I was just wondering how people feel about dating people who are poorer, richer, wilder, calmer etc...
Recently I was dating a girl who drove a beat up car, smoked pot, was kind of into motorcycles, clubs etc... We were totally opposite, but I put all that aside, becasue I really liked her. She dumped me for no apparent reason. Could it be I was too clean cut, or "well to do" for her? I am no saint, and don't act like a perfectionist, but I do live life in a certain way, but I was willing to accept her for the way she was. It just kind of bugs me, because if we stayed together, I would have been willing to help her, (never mentioned it) help her get her life a bit more together.
Hi maybe she picked up on the fact that maybe you didnt think she was good enough...You already made the statement about HELPING her ? So I would say that is the case ! No one likes to feel like they arent good enough ! Also maybe she was quite happy with her life ????
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DS CHRISTOPHER 27th JANUARY 1986
DD HALEY BORN 27TH SEPT 2003
DS ADAM BORN 1ST NOV 2004
What makes you think she needed any help?
What makes you think she wanted any help?
Maybe she didn't like the fact that you thought you were better than her or better off than her and tried to make that an issue directly or indirectly or by your actions or behavior towards her.
You should have just accepted her for who she was. Maybe she picked up on you passing judgement based on her material possesions and her life style and she didn't appreciate it. I see that a lot in my life style. For example, I make a decent salary but I have always driven the same vehicle for the past 28 years and I see people passing judgement thinking I can't afford a new one, well except my close friend who just joke about it.
Just exactly, how would you have helped her? By buying her a mansion, a Mercedes Benz and a shopping trip on Rodeo drive?
Maybe, you just weren't compatible with each other, really. It happens all the time.
I believe it ok to date someone out of you class or thiers. Put yourself in her shoes what do think she must have been thinking? why did she brake up with you?
It is hard to change a person if they are allready acoustom to who they are. In a relationship you both will always be different but you have to accept that they are different and get adapted to who they are.
She was more on the wild side but its fun to have a person like that because if you have gotten boring then they will help you to bring out the fun again.
hi, I come from a very well of family. Im 22 and am trying to finish up with school so i do not work. My parents pay for school. My bf of a year is older then me and has an 8 year old. He struggles to make ends meet but he does the best job he can do. Hes a wonderful man and father. Growing up he was just barely above poverty. We fell in love with each other not for what we have but who we are.
Its hard to say why she broke up with you, but since it didnt last then it wasnt meant to be. I dont think it was because of class issues. You guys just werent right for each other in her eyes. And you can only help people who want help and if she didnt ask forhelp you can force it on her. But that doesnt mean that you cant have another relationship with someone outside your class.
It just kind of bugs me, because if we stayed together, I would have been willing to help her, (never mentioned it) help her get her life a bit more together.
You never told her you were willing to help her, but maybe she picked that up on something you casually said, it could have been a passing remark, etc.
Maybe she never wanted to be helped by anyone. Maybe she liked her life the way it was. People have their own lives and lead them the way they want to, and want to be accepted the way they are. Differences can be good if you let them enrich your life, and if they are not fundamental. In the long run differences that are too considerable can become a burden. You must think what you can and want to live with without compromising too much.
Her breaking up with you didn't necessarily have to do with class issues. Maybe it had something to do how you two interacted, or with chemistry.
She sounds like a wild girl, whose values and lifestyle was vastly different from yours. It has nothing to do with class. You just didn't have enough in common for a successful relationship. Why do you want a woman who you need to "help straighten her life"? You're not on a rescue mission. Find someone whose life is more or less in order, and who can offer you a bit more than a temporary excitement of pot, partying, and chaos. Nothing to do with social class and everything to do with having personal CLASS.
... Find someone whose life is more or less in order, and who can offer you a bit more than a temporary excitement of pot, partying, and chaos. Nothing to do with social class and everything to do with having personal CLASS.
Hey wait a minute!
If a person hasn't gone through this phase at some point in their lives, they haven't lived. They have missed out on a very exciting part of life. .... Ummm Yes, I'm speaking from personal experience. The key is knowing when to stop.
If a person hasn't gone through this phase at some point in their lives, they haven't lived. They have missed out on a very exciting part of life. .... Ummm Yes, I'm speaking from personal experience. The key is knowing when to stop.
Ok, you might have a point So, QuockQuock--look at it this way: you've had your dose of "excitement," partying, and chaos with this wild chick. It was good on a short term basis but wouldn't work in the long term. So, be glad that you've experienced it, but ultimately this girl has done you a favor by breaking up. Too much "spice" can make your stomach hurt.
This reminds me of the movie "Along Came Polly". Ben Stiller and Jennifer Aniston played these 2 opposite people who characters. Ben did a lot to try to like her but they just found that they were too opposite but at the end they of course found a way.
What I am trying to say is opposites can attract. We have to adjust to that person because they are different. It doesn't matter is they are wild, calm, black, white, or anything. If you like the person and carefor them then stay. It doesn't matter what people think its what you both think.
Me and my GF are very different people when we met and we still are. We are very different in a lot of ways but we have found things that attract us to each other. We think a like, do actions the same way, and care for one another. It may be the smallest thing but don't let it all do because you are opposite.
I understand that she let you go but dont let that make you think opposites can't attrack because they can.
~Money never matters...it could be here today gone tomorrow...just so that the person can hold down a job and is motivated to do so...
~Wild does'nt really matter...as long as both people agree on how they want to raise their kids.
~Love is "class-less".... real love, anyway.
~The only time I would say that you should run the other way is if there is abuse, peversion, or addiction involved...otherwise, loosen up and enjoy what different people have to offer!~
Wow, Hoop... 28 yrs with the same car??
What I want to know is what's your mechanic's name & do you live in the south to keep the body together that long!!
I would not want a guy to be "willing to help me" or thought that I was
beneath him - I would want a MAN who thought we were equals and a partner. Oh yeah I have him.
I'm that wild girl you also mentioned -
I like the rugged, blue collar man who is Calm to ralax my wild side -
NO flip flop man or clean cut who should look better then me -
Thinks he's better then me and acts better then me -
Oh, did I mention I love motorcyles have met the BEST down to earth people in the World - I can go to classy places but feel more at home at those hole in the wall places classy people tend to avoid because they feel it is not within their class -
I would not want a guy to be "willing to help me" or thought that I was
beneath him - I would want a MAN who thought we were equals and a partner. Oh yeah I have him.
It not a bad thing to help guide if in trouble but to change a whole life style is nearly impossible. Partnership I believe is what you said being "equal" you may have to adjust to some things but not change everything.
It not a bad thing to help guide if in trouble but to change a whole life style is nearly impossible. Partnership I believe is what you said being "equal" you may have to adjust to some things but not change everything.
Ok, lets put it this way. I changed alot after I fell in love with my boyfriend, not because he asked me to but because I wanted to. He fell in love with me and accepted me AS IS...WE have changed together for the better but that is what you do when you love one another, respect each other and grow together in a relationship where two people are equals.
I was asked one thing from my boyfriend regarding money matters and that was he didn't want me to be a SNOB - I laughed because SNOB I will never be - friends of mine who have come into money have become Snobs and the friends I have who have always had money - we call them blue bloods are not the snobs - I have been on both sides of having money and not having money and I'm still the same person -
Ok, lets put it this way. I changed alot after I fell in love with my boyfriend, not because he asked me to but because I wanted to. He fell in love with me and accepted me AS IS...WE have changed together for the better but that is what you do when you love one another, respect each other and grow together in a relationship where two people are equals.
I was asked one thing from my boyfriend regarding money matters and that was he didn't want me to be a SNOB - I laughed because SNOB I will never be - friends of mine who have come into money have become Snobs and the friends I have who have always had money - we call them blue bloods are not the snobs - I have been on both sides of having money and not having money and I'm still the same person -
Yes but don't you go shopping when he gets you mad?
Anyways I understand you example and it is true to many other people. I have changed alot in my current relationship and this was for the better. I didn't do it for her but i did it to benifit us both.
First of all your title of your post says it all. Now I'm not trying to get critical or be rude, but the only differentiation of class is not in how big your wallet it, is it how you carry yourself and how you treat others. I come from a family with a 6-figure income. My first job I made $4.25 an hour. Does that mean that I am "low class"? Not at all!
Regardless of how much money you make, if you are a respectful person, and treat people the way they expect to be treated, it means a heck of a lot more than how much money you make or where you *think* you fit into the social scale.
Secondly, just the fact that you're making an issue of social class it is quite obvious why she dumped you. Who wants someone to sit around putting labels on them because of the kind of life they came from? I have worked minimum wage along side poor people and have also lived the good life.
The better person is the one who will never consider anyone or anything beneath them. You made it clear you think you are better than her because you have more money and a better lifestyle. She deserves better.
Ok, I started this post, and let me clear a few things up. First of all, she actually makes MORE money than I do. I just manage my money better I suppose. Last month she couldn't pay her electric bill or buy groceries, but she could afford her pot. (Maybe she does more than just pot?) I have smoked pot and done lots of other things in my life, but fortunatley, I never got addicted to anything. I don't think I am better than anyone who does drugs, I just choose not to do them anymore.
I go to bars/clubs occasionally, love Harleys, (don't own one) and have a better time with "good ole boys and girls" than with snobs. I can afford to do just about anything I want to, but live a simple life. I liked this girl because she was fun, knew how to laugh and have a good time. I thought she was much better than dating some stuck up snob. I just tried to make things work, and perhaps in the back of my mind I wanted her to straigten out her life a bit to where it was more manageable. (being able to pay her bills)
She was usually sober around me and when she was at home, she did her thing alone, I didn't judge her, I just liked her that was all.
One last thing, we talked about going on vacation (a long road trip) and I was concerned that she would bring pot with her in MY car. She said she needed some "smoke" every now and then, I was VERY weary of driving 1000 miles with "smoke" in my car. I never said anything to her, but I think she knew that might be an issue with me and maybe that is why she broke up?
Wow, you all had us fooled! From your first post, you made it seem as if you were from belair and she from the projects! Be more specific next time otherwise you will get a lot of advice that will nto pertain to your situation, like you just did.
The key is knowing when to stop.
