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Old 02-23-2005, 08:50 AM   #1
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single22 HB User
Frustrated - I thought things were supposed to get easier with time!?

Hi guys

I wrote a message at the beginning of January to explain that my boyfriend of seven years decided to split up with me because he felt we were more like friends, at the time I was devastated and still miss him terribly, but with the help of friends and family I realised things would get better. I then posted a couple of weeks later to say how I'd been on a date with a friend of a friend. I really liked him and we got on well so I thought things were going to take a turn for the better.

However, since my last date with this guy I haven't heard from him, he hasn't replied to my texts and might as well have disappeared off the face of the earth! My friend says that he said he really liked me and that even if he didn't he's not the sort of person to just ignore me and would at least text to say he didn't want to see me again, so we don't know what's going on with him and whether I'll even here from him again. I've also since found out that my ex has a new girlfriend (he's admitted that he knew her when we were together so I'm pretty sure he was seeing her when he was with me) who I bumped into on Saturday night, he stopped for a full on chat which wasn't what I needed (when we split up we agreed to try and stay friends and he emails me every two to three days), I feel as though I've lost all my friends because my ex goes out in a group with them and takes his new girlfriend so I feel I can't go (I'm not yet ready to see him with someone else!) To top it off even my best friend has been there when they've all been out and seems to get on with her really well and tells me how nice she is (I don't feel I can say to her to stop talking about it because I don't want it to get back to my ex that I don't like it!), what's worse is my best friend is sooooo pretty and every bloke that ever meets her falls for her, she's just started seeing a man who she works with even though she has a boyfriend and can't see that what she's doing is exactly what my ex was doing to me and she won't stop talking about him (I'm friends with her boyfriend also and hate what she's doing to him!) It's like she has tunnel vision and doesn't realise it's like rubbing it in my face that she has the best of both worlds and I have nothing!

How come everyone is so happy at a time when I'm so low and all I get to here about is how happy they are with their lives, my ex has a new girlfriend (and a new job) my best friend is loving her exciting double life, I want to tell her she has to make a decision but she'll probably tell me I'm just jealous and it's cause an argument, I feel like I've lost all my close friends because I can't go out with them while my ex and his new girlfriend is. And the one person Icould see myself getting close to may as well of disappeared off the face of the earth!

Does anyone believe that good things come to those who wait or that at some point everyone is dealt a good card? - I thought that in time a break-up was supposed to get easier, but how can it when get easier when nothing is going right in my life and everyone else's happiness is being rubbed in my face!?

Please help!! - it's getting desperate!!!!

 
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Old 02-23-2005, 09:16 AM   #2
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Re: Frustrated - I thought things were supposed to get easier with time!?

Quote:
Originally Posted by single22
Does anyone believe that good things come to those who wait or that at some point everyone is dealt a good card? - I thought that in time a break-up was supposed to get easier, but how can it when get easier when nothing is going right in my life and everyone else's happiness is being rubbed in my face!?

Please help!! - it's getting desperate!!!!
Hi, Single There will be about 50% of us here that will say yes to good things commng to those who wait and being dealt a good card and yet there will at the same time be 50% who will be in your shoes saying it doesn't seem at all possible As for me....who has been on both sides of the percentages at some point in her life...there is more to the good things theory in my personal opinion, but it has everything to do on how you view your life, doesn't it??? As bad as things seem to be going for you right now you seem to still see that there's a possibility to good things happening. And I must say that I was much the same way. As flat out as I was on my face...somehow I still managed to pick myself up. And I have a feeling you will too.

As for you friend....cheating is not a good attribute and since you have expereinced that first hand you are entitled to the way it makes you feel. Sharing that with your friend may be beneficial to both you and herself. As far as the guy who disappeared.....there are guys like that everywhere and don't ask me why, but they often take the easy way out. Hurts too but you are better off in the end not wasting alot to time.

So...what do you do....I would say if you like the friends that you and your ex share don't let the past stand in the way of continuing your friendships. Sometimes it just takes our facing our fears in order to alleviate them. Can you see yourslelf with some time going out even though your ex is there with a new GF??? Eventually you will have a new BF but that shouldn't be a problem when hanging out with real friends. What do you think???

In any case...with time you will be okay. It's still quite new and that's why it still hurts. You seem like a strong person so rely on your inner strengths to see you through this time and soon enough your good card and the good things you have been waiting for will come your way ...Goody

Last edited by goody2shuz; 02-23-2005 at 09:19 AM.

 
Old 02-23-2005, 12:12 PM   #3
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Re: Frustrated - I thought things were supposed to get easier with time!?

Boy. You actually asking a pretty complex, deeply philosophical question. If you asked 100 people this question, you'd get about 150 answers. But to capsulize it just a little...I think generally speaking, if you keep your chin up, keep your nose clean and keep trying, eventually things will look up. I don't believe everyone is guaranteed love, or even the chance for love, but if we try, we can build a life for ourselves that works for us.

As for your best friend, I think if it bothers you to hear about your ex's new girl, then you should just tell her. So what if it gets back to your ex? If you still have feelings for him and are not ok with seeing him with another woman, perhaps you're not ready to be doing the just friends thing, anyway. It might be better to just break off contact with him and all his friends and start fresh with people who don't know him and who aren't friends and all nicey nice with his new woman.

It's just the way things are shaking out now. But it won't always be like this. Hang in there.

 
Old 02-23-2005, 12:20 PM   #4
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Re: Frustrated - I thought things were supposed to get easier with time!?

Sorry single. I think that when it rains it pours. At least it seems to me that is what happens when I have something that is sad or upsetting to me. Sometimes you just have to wait it out for things to get better. Hopefully it won't become a pattern for you. Sometimes I feel like I am just stuck also. Can't move forward as much as I would like to. Does that sound familiar? I have several female friends and we all seem to feel like there is something in the air. We are all attactive kindhearted women who are independent and are happy on our own, but would pefer to have comitted happy relationships. And it just doesn't seem to happen for us. If the world is 1/2 male and 1/2 female why does it seem like there are so few available men? And how does one get out of a funk. It's not like we don't have tons of fun things to do, people to hang with, and things going for us.

I really don't get the people who purse you and tell you all the dreamy things and then all the sudden it's like dr. jeckle and mr. hyde that they just are not into you anymore.

 
Old 02-23-2005, 12:47 PM   #5
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lisa24 HB User
Re: Frustrated - I thought things were supposed to get easier with time!?

Quote:
Originally Posted by single22
Does anyone believe that good things come to those who wait or that at some point everyone is dealt a good card? - I thought that in time a break-up was supposed to get easier, but how can it when get easier when nothing is going right in my life and everyone else's happiness is being rubbed in my face!?
Oh yes, I definitely believe goods things happen to those who wait. Just be patient, your time will come, and because your going thru these things now, it's just all the more appreciative you will be when it does come.

It's also in how you view things.
Like everyone else's happiness?
Your female friend can't be too happy if she's looking outside her own relationship and carrying on with someone else. Believe me, that WILL catch up to her.
And your bf - he may have been seeing her before you two broke up? He mustn't be too happy either, always out looking for more. He'll probably do the same to her once the 'newness' sets in.


So when the rest of your friends run into Mr. Karma and have to start paying for their mistakes, probably by then your new friends will have already come along, and they'll be wondering the same as you are right now. And you'll just be sitting back with your new bf, smiling.

Just keep faith (just a little longer, oh, I know its hard) and start looking at these situations in a positive light! I'll be wishing you the best, in the meanwhile.

 
Old 02-23-2005, 12:53 PM   #6
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Re: Frustrated - I thought things were supposed to get easier with time!?

I have to ask why do all these bad things happen to those of us who are good people? Where did we create the bad karma that has been bestowed upon us?

 
Old 02-24-2005, 01:20 AM   #7
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Re: Frustrated - I thought things were supposed to get easier with time!?

Hi everyone

Thanks for all you messages, kind words and thoughts, I much appreciate other peoples opinions and views on love and life!!

Goody, I would like to still go out with my 'old' friends even if my ex is there, but if it's with his new gf also that maybe the problem. Mainly because I have been told recently that they're together all the time, text all the time, talk on the phone all the time and are very 'kissy' in public, yet he was never like that with me (well maybe 7 years ago when we first starting dating!) so it will be hard to see! - I wonder whether that will last or whether it's just the newness of his new relationship, I suppose only time will tell.

As for my friend, after speaking to her last night (I told her she had to make a decision because she wasn't being fair on all other parties and herself) she said she has made the decision to split up with her boyfriend but just needs to find the right time which is fair enough!

I don't want to see other people unhappy (ie. my friend get her comeupance for cheating and my ex being unhappy in his new relationship because he may have cheated on me) I just want some happiness in my own life, and like has been mentioned, I truly believe I'm a good person so deserve a little bit of it!

I'm trying to look on the bright side, I'm trying to get on with my life and I'm trying to believe all this will come in time but I have to be patient, some days I feel good about myself and my life and believe it will happen yet there are also days (very frequently recently) when that black cloud seems to hover over my life and look like it has no intention of disappearing for the sun to shine!

Once again thank you everyone, I will update soon to let you all know how I'm doing!

 
Old 02-24-2005, 09:44 PM   #8
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Re: Frustrated - I thought things were supposed to get easier with time!?

Not to hurt you, but sometimes things can be so messy, its not worth putting yourself through it. Getting so burned by someone you trusted is like a slap in the face, but you are probably better off on your own. I have been through an emotional hell with the person i'm now currently married to, I cared tremendously about this person, and have tried all kinds of ways to hang on to him, but the relationship has been little else than that since we met five years ago. I think the best thing for you to do, in my own experience is to move on with your life and start affirming yourself and feeling good for just being you. You are unique and special. Think of all the things you haven't learned about yourself! Nobody on this earth should take their last breath not knowing themself but chasing after another human being, who is never really going to be there for them. Sometimes you can be just the person you really need the most.

 
Old 02-26-2005, 02:06 AM   #9
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Re: Frustrated - I thought things were supposed to get easier with time!?

Quote:
Originally Posted by littletiger
I have to ask why do all these bad things happen to those of us who are good people? Where did we create the bad karma that has been bestowed upon us?
Little Tiger, I have noticed this too. I really think sometimes that the more shameless and "bad" you are willing to me, the more likely you are to succeed. It is the nice, sweet, kind people who seem to end up heart or even heartbroken. I for one used to cheat on most boyfriends and then move on...I was the bad one but I ended up happy while they stayed very mad and resentful. I don't necessarily think good people get rewarded, as nice an idea as that is. It makes me sad that the best people seem to have pretty tough times in life--but then, there are a lot of unfair things about life, and the fact that the meek don't inherit the Earth after all is only one of them. Sorry if this is a depressing post, I just don't think that the nice, patient people end up getting what they want the same way as people who actively pursue and fight for something, like they just know they deserve it and will get it. Still, I like to think that people get a little bit of luck when they need it most that makes most problems turn out ok, at least in the long term. Anyway, good luck to everyone on this thread, and thanks for these interesting and thought-provoking posts.

 
Old 02-26-2005, 02:27 AM   #10
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Re: Frustrated - I thought things were supposed to get easier with time!?

I really don't believe life is unfair. Life is such an intangible thing. "Life" is exactly, no more, no less, precisely what we make it, for ourselves and for each other. If life is unfair, it's because someone decided to make it that way for you. I believe God gave us His son, each other, and the rule book. The rest is up to us. Of course, this view leaves me with very little regard or faith in human nature. I think most people choose to be selfish and hurtful and unfair, which makes life that much harder for those of us who try to live by the rules. I guess the best we can do when someone hurts us is to chalk it up to their failure and loss, and do our best to not take it too personally, even though it feels incredibly personal, and try not to let it shake your faith in yourself. Not so easy to do, I know. But something to strive for, I guess.

 
Old 02-26-2005, 03:11 AM   #11
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Re: Frustrated - I thought things were supposed to get easier with time!?

I think it's those events that seem unfair that make me more faithful. Afterall the selfishness and cruelty that comes from these people comes from satan.

You choose which side to be on when you choose your free will. Having faith will bring the promised reward, right?

 
Old 02-26-2005, 03:46 AM   #12
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Re: Frustrated - I thought things were supposed to get easier with time!?

Quote:
Originally Posted by littletiger
I think it's those events that seem unfair that make me more faithful. Afterall the selfishness and cruelty that comes from these people comes from satan.

You choose which side to be on when you choose your free will. Having faith will bring the promised reward, right?
In the afterlife, I guess. But I don't see a whole lot of proof that faith guarantees you a happier life here on earth than non-believers. Who knows? I guess all we can do is live according to our conscience and hope for the best.

 
Old 02-26-2005, 10:27 AM   #13
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Re: Frustrated - I thought things were supposed to get easier with time!?

Quote:
Originally Posted by single22
Does anyone believe that good things come to those who wait or that at some point everyone is dealt a good card? - I thought that in time a break-up was supposed to get easier, but how can it when get easier when nothing is going right in my life and everyone else's happiness is being rubbed in my face!?
Please help!! - it's getting desperate!!!!
I think that sometimes when things are bad you need to find something - ANYthing that you can feel good about. For some people it is volunteering, for others its helping out a family member with small children, or going out of your way to make someone ELSE smile. Even the checkout lady at the grocery store.

It's not that good things finally come to those who wait, it's that you have to be OPEN to the good things instead of concentrating on everything that is negative. Yes, sometimes the negative can be utterly overwhelming. I'm 50 and there are times that I look back on and wonder how I survived. And I even accept that there may be more times like that again.

I don't think you really truly want others to be unhappy. Its hard to watch others who are happy I know. But if good things don't always come to those who wait, well, you can definitely meet them halfway!!!

Think of something small that you could do to help someone else.
You will feel amazed at how much it helps.
(I started coming here for support when my dad died of colon cancer... now I find that I can help others, and it ends up helping me)

 
Old 02-26-2005, 11:11 AM   #14
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Re: Frustrated - I thought things were supposed to get easier with time!?

Great post Ruth I share the same thoughts and must say that my happiest moments didn't even involve much of a wait....it was in giving to others that I received the happiness and smiles and laughs. And as I look back on my darkest moments, it was when I looked at the good in any situation that I was finally able to overcome the bad. So, I guess it's only fair to say that it's not in the waiting or in the cards but very much in how we see things and do things that lead to the good things we get in life A nice thought for a beautiful day......Goody

 
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