Yeah, fun talking to you too I know you're older than me but I was thru this experience before and I now regret wasting so much time on that guy. I also put up with stuff because I thought he would never, in a million years, pay for me (or that anyone would, for that matter. but I was wrong). We went out to a dinner on a special occasion once, and he paid for it with his credit card, but on the way back he demanded the money back from me! Man, I was so hurt and disappointed. I was 23 at that point and still in college. He was 37 and working full time. NO, it's just not right. If he doesn't want to go out to a nice place once in a while (not talking every day here), doesn't want to see you more than once a week, and won't have sex with you, honestly WHAT'S in it for you, I ask???? Everyone knows that women are at their sexual peak in their 30s and 40s, and every woman likes to be treated like a princess from time to time and treated to some flowers, gift, or dinner once in a while. If a guy can't give you that minimum, you must be miserable with him. I cant' imagine otherwise. You ARE a woman after all.
It's definitely not what I was looking for in a relationship.
My last boyfriend was just the opposite: funny, exciting, romantic, generous, wrote me love notes, called several times a day, gave me flowers, etc. Unfortunately, he just up and left town one day and left me shocked and heartbroken. My friend told me she never saw me so happy than when I was with the "other" guy. This one acts like he doesn't have a clue what to do. Even when I tell him, he'll say something like, "That's not me" or "I don't know what to say." He's SOOOO different.
Oh, I'm sorry that the previous guy just left like that. I don't understand how someone could do this. I mean, with your present boyfriend, it would be OK if he's not so smooth and doesn't always do the perfect thing, as long as he's "coachable." Meaning, that he's open to your suggestions and flexible enough to bend a little bit to accommodate your wishes. He should try to make you happy and if going out once in a while makes you happy, then why not do it. Also, what is his excuse for seeing you only once a week? Is that enough for you? Seems to me like you're being shortchanged and this is not a really close or serious relationship.
I'm sorry honey, but it seems to me that you don't have a relationship. The man is unavailable. As simple as that. He may be single, but still not physically or emotionally, or financially available to you. After three years he can't even call you any affectionate name and won't change his job to make more time for your relationship. Come on, the writing is on the wall. This guy is very, very selfish and this level of intimacy suits him perfectly because he doesn't want to give more. How much longer can he work third shift SEVEN days a week and not drop dead from a heart attack or something? He doesn't care about himself and he certainly is unable to care about anyone else. If you are interested in having a real relationship, you have to look elswhere.
He does say he loves me (but usually I say it first) so I don't know what's so hard about calling me a sweet name. With my other boyfriend, when I answered the phone he would say, "Hey baby" or something. He would leave mushy messages for me, which I loved. With this guy, when I answer the phone he just replies back, "Hello???" (like he's calling a business or something). He has tried (but not diligently) looking for another job, but they pay even less (he's pretty unskilled and no education). He's been working these hours more than two years. He really needs a vacation...I even invited him to Vegas a couple years ago AND OFFERED TO PAY and he still wouldn't go! I could only go in the summer while my son was off school. He said all the guys were arguing about vacation time so he just let everyone else take theirs when they wanted. He's so unassertive.
I hate to say it, but I agree with SophiaM. It does sound like this man is completely unavailable. I think you deserve quite a bit more than what this man is giving you. My boyfriend is the same way, but worse, I think. A lot worse. We're pretty much broken up, or in the process of being broken up, and although it's hard, I want more than what I'm getting. Us women should learn to set much higher standards for ourselves: ) Good luck with everything,
I met him at a club and we talked then switched phone numbers. When he called me he told me we should "hang out". I said okay and he said "great, what time are you going to pick me up?".
At the time I didn't have a car and he was the one pursuing me so that was a flag there that I should of took.
Anyway, I went out with him which ended up going back to his parents house after getting a buretto (not sure the spelling).
The ONE time we went out to dinner and he took me to a cheap place. He ordered ONE dinner and made me share. When he was done with that then he ordered ANOTHER dinner because he was still hungry.
One time we went to one of those shows that people bring their cars to in a parking lot. Those old type cars. I was hungry so I said that I was going to go walk over to McDonalds and asked if he wanted to go. He said he didn't want anything. I just got something small and a small fry. When I got back he took my fries.
He told me once that all the girls he went out with were materialistic. I think that they were just normal and he was just his cheap self and he couldn't see that. I don't care about money, if I did, I wouldn't of dated him as long as I did!
He was taking courses to be a massage therapist. I was on the phone with him and he put his friend on the phone to ask me what I was going to buy him for graduation. I went out and bought him an exspensive gift because I felt bad. This was only in the begining of when I was going out with him so it didn't occure to me to get a gift. Plus, I didn't know he was about to be done until he had his friend get on the phone with me.
His father was very cheap so he took after him. His father bought a roll for .25 cents ate half of it and said it was stale and he was going to bring it back the next day.
Other things happen and I knew he was just trying to use me. Most we did was go to his parents house and stay there to sometimes 5am in the morning. We fooled around but nothing happend. I think his main goal was for something to happen. Telling me things like no one would want me and I am lucky to have him. Please! My sister fell for that line from her loser husband but I wasnt' going to fall for it.
I finally woke up and asked myself if I really wanted to stay with him and do I really see a relationship with him. We had nothing in common! Well, my answer was a big fat NO.
It hurt me to break up with him becuase I got attached. Not to him as a person but just to the fact that I was with someone at all. He wasn't the only loser I went out with but out of all of them he was the cheapest.
It does end in a happy ending because I did eventually meet my prince charming a few years later. I got married to a guy that treats me like gold. He really loves me and I can see it everyday. He is the sweetest, generous, most caring and loving man that I always dreamed of meeting.
Last edited by Summer Girl; 03-05-2005 at 01:09 PM.
I agree with Sophia totally, although guys can still treat you great without having/spending a ton of money. I don't have expensive taste, but I do expect a guy to do sweet things like leave me notes, help with things, be generous and thoughtful, and definitely call me sweet names (that is where I got my name, Snails). Hanging in there, I think you seem like a great catch, and you deserve a lot more from a guy than you're getting from this tightwad. There's nothing wrong with being careful with money, but the stuff you guys have described is absurd! I can't believe people actually act like that. Wow!
my ex boyfriend was also super super cheap. the 3 years we were going out he never once bought me something for my birthday and only once bought me something for chirstmas. one time my birthday (on the 8th) and pay day was the 10th, so i understood if my gift was late....it never came. and its not like he only made enough to survive on. but i always bought him things. like if i was hungry and wanted to go for lunch id have to pay for mine and his too. and like if we went out to the bar he never bought me drinks or anything. the worst and i mean WORST thing ever was we had 20 bucks between the 2 of us and the car needed gas really really really bad, but he took his 10 bucks and mine too and bought dope with it, the car ran outta gas and we had to walk home and we lived far far outta town.