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Old 11-12-2004, 12:20 PM   #1
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Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 112
mother of six HB User
Unhappy Struggling with being a stepmother!

This is my first visit to this board. I am recently remarried (5 months) and I am struggling terribly . We merged 6 children together, 4 of them are teenagers, an 11 y/o with down syndrome and our youngest is 9. Needless to say life is very chaotic! My husband and I have started our own business so we are very busy with getting established. We don't have much "alone" time because we have children in the home at all times. My issue is with his children. They require an immense amount of attention and I can't give it them. This presents alot of problems. They haven't had to deal with any adversity in their lives so if someone makes a comment on their behavior, such as being rude or jumping on the furniture, what was a minor situation has now turned into a full scale catastropy . I feel like I have to constantly walk on eggshells around them and I don't like it. I'm a very straightforward person and I try to be as honest as possible, without being rude, but it seems that they can't handle that so I end up walking around not saying anything and then everyone gets mad at me for not talking . It's an endless cycle because they visit with us every thursday through sunday. I have a difficult time separating my feelings for my stepchildren and my husband and he is often left abandon by me. We in turn argue every week and our relationship is collapsing! Please someone tell me this will get better????? ANY advise would be helpful . Thanks!
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Old 11-12-2004, 12:55 PM   #2
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Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: kansas
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confused4005 HB User
Re: Struggling with being a stepmother!

I would like to help but I don't have much good things to say. Being a stepmother myself things have not gotten any better for me. I do not have any children of my own only two step kids. I will say that I would never to it again. I know this doesn't help but I have always been honest this in turn have been one of the problems. I am around people who like to fib and not tell the truth. I hope your situation turns around. good luck.

 
Old 11-12-2004, 01:02 PM   #3
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Ninispjc HB User
Re: Struggling with being a stepmother!

Quote:
Originally Posted by mother of six
This is my first visit to this board. I am recently remarried (5 months) and I am struggling terribly . We merged 6 children together, 4 of them are teenagers, an 11 y/o with down syndrome and our youngest is 9. Needless to say life is very chaotic! My husband and I have started our own business so we are very busy with getting established. We don't have much "alone" time because we have children in the home at all times. My issue is with his children. They require an immense amount of attention and I can't give it them. This presents alot of problems. They haven't had to deal with any adversity in their lives so if someone makes a comment on their behavior, such as being rude or jumping on the furniture, what was a minor situation has now turned into a full scale catastropy . I feel like I have to constantly walk on eggshells around them and I don't like it. I'm a very straightforward person and I try to be as honest as possible, without being rude, but it seems that they can't handle that so I end up walking around not saying anything and then everyone gets mad at me for not talking . It's an endless cycle because they visit with us every thursday through sunday. I have a difficult time separating my feelings for my stepchildren and my husband and he is often left abandon by me. We in turn argue every week and our relationship is collapsing! Please someone tell me this will get better????? ANY advise would be helpful . Thanks!
I'm not sure what you mean by a minor incident like jumping on furniture, turns into a castrophe. Is it that you ask them to please not jump on the furniture and they throw a fit? If this is the case, then you and your husband need to band together and work as a team and discuss what the house rules are, and how those rules will be enforced, and then back each other up and stick to it. How does your husband feel about the kids jumping on the furniture? Is he ok with it? If so, then this is an issue for the two of you to come to a compromise on. I'm also confused about what you said about your husband being abandoned by you. Are you saying you get frustrated and get upset with your husband and pull away from him, or just get up and leave the house? In any case, it sounds like the best place for you to start would be to set aside some time to talk to your husband about things. I know you're busy, but what could be more important than your marriage and your family? You must make the time to sit down together and work out a game plan, like I said, come to a concensus on what the rules of the house will be, and how they will be enforced, and the roles each of the two of you will function in as far as disciplining and taking care of the kids. Once you have come to an agreement there, it's time for both of you to sit the kids down and say "ok, this is how it's going to be in this house, and if the rules aren't followed, these are the consequences" and then present a united front and stick to it. It sounds like a situation that needs some work, but it can get better. But it won't get better until you and your husband work together to make it better. Good luck!

 
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