im 19 years old and have been dating this guy(also 19) for just under 3 years now. i love him very very very much. my problem (or is it his problem?) is his lack of motovation for ANYTHING. he wont get a job, he wont go to school, he just tools around all day and smokes ALOT of dope. i try to get him to do things but he just wont. the town where we live is a little hole with no jobs or anything so i want to move to a bigger city up north with a load of jobs and you know get an apartment and do "grown up" things. like today we went to the ministry (government thing) to see about getting on welfare(just for a month so we can get on our feet) and he didnt even want to make an appointment because it required us comming back down in a few weeks. his dad is always telling him to get a job and stuff like that, he owes his dad 3600$ for a car and hes not paying him anything . i dont know what to do, im literally at the point where im gonna say "im leaving come if you want or not" but im scared he wont and ill lose him but i dont want that to happen. like i just dont know how to get him into getting a job and moving out.
You said it yourself- "dont know what to do, im literally at the point where im gonna say "im leaving come if you want or not" - I see you having little or no future with someone like this- you have goals and are motivated to do more for yourself- go do it and leave him behind.
Smoking a lot of dope isn't going to help him get a job. Most companies now a days have drug tests and if he doesn't pass, he isn't getting a job! I also don't think it is a good sign that he would rather go on welfare than find a job. One month be will drug into two, then three, then four, why get a job when the goverment gives you money for free?
He needs to get his priorities straight. You can love him with everything you have, but if he doesn't love you back, it isn't worth your time. If he loves you, he will get his butt in gear and go up north!
he just tools around all day and smokes ALOT of dope
we went to the ministry (government thing) to see about getting on welfare
he owes his dad 3600$ for a car and hes not paying him anything
Boy, he sounds like Mr. Wonderful to me! Why is this guy a prize?!?!
Having a relationship with him is like raising a child!! And you are 19!! I mean, come on!
... he wont get a job, he wont go to school, he just tools around all day and smokes ALOT of dope..
He sounds like someone you can have a future with. just add some kids in the picture and it'll be perfect--the white picket fence the whole thing....
Okay, really, why on earth are you with him? Let me guess, because you love him. You know its okay to love someone and that does not mean you have to be with them. Love him from afar. You are 19 and you are right, you are stuck. If you want to be "unstuck" you need to look out for you. That means, you need to move up north and find you a good job. Maybe enroll into a program at a local school. I don't even know why you are asking him to come with you? You need to go by yourself. This boyfriend of yours is a loser. Completely. What future are you going to have with a husband that won't work, won't get an education, and does drugs? Come on..don't you want more for yourself and your future children? I'm really confused as to why you want him to come with you. Move by yourself and get yourself ready to do "grown up things". Part of being a grown up is making responsible decisions for yourself. This includes choosing a partner that is not a loser. The obvious is on the table. Ditch him and start a new life with positive people that are going somewhere in life.
Not to be blunt here but you Bf is a bum and you see it. You complain so much about him but what is it that you really love him about?
From the sound of it you have tried everything and it seems he is just milking you off. I am afraid to say but the only person that can give him the motivation is him. He will continue to milk you money by smoking it off. You need to do what you have plans for. If he wants to come with you then you know he does care but if he rather stay behinf then you know your place in the relationship....please think about your future.
Not to be blunt here but you Bf is a bum and you see it. You complain so much about him but what is it that you really love him about?
From the sound of it you have tried everything and it seems he is just milking you off. I am afraid to say but the only person that can give him the motivation is him. He will continue to milk you money by smoking it off. You need to do what you have plans for. If he wants to come with you then you know he does care but if he rather stay behinf then you know your place in the relationship....please think about your future.
okay im at my parents house right now (came yesterday "to think") and im going back to his house today and im telling him that im moving up north as soon as i have the money, he pull his *** up if he wants to come be with me. im also telling him that the days of getting stoned outta his tree are over. he can smoke it on the weekends and at night or whatever (i really dont have a problem with pot in moderation). he prolly gonna tell me to go(cause he'll be angry that im"telling him what to do" ) but eventaully he'll see that i really am going and he'll come.
im sorry to everyone that said gettin welfare is a bad idea, but really its the only choice. there are NO jobs here. im serious im 19 and ive never had a job in my town and ive only had one job in my whole life and i had to move 12 hours to get it. i am truely going on it for a month, just to get the money to get myself out of here. i know some people say its easier to get the welfare than work, but not me, i like to work, i like to make my own money. if i was just gonna go on welfare id just say f it and stay here right.....
i really do love him, i mean everyones got thier faults. hes a really nice caring person. he just needs to get his bum in gear!
thanks everyone for you help i really apprecite it
okay im at my parents house right now (came yesterday "to think") and im going back to his house today and im telling him that im moving up north as soon as i have the money, he pull his *** up if he wants to come be with me. im also telling him that the days of getting stoned outta his tree are over. he can smoke it on the weekends and at night or whatever (i really dont have a problem with pot in moderation). he prolly gonna tell me to go(cause he'll be angry that im"telling him what to do" ) but eventaully he'll see that i really am going and he'll come.
im sorry to everyone that said gettin welfare is a bad idea, but really its the only choice. there are NO jobs here. im serious im 19 and ive never had a job in my town and ive only had one job in my whole life and i had to move 12 hours to get it. i am truely going on it for a month, just to get the money to get myself out of here. i know some people say its easier to get the welfare than work, but not me, i like to work, i like to make my own money. if i was just gonna go on welfare id just say f it and stay here right.....
i really do love him, i mean everyones got thier faults. hes a really nice caring person. he just needs to get his bum in gear!
thanks everyone for you help i really apprecite it
Seems the boards are overflowing today with posts from women who are going to tell, "Make" or "Force" their significant others to do what they want them to do. Even if you laid down YOUR pot-smoking ground rules, he is not obligated to follow them. It is not up to you to PARENT him. He is supposed to be your boyfriend. Not your child. If he hasn't gotten off his lazy butt and done something yet....he isn't going to. It doesn't matter how much you beg, threaten, plead, or otherwise try to manipulate. IT ISN'T UP TO YOU!!
As for you going on welfare....funny....nowhere in your post did I hear you mention that boyfriend was disabled or otherwise UNABLE to work. What a wonderful man to provide so well for his lovely leading lady that she has to go on welfare to survive!
He's a bum! Are you a bum? Again, you can't make him do anything!! He has to WANT to do it. And if he wanted to....he would have done it already! You want this kind of relationship for yourself?! This is all you will ever have with him. He was great when you were 16. Fine. You're all grown up now. And so is he. Both of you should behave as responsible adults and take care of yourselves. I don't want to pay your bills simply because your boyfriend, who is too lazy or too high to go get a job is not contributing to your household. Nor do I want to pay your bills simply because you decide to stick around where you are, where there are no jobs because you don't want to lose your boyfriend, who, by the way is such a wonderful contribution to society.
Please have some self-respect and some dignity here! Leave his sorry butt!
okay im at my parents house right now (came yesterday "to think") and im going back to his house today and im telling him that im moving up north as soon as i have the money, he pull his *** up if he wants to come be with me. im also telling him that the days of getting stoned outta his tree are over. he can smoke it on the weekends and at night or whatever (i really dont have a problem with pot in moderation). he prolly gonna tell me to go(cause he'll be angry that im"telling him what to do" ) but eventaully he'll see that i really am going and he'll come.
im sorry to everyone that said gettin welfare is a bad idea, but really its the only choice. there are NO jobs here. im serious im 19 and ive never had a job in my town and ive only had one job in my whole life and i had to move 12 hours to get it. i am truely going on it for a month, just to get the money to get myself out of here. i know some people say its easier to get the welfare than work, but not me, i like to work, i like to make my own money. if i was just gonna go on welfare id just say f it and stay here right.....
You are 19 and you dont need to start your life on welfare. You need to move to find a better living for you and if he goes he will smoke your money. Its either he doesn't go or you make an agreement that he will follow. Get any old job to start when you go up there even if its at a fast food place. Remember, its a start and you can always grow from there. Its all about you...
This post reminds me of so many people I have known...they don't work and get welfare. Yet, the money they do have goes to pot, alcohol, and cigs. If only they would take the money they spend on crap they wouldn't need OUR money for needs such as hmm...food; rather than a bag of dope. I have no problem helping people less fortunate than me. BUT I do have a problem supporting people who claim they have don't have any money for food, yet turn around and spend it on dope. I work full time, pay taxes and I live very tight by completely supporting myself and I sure as hell don't even have money for a bag of dope. That stuff isn't cheap and it'll buy groceries for 2 weeks.
Making, forcing behaviour changes or even telling someone what to do is like herding cats. All it ever gets you is resentments and the realization that you have NO control.
I am sure welfare and food stamps help people, but I am not all for it. I worked at a grocery store and I have seen how people spend the governments money. Some people have two parts to food stamps. They have a limit for food and a limit for cash. Some would have over $200 in food stamps (well it is on a card now) and they would blow it all on one trip to the store. I am sure the intention of the cash is to purchase nonfood items such as toilet paper, shampoo, etc. You know what a lot of people use thier cash on? Cigarettes and beer. Who knows how they spent thier welfare check. I am not saying everyone is like that. A lot of them would use thier welfare check to purchase money orders for bills. But when you see the same people come in month after month, you can't help but wonder why they don't have a job.
Now that is said and done... Girl, I am tellin you, he is unlikely to get a job if he can't pass a drug test. If he leaves pot in your home and gets busted, guess what...you are going down with him for possession. It is illegal, if you didn't know...and I doubt he has glacoma (sp). Do you mind him having sex with prostitutes, too???
Sorry, very moody/hormonal today...plus I am getting the crap kicked out of me
Last edited by blue_eyed_girl; 08-06-2004 at 01:47 PM.
im young and i feel like im "stuck" 
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He sounds like someone you can have a future with. just add some kids in the picture and it'll be perfect--the white picket fence the whole thing.... 
Re: im young and i feel like im "stuck" 
i really apprecite it
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