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Old 08-03-2004, 04:17 PM   #31
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soulster HB User
Re: Late Bloomers--Pros an Cons of Starting a Family in your 30s

Hey Sophia,

Dont mean to sound nosey, but I remember in one of your previous threads you mentioned you were seeing a new guy, your neighbor who was very nice and sweet... if you dont mind answering, how is that working out for you?
Also After meeting my now husband I really believe in fate and when your meant to get married you will. I tried with other guys and no matter how I tried to force myself to like them, I couldnt.. then I started thinking something was wrong with me that I was being too picky... but when you meet the right guy everything fallls into place. So my point is dont settle,l dont doubt yourself... and stay positive as hard as it sounds

 
Old 08-03-2004, 08:36 PM   #32
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Location: Rocking IN. USA
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Hoop HB UserHoop HB User
Re: Late Bloomers--Pros an Cons of Starting a Family in your 30s

Quote:
Originally Posted by SophiaM
Ok, at Ruth's enouragement, I am starting this new thread. I suck at new threads, but here's my miserable attempt at inciting your heated responses.
So, what do you people think of that? What are the pros and cons of waiting till your mid to late 30s to marry and start having children? What are your opinons and experiences on this issue? I suppose it has more meaning for women, becasue men, as we all know, can father kids on their deathbeds--lucky ******* <--edited by Hoop why? To score brownie point! why else! )(<---LOL LOL intrusion by Hoopster LOL LOL ) Ok, type away! I am VERY curious to read your responses.
OK stop! stop!... uncle!..uncle!... I will respond.

I love this thread Sophia. It’s a good one.

OK I have been on this board for a few months and I have exercised untold restraints. The Hoopster has been humble and modest to say the least. Let me tell you about myself, You all should know my personality by now, but let me now fill you in on my physical attributes, Recent posting on the physical aspects of attraction has made me finally come out ... but be forwarned. Especially to the young inexperienced ladies. It’s OK to swoon, but I don’t want you to faint Thump! and hurt yourselves. So, take a seat.

First let me tell you about my negative qualities so I can finish on a positive note.

OK, so what if I have a wooden leg? Is that so bad?
Yes, I am blind in one eye and can’t see out of the other! But, I've always had 20/20 hindsight!
And what if I have 12 fingers and 8 toes!

…including my wooden legggg! LOL Is that so bad!?

So there you have it. I’ll admit it. I have a couple of minor flaws to my physical characteristics.

But I have my positive qualities that you may not know about.

I’m cool. I’m smooth. I’m suave and debonair (I have no idea what the last word means! Whatever! Don’t matta! Dat’s me!
I’m highly edumacated! yes dat’s write! I don’t mean to brag, but I have 20 years of formal edumacation. I repeated the 10th grade twice! Then I dropped out. I coulda, woulda, shoulda gone further but the Hoopster is a realist. I just ran out of fingers and toes to be able to count any higher.

…including my wooden legggg!. LOL

But, I reserve my best physical quality for last. I have a beaut of a smile, I have those Shane Macgown pearly white bugs bunnies. …Well, when in his prime anyways. Complete with drool.

So, think whatever may think of me!
I accept whatever comes my ways.
But if I should ever fall from grace.

I want my headstone to read...

“Here lies…”.
HOOP! (DA realist! HOOP! DA WYSIWYG )” pronounced… we-see-wig


WYSIWYG (we-see-wig)

What
You
See
Is
What
You
Get


…including my wooden leggg! LOL

they’re coming to take me away… haha…they’re coming to take me away

Last edited by Hoop; 08-06-2004 at 06:33 PM.

 
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Old 08-03-2004, 08:41 PM   #33
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Keb5890 HB User
Re: Late Bloomers--Pros an Cons of Starting a Family in your 30s

Quote:
Originally Posted by SophiaM
Ok, at Ruth's enouragement, I am starting this new thread. I suck at new threads, but here's my miserable attempt at inciting your heated responses.
So, what do you people think of that? What are the pros and cons of waiting till your mid to late 30s to marry and start having children? What are your opinons and experiences on this issue? I suppose it has more meaning for women, becasue men, as we all know, can father kids on their deathbeds--lucky ba*stards. Ok, type away! I am VERY curious to read your responses.
My mom got pregnat with my brother when she was 36( hes now 22) and pregnat with me when she was 38( im now 20) I think my parents were more finacially stable then alot of kids that I grew up. Also they had grown up and werent as immature as say a 23 year old. They had experince on how to deal with life.

My cousin who is 40 just had a baby girl in August. She is a wonderful mother to her and manages her time very well. On the other hand my other cousin was 19 when she had her first child and now pregnat with a second at 24. Two diffrent fathers, married to neither. She wasn't mature enough to deal with all that you have to endure when you have a child. 5 out of 7 nights a week her little girls stays with her mom. She has no kind of real job and no type of job security.

In my honest opionon I don't think you should have children until you are really ready. You have job security and will be able to take care of a child finacially and pyschically. I don't see anything wrong with having children in your 30's. People are living longer nowadays. Im 20 and they say our generation won't be able to retire until were 70 to collect social security!

 
Old 08-04-2004, 08:56 AM   #34
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Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 5,546
SophiaM HB User
Re: Late Bloomers--Pros an Cons of Starting a Family in your 30s

Quote:
Originally Posted by soulster
Hey Sophia,

Dont mean to sound nosey, but I remember in one of your previous threads you mentioned you were seeing a new guy, your neighbor who was very nice and sweet... if you dont mind answering, how is that working out for you?
Also After meeting my now husband I really believe in fate and when your meant to get married you will. I tried with other guys and no matter how I tried to force myself to like them, I couldnt.. then I started thinking something was wrong with me that I was being too picky... but when you meet the right guy everything fallls into place. So my point is dont settle,l dont doubt yourself... and stay positive as hard as it sounds

Hey Solster Thanks but that was actually a different poster, not me, who is seeing the nice neighbor guy. You know, I guess it IS all fate or whatever you call it. I relate to what you said about starting to blame yourself for being too 'picky." Thanks again for your response.

 
Old 08-04-2004, 09:08 AM   #35
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Posts: 5,546
SophiaM HB User
Re: Late Bloomers--Pros an Cons of Starting a Family in your 30s

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ninispjc
Coming in on this one late again (as usual) but it's interesting and I think I might be able to contribute something, so...

I think there are standard pros and cons that have already been mentioned, but really, I think when it comes to having children, your heart and your own personal relationship with God is what's most important. I'm 39, single and childless, and certainly not by choice. If I had my way I would have been married about 6 years ago and would have had my kids by now. But life had other plans for me. The man I wanted to marry didn't want to marry me, and despite my best efforts I haven't found anyone else yet. When I think of Helen Hunt who at 41 just had her first baby, and Courtney Cox who had her first at 40, it makes me feel like maybe I still have some hope, but I know my time is fast running out. I know the increased risks having a baby at my age, and I'm not crazy about the idea of pushing 50 and chasing around kindergardeners. I was talking to a friend about this just the other day and he said "well, maybe it's not God's plan for you to be married and to have kids." He may as well have said "well, maybe it's God's plan for you to kill yourself." I know I simply cannot live a happy, worthwhile life without a husband and kids (please, no replies about how I complete myself, I don't need a man to be happy, find meaning through volunteerism, blah blah blah, it will only fall on deaf ears). I don't know why I haven't gotten to be happy yet, but who knows? Maybe I won't get to meet my husband till I'm 40, and we won't get to have kids till I'm 41 or 42. I really don't plan on having kids past 40, though. If I do get married after 40 and my husband is agreed, I might consider adoption, but no matter how many kids I adopt, I know I will always have a sad, cold, empty hole in my soul if I never get to have kids of my own. It's something I want really badly, but it may not be in the cards for me. I cry myself to sleep every night because of it. But would it be selfish of me to have something I want so badly? Who's to say that if I have faith and take the risk and have a child at 41, that child might grow up to do great things in this world. I personally don't believe in fertility treatments, surrogacy, and all that stuff, but think of all the kids that are on this earth now because of those things. Are their lives mistakes? Is is wrong for those kids to exist? Are they not children of God, too? Geena Davis just had twins at 48. Should those kids not be here either? Only God can say. I think if your heart is telling you that you should be a mother, and you don't get the chance until your late 30s or so, you can weigh the pros and cons but the only thing you can really do is listen to your own heart and your faith, and do what they tell you to do.
Nini, Thank you. I know exactly what you mean and I feel for you. All this talk that "we don't need a man to be happy, blah, blah, blah" is so annoying. And it's usually people who are happily married or in a relationship who will say this--how funny, no? Why don't you try a dating site again? I might do that after I come back from my vacation. I'm tired of just sitting on my behind and waiting for prince charming to magically appear. Yeah, I know it's all "fate," but sometimes fate needs a bit of help. Maybe we should try a major site which has a lot of people on, and just say upfront you're looking for a serious relationship, would love to have a family, etc. I'm sure there have to be men out there who want that too. I mean, they HAVE to be somewhere, right?

 
Old 08-04-2004, 09:10 AM   #36
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Join Date: Apr 2004
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elatedgiraffe HB User
Re: Late Bloomers--Pros an Cons of Starting a Family in your 30s

Quote:
Originally Posted by SophiaM
Oh, NO, not at all! I am way too young for that. I just turned 32 a couple of months ago. To be honest, my clock is not really ticking that loud, but some of my family members and some friends make me feel this way. I am only worried "just in case," because when I'm finally ready to have children, it might be too late. But adopting right now is out of the question. I can't even afford it financially, nor would I make a good single mother. I tend to get overwhelmed when the situation is tough and having a supportive husband before i have kids is a must. I am not compromising on that one. I am very healthy, in great shape, and look/feel young, so hopefully it won't be a problem, but just wanted to see what other people think on this subject. I would only adopt if I was over 40 and still single.
I'm glad to hear that you are content with your situation. Society does have its way of eating at you. The "when you getting married?" "when you having kids?" "when you having another kid?"--Its like high school peer pressure all over again Everyone has their opinion of how long for this and how long for that. If you aren't on everyone else's timeline then something is wrong. The only thing that expires for us women is our good eggs I was worried about that too, but then I decided that if I don't get married I'll focus on my career and I won't be babyless because I'll adopt. That gave me a sense of relief. Everyone is different which means life events occur differently for each of us too. Sometimes if we just let go and go with the flow everything falls into place. Its when we try and plan and control our lives that we are overwhelmed with disappointment.

 
Old 08-04-2004, 09:11 AM   #37
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Indiana
Posts: 305
letfayhol HB User
Re: Late Bloomers--Pros an Cons of Starting a Family in your 30s

Quote:
Originally Posted by SophiaM
Hey Solster Thanks but that was actually a different poster, not me, who is seeing the nice neighbor guy. You know, I guess it IS all fate or whatever you call it. I relate to what you said about starting to blame yourself for being too 'picky." Thanks again for your response.

That was me... Things are going pretty good... Lastnight was a bit stressful because he said he was starting to fall in love with me and he was weired by it too since it is so early on... I don't feel the same way, but I do like his character alot and I enjoy spending time with him... Anyway, things are good...Thanks for asking

 
Old 08-04-2004, 09:18 AM   #38
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Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 5,546
SophiaM HB User
Re: Late Bloomers--Pros an Cons of Starting a Family in your 30s

Quote:
Originally Posted by elatedgiraffe
I'm glad to hear that you are content with your situation. Society does have its way of eating at you. The "when you getting married?" "when you having kids?" "when you having another kid?"--Its like high school peer pressure all over again Everyone has their opinion of how long for this and how long for that. If you aren't on everyone else's timeline then something is wrong. The only thing that expires for us women is our good eggs I was worried about that too, but then I decided that if I don't get married I'll focus on my career and I won't be babyless because I'll adopt. That gave me a sense of relief. Everyone is different which means life events occur differently for each of us too. Sometimes if we just let go and go with the flow everything falls into place. Its when we try and plan and control our lives that we are overwhelmed with disappointment.
I like your attitude, Elated! I am not completely "content" with my situation, I mean, don't get me wrong, if I did find the right guy and fell in love with him, I'd be very happy to get married and have kids. I'm not at all against marriage or kids and it's not really my choice to wait so long. Rather, it's the circumstances. But to be honest, my desire to have children is not as strong as my desire to have a life partner. If, for instance, I fell in love with someone who doesn't want to or cannot have kids, I would still want to be with him. the kids are sort of a bonus for me. It's just a bit worrisome that when I finally meet this great guy, it might be too late to have a child if we both want it. But there are no guarantees in life, of course.

 
Old 08-04-2004, 09:23 AM   #39
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 1,785
elatedgiraffe HB User
Re: Late Bloomers--Pros an Cons of Starting a Family in your 30s

Quote:
Originally Posted by SophiaM
I like your attitude, Elated! I am not completely "content" with my situation, I mean, don't get me wrong, if I did find the right guy and fell in love with him, I'd be very happy to get married and have kids. I'm not at all against marriage or kids and it's not really my choice to wait so long. Rather, it's the circumstances. But to be honest, my desire to have children is not as strong as my desire to have a life partner. If, for instance, I fell in love with someone who doesn't want to or cannot have kids, I would still want to be with him. the kids are sort of a bonus for me. It's just a bit worrisome that when I finally meet this great guy, it might be too late to have a child if we both want it. But there are no guarantees in life, of course.
They way I see it, is that you actually have your head on straight. You could, as some women do, go out there have a good night of sex, get pregnant and have a baby. Or have babies by 4 different daddy's. You want the best for yourself and you are not willing to settle. You could marry some guy who you don't love, for his money, or just simply for him to give you babies. But you want to meet the "right guy" and you are willing to wait for that. Once you meet the right guy then you want the babies with the right guy. I think you have it better than most women because you know exactly what you want and won't settle for less. You don't want babies so bad that you'll shack up with some loser. You want the best for you and your future babies and that is an awesome characteristic.

 
Old 08-04-2004, 09:26 AM   #40
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Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 5,546
SophiaM HB User
Re: Late Bloomers--Pros an Cons of Starting a Family in your 30s

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hoop
OK stop! stop!... uncle!..uncle!... I will respond.

I love this thread Sophia. It’s a good one.

OK I have been on this board for a few months and I have exercised untold restraints. The Hoopster has been humble and modest to say the least. Let me tell you about myself, You all should know my personality by now, but let me now fill you in on my physical attributes, Recent posting on the physical aspects of attraction has made me finally come out ... but be forwarned. Especially to the young inexperienced ladies. It’s OK to swoon, but I don’t want you to faint Thump! and hurt yourselves. So, take a seat.

First let me tell you about my negative qualities so I can finish on a positive note.

OK, so what if I have a wooden leg? Is that so bad?
Yes, I am blind in one eye and can’t see out of the other! But, I've always had 20/20 hindsight!
And what if I have 12 fingers and 8 toes!

…including my wooden legggg! LOL Is that so bad!?

So there you have it. I’ll admit it. I have a couple of minor flaws to my physical characteristics.

But I have my positive qualities that you may not know about.

I’m cool. I’m smooth. I’m suave and debonair (I have no idea what the last word means! Whatever! Don’t matta! Dat’s me!
I’m highly edumacated! yes dat’s write! I don’t mean to brag, but I have 20 years of formal edumacation. I repeated the 10th grade twice! Then I dropped out. I coulda, woulda, shoulda gone further but the Hoopster is a realist. I just ran out of fingers and toes to be able to count any higher.

…including my wooden legggg!. LOL

But, I reserve my best physical quality for last. I have a beaut of a smile, I have those Shane Macgown pearly white bugs bunnies. …Well, when in his prime anyways. Complete with drool.

So, think whatever may think of me!
I accept whatever comes my ways.
But if I should ever fall from grace.

I want my headstone to read...

“Here lies…”.
HOOP! (DA realist! HOOP! DA WYSIWYG )” pronounced… we-see-wig


WYSIWYG (we-see-wig)

What
You
See
Is
What
You
Get


…including my wooden leggg! LOL

they’re coming to take me away… haha…they’re coming to take me away
Ha, ha, the funny Hoopster strikes again! Ok, I guess the purpose of your post was to convince me that your fine physical and mental attributes (and don't worry about the minor flaws like having 12 fingers and 8 toes--nobody's perfect!) would make you a good candidate to father my offspring. Hmmm, Hmmm. Am I overinterpreting?

 
Old 08-04-2004, 09:26 AM   #41
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Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Ohio
Posts: 248
Baylee Bianca HB User
Re: Late Bloomers--Pros an Cons of Starting a Family in your 30s

I am 38 and by the age of 24 had my fourth child. I had
my first son at 17. This is not the right path for most I
agree but, has worked for me. I am with the same wondeful man almost 23 years later. We are very happy
and I dont regret for one second starting a family so young. I think the pro to it now is my youngest is almost
14. Me and my hubby are still young enough to know what
fun is and we no longer need to hire a baby sitter.
I will admit most stories like mine are not as happy. I think I was just blessed with a great man with a happy
ending. Baylee

 
Old 08-04-2004, 09:31 AM   #42
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Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 5,546
SophiaM HB User
Re: Late Bloomers--Pros an Cons of Starting a Family in your 30s

Quote:
Originally Posted by elatedgiraffe
They way I see it, is that you actually have your head on straight. You could, as some women do, go out there have a good night of sex, get pregnant and have a baby. Or have babies by 4 different daddy's. You want the best for yourself and you are not willing to settle. You could marry some guy who you don't love, for his money, or just simply for him to give you babies. But you want to meet the "right guy" and you are willing to wait for that. Once you meet the right guy then you want the babies with the right guy. I think you have it better than most women because you know exactly what you want and won't settle for less. You don't want babies so bad that you'll shack up with some loser. You want the best for you and your future babies and that is an awesome characteristic.
Thanks Elatedgiraffe!!! Thank you, thank you and thank YOU! Yes, that's exactly my modus operandi. Wow, my self esteem is raising as we speak Someone thinks I'm smart! Yay. All my relatives feel sorry for me and think I'm a loser.

 
Old 08-04-2004, 09:31 AM   #43
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Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: ma
Posts: 9,648
eightball61 HB User
Re: Late Bloomers--Pros an Cons of Starting a Family in your 30s

All in all, in reality it doesn't matter if you are 20 or 35. When 35 you have a better mind set but when 20 you may be physically better. Overall, if one wants a child they are really don't know the resposibility until they have one. A person can learn at 20 and that would be a jump start with learning life quicker or one can wait till 30 to get thier things settle. No matter what to have a kid we have the energy to care for it in a loving way and that can be done at ages or 20 and 35.

 
Old 08-04-2004, 09:53 AM   #44
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 1,785
elatedgiraffe HB User
Re: Late Bloomers--Pros an Cons of Starting a Family in your 30s

Quote:
Originally Posted by SophiaM
All my relatives feel sorry for me and think I'm a loser.
Why? Because you didn't get married or have kids yet when THEY planned it Sometimes I think its the whole misery loves company thing. A friend of mine who got married at 20, now 25 asks me ALL the time "when are you getting married?" When we go out she flirts most of all. Its like she feels trapped in her marriage and wants others to get married so she feels better. Make sense? So be weary of people in your life always pressuring you and trying to make you feel sorry for yourself. They maybe miserable with their marriage and kids and just want to feel better if your doing it. People have a good way of acting like everything is okay and crying behind closed doors. Its like when I quit smoking. All my smoking friends are like "why?" "don't you want a cig." oh, "you can't quit". Alot of the pressure you are feeling is from OTHER people's insecurities within their own life. If they truely want whats best for you and care about your happiness then they would ask "are you happy?" and leave it at that. They maybe jealous that they didn't wait for "Mr. right". I had so many people in my life pressuring me, in fact, they still do, but I had to step out and look at it objectively. With the divorce rate as high as it is, I think its completely nuts to marry someone just because you are this age and you will be married at this particular age. You sound okay with your situation, yes you want more, but you have more in other aspects that people don't have and wish they did. Like you time There are pros and cons to every situation. As long as you are happy with yourself you'll attract healthy happy people as well.

 
Old 08-04-2004, 10:01 AM   #45
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Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 5,546
SophiaM HB User
Re: Late Bloomers--Pros an Cons of Starting a Family in your 30s

Quote:
Originally Posted by elatedgiraffe
Why? Because you didn't get married or have kids yet when THEY planned it Sometimes I think its the whole misery loves company thing. A friend of mine who got married at 20, now 25 asks me ALL the time "when are you getting married?" When we go out she flirts most of all. Its like she feels trapped in her marriage and wants others to get married so she feels better. Make sense? So be weary of people in your life always pressuring you and trying to make you feel sorry for yourself. They maybe miserable with their marriage and kids and just want to feel better if your doing it. People have a good way of acting like everything is okay and crying behind closed doors. Its like when I quit smoking. All my smoking friends are like "why?" "don't you want a cig." oh, "you can't quit". Alot of the pressure you are feeling is from OTHER people's insecurities within their own life. If they truely want whats best for you and care about your happiness then they would ask "are you happy?" and leave it at that. They maybe jealous that they didn't wait for "Mr. right". I had so many people in my life pressuring me, in fact, they still do, but I had to step out and look at it objectively. With the divorce rate as high as it is, I think its completely nuts to marry someone just because you are this age and you will be married at this particular age. You sound okay with your situation, yes you want more, but you have more in other aspects that people don't have and wish they did. Like you time There are pros and cons to every situation. As long as you are happy with yourself you'll attract healthy happy people as well.
Thanks Sweetie! Finally someone "gets" me There should be more cool girls like you. And you're right, the married friends I have all act like they should be awarded some kind of Nobel prize just for snatching a guy. One of my friends keeps sending me these "pity" cards each birthday that honestly ruin my mood. Something to the effect of "So sorry you're still single at (insert age here), but don't worry, hopefully this year you will find your true love." How can people be so clueless? ??

 
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