love of my life? - Relationship Health Message Board

redsky · 02-11-2005, 11:54 AM

Hello
I believe that it is true, there can only be one true love of your life.
Although I date guys, form relationships and so on, I can never stop thinking about one guy.
We were together but we broke up a few years ago, because of some silly mistakes I had made. I have never fallen out of love with him.
For the past four days a day hasnt gone by without thinking about him.
I give any hope. But then my determination comes back.
We led two different lives now, so it is not really possible, even if he wanted, to start a relationship.
Its been so long, why havent i got over him?
I get so upset, and blame my feelings over something else, like work, family etc. But its him.

heartlandguy · 02-11-2005, 12:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by redsky

why havent i got over him?

Some qualities are very attractive; others lead to great relationships. In him, you found the first set but not the second. You will always remember what you are attracted to. Attraction alone doesn't provide happiness. When you meet the right guy, you will find both sets and happiness.

Music4All · 02-11-2005, 12:20 PM

I don't dispute the validity of what you feel. But there is precedence to suggest that what you feel may not be so grounded in this "love of my life" concept as it seems.

I have had conversation with several males and females that have found the love of their life, broke up for various reasons, and then pined the loss for years. Their pining was exactly over this feeling that you too sense: the loss of their one true love,

However, among those that have been reunited with their "lost one love" some found the thing they pined over did not exist in the here and now. That whatever it meant to be the love of their life at one time, it seemed to have changed either because they had changed or times had changed.

You are not alone. I think these feelings are very common and can be very powerful.

Ruby13 · 02-11-2005, 01:24 PM

You know, I've noticed I miss my one-true-love ex a lot when things aren't going well. I think it's really easy to idealize a relationship that's been gone for a few years and to downplay all the reasons you've broken-up. I think that happens a lot when other things aren't going so well. I don't know the solution, but I have noticed that, at least for me, it usually passes when other parts of my life pick up. I don't think you have only one love in your life, but that until you find another real, true love, it's hard not to fall back on the old one. What I keep telling myself is thank god I know what it feels like. I may not know who the right man is, but I know how it should feel.

I agree with the last post--this is really common.

realguy · 02-11-2005, 04:09 PM

People tend to romantisize their closest relationship. Remember, if he broke up with you over some "silly" mistakes, he must not have felt the feelings you did at that time in his life.