his wanderin eye worries me - Relationship Health Message Board

cuddlyy · 01-05-2005, 10:29 AM

theres something realy bothering me at the moment, i have an old female friend that i never see anymore and she is a bit like me, but more of a party animal and me and my boyfriend went to a party and she was there, so then he found out who she was, how we became mates ect ect....then he told me one day that on his travels to work he found out she works nearby and gets off at his stop, so he happened to be walkin the same way and now he knows where she lives and he said that she walks the same way i do.eveytime he walks me to my house we go past her house, and he LOOKS in that direction, its like clockwork everytime, he just turns his head in the direction of her house and it makes me so insecure and paranoid beyound my belief, i have pulled him up about it asking why he looks over there everytime and he said that theres a car there that he doesnt like and it annoys him...the story seemd innocent enough and my mate said im bein stupid but ever since hes continued to turn his head slightly, now i dont know if he realises still but thats where my old mate lives! and its makin me insecure and upset...i just dont know what to think! please help!

kewlgirl · 01-05-2005, 10:32 AM

I wouldn't stress too much over it......I am facing a similar situation. My boyfriend (soon fiance) sometimes slips and still refers to his ex-wife as "my wife" and it annoys me.

I know it's a slip on his part but it nevertheless is annoying.

Mecpcpj · 01-05-2005, 02:49 PM

If she is a friend of yours then you should be able to trust that she'd never do anything to hurt you. Likewise, if he's you boyfriend you should trust that he'd never hurt you either. I wouldn't look too far into it.

IvoryQueen · 01-07-2005, 06:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cuddlyy

theres something realy bothering me at the moment, i have an old female friend that i never see anymore and she is a bit like me, but more of a party animal and me and my boyfriend went to a party and she was there, so then he found out who she was, how we became mates ect ect....then he told me one day that on his travels to work he found out she works nearby and gets off at his stop, so he happened to be walkin the same way and now he knows where she lives and he said that she walks the same way i do.eveytime he walks me to my house we go past her house, and he LOOKS in that direction, its like clockwork everytime, he just turns his head in the direction of her house and it makes me so insecure and paranoid beyound my belief, i have pulled him up about it asking why he looks over there everytime and he said that theres a car there that he doesnt like and it annoys him...the story seemd innocent enough and my mate said im bein stupid but ever since hes continued to turn his head slightly, now i dont know if he realises still but thats where my old mate lives! and its makin me insecure and upset...i just dont know what to think! please help!

hey cuddly, i deeply believe that one should not stress over whether or not your mate is/will/has cheat on you. everything comes into the light at one point or another, so it doesn't make sense to worry about something that you have no control over. life's to short, don't waste it creating worry wrinkles. however, do NOT make excuses for his behavior. i personally feel he is turning his head because he wants to see who is home. not because he wants to keep watching the annoying car. simple test, ask him to describe the car when you guys are far away from the area and ask him why it disturbs him so much (catch him offguard). if he answers convincingly (in a way that YOU don't have to convince YOURSELF) then look and see if the car is there everytime you guys pass and he looks. if you are convinced that he is really telling the truth then LET IT GO. trust me, your mind is a powerful muscle, you can allow yourself to relax and not be worried about this. in either situations always keep your eyes open...that does not mean keep the internal detective continuously looking for clues. i simply mean don't let lame excuses pass. you should get to know your boyfriend enough to know what plausible excuses work for his personality. for example, empty condom wrappers in his back pocket may mean either "I was cheating on you" or "I was playing water balloon fight with the boys" depending on the guy you are dating (believe me...I have met both types).