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Old 08-03-2004, 09:39 AM   #1
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Late Bloomers--Pros an Cons of Starting a Family in your 30s

Ok, at Ruth's enouragement, I am starting this new thread. I suck at new threads, but here's my miserable attempt at inciting your heated responses.
So, what do you people think of that? What are the pros and cons of waiting till your mid to late 30s to marry and start having children? What are your opinons and experiences on this issue? I suppose it has more meaning for women, becasue men, as we all know, can father kids on their deathbeds--lucky [removed]. Ok, type away! I am VERY curious to read your responses.

Last edited by Guardian; 08-04-2004 at 06:25 AM. Reason: Please choose words wisely.

 
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Old 08-03-2004, 09:56 AM   #2
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Re: Late Bloomers--Pros an Cons of Starting a Family in your 30s

[QUOTE=SophiaM]Ok, at Ruth's enouragement, I am starting this new thread. I suck at new threads, but here's my miserable attempt at inciting your heated responses.
So, what do you people think of that? What are the pros and cons of waiting till your mid to late 30s to marry and start having children?

I am 31 and never been married, if it happens it happens. I still feel like my mr. wonderful is out there just waiting for me. But I lived my life and had tons of fun and am still having fun!! My perfect situation would be to meet a guy someday soon be married by 34 and maybe have a child by 35. I know that there are some people who want to still be young when there children are out of the house which is why they have kids young. Not me. I want to have all the fun i can while I am still young and no one is dependant on me. I have a friend from high school who is my age and already has three kids!! She got married at like 24!! No way, just not for me. I just feel like she mised out on so much!! But again, that is only my opinion.

 
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Old 08-03-2004, 10:02 AM   #3
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Re: Late Bloomers--Pros an Cons of Starting a Family in your 30s

Thanks for responding! I'm around your age and I actually tend to agree with you. I can't help but feel bad for the people I know who are our age and are already grounded with 3 or 4 kids! It must age them prematurely. LOL

 
Old 08-03-2004, 10:02 AM   #4
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Re: Late Bloomers--Pros an Cons of Starting a Family in your 30s

I was 30 when I got married and 32 when I had my daughter. I'd say that there are pros and cons to both having them earlier and starting later. I am much more stable that I was in my 20s and that includes financially. I didn't find the person that I wanted to marry until I was 29. I am much more patient with my 3 year old that I think that I would have been in my 20s. The main negative part for us is that I don't want to do the things that kids like to do like go to Six Flags or Disney. Rides make me throw up. I don't go outside with her as much as I should to play ball, run around, etc.

 
Old 08-03-2004, 10:04 AM   #5
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Re: Late Bloomers--Pros an Cons of Starting a Family in your 30s

Coming from a male I am waiting till I am 30 to get married or start that life. I don't want any kids till a few years after that. The reason I see it this way is because I want to have my life settled first and I want to make sure I am set to bring a child into this world. I want my child to have a good home and resposible parents. I was brought up good and want my kids to have the same. I don't want to be stretch for money where I can afford underwear for my kids.


This is a good post soph

 
Old 08-03-2004, 10:29 AM   #6
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Re: Late Bloomers--Pros an Cons of Starting a Family in your 30s

We had a discussion the other day on what is mapped out or meant to be. And although I don't think many things are meant to be. I think children are meant to be, so finding the person to make that child is meant to be. Whether things work out with them or not. My aunt and uncle had kids in there late 40's and they have two great kids that I couldn't imagine not being on this earth. So if you are supposed to have kids, it will happen. 30's is still young. I am 28 and still hoping, for the mother.

 
Old 08-03-2004, 10:52 AM   #7
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Re: Late Bloomers--Pros an Cons of Starting a Family in your 30s

I didn't get married until I was 35. In my case it was a choice not to have children - and I use "choice" lightly because it wasn't all that easy a choice.

I won't get into the medical statistics of fertility in women age 35 and over, what I do know is that it does get harder to get pregnant the older we get, and I have a hard time understanding some of the lengths women will go to to have a child close to 40.
The older I get the more I have changed my views of motherhood before or after a career. Which, it could be pointed out I don't have much right to discuss if I didn't do either...
What bothers me the most is when infertility becomes an endless quest for that baby. Even including carrying "litters" of children rather than choosing to be a teacher, work at Headstart, be a mentor, be a wonderful Special Aunt - - -
I'm not talking about unblocking a fallopian tube, or correcting a hormonal problem. I'm talking about needing a child so much that there are those extreme mulitiple births where some babies die, many times they are damaged with little chance for quality of life. 9 embryos implanted and so many die.
Or, if the incidence of Down's Syndrome for example is greater near 40, does one have the right to terminate that life if such a pregnancy occurs and is a known risk at that age? Does one's need to have a child override that child's right to the best chance at a healthy life?

In my mind it's not just a case of women "wanting" babies. At the first "flame" I'll be outa the frying pan and never visit this thread again! I know I tread on alot of deep feelings when I talk about this...

 
Old 08-03-2004, 11:05 AM   #8
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Re: Late Bloomers--Pros an Cons of Starting a Family in your 30s

"This just came to mind"


To my last post I stated my whole gain plan but anything can change. I am only 22 and I may end up getting a girl pregnant before 30 but I am going to take all the right steps so I can keep to my plan.

Last edited by eightball61; 08-03-2004 at 11:05 AM.

 
Old 08-03-2004, 11:46 AM   #9
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Re: Late Bloomers--Pros an Cons of Starting a Family in your 30s

sophia, i know i'm young and married but thought i would reply anyways...i think waiting until you are older to get married and have kids is wonderful...by then you are most likely settled into a career and settled financially...these are things i don't have because i married and am now travelling the world...now if i make the decision to go to college i have to hope i don't have kids to throw in the mix....i know lots of people that are in their 30's before getting married and having kids...
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Old 08-03-2004, 12:01 PM   #10
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Re: Late Bloomers--Pros an Cons of Starting a Family in your 30s

Personally, I am 23 years old. For as long as I can recall, I've wanted nothing more than to start my own family and be a mother - a wife, and eventually a grandmother.

I'm not a terribly social-party goer, I never really have been, and 7 times out of 10 don't enjoy being that. I'm a carer, a nurturer - and a giver. While I enjoy going out occassionally with friends, meeting up for BBQs, and doing the general friend-type-things, I'd much perfer to be home with a family of my own. Granted, I've found I'm pretty solo in those kind of desires at my age

Generally - my ideal would be to be wed by 26, and have my first child at 28. I'd like to be DONE having children by the time I'm 30. But not for the typical "So I can have them out of the house when I retire" though I think that's an added bonus, but also because I want to enjoy grandchildren, and possibly even GREAT grand children in my time. I want to be young enough to be able to really ... connect on a level with my child. My mother was young, and I've grown up with several friends who had parents who had them in their 30's, and they didn't generally have the same connection or closeness that I have with my mother.

I'd like to be still somewhat "cool" in what my kids are into, as well as able to keep up with the fast track, and not push a walker down their college graduation LOL.

I want to be a young parent, but above all else, I want to enjoy familyhood as long as I can manage...

 
Old 08-03-2004, 12:07 PM   #11
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Re: Late Bloomers--Pros an Cons of Starting a Family in your 30s

My parents didn't have me and my brother until mid-thirties. And this was back then when almost EVERYONE had babies in their early twenties. They got to travel so much more. They were also much more financially set once they had us. Had their education done. They have no regrets. My mother really didn't have a hard time getting preg. and it all seemed to work out. I manage a speciality children's store. I see mothers and babies all day. I'm 25 and some women come in here the same age as me already with one or more babies. Although they are very cute and I immediately start ovulating , these moms seem so tied down. I live alone and can do want I want when I want to. It is also proven that the later one gets married, the higher chance it has to not end in divorce. So if it takes longer than all your friends, its okay, because you are increasing your chances of a stable life partner. People know more what they want at 25 than 20, and at 36, than 28. If you are more established then having a baby at a later age will help you focus more on the child, rather than having to finish school at night, etc. My parents had no problem with their decision. They just didn't like being 10 years older than my friends parents. Like when they looked around at the high school graduation. thing is, now, it is more and more common for people to start a family in their 30's/40'. My boss got preg. at 39. Now she can actually stay home with her baby. If she had her earlier she would have had to put her baby in daycare.

 
Old 08-03-2004, 12:10 PM   #12
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Re: Late Bloomers--Pros an Cons of Starting a Family in your 30s

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth6:11
I didn't get married until I was 35. In my case it was a choice not to have children - and I use "choice" lightly because it wasn't all that easy a choice.

I won't get into the medical statistics of fertility in women age 35 and over, what I do know is that it does get harder to get pregnant the older we get, and I have a hard time understanding some of the lengths women will go to to have a child close to 40.
The older I get the more I have changed my views of motherhood before or after a career. Which, it could be pointed out I don't have much right to discuss if I didn't do either...
What bothers me the most is when infertility becomes an endless quest for that baby. Even including carrying "litters" of children rather than choosing to be a teacher, work at Headstart, be a mentor, be a wonderful Special Aunt - - -
I'm not talking about unblocking a fallopian tube, or correcting a hormonal problem. I'm talking about needing a child so much that there are those extreme mulitiple births where some babies die, many times they are damaged with little chance for quality of life. 9 embryos implanted and so many die.
Or, if the incidence of Down's Syndrome for example is greater near 40, does one have the right to terminate that life if such a pregnancy occurs and is a known risk at that age? Does one's need to have a child override that child's right to the best chance at a healthy life?

In my mind it's not just a case of women "wanting" babies. At the first "flame" I'll be outa the frying pan and never visit this thread again! I know I tread on alot of deep feelings when I talk about this...
My choice was never to have kids because I'm a woman who just wants to have fun
and it is the best choice I've ever made. I think a lot of people make babies just because it's the norm. (Yes, "make" babies).

But my point basically was: Ruth, I appreciate your post!!
I highlighted some of the points that especially appealed to me.

 
Old 08-03-2004, 02:32 PM   #13
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Re: Late Bloomers--Pros an Cons of Starting a Family in your 30s

I agree with Destea. My mom had me when she was 20 and I can honestly say that she is one of my best friends. I have friends with older parents, and although they love and respect them, they just don't have the same "friendship" that I have with my mom. On the other hand, my parents were kind of immature and not financially stable when they had me therefore I don't have the things that a lot of people have such as a college fund or money set aside for my wedding some day, etc... But I rather have the friendship over the material things any day!
However, until I get the nerve to walk away from my "dead end" relationship, looks like kids are in the very far future for me! (But that needs a whole new thread ;-) haha

 
Old 08-03-2004, 02:38 PM   #14
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Re: Late Bloomers--Pros an Cons of Starting a Family in your 30s

I am on medication that would be harmful for me to not take, and harmful to a developing fetus if I stay on it while pregnant. And the added risk of knowingly passing on an inherited disease...

If I had met a guy earlier, and gotten married in my 20's I often wonder if I would have taken one of those risks.

By the time I got married I honestly didn't have that Maternal Drive that so many women retain for so long.
My sister had fertility issues and she still feels the loss of the babies she never had.

There is the natural decreased fertility, the increased risks of birth defects in women near 40 - I'd rather see more people adopt, or as mentioned make a difference in ANY child's life, than to go on to the excessive $$'s paid out for fertility treatments..

 
Old 08-03-2004, 02:51 PM   #15
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Re: Late Bloomers--Pros an Cons of Starting a Family in your 30s

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth6:11
There is the natural decreased fertility, the increased risks of birth defects in women near 40 - I'd rather see more people adopt, or as mentioned make a difference in ANY child's life, than to go on to the excessive $$'s paid out for fertility treatments..
I agree with that. I always said the same thing. Some people would go to extremes, really, even as far as getting a surrogate mother, which raises so many ethical issues. All these $$ could be better spent on helping children who are already born but nobody wanted them. So true.

 
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