I've been "talking" with this guy for about 3 months online and he's saying stuff like how he thinks "i'm the one" and how much he cares for me. We've never even met! I think he's just in love with the IDEA of being in love. He's moving too fast for me and i feel like i'm leading him on. He calls me everyday and we talk for about an hour and I don't really feel anything there but he insists on it. I feel stuck. I do like him, but i'm getting the feeling that he's really desperate and it's turning me off a lot. We did have plans to meet in august and i still want to but it's mainly because i don't want to upset him. It makes me uncomfortable because he's always talking about his feelings...something i've never been good at. I want to tell him to slow down but I can just imagine him being devastated by that. Do I just gradually stop talking to him or what? Also, the stigma attached to online dating is probobly playing a role in why i'm hesitant to move things to the next level. I feel a bit desperate myself.
put some time and distance between you. don't talk to him every day. screen your calls. don't meet him just because you don't want to upset him. he sounds like he has some traits of a controlling person. trust your gut.
there is nothing desperate about meeting people on line, I've done it plenty of times. but you sound like you feel obligated, but you're not really that interested in him. you could tell him to slow down a little, you're a little uncomfortable moving that fast with your feelings when you've never met him in person. or you could just end it and tell him you're not that interested anymore.
You said he is hinting that he thinks he is the one for you and then you say "We've never even met!"
That right there is ONE RED FLAG I would be seeing in this online relationship.
The second red flag is that you haven't even met this guy but already you are afraid of "upsetting him, or dissapointing him." I'm just not seeing anything healthy about this.
You also said :
"He calls me everyday and we talk for about an hour and I don't really feel anything there but he insists on it."
Another red flag telling you that this guy isn't the one for you......truly you have not met him, and there is no way he should be saying stuff to you about being the one. I'm sorry. I just think that you are setting yourself up for a lot of problems in the future. Personally I wouldn't even meet the guy in August! Look at the reason you gave for meeting him- you said:
"We did have plans to meet in august and i still want to but it's mainly because i don't want to upset him."
Because you don't want to upset him???? That is no REASON to meet a PERFECT STRANGER that you have only been talking to ONLINE!
To me you have really answered all of your own questions....go with your "gut instinct on this one" I don't think this guy is worth meeting.
Last edited by here4support; 05-11-2005 at 10:13 AM.
Yeah, i know what i need to do but I'm afraid how he'd react and i feel guilty for leading him on for so long because he really seems to like me a lot. I know that statement right there is unhealthy but I'm not sure about anything right now. I do know that he's pushing things way too much. However, I don't know if it's just me being my old self again and I'm deliberately pushing him away. I always do this. The second someone shows interst in me, I get cold feet.
Despite the red flags mentioned..I do have something to say about this. First of all, I think that you know best yourself what your feelings are towards him.
It might not have been too fast for him, but too fast for you. Yes telling him to slow down might hurt him. Best way for you is to have take control over the situation by limiting your contact with him yourself. Don't answer the emails as often, screen the calls. Who knows, you might need to thinking time yourself about your feelings towards him. A good indication is that you "miss" talking to him and start talking more to him by your own will.
Another thing worth mentioning is that internet dating is so very different from real life and you might have problems with the whole concept, so you really have hit a wall and you do not let yourself fall in love with someone because of it. People that haven't met anyone online romantically have no understanding over what it is like and how it is done.
Many times meeting someone online, chatting, emailing, phone etc. Is way more intense than real life dating. Just in 3 months of chatting and emails, you can get to know a person way more than someone you date traditionally for 3 years. Either way, the best answer is within yourself and you just need a little thinking time. You clearly know what he is standing and what feelings he has towards you, question is what you feel. Don't meet him because you would feel bad, that is just leading him on even more. If you are not sure about him, give it more time. Maybe you will fall in love with him before that or maybe you just become indifferent towards him, only time will tell. But at the moment it sounds like he is stressing a response out of you, which might have the opposite effect on you.