How much was I disrespected... - Relationship Health Message Board

lancethechip · 07-09-2004, 06:27 AM

Hi:

I've been dating this girl now for about 2.5 months. Everything has been fantastic about 96% of the time. However, on two different occassions hanging out with my friends, she basically ignored/was short with me and took to either one of my roommates. So while she was having a good time with them she sort of left me in the cold.

The second time I talked to her about it, told her I felt disappointed for the way she was acting. She told me that she was trying to get in good with my friends, and trying to not do the 'couple' thing because she knows what it was like to be a third wheel too. My argument was don't try to make them feel included at my expense.

I have a bit of OCD, so I tend to repeat these actions in my mind constantly. She told me that she was sorry and she didn't realize she was doing it. Do you think that I should give her the opportunity to make good, or did she disrespect me enough for me to step.

I like her, and I told her what I thought because I want to try and work through things with her. I just can't get the fact that I'm doubting her out of my mind...

In need of your opinion. I explained this the best I could...everything besides those 2 nights has been great.

Thanks

reni · 07-09-2004, 07:00 AM

OK, she said she was sorry! I would definitely give her the benefit of the doubt and the opportunity to "make good." Then if she keeps doing it you can reevaluate the situation. If she quits doing it, you have yourself a great girl.

Hoop · 07-10-2004, 09:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lancethechip

I've been dating this girl now for about 2.5 months. Everything has been fantastic about 96% of the time. However, on two different occassions hanging out with my friends, she basically ignored/was short with me and took to either one of my roommates. So while she was having a good time with them she sort of left me in the cold.

LOL… What’d you do! Divide 2 days by 2.5 months (75 days) to get 96%. I get 97.3 % myself. LOL
Don’t worry about it man. This is the year 2004. Let your girlfriend talk to who she wants or don’t hang out with your friends when you are with her. Don't blame her for a social situation that you set up.

Quote:

Originally Posted by lancethechip

The second time I talked to her about it, told her I felt disappointed for the way she was acting. She told me that she was trying to get in good with my friends, and trying to not do the 'couple' thing because she knows what it was like to be a third wheel too. My argument was don't try to make them feel included at my expense.

What do you really expect her to do when you and her hang out with your friends. Do you expect her to just sit around and only speak to you, if you are not busy speaking to your friends. If you know your friends well enough, you shouldn’t have a problem with it. Why did you only bring this up with your girlfriend? Why didn’t you bring this up with your friend? The problem you have involved both of them.

Quote:

Originally Posted by lancethechip

I have a bit of OCD, so I tend to repeat these actions in my mind constantly. She told me that she was sorry and she didn't realize she was doing it. Do you think that I should give her the opportunity to make good, or did she disrespect me enough for me to step.

I think your problem has more to do with insecurity and jealousy than with OCD. This is common among young adults but certainly not limited to them. Work on that and not this OCD you claim.

Quote:

Originally Posted by lancethechip

I like her, and I told her what I thought because I want to try and work through things with her. I just can't get the fact that I'm doubting her out of my mind...

There really is nothing to work out with her. It’s all in your head. You are the one with the problem, not her. If you really want to impress her, talk to her and apologize for reacting the way you did. That will really impress her. Honest, trust me, but don’t do it just to say it. If you actually mean it you will benefit from it yourself as well.

elatedgiraffe · 07-10-2004, 09:40 AM

I don't think she disrespected you. I think she was trying to include everyone. However, like you said, she should not include your friends at your expense. You are her boyfriend and should be treated like a boyfriend when with others, not just another somebody in the room. You have to realize that shes with you and become sevure with that. Hopefully now that you told her how you feel she will keep in mind to be attentive to you also and not tend to ignore you.

Jessi262 · 07-11-2004, 09:38 PM

Hey I Dont Think Your Girl Disrespected You In Anyway. I Know I Do The Same With My Guys Friends. Im 18 And They Are From 23-28. Its Not That She Is Trying To Give You The Cold Shoulder But She Is Trying To Get Them To Like Her So All Of You Can Do Things Together. I Mean What Would You Rather Have On The Weekends, (1) You And Your Girl With Nothing To Do Or (2) You, Your Girl And All Your Friends Parting And Having A Good Time? I Think#2 Is Better. I Say Give Her Another Cahnce. Itll Get Better And You Wont Feel Like Your Getting The Cold Shoulder Once They Have Hung Out For A While It Took Me And My Guys Friends Like 4-6 Months To Get Use To Each Other. Now We All Can Hang Out And Have A Good Time. We Still Do Couple Things So Dont Worry Youll Still Have You Time With Her. Good Luck.