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Old 04-13-2005, 01:50 PM   #1
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kdes HB User
Unhappy After around 2 months i found out why she broke up with me! For a 41 year old!

Hi

Please someone help!

I posted my story awhile back, but...

I fininly found out out why my ex broke up with me! Im so shoked i cant believe it!

I dated this girl for 2 years and waited for her, for a year cause of her parents. So after the 3 years she broke up with me out of no where! Saying she has lost her feelings for me and does not love me anymore.

So today i had the biggiest shoke of my life! Today i spoke to my ex girlfriends aunt, she said she has found out why my ex broke up with me. She found out that my ex is dating a 41 year old man!!!! My ex is only 18 years old close to 19! Her aunt said she has been seeing this man for about 3 months! That means my ex was cheating on me for about a month with this 41 year old! I CANT BELIEVE THIS!

I did my VERY best for that girl, i did everything i could do for her!! And that is what she went and did!

Im so shoken up!

I cant believe i was broken up with for a 41 year old! I am 21 years old. What makes this man better than me?

Please the people that knows my story and helped me so for, what do i do??

I feel im back at stage one i feel totaly broken! I feel im loosing it. I was just getting over her and now this!

Please what do i do?

Thank you so much.

 
Old 04-13-2005, 02:08 PM   #2
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Re: After around 2 months i found out why she broke up with me! For a 41 year old!

I do know what it's like to have someone break up with you after you've tried to love them the best way you know how, and then to just feel like you're getting over it when you find out that the person they ended up with was so not the person you expected they would be with or the person they said they wanted or would ever look for. I know it hurts like very few things hurt.

All I can tell you is, love is random and strange, and hardly ever makes sense. The thing we have to try to remember is that we can't control what other people do. She chose someone else and not you. It doesn't have to make sense. I have no idea why my ex chose a woman who is the exact opposite of the kind of woman he told me he was leaving me to find. It doesn't make any sense. But she just did it for him in a way I just didn't. It's been hard work trying not to take it personally and not let it make me see myself as inadequate or seriously lacking or unworthy. The thing I've been trying to focus on is that for whatever reason, sometimes it just doesn't work out, it just wasn't meant to be. Even in my heart I can't understand why I had and still have such strong feelings if it wasn't meant to be, but it's just something I have to work through. People make their choices about who they want to be with and it doesn't have to make sense. But it doesn't mean you're less than this other guy. It's only natural to ask "what does he have that I don't," but we all are unique, and we all bring something unique and different to the table. Remember, you have things this guy doesn't have. You just haven't me the right girl to appreciate them yet. Just think, there may be a girl hiding in a corner of your life now, a neighbor, a classmate or co-worker, a friend of a friend, who is secretly wondering to herself "why does he keep wasting his heart on this girl when I would do anything for him?" Give yourself some time, focus on the good things in your life right now, and remember, this girl just cleared the way for the right girl who will treat you right.

 
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Old 04-13-2005, 02:48 PM   #3
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edved2001 HB User
Re: After around 2 months i found out why she broke up with me! For a 41 year old!

Hi kdes,
I'm sorry you're going through this. Life can seem cruel at times, but as much as death is a part of life, heartbreak is a part of love.
I feel for you, I recently discovered something similar with my GF of 3 years, and man, it hurts sooo bad.
I remember your other post. It sounds to me like her parents have a LOT of control over her. Maybe this was a way for her to really rebel. She won't live happily ever after with this man. It just won't work and she'll have to face her mistakes and then she'll understand the pain that she put you through. It sounds like she's setting herself up for a devastating life lesson. That's what you need to look at this relationship as.... a lesson in life. You're a young man, you really are; and I know that's hard to understand right now, but you have your entire life ahead of you. You have many wonderful days, plenty of time to experience love again, and you may very well experience more heartbreak as well. It's all a part of living. You can't plan life because it NEVER works out as planned. So just try to accept this episode for what it is... just a small chapter in the great novel of your life.
Trust me kdes, my books much bigger than yours right now
As hard as it is not to blame yourself, try not too. All you can do is your very best and i'm sure you did. Even if you'd have done things differently, she'd have probable done this, so it wasn't your fault. That's hard to accept, but it's also the truth.
You wondered why she left you, now you know. Sometimes the truth is more difficult to accept. Just try to move past this and be happy that you shared some good memories with her. Now, it's time to move on a create new ones. Hang in there, bro. I know it's tough, but you'll get over this and you'll be a stronger person because of it.

 
Old 04-13-2005, 05:01 PM   #4
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kdes HB User
Re: After around 2 months i found out why she broke up with me! For a 41 year old!

Thank you Ninispjc and edved2001 for your replys. They make so mauch sence and have really good points. They have helpt so much!

It so hard to believe, i found that most people on this board seem to give there best in relationships but the other does not. Why is that? It always seem that only one person in a relationship does all the work.

I really cant believe this. Cant my ex see that the chances of her dating this guy will not work out. I wish i could help her but i know i cant.

Also what else happened today. Was i went to a friend, and her and i tried to phone my ex and we also text messaged her. I know it was silly and a mistake to do so. But i was so angry.

But what happened was my ex text message me back saying wierd things, like "at least he has style and grace and a life so get one to" And "i rather be a old mans darling than a young mans slave"

Thoughs things really hurt, its hurts to know she thinks he is better than me and that she thinks i treated her like a slave. But i never treated her as a slave.

Its all messed up.

I feel i dont have the ability to trust or love a girl ever again.

Thank you agian for replying.

 
Old 04-13-2005, 05:13 PM   #5
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edved2001 HB User
Re: After around 2 months i found out why she broke up with me! For a 41 year old!

kdes,
He's most likely just spoiling her. He's 41, so he's probably got a decent job and showering her with gifts that a young man of your age most likely can't afford right now. She's a user and he's a manipulater. She was probably just trying to defend her decision to you with those comments. Like I said earlier, she'll learn her lesson and trust me, she's gonna learn the hard way. Dude, he's 41, I guarantee he's got alot of baggage. Let her learn her lesson, but you do your best to carry on with your own life. You just need some time to heal. You'll get over this and yes, you will love again.

 
Old 04-13-2005, 05:25 PM   #6
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Re: After around 2 months i found out why she broke up with me! For a 41 year old!

Kdes,

You are way too good for this girl. She seems to have a lot of issues, or at least I assume so because I can't imagine an 18 year old girl being interested in someone who's probably older than her dad otherwise. I really think you need to stop fixating on her and worrying about her--it shows that you're a great guy by being concerned and wanting to help, but after the way she treated you, she just doesn't deserve your support and consideration. Also, please stop contacting her in any way. All you're doing is flattering her ego and giving her a chance to be rude and mean to you--it's really just torturing yourself, and the longer you wait to cut off all contact with her, the longer it will take you to get past the pain of losing her and move on with your life. This girl just isn't worthy of any more of your time or energy, and the sooner you accept that and act accordingly, the better off you'll be. You have so much to offer another girl, who you will find when you're ready, and this girl clearly wasn't right for you anyway if she can treat you so harshly. I don't know what her problem is, but you really shouldn't give her any more opportunities to insult you and hurt your feelings. Hang in there and please try to focus as much as possible on friends, school, family, hobbies, etc...pretty much anything but her! The less you dwell on the breakup and the more effort you make to keep busy and move on, the sooner you'll start feeling better. I hope that happens very soon and that everything works out well for you...remember to hang in there and just get through one day at a time; it will get easier in time if you can manage to cut off all communication with your ex. Good luck and take care of yourself in the meantime .

 
Old 04-13-2005, 06:09 PM   #7
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kdes HB User
Re: After around 2 months i found out why she broke up with me! For a 41 year old!

Thank you edved2001 and snails for your reply! It always helps so much! Its true i think she will learn and ill have to cut off all contact with her as i can to help heal.

I just wish i did not become dependent on her i think that was another resin why she left me for that man. She saw i was dependent on her. And maybe because of that she lost her feelings for me. I wish with all my heart that i did not become dependent on her, only if i was more and showed more confidence then maybe she would have stayed.

 
Old 04-13-2005, 07:30 PM   #8
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TAH321 HB User
Re: After around 2 months i found out why she broke up with me! For a 41 year old!

Hey Kdes,

Sorry to hear about the bad news you have gotten, I feel for you man!

I know how devestating it can make you feel and how it's thrown you back to where you started from, the day she walked away. Even though you probably tried to fight the feeling, you always tended to believe that you 2 would get back together and everything would be fine. And with her being together with a new guy, crushes you, b/c that sealed the deal of you 2 ever working things out. It's only been 2 months since you guys broke up after dating for 3 years...The pain and heartache is still going to be there, and might be there for a long time. The only one who can truly let go and move on is yourself. Do me a favor...from this day forward, stop all contact with her and her family. The more you get away from her "side", the more you will be able to get up off the floor and heal! Healing a broken heart is an uphill battle and requires time...Don't let what she does keep knocking you back down!

With her being with a 41 yr. old, is pretty disgusting! Do you honestly think anything long term can happen with them...I would sure hope not. She is just degrading herself and personally, I think she is really immature. Have you ever seen the movie "Big Daddy"...well this situation kind of reminds me of a scene from the movie and I just searched and found the quote from it. If you haven't seen it, to make a long story short, Adam Sandler's g/f breaks the news that she is no longer in love with him and is going to pursue a guy who is way older than her...I don't remember if they mentioned the ages, but the guy had to be about 30 years or so older than her. Sandler got pretty ticked off about the whole situation and this what he said, "Hey, you just made the biggest mistake of your life, baby. I know you're gonna be missin' me when you got that big white wrinkly body on top of you with his loose skin and old balls. Gross!"...sorry I'm just trying to make light of the situation!

You found out everything you needed to know...the question that lingered in your mind is now answered. Try not to fall back...keep that head up and look towards the positive things in your life. It's kind of strange how we wrap ourselves so deeply inside of relationships, that we forget about eveything else in the world...and when the relationship is over, it seems like we are left with nothing.

 
Old 04-13-2005, 08:12 PM   #9
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edved2001 HB User
Re: After around 2 months i found out why she broke up with me! For a 41 year old!

Quote:
Originally Posted by TAH321

It's kind of strange how we wrap ourselves so deeply inside of relationships, that we forget about eveything else in the world...and when the relationship is over, it seems like we are left with nothing.
Wow!!! That is perfect!!! That pretty much sums up my feelings as of right now.

 
Old 04-13-2005, 11:05 PM   #10
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Snails HB UserSnails HB User
Re: After around 2 months i found out why she broke up with me! For a 41 year old!

Quote:
Originally Posted by kdes
I just wish i did not become dependent on her i think that was another resin why she left me for that man. She saw i was dependent on her. And maybe because of that she lost her feelings for me. I wish with all my heart that i did not become dependent on her, only if i was more and showed more confidence then maybe she would have stayed.
You've learned a very important lesson from this, which is that neediness and dependence are the least attractive qualities a person can possess. I hope you got a chance to read the recent thread on dependence and confidence--it's very true and helpful information to keep in mind. Good luck...try to focus on the positive, such as the experience and lessons you've learned from being with her and all the annoying and hurtful things about dealing with her that are no longer your problem. I'm sure you will get over this in time, especially if you keep busy with other people and try not to dwell on her or talk to her.

 
Old 04-14-2005, 03:57 AM   #11
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GirlHarley HB User
Re: After around 2 months i found out why she broke up with me! For a 41 year old!

Not to downplay your hurting...You will be able to move on without this girl.

You asked what is she doing with a 41 year old man...

What is a 41 year old man (old enough to be her father) doing with an 18 year old girl?

Your ex may be attracted to his age, his knowledge, his money....
and WHAT is this 41 yr old attracted to? Reliving his youth with an 18 year old woman and possible sex....

Can you imagine seeing the two together out in public? GROSS!

Try not to focus on how she left you or who she is now with - she may be happy in the moment - but she is going to miss her friends or guys or even YOU that are closer to her age.....She isn't even old enough to drink or go into a club...HELLO

Go.......hang out with your friends and have a good time..Your ex will see what hanging with a 41 year old is like within no time.

 
Old 04-14-2005, 05:18 AM   #12
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kdes HB User
Re: After around 2 months i found out why she broke up with me! For a 41 year old!

Thank you so much guys for replying. Thank you TAH321 "big daddy sounds like a good movie to go see. I think i saw it awhile ago but i think i should go see it again. Sounds perfect for this. Thanks for that.

Its true that i learnt a very important lesson that i was way to needy and depenended on her. Its the truth and it really hurts. I wish so much that i was not like that with her and things maybe would have been better. But at least i know for next time. I hope there will be a next time. Thank you snails for your replys it makes sence.

Thank you GirlHarley for your reply Its true the thought of seeing them in public is gross. I dont think it will last. The thought of her being with a 41 year old is really disgusting. I cant believe she turned out like this.

Her parents near the end, did have a problem with me. I cant imagine what they think of this. (If they even know).

Its wierd the girl i used to know would have never gone and did this. Im sure she has changed. Or maybe she did not change maybe the real her only came out.

What i also think is that maybe what could have happened was the stress of seeing me and the problem with her parents got to her. And the next guy (who happened to be this 41 year old) showed interest in her, so she went for it just to get out, a scape goat.

Thank you for all your support!

 
Old 04-14-2005, 05:45 AM   #13
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Hoop HB UserHoop HB User
Re: After around 2 months i found out why she broke up with me! For a 41 year old!

Iím sorry to hear you got dumped. It sometimes happens to the best of us it seems, but thatís life.

I donít think she dumped you out of nowhere. It may seem that way, but it actually built up and happened over time.

What is so shocking about her dating an older guy? You may not agree with it, but do you think he is taking advantage of her or she of him? That may be possible, but that is not necessarily always the case. Age difference is not a prerequisite in being able to take advantage of someone.

Maybe she cheated on you by going out with this guy for over a month while you were together. Believe it, it happens, unfortunately. You just have to deal with it.

When you say you did the VERY best for her and you did everything for her, you make it sound like she is obligated to you. It sounds possessive. I can see where the ďslaveĒ response comment comes from, even though it is just a figure of speech.

The guy she is seeing now may be 41 years old, but he is not any better than you. However, it is obvious to me, by reading her text response to your original text message to her, he is treating her better than you did.

I donít think her text response was weird at all. You provoked it. It was a response to your original message to her, which you failed to post. You only posted her response and I canít fully evaluate it by itself without reading the entire context.

As for the age difference, well it may not work out in the long run, but do you really know how serious their relationship is to begin with? She is very young and in time she may lose interest in him much like she lost interest in you or vice versa. That doesnít make her a bad person, in my book.

One positive thing she will gain out of this experience of dating an older man, however it all turns out for her, is that she now knows how she wants a man to treat her. I donít know your whole story, but you might want to use this experience as a lesson on how to better treat your next girlfriend. It seems you may need some work or help in this area of a relationship.

You are only 21. You still have a lot of time to find another girlfriend.

Mike may disagree with me on that one though!

At 18 years old I do agree and think she is a bit young for him.
I am 49 and she would be way too young for me.

Thatís why I only go for 19 year olds and older. LOLÖLOL


WHOOP! (There it is!) LOL

 
Old 04-14-2005, 07:27 AM   #14
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kdes HB User
Re: After around 2 months i found out why she broke up with me! For a 41 year old!

Flip man!!!!!!!!!!! That was really harsh!!!!!! What the hell are you doing on this board!!!!!!!!! How can you sit there and say its my fault. If you said you dont know my whole story!!!

Last edited by kdes; 04-14-2005 at 07:38 AM.

 
Old 04-14-2005, 07:29 AM   #15
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GirlHarley HB User
Re: After around 2 months i found out why she broke up with me! For a 41 year old!

Hoop - that was a very good post.

It's true that there may be nothing wrong with a 41 year old man dating a 19 year old - I for one, just couldn't see it if my nieces dating someone 21 years their senior (they are all around the same age as this poster's ex-girlfriend)

When I was 19 years old - if I was attracted to a 41 year old, it would definiety be for his Money

Picture Pat Benatar with Liberace (I'm thinking back to who was hot at that age in my life) or Wayne Newton - LOL

Now, put me with Harrison Ford at his age today and mine (20 years difference I think) I'll take him and HIS MONEY....

 
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