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Old 08-05-2004, 09:18 PM   #1
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Ms Harriet HB User
Unhappy im young and i feel like im "stuck"

Hey everyone.

im 19 years old and have been dating this guy(also 19) for just under 3 years now. i love him very very very much. my problem (or is it his problem?) is his lack of motovation for ANYTHING. he wont get a job, he wont go to school, he just tools around all day and smokes ALOT of dope. i try to get him to do things but he just wont. the town where we live is a little hole with no jobs or anything so i want to move to a bigger city up north with a load of jobs and you know get an apartment and do "grown up" things. like today we went to the ministry (government thing) to see about getting on welfare(just for a month so we can get on our feet) and he didnt even want to make an appointment because it required us comming back down in a few weeks. his dad is always telling him to get a job and stuff like that, he owes his dad 3600$ for a car and hes not paying him anything . i dont know what to do, im literally at the point where im gonna say "im leaving come if you want or not" but im scared he wont and ill lose him but i dont want that to happen. like i just dont know how to get him into getting a job and moving out.

 
Old 08-06-2004, 01:08 AM   #2
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Re: im young and i feel like im "stuck"

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Old 08-06-2004, 05:03 AM   #3
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susieq0726 HB Usersusieq0726 HB Usersusieq0726 HB Usersusieq0726 HB Usersusieq0726 HB Usersusieq0726 HB Usersusieq0726 HB User
Re: im young and i feel like im "stuck"

I think the smoking alot of pot is your clue. I see no future with someone like this.

 
Old 08-06-2004, 05:33 AM   #4
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maak823 HB User
Re: im young and i feel like im "stuck"

You said it yourself- "dont know what to do, im literally at the point where im gonna say "im leaving come if you want or not" - I see you having little or no future with someone like this- you have goals and are motivated to do more for yourself- go do it and leave him behind.

 
Old 08-06-2004, 06:12 AM   #5
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blue_eyed_girl HB User
Re: im young and i feel like im "stuck"

Smoking a lot of dope isn't going to help him get a job. Most companies now a days have drug tests and if he doesn't pass, he isn't getting a job! I also don't think it is a good sign that he would rather go on welfare than find a job. One month be will drug into two, then three, then four, why get a job when the goverment gives you money for free?

He needs to get his priorities straight. You can love him with everything you have, but if he doesn't love you back, it isn't worth your time. If he loves you, he will get his butt in gear and go up north!

 
Old 08-06-2004, 06:14 AM   #6
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Re: im young and i feel like im "stuck"

Wow, sounds like a slack a$$ to me!! And he's such a prize that you don't want to lose him?! Because......?????

 
Old 08-06-2004, 06:28 AM   #7
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Re: im young and i feel like im "stuck"

Quote:
Originally Posted by newlywedgurl
Wow, sounds like a slack a$$ to me!! And he's such a prize that you don't want to lose him?! Because......?????

Good post Newlywedgurl!
This guy may have seemed to be a big "prize" 3 yrs ago when he was 16, but now he appears to be a big looser.

 
Old 08-06-2004, 06:56 AM   #8
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newlywedgurl HB User
Re: im young and i feel like im "stuck"

he lacks motivation for ANYTHING

he wont get a job

he wont go to school

he just tools around all day and smokes ALOT of dope

we went to the ministry (government thing) to see about getting on welfare

he owes his dad 3600$ for a car and hes not paying him anything

Boy, he sounds like Mr. Wonderful to me! Why is this guy a prize?!?!
Having a relationship with him is like raising a child!! And you are 19!! I mean, come on!

 
Old 08-06-2004, 07:18 AM   #9
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Re: im young and i feel like im "stuck"

Quote:
Originally Posted by supergirl
... he wont get a job, he wont go to school, he just tools around all day and smokes ALOT of dope..
He sounds like someone you can have a future with. just add some kids in the picture and it'll be perfect--the white picket fence the whole thing....

Okay, really, why on earth are you with him? Let me guess, because you love him. You know its okay to love someone and that does not mean you have to be with them. Love him from afar. You are 19 and you are right, you are stuck. If you want to be "unstuck" you need to look out for you. That means, you need to move up north and find you a good job. Maybe enroll into a program at a local school. I don't even know why you are asking him to come with you? You need to go by yourself. This boyfriend of yours is a loser. Completely. What future are you going to have with a husband that won't work, won't get an education, and does drugs? Come on..don't you want more for yourself and your future children? I'm really confused as to why you want him to come with you. Move by yourself and get yourself ready to do "grown up things". Part of being a grown up is making responsible decisions for yourself. This includes choosing a partner that is not a loser. The obvious is on the table. Ditch him and start a new life with positive people that are going somewhere in life.

 
Old 08-06-2004, 07:47 AM   #10
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eightball61 HB User
Re: im young and i feel like im "stuck"

Not to be blunt here but you Bf is a bum and you see it. You complain so much about him but what is it that you really love him about?

From the sound of it you have tried everything and it seems he is just milking you off. I am afraid to say but the only person that can give him the motivation is him. He will continue to milk you money by smoking it off. You need to do what you have plans for. If he wants to come with you then you know he does care but if he rather stay behinf then you know your place in the relationship....please think about your future.

 
Old 08-06-2004, 12:58 PM   #11
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Ms Harriet HB User
Cool Re: im young and i feel like im "stuck"

Quote:
Originally Posted by eightball61
Not to be blunt here but you Bf is a bum and you see it. You complain so much about him but what is it that you really love him about?

From the sound of it you have tried everything and it seems he is just milking you off. I am afraid to say but the only person that can give him the motivation is him. He will continue to milk you money by smoking it off. You need to do what you have plans for. If he wants to come with you then you know he does care but if he rather stay behinf then you know your place in the relationship....please think about your future.
okay im at my parents house right now (came yesterday "to think") and im going back to his house today and im telling him that im moving up north as soon as i have the money, he pull his *** up if he wants to come be with me. im also telling him that the days of getting stoned outta his tree are over. he can smoke it on the weekends and at night or whatever (i really dont have a problem with pot in moderation). he prolly gonna tell me to go(cause he'll be angry that im"telling him what to do" ) but eventaully he'll see that i really am going and he'll come.

im sorry to everyone that said gettin welfare is a bad idea, but really its the only choice. there are NO jobs here. im serious im 19 and ive never had a job in my town and ive only had one job in my whole life and i had to move 12 hours to get it. i am truely going on it for a month, just to get the money to get myself out of here. i know some people say its easier to get the welfare than work, but not me, i like to work, i like to make my own money. if i was just gonna go on welfare id just say f it and stay here right.....


i really do love him, i mean everyones got thier faults. hes a really nice caring person. he just needs to get his bum in gear!


thanks everyone for you help i really apprecite it

 
Old 08-06-2004, 01:03 PM   #12
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elatedgiraffe HB User
Re: im young and i feel like im "stuck"

Allowing him to smoke pot only at night and the weekends..thats an idea

 
Old 08-06-2004, 01:09 PM   #13
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newlywedgurl HB User
Re: im young and i feel like im "stuck"

Quote:
Originally Posted by supergirl
okay im at my parents house right now (came yesterday "to think") and im going back to his house today and im telling him that im moving up north as soon as i have the money, he pull his *** up if he wants to come be with me. im also telling him that the days of getting stoned outta his tree are over. he can smoke it on the weekends and at night or whatever (i really dont have a problem with pot in moderation). he prolly gonna tell me to go(cause he'll be angry that im"telling him what to do" ) but eventaully he'll see that i really am going and he'll come.

im sorry to everyone that said gettin welfare is a bad idea, but really its the only choice. there are NO jobs here. im serious im 19 and ive never had a job in my town and ive only had one job in my whole life and i had to move 12 hours to get it. i am truely going on it for a month, just to get the money to get myself out of here. i know some people say its easier to get the welfare than work, but not me, i like to work, i like to make my own money. if i was just gonna go on welfare id just say f it and stay here right.....


i really do love him, i mean everyones got thier faults. hes a really nice caring person. he just needs to get his bum in gear!


thanks everyone for you help i really apprecite it
Seems the boards are overflowing today with posts from women who are going to tell, "Make" or "Force" their significant others to do what they want them to do. Even if you laid down YOUR pot-smoking ground rules, he is not obligated to follow them. It is not up to you to PARENT him. He is supposed to be your boyfriend. Not your child. If he hasn't gotten off his lazy butt and done something yet....he isn't going to. It doesn't matter how much you beg, threaten, plead, or otherwise try to manipulate. IT ISN'T UP TO YOU!!

As for you going on welfare....funny....nowhere in your post did I hear you mention that boyfriend was disabled or otherwise UNABLE to work. What a wonderful man to provide so well for his lovely leading lady that she has to go on welfare to survive!

He's a bum! Are you a bum? Again, you can't make him do anything!! He has to WANT to do it. And if he wanted to....he would have done it already! You want this kind of relationship for yourself?! This is all you will ever have with him. He was great when you were 16. Fine. You're all grown up now. And so is he. Both of you should behave as responsible adults and take care of yourselves. I don't want to pay your bills simply because your boyfriend, who is too lazy or too high to go get a job is not contributing to your household. Nor do I want to pay your bills simply because you decide to stick around where you are, where there are no jobs because you don't want to lose your boyfriend, who, by the way is such a wonderful contribution to society.

Please have some self-respect and some dignity here! Leave his sorry butt!

 
Old 08-06-2004, 01:11 PM   #14
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eightball61 HB User
Re: im young and i feel like im "stuck"

Quote:
Originally Posted by supergirl
okay im at my parents house right now (came yesterday "to think") and im going back to his house today and im telling him that im moving up north as soon as i have the money, he pull his *** up if he wants to come be with me. im also telling him that the days of getting stoned outta his tree are over. he can smoke it on the weekends and at night or whatever (i really dont have a problem with pot in moderation). he prolly gonna tell me to go(cause he'll be angry that im"telling him what to do" ) but eventaully he'll see that i really am going and he'll come.

im sorry to everyone that said gettin welfare is a bad idea, but really its the only choice. there are NO jobs here. im serious im 19 and ive never had a job in my town and ive only had one job in my whole life and i had to move 12 hours to get it. i am truely going on it for a month, just to get the money to get myself out of here. i know some people say its easier to get the welfare than work, but not me, i like to work, i like to make my own money. if i was just gonna go on welfare id just say f it and stay here right.....

You are 19 and you dont need to start your life on welfare. You need to move to find a better living for you and if he goes he will smoke your money. Its either he doesn't go or you make an agreement that he will follow. Get any old job to start when you go up there even if its at a fast food place. Remember, its a start and you can always grow from there. Its all about you...

 
Old 08-06-2004, 01:34 PM   #15
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elatedgiraffe HB User
Re: im young and i feel like im "stuck"

This post reminds me of so many people I have known...they don't work and get welfare. Yet, the money they do have goes to pot, alcohol, and cigs. If only they would take the money they spend on crap they wouldn't need OUR money for needs such as hmm...food; rather than a bag of dope. I have no problem helping people less fortunate than me. BUT I do have a problem supporting people who claim they have don't have any money for food, yet turn around and spend it on dope. I work full time, pay taxes and I live very tight by completely supporting myself and I sure as hell don't even have money for a bag of dope. That stuff isn't cheap and it'll buy groceries for 2 weeks.

 
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