own lives and lead them the way they want to, and want to be accepted the way they are. Differences can be good if you let them enrich your life, and if they are not fundamental. In the long run differences that are too considerable can become a burden. You must think what you can and want to live with without compromising too much.

Her breaking up with you didn't necessarily have to do with class issues. Maybe it had something to do how you two interacted, or with chemistry.

 
Old 06-14-2004, 01:39 PM   #8
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Re: Dating out of your class??

She sounds like a wild girl, whose values and lifestyle was vastly different from yours. It has nothing to do with class. You just didn't have enough in common for a successful relationship. Why do you want a woman who you need to "help straighten her life"? You're not on a rescue mission. Find someone whose life is more or less in order, and who can offer you a bit more than a temporary excitement of pot, partying, and chaos. Nothing to do with social class and everything to do with having personal CLASS.

 
Old 06-14-2004, 02:07 PM   #9
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Hoop HB UserHoop HB User
Re: Dating out of your class??

Quote:
Originally Posted by SophiaM
... Find someone whose life is more or less in order, and who can offer you a bit more than a temporary excitement of pot, partying, and chaos. Nothing to do with social class and everything to do with having personal CLASS.

Hey wait a minute!

If a person hasn't gone through this phase at some point in their lives, they haven't lived. They have missed out on a very exciting part of life. .... Ummm Yes, I'm speaking from personal experience. The key is knowing when to stop.

 
Old 06-14-2004, 02:12 PM   #10
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SophiaM HB User
Re: Dating out of your class??

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hoop
Hey wait a minute!

If a person hasn't gone through this phase at some point in their lives, they haven't lived. They have missed out on a very exciting part of life. .... Ummm Yes, I'm speaking from personal experience. The key is knowing when to stop.
Ok, you might have a point So, QuockQuock--look at it this way: you've had your dose of "excitement," partying, and chaos with this wild chick. It was good on a short term basis but wouldn't work in the long term. So, be glad that you've experienced it, but ultimately this girl has done you a favor by breaking up. Too much "spice" can make your stomach hurt.

 
Old 06-14-2004, 02:41 PM   #11
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eightball61 HB User
Re: Dating out of your class??

This reminds me of the movie "Along Came Polly". Ben Stiller and Jennifer Aniston played these 2 opposite people who characters. Ben did a lot to try to like her but they just found that they were too opposite but at the end they of course found a way.

What I am trying to say is opposites can attract. We have to adjust to that person because they are different. It doesn't matter is they are wild, calm, black, white, or anything. If you like the person and carefor them then stay. It doesn't matter what people think its what you both think.

Me and my GF are very different people when we met and we still are. We are very different in a lot of ways but we have found things that attract us to each other. We think a like, do actions the same way, and care for one another. It may be the smallest thing but don't let it all do because you are opposite.

I understand that she let you go but dont let that make you think opposites can't attrack because they can.

 
Old 06-14-2004, 04:03 PM   #12
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Re: Dating out of your class??

~Money never matters...it could be here today gone tomorrow...just so that the person can hold down a job and is motivated to do so...

~Wild does'nt really matter...as long as both people agree on how they want to raise their kids.

~Love is "class-less".... real love, anyway.

~The only time I would say that you should run the other way is if there is abuse, peversion, or addiction involved...otherwise, loosen up and enjoy what different people have to offer!~

 
Old 06-15-2004, 04:55 AM   #13
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Ruth6:11 HB UserRuth6:11 HB User
Re: Dating out of your class??

Wow, Hoop... 28 yrs with the same car??
What I want to know is what's your mechanic's name & do you live in the south to keep the body together that long!!

 
Old 06-15-2004, 07:18 AM   #14
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GirlHarley HB User
Re: Dating out of your class??

vintagegirl - said it best. and May I add:

I would not want a guy to be "willing to help me" or thought that I was
beneath him - I would want a MAN who thought we were equals and a partner. Oh yeah I have him.

I'm that wild girl you also mentioned -
I like the rugged, blue collar man who is Calm to ralax my wild side -
NO flip flop man or clean cut who should look better then me -
Thinks he's better then me and acts better then me -

Oh, did I mention I love motorcyles have met the BEST down to earth people in the World - I can go to classy places but feel more at home at those hole in the wall places classy people tend to avoid because they feel it is not within their class -

 
Old 06-15-2004, 07:35 AM   #15
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eightball61 HB User
Re: Dating out of your class??

Quote:
Originally Posted by GirlHarley

I would not want a guy to be "willing to help me" or thought that I was
beneath him - I would want a MAN who thought we were equals and a partner. Oh yeah I have him.
It not a bad thing to help guide if in trouble but to change a whole life style is nearly impossible. Partnership I believe is what you said being "equal" you may have to adjust to some things but not change everything.

 
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