New fathers having a hard time transitioning... - Relationship Health Message Board

LeesGirl · 02-09-2005, 03:41 PM

Hello!
Okay, just wanted to start this thread to see if anyone else has had this problem, or is going through it.

My dh is absolutely wonderful!!! We have a great marriage, yadda yadda yadda!

We have a new baby (3 months old...she is beautiful!). His schedule has NOT CHANGED AT ALL!!! His life hasn't changed. He goes to work at 3:30am, goes to gym when he gets out, comes home at 5:00, and on Tues, Wed and Sats, has hockey..he reffs, plays, and practices... On Sats, he still has one or two drinks with the guys... When he is home, he'll play with Lexi for a little while, then she'll go to sleep and SO WILL HE!!! Of course he is exhausted, but then maybe he shouldn't go to the gym every day or hockey, etc?????

I have asked if he could maybe do Sats every other week, so we can still have a weekend, since he also works during the day every other Sat. I just want a normal weekend!!! He said that "we said" nothing would change when the baby was born...I don't remember saying that, but I did think that we could still do a lot of what we used to but that is not practical right now.

Anyone else have a great hubby that had a hard time transitioning into fatherhood. He is great with our daughter, I just want some more time with him.... I don't want anyone getting the wrong idea, he is a wonderful guy...

goody2shuz · 02-09-2005, 03:55 PM

Hehehehehehehehehehehe

Welcome to motherhood

It's amazing how a man's mind can be so tunnel visioned when life changes around him and he somehow expects that it doesn't have any effect on him

Meanwhile a woman goes through a 360* change and is able to do so because God made her equipped and ready to go into the nurturing/adaptation role of parenting. Give it a little bit of time and your husband will emerge from the twilight zone

When our second daughter was born she had a health problem that required almost all of my efforts and it took it's toll on me. I was sleep deprived to the point of leaving stove's on and I really was afraid I might put my older daughter and baby in harms way if this continued. I'll never forget the day that I walked out to the yard where my husband was on a rider mower, handed off the baby and my 2 year old and gave him the phone # of the hotel I was checking into. I left at 2pm and slept until 4pm the next day and returned in time for dinner. From that day forward he transitioned smoothly into the role of parenthood. No problems ever since...Goody

Ninispjc · 02-09-2005, 04:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by goody2shuz

Hehehehehehehehehehehe

Welcome to motherhood

It's amazing how a man's mind can be so tunnel visioned when life changes around him and he somehow expects that it doesn't have any effect on him

Meanwhile a woman goes through a 360* change and is able to do so because God made her equipped and ready to go into the nurturing/adaptation role of parenting. Give it a little bit of time and your husband will emerge from the twilight zone

When our second daughter was born she had a health problem that required almost all of my efforts and it took it's toll on me. I was sleep deprived to the point of leaving stove's on and I really was afraid I might put my older daughter and baby in harms way if this continued. I'll never forget the day that I walked out to the yard where my husband was on a rider mower, handed off the baby and my 2 year old and gave him the phone # of the hotel I was checking into. I left at 2pm and slept until 4pm the next day and returned in time for dinner. From that day forward he transitioned smoothly into the role of parenthood. No problems ever since...Goody

Good for you, Goody!!

astw22 · 02-09-2005, 08:54 PM

Andrea - as I have mentioned before I am going through the same thing with my DH and isnt it interesting it is both of our first children. We might have to try that hotel thing like goody mentioned... He is great with our daughter I just know things for me have changed 100% but he wants to continue on as normal...work late, drink, hang out with buddies on the weekend and sleep.. We no longer have any couple time which I realize is difficult once you have children but he is not making any effort..He wont even stay up past her bedtime which is usually 10pm to spend a moment with me.. I guess what is bothering me too is that I have been moody lately.. Ive been trying to eat healthy and exercise to lose pregnancy weight and that leaves me a little hungry and irritable.. lol.. I am not getting any encouragement or support from him in regards to this...I dont even feel like I mean anything anymore... will this pass??? Our 1st wedding anniversary is tomorrow.... we are going out for dinner without Avery.. but I kinda feel like whats the point he doesn't really seem to care about me anymore...I know the attention will never be the same.. but I dont feel like I am getting any.. any suggestions..

Unicorn430 · 02-09-2005, 09:08 PM

Astw22, See how things go with your dinner; maybe he will surprise you. But if you still feel the same after that, you have to make it very clear to your husband that you feel he isn't making enough time for you or being supportive. Tell him exactly what you want (such as staying up to spend time with you for a half hour after your child is asleep, leaving you little love-notes around the house, or whatever you want.) I think a lot of men don't understand "I need more support," but they do understand, "I need you to give me flowers once a month" or "I need to cuddle for ten minutes each night." Sometimes you have to be literal and spell it out. It would be wonderful if they would think of these romantic things on their own, but some just don't "get it."