religion problems - Relationship Health Message Board

jansmokeyty · 01-07-2005, 06:21 PM

ok. my bf is catholic and i am not. we are engaged to be married and i know he wants to get married in a catholic church. however, i do not agree with the catholic religion at all and do not want to be married in a catholic church. just a regular baptist one. (i am religious, not a fanatic but i do pray and believe in God.) i know he will be very upset with this so my compromise to him was going to be that our children be catholic, even though i dont want that either. my mother says i shouldnt have to compromise this and that he should just accept i dont believe in the catholic church. i dont really agree with her and think its unfair for him to not have his religion as part of this family at all but at the same time i really do not want my children being brought up catholic. i know my bf and his family will have huge issues with this. im really not sure what we can do. i have thought about a joint ceremy where they do both religions but i dont know if i really want to do that or if we can find a pastor and a priest to do that. any help is appreciated.

goody2shuz · 01-07-2005, 06:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jansmokeyty

ok. my bf is catholic and i am not. we are engaged to be married and i know he wants to get married in a catholic church. however, i do not agree with the catholic religion at all and do not want to be married in a catholic church. just a regular baptist one. (i am religious, not a fanatic but i do pray and believe in God.) i know he will be very upset with this so my compromise to him was going to be that our children be catholic, even though i dont want that either. my mother says i shouldnt have to compromise this and that he should just accept i dont believe in the catholic church. i dont really agree with her and think its unfair for him to not have his religion as part of this family at all but at the same time i really do not want my children being brought up catholic. i know my bf and his family will have huge issues with this. im really not sure what we can do. i have thought about a joint ceremy where they do both religions but i dont know if i really want to do that or if we can find a pastor and a priest to do that. any help is appreciated.

Hi, Jan....it's Goody's turn to try to help you out here. This is an extremely important decision when it comes to your marriage. Interfaith marriages place alot of obstacles in our way....and being a Catholic myself I can tell you that the church is very clear on it's standing that we marry to accept children and promise to raise them in the same faith. To say that you will raise your children Catholic is not as easy as you may think. You, in order to even be married in the Catholic church, will have to be initiated in the sacraments and enroll as a catechumenate in order to do so. You will need to be baptized and confirmed after learning about the Catholic faith. A certificate of baptism and Confirmation is mandatory in order to be married by a priest and recognized by the Catholic church. And in raising children you must decide for sure before you marry in which faith you will raise them....and follow the religious upbringing by being an active participant in the religious community you have chosen. That means attending mass each week as a family and participating in the sacraments of baptism, Eucharist, reconciliation and Holy Matrimony. I don't know when the last time you participtied in a Catholic mass....but things have changed quite a bit where the mass is geared towards family and is a beautiful celebration depending on which parish you belong to. I would suggest you definitely attend mass with your BF if you haven't already done so and also meet with one of the priests to discuss openly your concerns and questions you may have. In the end you and your BF should be the ones to make the decision....the important thing is that you choose a way to insure the spiritual upbringing of your future children as well as fulfills the spiritual needs of both you and your BF. I admire your addressing this as you paln your marriage for your faith will be the most important foundation of your marriage to one another....Goody

PS.....My Big Fat Greek Wedding shows how when one loves another what they will religiously do in order to begin their new life together. Rent it and watch it with your BF if things get tough

jansmokeyty · 01-07-2005, 08:16 PM

thanks for the advice. i dont think i made myself clear though. i DONT want to become catholic. and i will NOT become catholic. i am perfectly happy with the way things are now. if i have to become catholic to have catholic children well then i have an even bigger problem on my hands right now.

goody2shuz · 01-07-2005, 09:35 PM

In order to have Catholic children I believe one parent must see to their religious initiations within the church in the form of sacraments. When it comes time for participation in Mass, when you do not receive the Eucharist your children will be full of questions and perhaps confused as to why mommy doesn't and daddy does. You cannot receive communion at mass if you are not a practicing Catholic. This is not my rule but the Vaticans. I am certain that your marriage will not be recognized by the church unless you were to convert to Catholicism....again this is the church law.

You should meet with a Catholic priest in order to get clearer answers to your questions in regard to your marriage and having Catholic children. I am a believer that we all worship the same God in different ways and may refer to Him by a different name..that is why I believe when Moses first asked God what shall he call Him....God said in His all knowing way, "I am who I am".

My main concern when it comes to children is that the parents decide together what will be the primary religious upbringing of their family, To flip flop from one religion to another will only make their exposure to religion confusing rather than a constant in their lives....Goody

jansmokeyty · 01-07-2005, 10:25 PM

well i dont know about that.....i know plenty of couples where one parent is catholic and the other is not and they had no problem getting married. however the children are catholic. they also did not convert. i refuse to convert and as for the church and mass stuff.....my boyfriend and i dont really go to church. i used to. we go on christmas and that is pretty much it. i know about not receiving communion and all the stuff that happens in catholic services as i have been to some and just sat and waited while this happened. you do have a good point though about what to tell the children when they ask why i wouldnt participate.