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Old 10-28-2004, 10:10 AM   #1
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shadywilson HB User
Unhappy I think he just ended it!!!!!

I think my boyfriend just ended things between us! I'm so upset! I think I let a really good one get away and it's my fault! Sorry for it being so long.

My boyfriend of a few years broke up with me a few months ago. It was semi-mutual, but I was still upset. He didn't treat me that good.
Rob, this guy who had flirted with me for quite awhile, and I hooked up and started spending alot of time together. I really really like him, but I was so nervous about getting hurt! I'm 22 (a ready to settle 22 year old), and he is 36, divorced with a 10 year old son, at first that bothered me, but it doesn't now.

Probably for a month and a half we have been dating. It started off so sweet. he took me to diner and brought me a rose, he bought me an outfit just for something to do, bought a litre box and cat food so when I come to visit I can bring my cat. He really poured it all on. I wanted to be as honest as I could with him from the start. I told him that I wanted to take things slow, and I wasn't completely ready to be serious with him yet. When I told him that he said that he was a little disappointed but he suspected that and agreed to take it slow because he wanted a relationship with me that would last longer than any other relationship I had ever been in put together. I just didn't want him to be my rebound, because I think too much of him for that. I told him I didnt want to blow him off because I really do like him, but I wanted to be honest with him in how I felt. He thanked me for being honest, and we continued the relationship at a slow pace. (We were sleeping together, but only seeing each other a couple times a week)

My ex had called me one time in a really bad state and I ended up going out to talk to him. I was only there about an hour tops, and I told him about it when I got home. He agreed with me that he would probably do the same thing. At first I didn't want to mix my "new" relationship with my friends. I had told them about him, but hadn't brought him to meet them yet. So when I went with my friends, I went with my friends, and when I was with him, I was with him. He never said anything to say he wanted anything different.
I would stay over a night on the weekend with him, and he always wanted me to stay almost everynight he was home. But I wasn't ready for that. He would get me to pick out his curtains for him, and pick out things to redecorate his house with. I was really falling for this guy, but for some reason I just wasn't ready to be with him all the time, so I would take off and go to my friends house.

2 weeks ago he was leaving to go on business. I had plans with one of my friends who I hadn't seen in a month, and I told him about it and he was "ok" with it. He wanted me to call him before I left. He was leaving that night anyway. WHen I seen him before he left he was sort of cold to me, and then didn't call me back before he left like he usually does. I left him a msg telling him that I would miss him over the week, and that I am starting to miss him like crazy when he is gone, because I am really getting attached to him. A few days later he called and left a msg on my machine appolgizing for being cold, and saying he was looking more into what "we had going on" then what we actually did. He wished me a good week, and would see me when he got home. Well he ended up calling me before he got home, and he was normal. When he got home Friday he took me to lunch, and after I got off work I went to visit him, and we had sex, and I left to go to my friends and he left to go with his with the intention that he would see me later that night. THat was the last I seen of him. I ended up not being able to call because I wasn't near a phone, so when I woke up the next morning I called him early hoping to get him, but I missed him. I called 2 more times throughout that day, and asked him to call me back when he got home. He didn't. He left the next day to go on business again, and I called Sunday and left him another msg, because I thought he must be mad.

In the message I really said everything I was feeling. I appologized again for not calling him on Friday, I told him that I miss him so bad when he is gone, and that I am really starting to get attached. I said that I was scared and that's why I've been so slow at everything but that I really think that I am ready for more with him, and that I really wanted to spend the entire weekend with him, but it didn't work out that way. I told him that I really like him.

When he got back today (Thrus), he left a msg on my machine saying that he was leaving to go in the woods. He was sorry for brushing me off lastweeked but he was pi**ed, and is still pi**ed. He thought that there could be something between us, but obviuosly there can't because we are not the same 2 people. He said he will be out of the woods on Monday and may see me then, and to have a good weekend".

I'm so confused! I told him from the start that I wanted to take it slow and he agreed! THen when I finally start to feel like I'm ready for more he starts to pull away, and then we have a good day, the last time I saw him (friday), and now this!

I left him another msg saying that I wish we could have a conversation to each other instead of leaving messages on how we feel. I appologized again for not calling him the other night and that I really did want to, and told him I really do like him, and I think that he is an awsome guy. I said that I explained how I felt to him at first, and everything was ok, and then the lastime I saw him was fine and dandy, we even slept together, and now this. I told him taht I know that he wanted something more between us, and now that I am ready for it be is pulling away. I wished him a good weekend, and that was it. Now I just have to wait and it's killing me, because I really really am ready and want to be with him! I don't know what I can do to make it better!

Sorry that it is so long, I just thougt you needed all the detials.

 
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Old 10-28-2004, 10:23 AM   #2
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susieq0726 HB Usersusieq0726 HB Usersusieq0726 HB Usersusieq0726 HB Usersusieq0726 HB Usersusieq0726 HB Usersusieq0726 HB User
Re: I think he just ended it!!!!!

So why do you think he's dumped you? Did he say he didn't want to see you anymore? Maybe he just wants to think about things over the weekend and talk to you next week.

 
Old 10-28-2004, 10:24 AM   #3
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eightball61 HB User
Re: I think he just ended it!!!!!

I know you want to be with him but let him figure things out. You have been through alot in the past year from your ex to this. Usually when people want to take it slow on usually will still move faster hoping for the best. He is hurt about something and its best to know what. HE may need time to figure it out himself and that why I tell you to let it be for a few days.

In a few days see if he wants to go out to talk things over. Tell him whats in your heart and where you want to take things. Then try to figure out what his problem is then you both come up with a conclusion to fix it.

I am not saying it may be this easy but its a suggestion. For right now think about what you want out of this. Put things on paper if you need to for ideas. Things may or may not work but I do wish you the best. Personally I will say it seems he is afraid of something. It could be about getting hurt. He may have been hurt in the past by his ex that he had his child with but he seems to run off a lot but he has to realize that you are trying to work it out.

Welcome to the boards.

 
Old 10-28-2004, 10:44 AM   #4
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shadywilson HB User
Re: I think he just ended it!!!!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by susieq0726
So why do you think he's dumped you? Did he say he didn't want to see you anymore? Maybe he just wants to think about things over the weekend and talk to you next week.
I think that he dumped me because on the message he left me today he said that "I thought that we could have something together but we can't, we just aren't the same 2 people".

When he says we can't have something together it is making me think that he is ending it.

Quote:
Personally I will say it seems he is afraid of something. It could be about getting hurt. He may have been hurt in the past by his ex that he had his child with
I think that he is getting tired of trying. His ex and him have been split up almost 8 years. He usually dates older women (in their 40's), and he and his last g/f who is 44 just broke up early in the summer, and I think it was him that ended it. He seems fine with that.

He was the one who pursued me, and I went along, but told him I want it to be slow, things were ok. He still pushed for more, and i held back, because like I had told him I wasn't ready. Now that I am ready, and I am telling him that I am ready, he seems like he is loosing interest! I think the thing that really set him off was when I didn't call him Friday night.

I wish there was something I could do to make it up to him. I really didn't think that it was that bad of a thing!

 
Old 10-28-2004, 10:48 AM   #5
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eightball61 HB User
Re: I think he just ended it!!!!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by shadywilson
we just aren't the same 2 people".

Thats what I mean about hiding.....He doesn't know how to face things. As people we are all different but he doesn't see that. He needs some sort of confort saying that two different people can work things out. If he can't come to this conclusion then he will be single for a long time.

 
Old 10-28-2004, 11:08 AM   #6
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goody2shuz HB Usergoody2shuz HB User
Re: I think he just ended it!!!!!

I would advise you to wait it out and see what happens. Not an easy thing to do but a smart one. Don't initiate calling him...he needed to go to the woods and most likely in order to sort things out. Wait and see what he discovered in the thick of things and determine what your next move should be from there.

Seems to me that there is an age difference here (14 years) which could or should not be a problem. You sound mature for your age, however you did just dome out of another relationship and this could be something that is a factor in this complex equation. Be careful as Wowwwweeee says...she's got this sixth sense thing and if she says beware I'd take her advice.....Goody

 
Old 10-28-2004, 11:14 AM   #7
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shadywilson HB User
Re: I think he just ended it!!!!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wowwwweeee
Okay, you want to take things slow, but you were intimate with him?

And then even though he was angry with you, he slept with you, and THEN did not call you?

Don't blame things too much on yourself. And don't beg too much.

The excuse that you are "two different people" doesn't wash with me. He sounds selfish. Be careful.
I know, taking it slow and being intimate doesn't really go together. We are both very attracted to each other, and almost "couldn't hold back".

I ment taking it slow as though I wasn't ready to spend every second he was home with him. I guess I should have said I wanted to not move way too fast?

He wanted to spend everyday that he was home with me. He wanted me to spend the night with him everynight that he was home. I'm surprised that he didn't ask me to move in with him. That's what I wasn't ready for. And I explained that to him. He wanted to meet my friends and I wouldn't take him with me. So when he would be home for 2 days, i would see him 1 of those days and be with them the other. I would probably be frustrated over that too.

He is gone alot on business. He is usually home Thrus night-Sunday morning. He usually calls me everynight he is gone because he gets homesick. I would usually see him Thurs night, not stay over, Stay over Friday, leave early Sat., and we would do something seperate Saturday, then see him quickly Sunday before he left. I knew that he wanted more, and I wanted more eventually too, just not then. It really hasn't been that long. Now I am ready for a little more, and he is pushing away. I miss him like crazy when he is gone. I don't know why I wasn't ready to spend the 2 or 3 days he was home with him.

I don't think he was angry when he seen me Friday and we slept together, he was angry that I didn't call him later that night to get together like we had planned, then he left for the week without calling, and didn't call all week.

In some way I can understand how he would be getting frustrated for trying, because I was with my friends alot when he was home for those short periods of time, but I told him that I wasn't ready from the beginning.

They way I took it by saying that we are 2 differnt people is meaning that he doesn't see that we both want the same thing.

I'm not trying to make excuses for him, this is just how I see it.

 
Old 10-28-2004, 11:20 AM   #8
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eightball61 HB User
Re: I think he just ended it!!!!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by shadywilson
I

They way I took it by saying that we are 2 differnt people is meaning that he doesn't see that we both want the same thing.

Thats how most people including I would take it. Its not a bad thing to call him maybe just to talk it over and see whats up. He is hiding and don't hide the fact that he isn't because I clearly see it.

 
Old 10-28-2004, 11:31 AM   #9
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shadywilson HB User
Re: I think he just ended it!!!!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by goody2shuz
I would advise you to wait it out and see what happens. Not an easy thing to do but a smart one. Don't initiate calling him...he needed to go to the woods and most likely in order to sort things out. Wait and see what he discovered in the thick of things and determine what your next move should be from there.

Seems to me that there is an age difference here (14 years) which could or should not be a problem. You sound mature for your age, however you did just dome out of another relationship and this could be something that is a factor in this complex equation. Be careful as Wowwwweeee says...she's got this sixth sense thing and if she says beware I'd take her advice.....Goody
We have known each other for a few years, and there has always been chemistry there. Neither of us acted on it because we were with other people. As soon as mine ended he came running, and I let him because I had always had something for him too.

That was a big factor in my not wanting to move so quickly with him. I didn't want him to just be my rebound. I wanted so much more with him. I know that there wasn't much time between my ex breaking up and me dating Rob, but I liked him alot and was SO attracted to him. I've tried hard to do this the right way so that he wouldn't just be my ex's replacement. I didn't want to depend (not really the word I'm looking for, but as close as I can think) on him so quickly, I wanted to be independant again first. I was honest with him from the get go, hoping to aviod this situation.

THe thing is he has had all week to think about it. Last time I heard from him was Friday. Today (thrus) is when I got my message from him telling me he was mad, which I sensed because I hadn't heard from him all week.

 
Old 10-28-2004, 11:40 AM   #10
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goody2shuz HB Usergoody2shuz HB User
Re: I think he just ended it!!!!!

Shady....You seem to be a mature and intelligent young woman. And it seems to me that he is saying in action that he needs time to figure some things out. Personally I see nothing here that you did wrong and you seem to realyy have a good head on your shoulders. Don't go fishing for answers right now. I think it would be in your best interest to wait it out and see what he has firgured out. You've contacted him enough...seems to me that he is acting a little immature or perhaps something personal has occurred that is leading him to feel insecure in some way. give him the time and space he needs...I think he'll call eventually when he is ready.

 
Old 10-28-2004, 11:44 AM   #11
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shadywilson HB User
Re: I think he just ended it!!!!!

Thank you so much. I really hope so.
I guess I'm jus gonna have to wait until Monday.....

 
Old 10-28-2004, 01:01 PM   #12
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Re: I think he just ended it!!!!!

I have to agree and would say to let him come to you when he's ready. I know the waiting game is difficult (I'm going through a "take a break" period with my gf of two months). Things between us went really fast and really well and then she decided out of the blue she needed some time to herself. I'm sure your mind is just filled with all kinds of "What did I do?", "What should I do?", "What if I never hear from him again?", etc... Maybe just give him a little e-mail or something letting him know you'll be there when he wants to talk, but it sounds like he may just want a little space and time. I know it's tough!...

 
Old 10-29-2004, 06:37 AM   #13
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shadywilson HB User
Re: I think he just ended it!!!!!

I called him lastnight. I knew that he wouldn't be home, because he won't be home until Monday, but it was just bugging me all day, so I left him a message. This is what I said:

Hello, it's Thrus. night and I am laying here thinking like crazy like I have been doing all day as to what I could have possible done to make you this pi**ed. I'm thinking that for me, to get mad at something for a whole week, it must be pretty major. Usually I get mad for an hour, or if it's big maybe a whole day, but it wants to be something good to make me mad for an entire week. And you know what....I've drawn a blank.

Lasttime I seen you everything was great, and then the next time I hear from you is you msg telling me that you are upset.
I know that I didn't call you like I was supposed to Fri. and like I said 900 times, I am sorry, and had every intention, blah blah blah. I called you 3 times on Saturday, and left 2 mesgs asking you to call me back. I didn't hear from you, so when l left for the afternoon i took my cell. I came back home around supper time, and ended up going to bed around 8:30, with still no call from you. It's not like I went out and did something fun without you, becasue I did nothing. You say that you did call Saturday, but you must have called the house and no one was home or something becaue you certainly didn't call my cell. Anyways, I called you 3 times, asked you to call me, and didn't hear from you, and I thought if I called you anymore I would be next to stalking you. THen you left for the week without calling either.

So I really don't know what it was that was so terrible to make you this upset. It would really be nice to know.

I do know one thing that when things bother you, you have to tell me. I'm not psycic. We've only been dating a month or so, so I don't know how to read you yet. I don't know what makes you mad and what doesn't. If I say something, or go somewhere or do something that upsets you, say something. I don't want to have to fight with you. For example: When you left last Fri, and I went with my friend and didn't spend that 2 hours with you before you left, if that really bothered you like you said later it did, you should have told me. I didn't have to go. If it bothered you that bad, I would have stayed with you, but you seemed very ok with it, so I went because I hadn't seen her in awhile.

Anyways it would be nice to know what I did that was so completely awful to royaly pi** you off. You can give me a call when you get home and let me know if you want, and if you don't want, well then whatever. I'll hopefully talk to you later. Bye. "


Anyway it feels so much better to get that out. Now I think I can go through my weekend a little easier.

 
Old 10-29-2004, 06:39 AM   #14
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eightball61 HB User
Re: I think he just ended it!!!!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by shadywilson
Anyway it feels so much better to get that out. Now I think I can go through my weekend a little easier.


You got out what you wanted to and if he doesn't call back at least you got your closure out hopefully. I do wish you a good and safe weekend and we will be here anytime if you need to come back to express anything or have updates. Takre care

 
Old 11-01-2004, 07:44 AM   #15
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shadywilson HB User
Re: I think he just ended it!!!!!

Rob came into work today and didn't even acknowledge I was here. He does some side jobs for our company and is in about once a week.

I walked past him a few times, and even had to say "excuse me" to get by, and he just stepped aside and said nothing. It's odd because ever since I met him he went out of his way to flirt with me.

I guess I'll know for sure by tonight if he doesn't return my call.

This is so hard, because I really do like him alot.

 
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