After around 2 months i found out why she broke up with me! For a 41 year old! - Relationship Health Message Board

kdes · 04-13-2005, 02:50 PM

Hi

Please someone help!

I posted my story awhile back, but...

I fininly found out out why my ex broke up with me! Im so shoked i cant believe it!

I dated this girl for 2 years and waited for her, for a year cause of her parents. So after the 3 years she broke up with me out of no where! Saying she has lost her feelings for me and does not love me anymore.

So today i had the biggiest shoke of my life! Today i spoke to my ex girlfriends aunt, she said she has found out why my ex broke up with me. She found out that my ex is dating a 41 year old man!!!! My ex is only 18 years old close to 19! Her aunt said she has been seeing this man for about 3 months! That means my ex was cheating on me for about a month with this 41 year old! I CANT BELIEVE THIS!

I did my VERY best for that girl, i did everything i could do for her!! And that is what she went and did!

Im so shoken up!

I cant believe i was broken up with for a 41 year old! I am 21 years old. What makes this man better than me?

Please the people that knows my story and helped me so for, what do i do??

I feel im back at stage one i feel totaly broken! I feel im loosing it. I was just getting over her and now this!

Please what do i do?

Thank you so much.

Ninispjc · 04-13-2005, 03:08 PM

I do know what it's like to have someone break up with you after you've tried to love them the best way you know how, and then to just feel like you're getting over it when you find out that the person they ended up with was so not the person you expected they would be with or the person they said they wanted or would ever look for. I know it hurts like very few things hurt.

All I can tell you is, love is random and strange, and hardly ever makes sense. The thing we have to try to remember is that we can't control what other people do. She chose someone else and not you. It doesn't have to make sense. I have no idea why my ex chose a woman who is the exact opposite of the kind of woman he told me he was leaving me to find. It doesn't make any sense. But she just did it for him in a way I just didn't. It's been hard work trying not to take it personally and not let it make me see myself as inadequate or seriously lacking or unworthy. The thing I've been trying to focus on is that for whatever reason, sometimes it just doesn't work out, it just wasn't meant to be. Even in my heart I can't understand why I had and still have such strong feelings if it wasn't meant to be, but it's just something I have to work through. People make their choices about who they want to be with and it doesn't have to make sense. But it doesn't mean you're less than this other guy. It's only natural to ask "what does he have that I don't," but we all are unique, and we all bring something unique and different to the table. Remember, you have things this guy doesn't have. You just haven't me the right girl to appreciate them yet. Just think, there may be a girl hiding in a corner of your life now, a neighbor, a classmate or co-worker, a friend of a friend, who is secretly wondering to herself "why does he keep wasting his heart on this girl when I would do anything for him?" Give yourself some time, focus on the good things in your life right now, and remember, this girl just cleared the way for the right girl who will treat you right.

edved2001 · 04-13-2005, 03:48 PM

Hi kdes,
I'm sorry you're going through this. Life can seem cruel at times, but as much as death is a part of life, heartbreak is a part of love.
I feel for you, I recently discovered something similar with my GF of 3 years, and man, it hurts sooo bad.
I remember your other post. It sounds to me like her parents have a LOT of control over her. Maybe this was a way for her to really rebel. She won't live happily ever after with this man. It just won't work and she'll have to face her mistakes and then she'll understand the pain that she put you through. It sounds like she's setting herself up for a devastating life lesson. That's what you need to look at this relationship as.... a lesson in life. You're a young man, you really are; and I know that's hard to understand right now, but you have your entire life ahead of you. You have many wonderful days, plenty of time to experience love again, and you may very well experience more heartbreak as well. It's all a part of living. You can't plan life because it NEVER works out as planned. So just try to accept this episode for what it is... just a small chapter in the great novel of your life.
Trust me kdes, my books much bigger than yours right now

As hard as it is not to blame yourself, try not too. All you can do is your very best and i'm sure you did. Even if you'd have done things differently, she'd have probable done this, so it wasn't your fault. That's hard to accept, but it's also the truth.
You wondered why she left you, now you know. Sometimes the truth is more difficult to accept. Just try to move past this and be happy that you shared some good memories with her. Now, it's time to move on a create new ones. Hang in there, bro. I know it's tough, but you'll get over this and you'll be a stronger person because of it.

kdes · 04-13-2005, 06:01 PM

Thank you Ninispjc and edved2001 for your replys. They make so mauch sence and have really good points. They have helpt so much!

It so hard to believe, i found that most people on this board seem to give there best in relationships but the other does not. Why is that? It always seem that only one person in a relationship does all the work.

I really cant believe this. Cant my ex see that the chances of her dating this guy will not work out. I wish i could help her but i know i cant.

Also what else happened today. Was i went to a friend, and her and i tried to phone my ex and we also text messaged her. I know it was silly and a mistake to do so. But i was so angry.

But what happened was my ex text message me back saying wierd things, like "at least he has style and grace and a life so get one to" And "i rather be a old mans darling than a young mans slave"

Thoughs things really hurt, its hurts to know she thinks he is better than me and that she thinks i treated her like a slave. But i never treated her as a slave.

Its all messed up.

I feel i dont have the ability to trust or love a girl ever again.

Thank you agian for replying.

edved2001 · 04-13-2005, 06:13 PM

kdes,
He's most likely just spoiling her. He's 41, so he's probably got a decent job and showering her with gifts that a young man of your age most likely can't afford right now. She's a user and he's a manipulater. She was probably just trying to defend her decision to you with those comments. Like I said earlier, she'll learn her lesson and trust me, she's gonna learn the hard way. Dude, he's 41, I guarantee he's got alot of baggage. Let her learn her lesson, but you do your best to carry on with your own life. You just need some time to heal. You'll get over this and yes, you will love again.