Hi Guys. This is long, sorry, but I just wanted to fill you in on what I've discovered. Just in case you haven't read my last thread, I will sum it up for you quickly.
Ok, My guy had cheated on me about 5-6 months ago. We have been together as of now about 1 year and 10 months. He came clean about the cheating, I never caught him, and it was a one time thing. I decided to stay with him.
There are a few stressful things happening over the summer. A) I had to deal with his cheating, B)My job becomes very stressful over the summer because we are so busy, and C)my mother is going through breast cancer. So I admit, I have kept him at somewhat of a distance through the summer. I love him, and I am with him alot, just have alot to deal with all at once.
I admit that I kept him at a distance because I was nervous it would happen again. I finally got to the point a little over a week ago, that I had to just take sometime, think if this is really what I want for the long run, or not. I didn't want to keep questioning things. So I told him that I wanted a bit of time to think. I loved him, but I just wanted to make myself get over it. He agreed to it, but not willingly. He was very upset, telling me that i ment more to him than anything, and he had been thinking of ways to propose to me, which i believe because he had given little hints here and there.
So Wed night he wanted to marry me, which really made me realize even more that I needed this time to think, Thrus & Fri, we talked and we were both upset. He asked me to come home, I told him I would be there Sunday to talk. Saturday I went back, because I was so miserable without him. Then he turns it around and said he doesn't know what he wants. Sunday & Monday he still didn't know what he wanted, and then he had left until supposidly today sometime, maybe tommorrow.
Here is my new dilema: I'm very, very glad that I have had this time away from him. His result of not knowing what he wants is very tragic. But if I had never taken that time away, I never would have realized how much I really love him, or have realized how strongly he felt for me too. I have gotten so deep this past week, lol. I feel right enlightened.
The only way that I can describe it is through symbolism. Before, everything was wonderful, it was powerful like "the sun". Bad things happened, he cheated but I did things too, I never cheated, never would. But I picked fights with him about stupid things, I was stressed and would get cranky at him at times. We both hurt each other. In different ways, but hurting is hurting. It's like all the bad stuff made me put on a pair of "sunglasses". I knew how good it could be, but I was dimming it. So I realsized that if we are truly going to be happy, I need to take off these sunglasses. And I have.
This time away, I have spent crying, ranting, praying and thinking. Sometimes I am in a rut, and times like now I am very positive.
This is what I have realized: I believe that he is my soulmate. I have never EVER found someone that I truly want to be with the rest of my life. I adore his family, and mine adore him. My "sunglasses" have came off, and I realize all the things that he is to me, and how important his is in my life. I want to have kids with this man. I've never wanted kids. I want to be able to wake up every morning and see him next to me. I want to grow old with him. He has gotten me through alot of things. He is my support system, and I undoubtable want to be with him forever. I've never been so sure of anything in my life.
Now: Since I've made up my mind, that doesn't necessarily mean that he is going to feel the same when he returns with his answer. But I know that I have done all that I can. I have left him a 5 page letter telling him all of this, in longer form, made a scrapbook for him of "us", and left a message on his machine telling him exaclt how I feel. I know the rest is up to him. If he decides to call it quits, then I will accept that. I know that if we truly are ment to be together, we will find each other again. I had to take my time to realize what he means to me, so whatever he has to do to realize, then thats what he needs to do. If he ends it, I will not sit around and wait for him. But I know that what I feel for him isn't going to end within a month or year. I am preparred to love him a lifetime. So if in fact he does end it, then realizes what he lost later on down the road, then that just proves to me that we are soulmates.
You are on the right track. Break to give people the insight on what they really are missing and what thier lover does mean to them. I can't say what he may say when he comes back but like stated before dont pressure him. Wait for him to settle them after a few days talk to him. Set up a time ahead of time and go from there. Lay it all out on the table on what you told us.
I think you have definitely made the most of your time away from him. That's what it's all about! It's a time for soul-searching, and getting back in touch with who YOU are and what YOU want. Now you know what you want. You have to be prepared either way for his response. You said you will love him forever, but also that if he chose to end the relationship you will not sit around and wait for him. Do you really mean that with all your heart?
But yes, I do think you have learned from this time. You are stronger and wiser now! Be proud of that!
It seems like your emotions are bursting at the seams. When you meet him this weekend, you could overwhelm him unless you throttle back. I suggest practicing in your mind how you will talk to him. Imagine how he normally talks and picture yourself matching his emotional level and giving him plenty of opportunity to talk.
Iím sure you have billions of things to tell him but for this special occasion let him do most of the talking until he gets all of his thoughts out. Why? Because this is a unique opportunity to hear how he feels about you and your relationship. If you interrupt him, you may never get another opportunity to hear all things you want to hear from him.
Also, if you come on too strong, you risk him thinking that you love him so much that you could never leave him no matter what he might ever do. You definitely want to avoid that.
It will be a long day today. Practice, practice, practice.
I'm so glad to hear that you have come to some many important realizations about your relationship and about yourself. I know exactly what you went through with the cheating, as I mentioned in your last thread. You took a step back and decided this is really what you want. You want children with this man and you want to spend your life with him. You have prepared yourself for whatever outcome occurs. Did you find an answer for "what if he does this again, when we have kids?" If you got past the cheating thats wonderful, many people, including myself couldn't. I wish you luck and I'm glad you have found some peace.
That's what I mean. I have realized that I am willing to love him for the rest of our lives. Something that I have never ever thought about anyone else. Even if he decides that he doesn't want to be together, I am going to continue to love him. It's not like I can shut that type of feeling off within months.
If he decides to end it, I"m not going to sit around waiting for the chance that maybe someday he'll come back. If he does then he does, but we'll have to work through things first. But I"m not going to get into a relationship with anyone else when my feelings for someone else are so strong. That wouldn't be fair to the other person. I"m going to go out, have fun, and wait for fate to guide me where I should be.
I'll let you guys know on Monday how the weekend went.
Good for you Calista!
You are really going to be fine, and you know it. Nobody knows what the future holds, but that's the beauty of it. You never know when you'll walk head first into something amazing and life-changing! It's usually when you're down and out that these things happen, too. Just like a little surprise waiting around the corner for you. Believe in it... you never know what will happen and what you will be feeling by the end of this day!
New update. He just got home, just called me. He won't let me come out to talk. He is crying because of the stuff I left him. He says this is hard. He told basically what he answer is. I have to call him when I get home. I know the answer it's over.
But why won't he do it to my face? I was calm when I talked to him. I told him I wouldn't cry. What do you guys think is going on? If it hurts him so, and he says he "doesn't want to do it" then why is he?