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Old 02-14-2005, 08:50 AM   #1
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Silver Lining HB User
Valentine's Gift - Very Disappointed.

I need opinions, I need to know if I'm wrong or being selfish.

I put a gift on my fiance's desk at work on Friday to be sure he had something to open when he got to work today (it wasn't much just a thing of candy and a card). We work at the same company, a very large corpration. Anyway, he called me yesterday (sunday) and said he was broke and felt bad because he couldn't sent me flowers...I was fine with that (no biggie) I said I don't mind if you only get me a card, I understand.

Anyway, he tried to get a hold of me this morning and left a message on my cell phone to call him before I left for work. I didn't get the message and he ended up getting me on the phone while I was on the way to work. He told me that he wanted to give me something and say Happy Vday and called the first time to try to get me to stop by his house on the way to work. Well by the time he got a hold of me by phone I was very close to work. I had a feelign at this point that he probably got me something and wanted to give it to me.

Anyway, when he got to work he called me and thanked me for the gift. He said, the reason he called me early this AM was to get me to stop by because he did end up buying me something. (I have a feeling it was flowers). I said, aww that's nice, why didnt' you bring it with you to give me at work? He said, he felt funny carrying something around like that at the work place. (as I walked into work today there were 3 truck loads of flowers pooring in the door, everyone is walking around with flowers).

This is where I need to know if I was wrong. I told him I was very disappointed that he was more worried about how he was was preceived carrying flowers at work than bringing them to me and surprising me with them. I also was disappointed that he wanted me to come by "HIS HOUSE" to get them. Why couldn't he wake up earlier and bring them to me or at least not say anything and give them to me tonight when we were going to dinner. I don't get it.

Is it wrong for me to be disappointed about this???? It really makes me feel like I'm not special enough or important enough for him to go through carrying flowers to my desk. I didn't expect anything honestly, but when he called me and told me that it made me upset =/. Now Vday is ruined.

Maybe I'm a horrible person? I dunno.

 
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Old 02-14-2005, 09:13 AM   #2
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lisa24 HB User
Re: Valentine's Gift - Very Disappointed.

Well, is V-day about HOW you get a gift, or does it matter more that he thought about you enough to get you something, regardless of how and when he presents it to you.
Maybe he thought if you went all day thinking that he didn't get you anything, you would have been upset about that. I don't know.


Signed,

A girl without a valentine who wishes those with a valentine would be appreciative of the gesture, and not worry about how and when they get their gift.


..not being snide with you, just think of how much more disappointed you could be. It's the thought that counts, whether you feel like its a good enough thought or not.

 
Old 02-14-2005, 09:27 AM   #3
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Kay33 HB User
Re: Valentine's Gift - Very Disappointed.

I'd cut him some slack...I think he really tried to make it special..
This is the way I see it;
He was broke, couldn't afford florist delivery flowers....but, he did get you flowers.
Since you work at a large corp., and tons of deliveries will be made today...he probably didn't want to carry in the flowers, as it wouldn't seem to measure up to 'delivered' kind (and didn't want to embarrass himself, and perhaps you too).
..yes, I've worked at similar companies where those things on v-day are 'noticed' if not paraded ...

He likely wanted you to come by this morning, so you wouldn't go through the whole day thinking he didn't get you anything more than a card (which YOU said, would be fine...'no biggie'??)...also, that he didn't race out and get the flowers at the last minute (right before dinner tonight)...

So, now that he tried to do better than 'just a card' ....it looks more like a series of missteps on his part and your v-day is 'ruined'....is it really? I think what he did was really sweet.
I'd give him a heartfelt 'thank you' and an apology....sounds like a great guy you've got, there.

 
Old 02-14-2005, 09:34 AM   #4
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heartlandguy HB User
Re: Valentine's Gift - Very Disappointed.

Guys hate Valentineís Day because ultimately each guyís gift gets compared to everyone elseís gifts. Unless a guy is Daddy Warbucks, he knows he will be outspent and humbled in some manner.

Your guy is strapped for cash and you havenít seen his gift yet. Letís assume he could afford a bud vase with two roses to symbolize the closeness between him and you. Picture him carrying the two roses into your large office as huge bouquets of flowers fill the building. Do you have any sense of how he would feel?

Could he have handled the situation better? Sure, like you said, giving you the gift tonight makes a lot of sense. Unfortunately, when a manís head is filled with feelings of inadequacy, there is no room for the romantically correct thing to do.

 
Old 02-14-2005, 10:01 AM   #5
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Silver Lining HB User
Re: Valentine's Gift - Very Disappointed.

I think the main thing was that he wouldn't walk through work with a gift for his fiance. He cared more about what other people thought. And because I'm disappointed, I'm the bad guy. =/

 
Old 02-14-2005, 10:12 AM   #6
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lisa24 HB User
Re: Valentine's Gift - Very Disappointed.

I don't think you're the bad guy.

But it does work both ways. He was embarrassed to carry the gift thru work.
Sounds like you're 'embarrased' everyone else doesn't see you with your gift. Don't you care about what people think also?
We were just pointing out another side - that he meant no harm. Don't ALLOW your V-day to be ruined. Take it as it is - it can't be changed now.
Let go, and let yourself just enjoy the day with him. Who cares what he did or didn't do. Do you love him?- having someone you love in your life should be a gift in and of itself.
You're not a bad guy - just appreciate the small things.

 
Old 02-14-2005, 10:24 AM   #7
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madhatter HB User
Re: Valentine's Gift - Very Disappointed.

It sounds like no matter what he did,you would of found something one way or the other to complain about! And,it also sounds like YOU were the one worried about how he looked on v day! Its about love and caring,not comparing!

 
Old 02-14-2005, 11:46 AM   #8
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Dream0n83 HB User
Re: Valentine's Gift - Very Disappointed.

I think your kind of over reacting. I know my guy has done the whole delievery thing and surprised me as well. But I wouldnt be disappointed if I had to get the gift from his place.

At least he got you something, some guys are so rude they dont even think to get their g/f's anything. They stop by walmart or the local corner store and pick up one flower...

I'd just thank him and let him know maybe next year you can bring them to work or have them delivered since there were so many people getting flowers! Goodluck! hope your vday gets better who knows maybe he'll surprise you with dinner!?!

 
Old 02-14-2005, 12:28 PM   #9
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Silver Lining HB User
Re: Valentine's Gift - Very Disappointed.

Quote:
Originally Posted by lisa24
I don't think you're the bad guy.

But it does work both ways. He was embarrassed to carry the gift thru work.
Sounds like you're 'embarrased' everyone else doesn't see you with your gift. Don't you care about what people think also?
We were just pointing out another side - that he meant no harm. Don't ALLOW your V-day to be ruined. Take it as it is - it can't be changed now.
Let go, and let yourself just enjoy the day with him. Who cares what he did or didn't do. Do you love him?- having someone you love in your life should be a gift in and of itself.
You're not a bad guy - just appreciate the small things.
It's really not about the gift or who is seeing me with the gift. I would have been completely okay if he had said I'd rather give you the gift when I see you tonight instead of saying he's not confident enought to walk through work with them. I would ahve been completely alright with that. Screw the gift, I'm disappointed in his personality that he's not man enough or able to walk around in a business on valentines day with flowers in his hand for his fiance. That's my disappointment. it's not about the gift, in my mind I wasn't getting one until he told me this morning he bought me something. I don't care about getting anything, I do care about the man I'm with being confident enough to walk through a stoopid building with flowers in his hand. geez, I just don't understand that. This may seem like I'm over-reacting, but I think it just paralells some of his other behaviors that I'm disappointed in....ugh...thanks for listening to me rant anyway.

 
Old 02-14-2005, 12:47 PM   #10
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heartlandguy HB User
Re: Valentine's Gift - Very Disappointed.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Silver Lining
This may seem like I'm over-reacting, but I think it just paralells some of his other behaviors that I'm disappointed in.
I saw a previous thread of yours where you broke up with your fiance. I presume this is the same man. If so, it is easy to see that this goes much deeper than bringing flowers into the office. Now I understand your frustration. I'm sorry that he has disappointed you again.

Last edited by heartlandguy; 02-14-2005 at 01:13 PM.

 
Old 02-14-2005, 01:31 PM   #11
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Re: Valentine's Gift - Very Disappointed.

Quote:
Originally Posted by heartlandguy
I saw a previous thread of yours where you broke up with your fiance. I presume this is the same man. If so, it is easy to see that this goes much deeper than bringing flowers into the office. Now I understand your frustration. I'm sorry that he has disappointed you again.

Yeah, same guy =/. We got back together but communication is still a very hard struggle. I'm actually going back to therapy tonight to work on myself and get my self esteme back before I make any more life altering decisions.

Posting today made me realize that I need to take my focus off of him and the relationship to back on myself and concentrate on improving my self esteme etc.

I'm just having such a hard time still. Life is so hard. =/

 
Old 02-14-2005, 04:42 PM   #12
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SophiaM HB User
Re: Valentine's Gift - Very Disappointed.

Sorry if this is off topic, but how expensive a bouquet of flowers can be for a guy who is employed by a large corporation? I think I could afford to send someone a bouquet of flowers and I only work part time. I don't want to stir up any trouble by my post; it's just an observation. Hopefully he'll bring you a nice bouquet at dinner. And I hope the dinner is not meant to be Dutch. Call me demanding.

 
Old 02-15-2005, 05:14 AM   #13
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miper HB User
Re: Valentine's Gift - Very Disappointed.

I just want you to know I know exactly where you're coming from. I understand 100%. If you're a bad guy, then I guess I am too.

 
Old 02-15-2005, 06:23 AM   #14
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kewlgirl HB User
Re: Valentine's Gift - Very Disappointed.

I agree with other poster's here in thinking you are over-reacting a little. I got my Valentine's gift two days before Valentine's Day. Not on the actual day. But I didn't complain. We both have busy schedules and it was the only day we had free to spend time together.

I got a dozen roses and three small sentimental things that spoke volumes about his feelings for me.

No, mine wasn't your "perfect" Valentine's Day, but he cared enough to let me know it, as I think your fiance did.

If you get caught up in what he did or didn't do, you will never be happy. Just be happy he got you something, there are many MANY people who got nothing for Valentine's Day.
__________________
KG

 
Old 02-15-2005, 06:56 AM   #15
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SophiaM HB User
Re: Valentine's Gift - Very Disappointed.

So, how did it go? I am curious because after I wrote my comment (which was probably a little too harsh), it occurred to me that maybe he didn't get you flowers, but perhaps another gift (like lingerie for example) that would have been a bit embarrassing for him to give you in the office environment. In any case, I hope it went well for the two of you.

 
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