my dilemma - Relationship Health Message Board

pixiepie31 · 07-07-2004, 08:19 AM

I've been married for almost two years now to a man i've known almost 15 years of my life. We were always friends and then it blossemed into a relationship. We've had two children together and I know that he loves me. Problem is I'm not sure about what kinda love I feel for him. I wake up every morning thinking is this it? I mean I know that after a while some relationships become kinda placid, but i always have felt such a passion for him and now it's just gone. I do love him and I don't want to hurt him, but I'm not sure if I'm in love with him. Should I just stay in a relationship that makes me this unhappy? He's an excellent father and provider. I'm just worried that I'll grow to resent him. What should I do?

maak823 · 07-07-2004, 08:35 AM

Sounds like to me you are just experiencing a lull in your relationship - things get in the way - you know, kids, jobs, responsibilities and we lose sight of the passion that we shared earlier in the relationship.

You should send the kids to the sitter and take a night for the two of you- no TV, no Phone, no Radio- etc, talk to each other, remind yourselves of the reasons you married, its not gone, just forgotten- try it, see if it helps.

Quote:

Originally Posted by pixiepie31

I've been married for almost two years now to a man i've known almost 15 years of my life. We were always friends and then it blossemed into a relationship. We've had two children together and I know that he loves me. Problem is I'm not sure about what kinda love I feel for him. I wake up every morning thinking is this it? I mean I know that after a while some relationships become kinda placid, but i always have felt such a passion for him and now it's just gone. I do love him and I don't want to hurt him, but I'm not sure if I'm in love with him. Should I just stay in a relationship that makes me this unhappy? He's an excellent father and provider. I'm just worried that I'll grow to resent him. What should I do?

joquiero · 07-07-2004, 08:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pixiepie31

I've been married for almost two years now to a man i've known almost 15 years of my life. We were always friends and then it blossemed into a relationship. We've had two children together and I know that he loves me. Problem is I'm not sure about what kinda love I feel for him. I wake up every morning thinking is this it? I mean I know that after a while some relationships become kinda placid, but i always have felt such a passion for him and now it's just gone. I do love him and I don't want to hurt him, but I'm not sure if I'm in love with him. Should I just stay in a relationship that makes me this unhappy? He's an excellent father and provider. I'm just worried that I'll grow to resent him. What should I do?

Do you work outside the home? Are you inshape? is he in shape? do you spend time only with the kids? do you have hobbies?

When my previous relationship turned sour it was becasue we lost the spark and turned into brother/sister. That could have been avoided if we'd maintained a little distance, spent more time with friends had hobbies, kept ourselves in shape etc.

Stop being comfortable with him and try to woo him all over again. Get out of the house at least once a week on your own and one a week with him - go rock climbing, ride bicycles, take salsa classes ANYTHING to get your body and brain engaged.

elatedgiraffe · 07-07-2004, 08:37 AM

I think in every relationship there are good times then there are the bad times. You are in a slump right now. You've known him for 15 years; married for 2 years. You are out of the honeymooon stage and have realized now that you have acheived marriage..Is this it?? How about send the 2 kids off to Grandma's for a weekend and you plan a romantic trip. Do something different than you 2 have ever done before. Try a new hobby together...etc. I wouldn't worry about your feelings just yet. I think everyone feels this way at one point or another. You said you have a great husband...you want to throw that away for some man that isn't a good father and doesn't come home till 3 a.m. that gives you sparks??

I think you should wait out this tide...if you still feel like this 6 months from now then I would consider marriage counseling.

susieq0726 · 07-07-2004, 08:42 AM

How long have you felt this way? Is it something that has just surfaced, or have you been feeling this way for a long time? You are correct when you say relationships become "comfortable" after awhile, but that usually means you need to spice it up some. Do something different, go on a get-away weekend, romantic dinner - just the two of you.
You have invested alot of time with this man and you also have two children to think about. He sounds like a stand-up guy, a good husband and father. I don't think I would throw it all away too quickly. Have you talked to him about the way you are feeling? Communication is the key. If you are worried that something you say will hurt him, believe me, it will hurt him more if you're not open and honest with him. And keeping all those feelings bundled up inside is not healthy for you. Besides, if he is doing something to make you feel this way, he can't fix it if he doesn't know what it is. Talk to him.