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Old 12-09-2004, 02:47 AM   #1
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Unhappy Anyone ever been in love with two people at once?

Just wondered if anyone out there has ever been in love with two people at once. I always thought that if you loved someone enough, then you could never really fall for someone else. Unfortunately this is not the case for me, as I have fallen in love with someone else. Maybe it is just an infatuation, I don't know, an escape from my normal boring life. I wish it hadn't happened though, wish he hadn't come into my life. I was happy before, and now? Can't eat, can't sleep, want to cry all the time. Most of the day I just think to myself, is this all there is to life. What's the point. I feel like i've got nothing to look forward to, when I've always loved christmas so much, but now I just can't look forward to anything. I am in love with this new guy, I can't stop thinking about him, want to be with him, yet I don't want to leave my long-term boyfriend as I still love him as well, just not as much. Why does this happen? Has anyone else ever fallen in love with someone else? And how can I forget about him, do I cut off contact with him altogether? I don't know if I can. I just want to be with him. Want to meet him, text him, anything. Even if we just talk, hang out together. The pain in the pitt of my stomach is so painful. I wish it would just go away, but it only does, when I see him. Also, how do I know if he is the one? I know he fancies me, and keeps asking me out, but how do I know if he just wants me for sex, or just to have something to hang of his arm. He says he really fancies me, but hardly ever texts me or makes an effort to see me like I feel he should if he liked me that much. It wasn't so bad when he was with someone, but now he's single, he's ever more tempting. Please help? Don't have many friends so I've got no-one else to turn to.

From an upset girly.

Last edited by Destiny79; 12-09-2004 at 02:56 AM.

 
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Old 12-09-2004, 03:58 AM   #2
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Re: Anyone ever been in love with two people at once?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Destiny79
Maybe it is just an infatuation...
The number of good marriages and relationships that have been torn apart by infatuation pretending to be love is a number likely too large to even count.

 
Old 12-09-2004, 05:32 AM   #3
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Re: Anyone ever been in love with two people at once?

Destiny...I think you owe it to both these guys and most of all yourself, to remove yourself from both relationships and figure out what it is you want and how you define love for yourself. Clearly you are unhappy....wanting something you can't have and having something you don't want.

Have some dignity and do the right thing and stop playing games with the heart....it's sad when people want what they can't have and don't want what they do...and it's selfish to live this way. Sorry if it hurts...but it is just the way I see things....Goody

 
Old 12-09-2004, 05:50 AM   #4
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Re: Anyone ever been in love with two people at once?

The short answer is that I have loved two men at the same time.

The difference in our situations is that one man I could not be with because he was an abusive alchoholic cross addicted to drugs.
I was lucky enough to meet not one, but two more men in my life that I have also loved.
In my case any feelings I have for that first man (he is dead now) have nothing to do with my feelings for my husband today.

Your case is different since you are seeing them both.
This is where CHOICE comes in. YOUR choice.
You need to turn your back and walk away.
Or
Break up with your boyfriend to be with this man.

There's no inbetween.
You cannot have them both without destroying more than you can imagine - including your own integrity.

 
Old 12-09-2004, 06:06 AM   #5
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Re: Anyone ever been in love with two people at once?

Well I"ve never been there, but have seen it first hand. Although as mentioned above, removing yourself from both people is a good-fair idea, you would be left with neither, which to be truthful, I am assuming is not what you are likely to do.

First of all, does this new man know that you are in another relationship? How does he feel about that? Is he making it obvious that he would let you cheat with him, or asking you to leave your SO all together?

You need to first look at your relationship that you are currently in. What is lacking? In order for your heart to find love somewhere else, there is probably something lacking in your current relationship (look really deep, it may not be jumping-out obvious to you presently). Does your SO show you lack of affection? Does he have any bad habits, or anything that is driving you crazy? Is he jealous or controlling? Is he just not fun?
Look deeper into your relationship and see if in fact you are lacking something that you seem as a very important factor. It's best to find that out now, then let it go a few more years.

Also, look at the new guy. What qualities does he have that makes you "love" him? Could you trust him? Does he have long-term relationship qualities, or is he just a flirt?

I definatly think that you owe it to your current b/f, if you do not love him, then don't stay with him. As for the new guy, I don't think that you OWE him anything. If you are still in love with your current b/f, and he can still make you happy, and you still enjoy being with him, and you see him in your future for a long long time, then try it. Don't give up on something so good, because a "tempter" came along and is doing his duty.

This is a situation that will either make or break your relationship. How much do you care about your SO. Enough to make it through all of this?

If not, then let him go. I'm not saying go with the new guy, but face reality that your current relationship is not what you are looking for. Then if the new guy still shines through after all of this, then go for it. BUt don't throw away something good if it can still make you happy.

 
Old 12-09-2004, 07:39 AM   #6
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Re: Anyone ever been in love with two people at once?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Destiny79
I know he fancies me, and keeps asking me out
I presume he knows you are in a relationship. He must not have much respect for relationships if he keeps asking you out. He could be the same way if he gets in a relationship with you.

Who says he canít have two loves at the same time?

 
Old 12-09-2004, 07:50 AM   #7
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Re: Anyone ever been in love with two people at once?

By the way, how long-term is "long-term" when you talk about your present boyfriend?
And is he one you've had since you were a teenager?

 
Old 12-09-2004, 07:50 AM   #8
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Re: Anyone ever been in love with two people at once?

It is possible but there can't be a good outcome until you choose. You can't have your cake and eat it too as they say. I thought that I could at one time myself, but it just ain't so. You sound like you are still young. Be honest with everyone and don't tie yourself down to one person if you are not ready to do so. Why not be free? I wish that I could go back and just be free. *sigh*

 
Old 12-09-2004, 08:37 AM   #9
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Re: Anyone ever been in love with two people at once?

Great post, Calista--I agree with everything you said. Destiny, I think you should consider what Calista said and consider the questions she posed carefully. Once you do, I bet you'll have a much clearer idea of what you need to do to resolve this situation. The sooner you get some resolution and make some tough choices, the sooner you'll remove yourself from a situation that is clearly making you miserable. Good luck .

 
Old 12-09-2004, 09:19 AM   #10
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Re: Anyone ever been in love with two people at once?

Being IN love requires honesty. You don't have that with either so that says a lot. Think about it

 
Old 12-10-2004, 12:45 AM   #11
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Re: Anyone ever been in love with two people at once?

Ruth6:11,

In answer to your question, 'long-term' for me is nearly 7 years. I'm 25 now and have been going out with him since I was 18. Bought our own house and moved in together over 3 years ago. Wish our relationship was as exciting as it was then.

 
Old 12-10-2004, 01:06 AM   #12
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Re: Anyone ever been in love with two people at once?

Relationships are not always as exciting as they first were when it all began. But that is the true test. If the rose coloured glasses come off and you still love them madly, then you're on a good thing. If not, then perhaps it's time to move on. Perhaps if you cut this other guy off altogether and put alot more effort into your current relationship to make things more exciting, then it could work for you. A relationship is about 2 people, and if you want it to be a certain way, then you have to be prepared to put in extra effort to make it so as well, not just blame the other person for not being exciting. Sometimes the grass is not always greener, and we need to appreciate what we have instead of wishing for what we don't have.

To be blatantly honest, it sounds to me as if you are staying with your current boyfriend only until you have tested the waters with this new guy to see what his true intentions are, and that isn't fair. Would you like it if your boyfriend did the same to you? Is he providing the security that you need until "something better" comes along? Or are you just too "comfortable" to make the break? Think about these carefully, and consider the feelings of your boyfriend who has dedicated a large portion of his life to you. And I'll give you a hint... if you truly loved your boyfriend, you would not be in this predicament. Be fair to him... and I am not even going to tell you what the other guy deserves.

I hope you do the right thing for yourself and your boyfriend. Please accept my apologies if I have made any assumptions, but it's hard to give opinions when you don't know all the facts and can only go by what we do know.
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Old 12-10-2004, 02:27 PM   #13
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Re: Anyone ever been in love with two people at once?

IT's 1 or the other,, im willing to bet the grass is not greener on the other side and yeah it may be for 6-7 months but it might just not be so green after that,,,, you have a strong love for your b/friend,, this other guy is "something new and exciting" been there done that,,,, what are the tru intentions???? how would you feel if the tables were turned and you b/friend was doing the same thing??? i beleive there would be a reality checked involved in how much you really do care about him,, your very comfortable with him and some excitement is gone,, spice it up a little

 
Old 12-10-2004, 02:44 PM   #14
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Re: Anyone ever been in love with two people at once?

If the new "love" knows your living with another guy, why does he want to pursue a woman in a relationship? When did you figure that flirting with another guy was going to help you have a better relationship with your live-in. By the way, everyday life with another can"t all be fun and adventurous ( work, paying bills, fixing up the house). Add that into the new relationship and see what you have, if the new guy can even provide for you.

 
Old 12-10-2004, 03:17 PM   #15
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Re: Anyone ever been in love with two people at once?

>>>He says he really fancies me, but hardly ever texts me or makes an effort to see me like I feel he should if he liked me that much.<<<

That statement there sort of speaks volumes to me. If he really cared and wanted to see you he'd make an effort or would want to text you, guess hes not into you as much as you are into him sweetie. Does he want you for sex only or just to hang you on his arm? hmm i think you sort of know the answer to that, just think you dont quite like the answer. Go with your womens intuition. I seriously believe in that. Go with your gut instinct. Look deep down inside you, what do you see, and most important of all, be truthful to yourself about it. If theres a doubt in there, a lingering suspicion, then you have your answer.
Jen

 
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