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Old 04-02-2005, 04:16 PM   #1
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kdes HB User
Unhappy I realized why she lost her feelings for me and broke up with me. I feel regret.

Hi.

Please someone take the time to read this, and thank you

I dated this girl for around 3 years. Then out of no where she broke up with me saying she has lost her feelings for me and does not love me anymore.

The brake up was around 2 months ago.

And in the 2 months almost every day, i have asked my self how and why did she loose her feelings for me.

Then today i have realized. That its maybe because i suffer from depression and maybe G.A.D.(anxiety disorder) and insecurity. Which got bad in the last year of our relationship. And maybe because of thoughs 3 things. I was always stressed and worried if things will be ok with us. Almost all of the times that i spoke to her in the last year. I spoke about a problem between us and her parents i was stressed and worried about things all the time.

So i believe the reason that she lost her feelings for me is because, i was a emotional mess. And was not confident enough.

At the time i did my best for her and us, but now i realized what was wrong with me. And what i believe, how she lost her feelings.

No one wants to be with someone that has emotional problems.

Now the thing is, that now i know were i went wrong, and i feel alot of regret. Regret that i was an emotional wreck. Now i know what i could have done, to maybe have stopped her from loosing her feelings. I wish with all my heart that i controlled my emotions better and was more confident and was more secure, if i did/was like that maybe we would have been together still. I feel regret that i did not do that!!

Now all is lost, and i still love her to bits. And she does not even want to know me.

How does one deal with regret?

Thank you.

Last edited by kdes; 04-02-2005 at 04:31 PM.

 
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Old 04-02-2005, 04:21 PM   #2
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Re: I realized why she lost her feelings for me and broke up with me. I feel regret.

Regret, probably the saddest word in the English language. If someone could bottle a way to deal with it, they'd make a million bucks. But I believe everything is a learning experience, even the bad stuff. You learned a big lesson that I have to believe you wouldn't have learned if you were never to have another chance to apply it. You can use this new self knowledge to do better in your next relationship, and in the meantime, to enrich your relationships with friends and family. Hang tough, not all is lost. You're getting smarter and stronger every day, you'll have the chance to use it all soon.

 
Old 04-02-2005, 04:27 PM   #3
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Re: I realized why she lost her feelings for me and broke up with me. I feel regret.

Nini's right. And perhaps this is a time that you can work on those emotional issues you have in terms of depression & anxiety. You now have the time to do so and in order to be successful in the next relationship you should work on yourself in terms of being more secure emotionally. It is a big step for you to have come to this realization in the first place.....now it's time you do something about it. Good luck.....Goody

 
Old 04-02-2005, 04:44 PM   #4
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Re: I realized why she lost her feelings for me and broke up with me. I feel regret.

yeah thats a hard one. I got the same feeling at mo. and not sure how to move on, i try to say to myself that thing happen for a reason but that only last for a few min and, i start all over again.

if you suffer from depression and so on. she should have help you to get better. not leave you. (sickness and in health)

sometime thing just not meant to be (but i know it does not feel like this)

if you feel still strong about her and want to be with her, maybe you should have a chat with her and tell her what you just sayed on the broad...


good luck xx
sorry was not much help...

 
Old 04-03-2005, 12:39 AM   #5
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Re: I realized why she lost her feelings for me and broke up with me. I feel regret.

days get betetr man, when my g/f broke up with me i was still depressed like 5 motnhs after but now im fine, dont really care about her and stuff time will ease the pain . i know how bad having your heart broken is it happend to me twice by the same girl. youll have your bad ngihts and good nights. chill with your good friends mand to ease the pain thats ow i got beter friends are always the best

 
Old 04-03-2005, 04:10 AM   #6
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Re: I realized why she lost her feelings for me and broke up with me. I feel regret.

The way to get over regret is to stop blaming yourself for what happened. Every ended relationship has two failed partners at heart. You are not at all responsible for what went wrong because you did the best you could at the time. Sometimes external circumstances and timing conspire to cause obstacles for a couple, but the strong and mature couples are able to overcome anything because they live and work as a team, a partnership. Very few relationships that happen between young people who lack much romantic experiences last...yes, everyone thinks that their first love will the one exception to this general statement. There are some exceptions, but usually a solid, happy, and stable bond requires wisdom and insight that only comes from maturity and life experience. I am sorry that figuring out a possible reason for the breakup seems to have caused you more pain or maybe given you false hope, but unfortunately it really sounds like it's over in her mind. But remember that if someone doesn't want to be with you, then they obviously weren't right for you because they didn't love you through thick and thin like you deserve to be loved? And for people who are looking to settle down soon, identifying and dismissing someone who is not a good potential long-term match for you is a good move that will allow you to move on and keep your options open and alive .

 
Old 04-03-2005, 01:26 PM   #7
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kdes HB User
Re: I realized why she lost her feelings for me and broke up with me. I feel regret.

Thank you so much to all that replyed! It really has helped!

There are really good points.

Thank you again!

 
Old 04-03-2005, 01:51 PM   #8
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Talking Re: I realized why she lost her feelings for me and broke up with me. I feel regret.

i am going thru the same thing just different facts same feelings as u though. i think that in order to get the best out of life u have to love yourself. thru the good and the bad and if u do that then u don't have to rely on any1 else to ease that and since ive never heard of an actual mind reader only u know what u have to do to love yourself. deal with the problems that got u into an emotional wreck. stop carring them around with u accept that everything isn't in your hands and roll with it better. accept the things of ur past and know that the good times and the bad times mold u for who u r and love that person even when u r being a wreck. i started a journal b/c my problem with my x was that i just griped too much and i didn't know when to stop. so mow if i think of a question or start to worry i write it down and come up with a solution. it may not work and some things just aren't fixable but i think that the sooner u take care of you the sooner she will see it and remember who she fell in love with in the first place and if it is in the stars for u two to be together then she'll come around when u least expect it. and if she doesn't then some one else will appreciate you for u even when u r not loveable. u have to stop dwelling on her and start living again isn't the reason she left you because u were no fun? then be fun and not for her u have to do it for u or it doesn't get done correctly. hope this helps im not a md or anything so i try not to give advise but this is just what i am trying to do since my similar breakup and i'm feeling better so far.

 
Old 04-03-2005, 03:13 PM   #9
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Wink Re: I realized why she lost her feelings for me and broke up with me. I feel regret.

Honey, your story echos one of my past relationships. I too was suffering from depression and beat myself up about whether this was a contributing factor as to why this man I was totally in love with dumped me in the most humiliating way. That was 2 years ago, since then I have been through the mill with my depression and have wasted a lot of time thinking about him. I realise this was a total waste of time, he's not thinking about me, but what I did do is write a poetry book about being dumped. Here's a piece for you, I hope it helps: Mending a broken heart requires:
patience
tolerance
resilience
self restraint
and dignity......
Nothing YOU can't manage.

It hurts, it will, but even the biggest scabbiest bloodiest wounds heal. Go out and live YOUR life, she's living hers. Have fun!! God bless.

 
Old 04-03-2005, 03:46 PM   #10
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Re: I realized why she lost her feelings for me and broke up with me. I feel regret.

And please trust me when I tell you that there is someone out there for you.
My husband married me even after I explained that I had Bipolar Disorder (under control) and wasn't going to be having any babies (med conflicts, genetics).

It's been 15 years and he has been a rock. The right person makes all the difference in the world - please don't waste any more time thinking about someone who bails when the going gets tough!!!

 
Old 04-04-2005, 03:41 PM   #11
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kdes HB User
Re: I realized why she lost her feelings for me and broke up with me. I feel regret.

Thank you kimber137, mrs mipsy, ruth6.11. For your replys!

The points that are mentioned, help so much!

Ive been trying to go on a date with this other girl. I asked her twice to go out. But both times there were excuses, but at the same time she keeps it open by saying we can try another time. I dont know what to think of that. I dont know if she is maybe trying to hint that shes not interested, but then again she says things like, "i would really like that" but she cant make it. I dont understand?

Its so hard to try go out with another girl after a brake up.

Thank you again for your replys it helps!

 
Old 04-04-2005, 05:11 PM   #12
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Re: I realized why she lost her feelings for me and broke up with me. I feel regret.

Kdes ... we are in the exact and i mean exact same boat my friend. My girlfriend of three years left me two months ago because I too was depressed and suffer from anxiety. As a result of my disorders I had a hard time keeping a job and it led us to financial problems in which she up and left. I talked ot her last night to find out she is with another guy and claims to not feel the same about me anymore.

So I bring two points od interest to you my friend.


If our love was meant to be, if it was true, and wholesome, our girlfriends would have stuck by us through our hard times like we would have done for them. Think about that.

The second is we both identified what we did wrong, and now we are able to prevent it from happening again in our next relationship.

I wish you the best my friend. These are hard times for the both of us, however we'll get through it together.

S

 
Old 04-05-2005, 01:57 PM   #13
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kdes HB User
Re: I realized why she lost her feelings for me and broke up with me. I feel regret.

Whats up s mckenna

Wow man we are really close to being in the same boat. Its so similar. While i was dealing with depression and anxiety which got really bad in the last year of the relationship i had. My ex girlfriend also could see im not working properly, its studying not really work, but you can kind of call it work. She said she was wasting my time. But im almost sure she left cause of the depression and anxiety. The other thing I had was that her parents did not except me which also played a part.

The 2 points that you mentioned are really true, if they really did love us they would have stayed with us with the problems, like we would have done for them. "thick and thin". And its true we both learnt and now we know for our next relationship.

Its good to know im not the only one thats going through kind of the same thing.

I wish you the best to man! And thank you for your reply!

 
Old 04-05-2005, 02:15 PM   #14
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Re: I realized why she lost her feelings for me and broke up with me. I feel regret.

People change, do not blame yourself. She loved you with those problems maybe she has just changed. Regret is normal, you are experiencing loss we all go through it. Sounds like you need to relax and meditate, and excercise.
Meditation not the hokey kind I mean time with relaxing music and you focus on the day you had, work, family, friends, how to make the next day better. Start with like a half hour a night and see if it helps.
Excercise will help with stress, anxiety, and confidence. All in all you sound like a good guy that is pretty smart, you are looking for a mistake you might have made to not repeat it. You might want to look into a supplement called 5-HTP I took it after my break up and it seemed to take the edge off.

 
Old 04-05-2005, 02:50 PM   #15
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kdes HB User
Re: I realized why she lost her feelings for me and broke up with me. I feel regret.

Thank you stillhope1. Thoughs all sound like really wonderfull ideas and ill try 5-HTP thank you so much!

 
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