I need your help and I need it ASAP ! - Relationship Health Message Board

TomsWife · 08-27-2004, 03:32 PM

Greetings,
Real brief here as time is of the essence. I have been with my fiance for 2.5 years. Great guy, sweet, romantic and very generous. I hate to use the word "problem" but for a lack of a better word....
He is not the most handy man. Granted, he tries. Right now, as we talk, or should I say, as I type this, he is in the back yard building a deck. He got all the supplies at Home Depot ($1000.00 worth of supplies and more will be spent on finishing touches). He is building a floating deck. It doesnt move

but thats what they call it. If you do a search you would see what I mean.
Any way, with what he has done so far, the cement blocks and some wood, its not even! I can see that by just eye balling it. Its crooked and not level either!!

What do I do? Do I tell him? How? I dont want to hurt him or make him feel inadiquit (major sp). He really trys so hard.

Hurry! Theres still time to correct it! I just feel bad that he spent the day doing what he has already done.
Marilyn
aka Tomsgirl
P.S. I posted this because I love this man to death and dont want to hurt his feelings.
P.P.S Help!

eightball61 · 08-27-2004, 03:40 PM

This is minor and you can tell him about it in a nice way. You can bring a drink out to him and compliment the job that he is doing. Then you can go on to ask him if those blocks are suppose to be like that. If he get defensive then just say you know nothing about building decks and you are sorry for asking.(its like making him feel bad for being an a** if he turns into one.)

Ninispjc · 08-27-2004, 03:40 PM

Is he the type of guy to flip out if you point out something like that? Of course the sooner you catch it, the better. Better to tell him now than later. I'd say now or forever hold your peace. Ask him is he used a leveler and tell him it looks crooked to you and tell him why. I don't know, I've never been very good at playing the woman games, the stoop to conquer, play dumb and weak to make him feel better games. I'd just tell him flat out that it looks crooked and can he fix it. Let's face it, it's either tell him, pray and hope he figures it out on his own (yeah, right!) or live with an uneven deck.

Ninispjc · 08-27-2004, 03:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by eightball61

This is minor and you can tell him about it in a nice way. You can bring a drink out to him and compliment the job that he is doing. Then you can go on to ask him if those blocks are suppose to be like that. If he get defensive then just say you know nothing about building decks and you are sorry for asking.(its like making him feel bad for being an a** if he turns into one.)

See, this is exactly what I'm talking about, and this is what I'm no good at. I guess I never learned what is so wrong with saying "hey, that's uneven!!" I don't get why she should pretend to be stupid and say "oh, dumb stupid me, I don't know anything about decks, duh!!" She doesn't have to be an architect to look at something and tell it's uneven. Who knows, he may be grateful for the second pair of eyes. Offering to do whatever she can to help correct the problem may seem like less criticizing and more "hey it's a team effort, we help each other out" sort of thing.

TomsWife · 08-27-2004, 03:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by eightball61

This is minor and you can tell him about it in a nice way. You can bring a drink out to him and compliment the job that he is doing. Then you can go on to ask him if those blocks are suppose to be like that. If he get defensive then just say you know nothing about building decks and you are sorry for asking.(its like making him feel bad for being an a** if he turns into one.)

It really is minor, I am lucky I dont have the problems that some of the other posters have. I dont mean to sound triat either. Its not my intention.
Funny you say bring him a drink, he just came in and I asked him if I could make him one. Defensive? He doesnt have a defensive bone in his body. Love that man of mine. I just dont want to see him make a expensive mistake.
Your right, I dont know a thing about building anything, but if I see a picture hanging crooked on a wall, that I can spot. Hes in the shower now and I have to go make him a drink...
Thanks and keep posting

Marilyn
aka Tomsgirl