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Old 11-29-2004, 07:59 PM   #1
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Soulcatcher HB User
Question Does this mean I am shallow?

I had an appointment with my children today and having twins I usually get talked to about them. Well.....today a heavy set woman who looked like she hasn't bathed in a few weeks sat down and started talking to my 3 year olds and my 4 year old. I smiled even though I didn't want to have a conversation not just with her but anyone. All of a sudden she lifted up her shirt and told me she had just had a breat reduction and was showing me her scars!!! ***? She went on to be VERY pushy and asked me about where did I live and she wanted to exchange numbers and she wrote her down and handed me a pen and paper for my number. Now mind you I was NOT carrying on a conversation with her. Her son was mentally not all there like slight retardation, seriously..not a joke. He was about 13 or so. She was telling me stories about how her sister called children protective services on her. I didn't want to be rude but I could not have been more clear by my actions that I didn't want to become buddies with this woman. She was scary. So I may have to change my phone number. I bet she will call a million times. I am a pretty blunt person but I had no idea what to say to such a person

 
Old 11-29-2004, 08:21 PM   #2
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Re: Does this mean I am shallow?

Oh soulcatcher, I'm sorry you got caught in such a situation! Ugh! No, to answer your question, I dont' think you're superficial or shallow at all. This woman clearly had boundary and self-disclosure inhibition issues! I've been in a situation a time or two when, for whatever reason, I don't want to give my real number to someone who's demanding it. I usually just give one or two wrong digits. I suppose you could have simply said "no thank you" when she offered her number or asked you for yours. I have a really hard time being what feels to me like rude, even when there's no other way to keep someone else from harrassing me. Of course none of this helps you with what you should do now! I really don't know, sorry! I suppose the only thing you can do if she does start calling you is change your number! Hope she doesn't make your life miserable. Good luck!

 
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Old 11-29-2004, 08:32 PM   #3
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Re: Does this mean I am shallow?

You made me feel alot better. It is hard to believe there are such people like that. Hopefully a new friend will take my place in her life. hehehe

 
Old 11-29-2004, 10:04 PM   #4
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Re: Does this mean I am shallow?

To agree with Ninispjc, no, youre not shallow at all, in fact, youve shown you have some common sense. This woman was clearly not all there and you were just trying to protect yourself and kids.
Im a little confused though, did you actually give her your phone number or did she just ask for it. Ive had a similar situation or two when people asked me for my number. I just told them I dont give it out because of some issues Ive had in the past and have them give me thiers (which I obviously throw away). Or you could do what Ninispjc and give some wrong digits, but this woman may have too much time on her hands and would sit with the phone and try every possible combination of the numbers you gave her till she got it right .

 
Old 11-30-2004, 05:08 AM   #5
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Re: Does this mean I am shallow?

This is where your answering machine or Caller ID will come in handy..
Be sure to use it for a month or two!!!

 
Old 11-30-2004, 05:43 AM   #6
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susieq0726 HB Usersusieq0726 HB Usersusieq0726 HB Usersusieq0726 HB Usersusieq0726 HB Usersusieq0726 HB Usersusieq0726 HB User
Re: Does this mean I am shallow?

Why oh why did you give her your correct phone number? I am not one to condone lying, but in this case, I would have given her a bogus number. It's sounds to me that maybe she too (like her son) was not all there in the head. I hope for your sake you never see or hear from her again.
And btw, NO - You are not shallow!

 
Old 11-30-2004, 05:57 AM   #7
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Re: Does this mean I am shallow?

Not to scare you, or bring the "bad" into the situation. But we all need to realize that when we're giving our phone numbers out these days, people can also get our addresses.

On the any who web site, you can do a reverse look up on any phone number and get the address / directions and a map !! Also, here in FL, when you call 411 for information, they give you the option of do you want a phone number or do you have the phone number and need a address !!!

I think this is a total invastion of privacy, but since that's the way it is these days, we must be careful about who we give our phone number to.

 
Old 11-30-2004, 06:19 AM   #8
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Re: Does this mean I am shallow?

Wow...Soul, I hope you don't have any bad dreams over this


At first, she was just making conversation with your son and I was thinking "well that not bad" until she lifted her shirt. Your children were ther and that was not the right thing to do. She may have a mental disorder herself or just may be lonely and has no common sense. It was out of place but there are many people out there that dont get out much and they dont have the common sense of whats right and wrong. Hopefully you dont see her again but you are not shallow.

 
Old 11-30-2004, 08:40 AM   #9
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Cool Re: Does this mean I am shallow?

It's sad that in today's world, you never can be "too safe" or "too cautious". It's okay NOT to engage in conversation with someone and it's okay NOT to provide personal information about yourself.

On the flip side however, there so many lost and lonely people out there. Some of those people look and act "normally", meaning that they look and sound socially acceptable and act appropriately.

There are those unfortunate people who may not have the advantage of knowing just how to act or react - they may have good intentions, but aren't as mentally or emotionally fit to be appropriate. These people are often shunned, judged, made fun of, or ignored.

It sounds like this woman, despite her poor mental health, and was trying her best to be friendly with her limited view of the world as she knows it. She didn't do anything wrong, but clearly doesn't understand appropriate social and personal boundaries. That may not be her fault, depending on her situation.

I think that although it's sometimes appropriate to "look the other way", too many of us do. A kind or encouraging word or well wish for a good day can sometimes make someone else's ENTIRE day.

I don't think you were shallow. But maybe just not as accepting of her as you would have been if she had been a little more kempt, more appropriate, and less compulsive. Maybe you could have just chit-chatted with her and looked at her behavior through HER eyes - feel flattered that she was reaching out (even if was not in manner that you would have liked), and taken a small interest in her surgery (it was obviously important to her). She may have had no-one else to brag to about her surgery, or may be feeling lonely, or may be trying something new for her own improvement.

The bottom line is that you never know what another person is truly going through. That doesn't mean you have to nuture everyone you meet, but in this case, she apparently just wanted to share of herself, and saw something in you that made her try to be friendly. It's always kinder to be nice when you can.

 
Old 11-30-2004, 05:22 PM   #10
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Re: Does this mean I am shallow?

She sounds like a predator to me. Iíve met them and they always want money. They are very good at what they do because they do it over and over again. I hope you donít welcome her into your life. I think youíll regret it.

 
Old 11-30-2004, 05:41 PM   #11
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Re: Does this mean I am shallow?

Wow..you all made me think. It was stupid to give her my number and as of today she has NOT called...Thank goodness. I was trying to look past her inablilitly to socialize and did chit chat as nice as I could without giving her the impression I wanted to be her friend. I was cornered and a bit freaked. I did not know someone could get your address by your phone number. I will be more cautious in the future. I haven't lost sleep but will now thanks to Blue2U!!! lol I think she was a lonely person and she has no friends and I don't want to become one so I didn't want to be rude. I have never been in a situation like that so I was completley taken off gaurd. I guess I have to be more of a lier and say I don't have a phone. I just couldn't think that fast after seeing a strangers scars and war story!! Thanks you guys.

Last edited by Administrator; 12-17-2004 at 10:16 AM.

 
Old 11-30-2004, 07:48 PM   #12
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Re: Does this mean I am shallow?

Well I guess we all judge other people from their outer appearances... its probably a human characteristic, or flaw or whatever. I am only wondering if she didnt look as if she hadnt taken a bath in a while or was not heavy set with a slightly retarded child, if your or many other peoples view of her would have been different, it probably would have- and probably much different. Thats just the way many of us if not all of us are programmed to think. In any case, even if she looked like a respectable, well mannered person, you should NOT give anyone your phone number like that- you probably already knew that and are kicking yourself for doing it.

 
Old 12-01-2004, 05:46 AM   #13
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Re: Does this mean I am shallow?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Soulcatcher
I just couldn't think that fast after seeing a strangers scars and war story!!

That is a common problem with people. Its not a bad thing but when something like that comes up you don't know how to react which can put you in a even worse situation. You did nothing wrong and I want to advise that. You gave your number on accident but we all make mistakes. Don't spas out yet because she may never call. If she does though then we can take it then but be prepared or wright out something if you like so you can tell her not to call again instead of telling her that you are about to leave because she will call again if you tell her that.

 
Old 12-01-2004, 05:53 AM   #14
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Re: Does this mean I am shallow?

You can still always say she has the wrong number when / if she calls.

 
Old 12-01-2004, 06:06 PM   #15
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seawater HB User
Re: Does this mean I am shallow?

Quote:
Originally Posted by jlaffey
You can still always say she has the wrong number when / if she calls.
Hey, great advise jlaffey!

 
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