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Old 03-21-2005, 12:18 PM   #1
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kdes HB User
Unhappy How to get over it? Please someone help! Im going crazy!

Hi.

Please someone take the time to read this. And thank you!

I dated this girl for 3 years then out of no where she broke up with me. Saying that she lost her feelings for me and does not love me anymore. She even promised the night before she broke up with me, that she will never let go.

I did post a thread in the past on how to get over a brake up. But im having very big problems getting over it.

Its been close to 2 months. I recently saw her at a mall. And she ignored me flat. And with her friend laughing at me.

I just dont understand. She use to love me and care for me and now it seems she hates me. And it looks like she does not want anything to do with me. I feel she believes i was not good enough for her. But i did nothing wrong! I did my VERY best for her i did everything i could do for her.

And after doing my best, she has been so so cold ignoring me flat. I always thought that after a person was in love and spent 3 years with someone and after braking up with them they will still help them. Im i wrong?

I always also thought that if one did there best for the other, they would stay. Im i wrong there to?

Im feeling totally heartbroken, im feeling so terrible so alone im a mess.

I cant stop thinking about her and WHY she broke up with me. She did not give me a solid reason, she only said she lost her feelings for me. But she did not say why or how she lost her feelings.

I feel i will never know, i feel i will never get the closure i need.

I feel she found someone else she likes more to be with. Everyone i speak to that knows her say that she found someone else. And say that its possible that she was just staying with me for a while until she did find someone else.

The girl i dated was always so loving, caring, sweat and a shy sensitive person. And cause shes is, or was, i never thought she would do this to someone. It looks like she changed completely into a cold hearted person. Is it possible for a shy sensitive, loving caring, person to change into a cold hard hearted person?

Im going totally crazy! I love her to bits! But it feel she does not even want to know me!

I suffer from depression and social anxiety and i believe i could have G.A.D. Is it possible that cause of that its making it harder to get over?

Im 21 years old and she is 18. And i feel i will never find someone to be with again.

Please if someone has gone through a bad brake up i would love to hear your story and how you got over it.

And please if someone has tips on how to get over a brake up? That would be wonderful! Whats the best way and things for me to do to get over her?

Thank you so much for reading this and your help!
God Bless

Last edited by kdes; 03-21-2005 at 12:19 PM.

 
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Old 03-21-2005, 01:16 PM   #2
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evy38 HB User
Re: How to get over it? Please someone help! Im going crazy!

I may say things you don't want to hear, so I'll apologize in advance.

First you are so young. You will both continue to grow emotionally for years. There was always a very good chance you would not grow in the same direction. Sometime the breakup occurs in 3 years and sometimes it occurs after 10 years and 2 kids. It could be worse, you could have faced a divorce years from now.
Second, you are right. You may never have closure. People rarely tell us all the reasons why they break up with us, often because they don't really know or want to admit the reasons to themselves. The only closure you will find is in a review of your half of this relationship, what you expected, what you wanted and finally what you got out of it. You can learn from it lessons that you can take into future relationships, but first you must take a hard look at what you just had.
Third, there is no good reason why you can't find love again. The only thing stopping you would be if you choose to cling to the past and any self doubts you don't deal with from past relationships
Breakups are never easy and rarely pretty. More often one, if not both, sides act very badly. Maybe out of guilt, maybe out of rage and confusion or sometimes it's just a healthy case of rightous indignation. Both sides come to believe they were the injured party. What other choice is there? The truth, that we may have played a large part in causing the pain of someone we love, is something we would rather not deal with.

Last edited by evy38; 03-21-2005 at 01:21 PM.

 
Old 03-21-2005, 01:31 PM   #3
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Wowwwweeee HB User
Cool Re: How to get over it? Please someone help! Im going crazy!

kdes,

One important thing that I've learned over time is that you can't control another person. You can't make a person like you, love you, or stay with you - even if you are the BEST boy/girlfriend in the world.

Sometimes no-one can really say why someone ends a relationship. And with that said, you may never find out the reasons behind your break-up.

And that's a difficult thing to deal with, not knowing the full reason, or even half of it. But people end relationships every day, for big and small reasons, and sometimes for no good reason at all.

Yes, it is gut wrenching, and can knock the life out of you. Especially first loves, or the relationships that we give our heart and sole into.

And it hurts doubly when we realize that we are rejected or not longer liked or loved by the person who holds our heart so close. It's hurt worse when that person becomes someone we don't even know, when they ignore you or change their behaviors around you. It's very tough.

The main thing in any relationship is to be the best person you can be while you're liking or loving that person. Caring about someone takes a great risk. You risk putting yourself out there, with the knowledge that it could end.

You will find over time that the loss gets easier, and that you are able to feel affection and love for other people. But healing takes time, so go easy on yourself and try not to blame yourself for her behavior now.

In the end, you wouldn't want to be with someone who can push you aside so easily and without any regard to what you shared or how you feel. Even when a relationship ends, there are kind ways to go about it.

You'll be fine, it just takes time.

 
Old 03-22-2005, 12:54 AM   #4
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Re: How to get over it? Please someone help! Im going crazy!

Well, I can't really add any more than what Wowwwweeee said. It's all there, and is part of the reality and acceptance of life. It doesn't always go the way we'd like it to, but that doesn't mean that we give up or that the happiness ends.

As I can't add anything more here, I'd just like to say to Wowwwweeee, that I think that your posts (along with Goody's) are the most insightful and honest pieces I've read, and they are truly touching. Both yourself and Goody have opened my eyes and helped me to grow so much as a person... and for that I must thank you both. Your posts are both brutally truthful, but they also seem to have a calming and rational aspect that makes one really see their situation from a new perspective. Anyway, I just wanted to say that I am very grateful for the presence of both yourself and Goody, and I hope that this poster will find your posts as useful as I have in the past.
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Old 03-22-2005, 01:03 PM   #5
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kdes HB User
Re: How to get over it? Please someone help! Im going crazy!

Hi there all.

First i would like to say THANK YOU SO MUCH to everyone that replied! Thank you evy38, Wowwwweeee, Unicorn430, StormGirl, for your understanding and great support and taking the time to read and reply! It helpt so much!

Uniorn430, im sorry to hear that you went through a bad brake up to! And feel very down. It sounds like you and i went through a similar brake up. I really do understand your pain to! It helps to know that we are not alone! I also feel at times i will never get over it. But im sure you and i can. Ive realized, like others here replied, all we need is time. And believe that we will make it and we will find love again. I wish you all the best! Please feel free to post your feelings here to. Like you said we here to help each other! We will have our on and off days. I send you (hugs) to.

Please if theres others and the ones that replied, has more tips on how to get over brakes and advice. That will be so wonderful and greatly appreciated.

Thank you again to everyone!

 
Old 03-22-2005, 01:24 PM   #6
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Sugar64 HB User
Re: How to get over it? Please someone help! Im going crazy!

Hi there,
First, I'm sorry you're still feeling so bad. I read your other post too, and trust me it will take time. I think someone else posted that you could've been dealing with a divorce down the road...well, that's very true. I'm going through a divorce myself right now, after being married for almost 20 years. I had a lot of the same thoughts and emotions as you....how could things change, how could this person do such a thing to me, how can they act so differently towards me now...it's a whole gamut of emotions, and you feel like you're never going to get past it. Plus, if you have GAD and/or depression, yes I do believe it makes this situation harder for you. I have GAD and developed depression when this started happening to me. Do consider counseling and meds, both can help you deal with this. You WILL be fine, you WILL get through this. I know for myself, dealing with a long marriage ending, that I will be fine, and find love again, after days of feeling like I was going to die, or that I was going crazy. You WILL survive this.

 
Old 03-22-2005, 01:57 PM   #7
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kdes HB User
Re: How to get over it? Please someone help! Im going crazy!

THANK YOU so much suger64 for your reply!

Im sorry to hear that you are going through a divorce. It must be very tough and hard for you. You WILL be fine you WILL get through this! I know how GAD feels like and you WILL get through that to and you WILL find love again. I read that lots of exercise, calming music and meditation and i think finding things you enjoy doing for your self can help fight kinds of anxiety.

I wish you all the best!

 
Old 03-23-2005, 06:15 AM   #8
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Cool Re: How to get over it? Please someone help! Im going crazy!

Good Morning Kdes,

I saw your remark on another post, stating that my reply to you on here was helpful. I'm glad that you were able to take something from it and find comfort.

I hope this finds you doing well.

Take care.

 
Old 03-25-2005, 03:20 PM   #9
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SylAlien HB User
Re: How to get over it? Please someone help! Im going crazy!

I FEEL FOR YOU DUDE MY G/F OF A YEAR AND A HALF BROKE UP WITH ME , I AM SO MISERABEL I MISS HER SO MUCH SHE TRYS TO BE LIEK NOTHING BOTHERS HER AND SHE GOES TO PARTIES EVERY NGITH AND GETS DRUNK WITH HER FRIENDS, AND IM MAD DEPRESSED SHE SCARED TO SHOW HER FEELINGS TO HER FRIENDS . I REALLY WISH I CAN TALK TO HER SHE WOTN ANSWER MY PHONE CALLS WHEN SHE DOES SHE JUST HAS PEOPEL ANSWER FOR EHR AND MAKE FUN OF ME. IM MISERABLE, WHY IS IT SO HARD TO FERGET ABOTU ALL THE MEMORIES AND THE GOOD TIMES AND WHAT YO ULOVE ABOUT THEM, I ALMOST STARTING CRYIGN READING YOUR POST CUZ IM IN THE SAME SITUATION

Last edited by SylAlien; 03-25-2005 at 03:24 PM.

 
Old 06-15-2010, 05:04 PM   #10
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Re: How to get over it? Please someone help! Im going crazy!

It may be useful to base your thinking on thoughts that build your self esteem ie: "I love myself and only someone who truly loves me deserves all the love I have to give" or "I love myself and deserve to be very happy therefore I do not waste my time thinking about someone who doesn't love me too". "I love myself and therefore do not hang on to someone who would laugh at me, I am better than that!" Think empowering thoughts! Your emotions are controlled by your thoughts so think things that will help you feel great about yourself and be aware of thoughts coming in that make you feel depressed or which create excuses to keep hanging on and being weak and wash them away with new more empowering, positive thoughts.
If you do this you will be amazed by the transformation. It isn't about her it is about you. This is an opportunity for you to develop a new level of inner strength and self love. Good Luck!

 
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