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Old 08-30-2004, 08:42 AM   #1
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blue_eyed_girl HB User
Angry Selfish???Just me???

I went by to visit my grandmother on my way home from my parents last yesterday evening. My mother beat me there, but my grandmother was not where to be found. My mom told me that the two of them had a little fight and my grandmother probably left to avoid my mother. BTW, my mother drove an hour to help my grandmother with a problem. I waited about an hour then came on home.

I called my grandmother a little after I got home (it is a little over an hour drive). Instead of the hello how are you doing, she immediatetly starts in on my mother. My grandfather passed away last May and now my grandmother is in the process of selling her house. She complained that my mother hasn't done a thing for her since my grandfather died (which isn't true), that my mother never calls her (also never true) and that my mother never comes to see her (my mom told me that everytime she comes through, my grandmother is out of town for her job). She said she was upset because my mother doesn't invite her to come to visit. She went on about how she is lonely on the weekends and gets home from work and starts to work on the house. She is upset that my mother is to "busy" to drop everything and come help her.

My grandma told me that before my grandfather passed away, he told the four kids to take care of their mother. Of course, I defended my mother, because I don't think she has done any wrong. This is my brother's senior yerar, so my parents are trying to go to as much of his activities as they can. My dad is self-employed, so he has to work a lot. My mother doesn't work, but she is a volunteer for a lot of different things. She also helps my dad. My grandmother pretty much expects my mom to drop everything she is doing to come help her. I know my mom has been down there to help since he died, but I don't know what she has done. I don't think she has been down a lot recently because my brother has been playing a lot of baseball. Last week they were home long enough to sleep and take a shower.

However, pretty much since my parens got married, they have done a lot for my grandparents, without receiving so much as a thank you. My dad has poored sidewalks, sprayed down a brick pattern on her patio and front sidewalk, cleaned out thier barn, reshingled the roof, did work in the backyard, outlined and helped landscape her flower beds, among other things. He recently has gotten to the point where he hates to help her out simply because she simply expects him to and gets upset when he doesn't.

I love my grandmother, but that was the most selfish conversation I had ever had with anyone in my entire life. It would be different if she wasn't capable of doing things on her own. She has no real restrictions. She wants my partents to do things so she doesn't have to pay someone to do it. She has three other children that live out of state. I know one of them is also upset with her because she lied to him. She told him that she couldn't come visit him because of selling the house, when it wasn't even on the market. One lives in Texas and comes down as much as she can. She has done a lot for my grandmother, but my sister told me she complains about my aunt. My other aunt lives in CA and is my grandmother's favorite, although, I think she treats her the worst. She calls, but won't spend her vacations to come out and visit with her. She was down a lot while my grandfather was dying, but that was the first time she had been here in two years. Grandma worships the ground she walks on and she is the biggest b****h I know.

Sorry this is so long, I just had to vent. This really upset me. I couldn't believe what she was saying. It's like she had no recollection of what my parents have done for her.

 
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Old 08-30-2004, 09:17 AM   #2
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blue_eyed_girl HB User
Re: Selfish???Just me???

I forgot to ask my question .

Does this seem selfish to anyone esle, or is is just me?

I think she is upset mostly because she isn't getting the same amount of attention she got while my grandfather was alive.

 
Old 08-30-2004, 09:57 AM   #3
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promisez HB User
Re: Selfish???Just me???

Maybe...just maybe.. she's afraid to be alone now. Unwarranted accusations? Absolutely and totally uncalled for. But sometimes a fear of dying alone can overpower any logic.

 
Old 08-30-2004, 10:13 AM   #4
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Re: Selfish???Just me???

This is hard on families. Any way you slice it, your Grandma is lonely, and probably in a bit of a depression after losing her husband of many years. She is going to have these moody moments for a while. Just let her vent for now, she'll get past it.

I know what you mean about that "favorite" thing- my Dad took care of his mother for 8 years until she died, and he never received one kind word from her, however; his brother- the golden child for some reason, who maybe came to see her once a month was the one she lavished on. Go figure?

 
Old 08-30-2004, 10:39 AM   #5
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eightball61 HB User
Re: Selfish???Just me???

Quote:
Originally Posted by blue_eyed_girl

My grandma told me that before my grandfather passed away, he told the four kids to take care of their mother. .


This is it.......You are not being selfish. For 18 years of your mother life her mom looked after her and took care of her. Now that she is older and has is widowed she needs a little bit of help. How much time does the other 3 put in. You all have done your share but she is not 100% disabled. I would reccomend that she see the movie "About Schmidt".

You all have your lives as well to lokk after her sometimes. You have split time but she doesn't relaize that. Just keep doing what you are putting in. Does she have any hobby's?

 
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