We have money issues, but wife keeps spending - Relationship Health Message Board

onyR · 11-27-2004, 12:18 AM

I'm a stay at home dad, working my tail off, working online to make the bulk of the money. Wife works as a professional (attorney) and brings in about 25K less than me a year.

The thing is, my business is up and down. I might get a nice pay check one month but then nothing the next.

Well, we have a lot of debt, as people that just out of college normall have. We were supposed to get on this Total Money Makeover project by Dave Ramsey last year.

Slowly paying off our debts.

Normally, I stay out of the money issues. Just bring in money. It stresses me out too much. So, I let the wife do the bills and debt management.

Well, a few weeks ago I find out she had spent $1500 in cloths over a 3 month period. I was so upset about this, I couldn't even speak with her for days. Took away her cards and she promised it would never happen again.

Well, this weekend I see some receipts.

She spent $200 at one store for her little cousins for christmas and then today spent $160 for 'play cloths' for our girls. This is one top of about $250 she spent on herself at the same stores she spent the $1500 at before.

That's over $500 this month in CLOTHES.

I'm working a second job to make a little extra each month, which is about $500. So my money, is going towards her shopping.

WHAT DO I DO? I am so sick of this. I'm tired of not trusting her. I am tired of the lying. I don't understand how a very intellegent person doesn't see we can't afford to spend $500 a month on clothes when that could go towards our DEBT!

It's killing me.

HELP!

StormGirl · 11-27-2004, 02:43 AM

Hmmmm, I don't have much experience with this type of thing, but I will try my best. You say that you stay out of the bills etc side of things. Maybe it's time you got more involved. Maybe you should try sitting her down, and setting up a monthly budget that will get all of the debt and bills paid, and set aside a small amount for her to spend each month (seeing that she is determined to do it anyway), that she must stick to. Explain that the way things are, her spending may endanger the livelihood of the family and your current way of life, and that working the 2 jobs is taking its toll on you. And that the last thing you need is to sink too far into debt so that there is no money for anything, and it seriously starts to affect the family dynamics. Also explain how it makes you feel.

Unfortunately that is all I can think of, short of cancelling all the cards and perhaps give her just one with a small limit. But I think setting up a family budget that everyone agrees to should be the first step. Hopefully someone else can come up with something more helpful!!!

Good luck!!

Ruth6:11 · 11-27-2004, 05:09 AM

You've got alot of Wisdom there StormGirl, welcome aboard!!

Hoop · 11-27-2004, 08:07 AM

Your wife is an attorney yet you make about $25K more than her! What is the problem with you having up and down months? If you know that you make $25K more that her a year, you are the one that has budgeting problems.

Your wife doesn't. She may have spending problems, but then again, you have to take into consideration she needs a good wardrobe in her line of work. I really don't see her spending this amount on clothes for her to wear as way out of line in her profession. I am making the assumption that she is buying clothes for her line of work.

I suspect there many are other issues that you both can address to solve your budget problems rather than to go after her spending on clothes, unless you want her to go to work in jeans and sneakers.

I think you need to support your wife more on helping her with her career and cut back on other expenses.

How bout, maybe starting with the rest of your material possessions such as you apartment/house or the vehicles your drive. Cut back on your life style elsewhere a bit, until you pay off or whittle down your debt. I don't think you should pick entirely on her spending on clothes as an excuse for your money problems.

HOOP! ( I have a 28 year old vehicle I drive that I will sell you!)

eightball61 · 11-27-2004, 08:27 AM

Theres alot of great advice here on this thread. I to dont know much in this area but I wanted to readdress a few things. I do like the idea of cancling the cards and only keeping one with a set limit. You both have to work together and if this is what it takes then you have to do it. Try communicating with her more and and let her know what you are thinking of doing. If she can't still manage it then allow her to have the independce of buying like she wants.