It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 12-17-2004, 01:46 AM   #1
Senior Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Pensacola, FL, USA
Posts: 247
M1K3L HB User
Am I too Shallow?

I'm 20, Never been in a serous relationship.. Came close recently to having a relationship, but didn't work out.

Anyway, I'm on FOUR personals websites and a girl my age that lives 70 miles away writes me...

Her heart is in the right place, I read her profile and the email she sent and she seems like a nice girl... but one problem...

I'm 5 feet 3, 180 lbs. Don't smoke, Don't drink, Christan.

She's 5 feet 8, 215 lbs, Smokes, Don't drinks, and no answer on religion.

I try not to judge by looks... but it does matter some. Am I being too shallow if I move on? I'm really wanting a relationship but I cannot picture myself with a girl like this... but I could be wrong.. I don't know.

There's also a girl at work who is shorter than I am, Heavyset, I know she likes me, or did like me... but she is 27, and I just didn't find her all that attractive... So I never went after it.

There's also a girl I've been trying to hook up with, My height, really sweet girl, same age... Enjoy being around each other, Find her attractive, little heavyset... but nice girl... but I got hurt from it since all she was doing was playing games.

I asked a girl out that was like a supermodel... and really sweet.. got turned down... didn't hurt to try.

Am I being too shallow? There are a FEW girls that do kinda like me, but I really don't know... Should I just give it a chance? :-\

Thanks...

[ removed ]

Last edited by moderator2; 12-17-2004 at 06:33 AM. Reason: please do not post pictures or personal websites - these boards are anonymous only

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 12-17-2004, 06:37 AM   #2
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: New York
Posts: 5,813
goody2shuz HB Usergoody2shuz HB User
Re: Am I too Shallow?

Hi, Mike....Physical attraction is a plus but not the real foundation of a relationship. Let's face it....if relationships were solely based on the physical aspects of a partner, we'd all be walking around with Brad Pitt's and Angelina Jolee's on our arms and there would be alot of Adam Sandler's and Susan Sarandan's running around single (I'm probably gonna hear it about my comparisions here...but just remember....I haven't had my coffee as of yet ) Sorry Adam & Susan

Anyway....there does have to be somewhat of a chemistry going before you can build a good relationship. Of course our human instincts go immediately towards the physical...some go for eyes, others smile, and yet others butts and boobs....whose to say which attribute is better...but there has to be something physical that first draws us near. Is it shallow to be deterred from entering a relationship purely based on looks???? Somewhat so, but not entirely because if you go into a relationship just to settle knowing that you can not commit no matter what other attributes that person may hold such as honesty, integrity, confidence, loyalty etc. ....that is shallow because you are only going to hurt this person when something physcially better comes along. But if you see that 215lb woman and you are drawn to her by her beautiful eyes that light up the room with her wonderful personality and decide in your mind that these attract you enough to pursue this woman even more......then the chemistry you need to outweigh what you preconceived as shallow allows you to get past the physical that initially triggered a negative in you.

So....Mike, you are doing what most humans & even animals are known to do...birds look for physical attributes as well....the more color the better ....To base all your decisions on whether to consider a person as a potential candidate soley on how he/she physically appears....I would consider that to be shallow. Hope this helps.....Goody PS....As Susie often says...."You have to kiss alot of toads before you find your true prince"

Last edited by goody2shuz; 12-17-2004 at 06:40 AM.

 
Old 12-17-2004, 07:20 AM   #3
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 900
Music4All HB User
Re: Am I too Shallow?

1. If smoking or the smell of ashtray breath might be a turnoff to you, move on.

2. If sharing your Christian faith wih your partner is important or you can envision it being important down the road, clear up her religious positions and degree of passion to those positions now instead of later.

3. Physical attraction is as legitimate as any other attribute. We are not always in control of that which we find attractive or unatractive. It is possible to overlook certain physical traits that are not ideal to you, but I think this comes in situations where you are already in love with the inner person you are with.

4. You are not shallow for thinking and feeling as you described.

Last edited by Music4All; 12-17-2004 at 07:21 AM.

 
Old 12-17-2004, 07:42 AM   #4
Inactive
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 466
ladivapr HB User
Re: Am I too Shallow?

If you are a christian, the type of christian that love jesus enough to not miss a sunday at church, I recommend you only look for a christian woman. Of all my relationships and the gazillion guys I dated I only felt right with the god loving guys. It's too important. God is the foundation of your home and your life.

 
Old 12-17-2004, 09:08 AM   #5
Senior Veteran
(male)
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Nebraska
Posts: 1,311
heartlandguy HB User
Re: Am I too Shallow?

Mike, if everything else is equal, we sense an immediate attraction to people with physical characteristics similar to ours. Researchers say we have instincts that identify potential partners with genes that complement ours. The rush you feel when you see an attractive women is your bodyís way of identifying a good physical match. Since that instinct is involuntary, donít feel guilty for having it. However, donít be surprised if you find other characteristics more attractive than physical characteristics.

Some women that donít initially provide you a strong physical attraction can become very attractive due to their personality and smile. This is a relational attraction and it involves how you two interact. It is interesting that physical attractions usually peak at first sight whereas relational attractions usually build as the relationship improves. The longevity of a relationship is very dependent on the existence of a good relational attraction.

Mike, you are not shallow. A shallow person seeks only short term, physical relationships and sees relational attractions as traps. In other words, they see their partners as bodies rather than as people. With the values you have presented in your threads, you should attract a very nice girl. Good Luck!

 
Old 12-17-2004, 09:34 AM   #6
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 5,545
SophiaM HB User
Re: Am I too Shallow?

You are not shallow at all. Just keep looking until you meet somone who is a match and who also likes you. Good luck.

 
Old 12-17-2004, 09:37 AM   #7
Inactive
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 104
llw03c HB User
Re: Am I too Shallow?

Quote:
Originally Posted by heartlandguy
Mike, if everything else is equal, we sense an immediate attraction to people with physical characteristics similar to ours. Researchers say we have instincts that identify potential partners with genes that complement ours. The rush you feel when you see an attractive women is your bodyís way of identifying a good physical match. Since that instinct is involuntary, donít feel guilty for having it. However, donít be surprised if you find other characteristics more attractive than physical characteristics.

Some women that donít initially provide you a strong physical attraction can become very attractive due to their personality and smile. This is a relational attraction and it involves how you two interact. It is interesting that physical attractions usually peak at first sight whereas relational attractions usually build as the relationship improves. The longevity of a relationship is very dependent on the existence of a good relational attraction.

Mike, you are not shallow. A shallow person seeks only short term, physical relationships and sees relational attractions as traps. In other words, they see their partners as bodies rather than as people. With the values you have presented in your threads, you should attract a very nice girl. Good Luck!
i agree with everything here. also, i think its human nature. men are the seekers and most naturally have to go by looks. women, on the other hand, place a bit less emphasis on looks (unless they want only a physical relationship then its ALL ABOUT LOOKS). they are moreinterested in how the man makes them FEEL and that he can provide for her.

 
Old 12-17-2004, 10:02 AM   #8
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 15
pumika HB User
Re: Am I too Shallow?

<no message>

Last edited by pumika; 08-27-2008 at 11:37 PM.

 
Old 12-17-2004, 01:52 PM   #9
Inactive
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Easton, Pa
Posts: 734
promisez HB User
Re: Am I too Shallow?

A shallow person wouldn't ask if they were shallow

 
Old 12-17-2004, 10:11 PM   #10
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: USA
Posts: 542
Mecpcpj HB User
Re: Am I too Shallow?

I think that looks matter some to everyone regardless of what they choose to admit. If you don't think you're going to be into her then move on. Especially since it's long distance, maybe you should look for someone closer to you and more the type that you like. You're only 20 years old, there's no reason to dwell on one person that's so far away that you don't think you're in to because of her looks. It's not shallow. She's not really your type, you sound like opposites and that can be a problem!

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
Shallow Breathing and Exercise Local Girl Asthma 1 02-25-2009 12:23 PM
missed beats and shallow breathing pursie here?? pursie Thyroid Disorders 19 05-02-2007 12:33 PM
newish to asthma, chronic shallow breathing? iyami Asthma 9 08-29-2006 10:33 PM
Why am I so shallow? TheTwo^Pigeons Relationship Health 9 06-04-2006 10:07 PM
I'm so shallow veggie girl Relationship Health 4 08-28-2005 10:28 AM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Sign Up Today!

Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

I want my free account

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 01:58 AM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!