You know, never a day goes past that you don't throw some surprise at me!!! Is there anything else we should know???
Seriously, it's no big deal. You are young and just trying to sort yourself out in life, and that's okay. I understand that you had strong feelings for someone else (whether that be male or female), and miss that sensation. Almost everyone on here has felt the same way. To have loved and lost. It doesn't mean that you will never love again, as most of us go on to love more than one person, and most of the time it is much better and stronger. It's all part of the learning experience. Ya, it's painful, but life's lessons usually are, and each time we take away a little bit of knowledge and apply it the next time until we learn to get it right. THAT's when you usually find the one you are supposed to be with. When you've got all your ***** together, as does your partner. Some people are lucky and find that person straight away and grow with them, but most are not.
I'm concerned that you are a little too hard on yourself, and your self esteem seems a little low. You need to do something about that. Look, I don't even know you, and I have always told you that I think you are adorable, so it's not impossible. There could be various reasons that you haven't found the right one yet. Many people experience the same feelings, so don't think it's just you, and don't take it personally. If you don't mind, I will give you some suggestions that may be hindering you in your pursuit. I may be wrong on some or all of them, but at least it will give you something to think about and you can apply whatever you like and see that it's not because you are unattractive, or because you aren't a great person... because you are.
Firstly, your confusion over your feelings (whether female or male) may be coming across to potential prospects. Whether this is true or not, only you can answer. You say you find girls attractive, but do you really... or are you just trying to convince yourself because you want to live what is considered a "normal" relationship with a girl? I think it is something that you will need to think about, as your confusion (or whatever) may be getting transmitted to a potential partner and misread etc.
Secondly, I know that you are lonely and crave the feeling of warmth and security that comes with a relationship. Heck, don't we all? I also know that you say that you try to take it slow, but in reality, you probably aren't. You have mentioned in one of your posts that sometimes you may come across as desperate, and while I think that is a little too harsh, that also may be coming across to a potential partner and may confuse them as to your motives. It can be confusing because there aren't many guys that willingly want to settle down in a long term relationship, so I suppose girls are a little taken back when someone wants to get so serious. Also, because of your age, many people still have alot of growing, changing and maturing to do. As will you.
Mike, you are our little gem. You are a wonderful and kind person. I think you need to do a little soul searching and discover what it is that will really make YOU happy. Not anyone else... just you, and learn not to compromise what will make you happy or to just settle - it is only a waste of your time. Sort your life out and decide what path you want to go down in life, and be confident in your decision. Go and hang out with friends and meet as many people as you can. Enjoy your young life, and stop putting too many expectations on yourself and other people. Have fun, and know that it will happen for you. You just have to be patient. Have dates and enjoy them, without getting too serious about it. Start really experiencing life and enjoy your adventures, because God knows, it will all pass very quickly and you'll wish you had it back again. The pain and emptiness you feel will pass one day. You've just got to let it happen naturally, be patient and your time will come. Stop focussing too hard on obtaining the relationship that you crave... it will only drive you insane and will probably drive you into making mistakes unnecessarily. Trust in yourself that when the right girl for you comes along, that you will know... you won't have to dig and try to find something for her, you just will. Maybe she won't feel the same way for you, maybe she will. We've all been knocked back a few times in life. It is part of the whole vicious cycle. Learn to accept when you do get knocked back and don't take it personally, it's not because of you, it's just because it's not right at the time and can have many, many variable influences.
Lastly, Mike, you really need to learn to love yourself before you can allow someone else in. I feel that you don't. Think of all your great qualities, and be proud of the decent, kind, caring and generous person you are. And don't ever change or compromise that for anyone. Don't try to be someone you are not, because you are who you are and that special someone should love you for exactly how you are, warts and all.
Learn to relax and enjoy the ride Mike, because eventually you will get to the destination you are supposed to... and trying to rush it along is probably only hindering things.
Hugs to you sweetie!!!