I've been married for 12 days. On the wedding night, my husband stayed downstairs in the hotel gambling while I sat in the hotel room in my bridal gown waiting for him. Finally, I cried myself to sleep. My honeymoon was filled with gambling and more gambling. We made love maybe twice. It was so unromantic, I was so dissapointed. I know its my fault, because I married him knowing he wasn't the romantic type. I love my husband, but his lack of romance bothers me. I guess I just thought he would be better during the honeymoon. I'm seeing a doctor Monday because I need antidepressants. I've had bouts of depression, but I can't stop crying since my honeymoon. I feel like nothing has changed and I am as lonely as I was before the marriage. My husband works at night and he is trying to change that because he knows I am lonely. But, he is not in any rush to change it. In fact, despite the fact that I couldn't stop crying because I didn't want to be alone, he went to work and then elected to work two hours of overtime to make up for missing a day when we were on our honeymoon. He is blind to how serious things are with me. He knows I was once in therapy because of this extreme loneliness I feel. I've kept relationships with other men because I don't want to lose them right now. I need them for friendship. I know what I am doing is wrong. It's wrong to string them along. It's wrong for me to keep talking to them when I am married. I work alone and then I am alone at home until he gets off from work. I do have friends, but when I talk to them and hear there familes and children in the background it makes me more lonely. I just want a family of my own, I guess. 12 days and I am looking for marriage counseling. I love him, but I'm not sure I will be satisfied with him being so unromantic and not having much passion. I think the thing that really scares me is the loneliness and lack of passion is going to lead me to cheat on him. I admit even now I am thinking that having a date some nights with a male friend would be ok as long as there is no kissing or touching. I just don't know if I could leave it at that.
Why in the world did you marry this man? I am just curious. How long were you dating before marriage? Is this lack of passion a new thing since the wedding, or was he always like this? I'm afraid you might have married a man who's completely wrong for you, and as a result, you are feeling even more lonely than before. I am so sorry you're going through this, but I can't understand why you married him. Can you elaborate on your reasons, please?
Do you love him?you have just got married. surely shouldnt this be the happiest time of your life?
You have to sit him down and talk things through. MAKE him understand what you are going through.
you definately need counselling- you MUST go. itll help so much.
after a few sessions perhaps invite him to the sessions?
tell us more about the sort of person he is- describe what you love about him, why you married him, did you think things would change once you had married him?
you cant change anyone. only yourself, you need to help yourself. get yourself out of this mess. you deserve so much more.
goodluck please keep us posted.
I just posted a string that I just found out my husband cheated on me!
And when I read your post, you sound like my husband! I have been very unaffectionate since our wedding day and we barely have sex (maybe once a month). He pleads to me all the time that he needs and yearns for my affection and I just keep saying I'll try harder.
But 4 days ago I found out that he's been having relations with another woman for almost 2 years! And...he says there is no excuse for what he did but he was so lonely and enjoyed that someone liked him.
I know his reasons on doing it but he is married and that's NO EXCUSE.
If you feel the desire to cheat, GET OUT of the marriage first...it's the right thing to do. You can't have your cake and eat it too!
Why in the world did you marry this man? I am just curious. How long were you dating before marriage? Is this lack of passion a new thing since the wedding, or was he always like this? I'm afraid you might have married a man who's completely wrong for you, and as a result, you are feeling even more lonely than before. I am so sorry you're going through this, but I can't understand why you married him. Can you elaborate on your reasons, please?
I married him because I love him. Because I never met a man who tried so much to please me. Because he has a wonderful sense of humour and we have a lot of the same goals. I had the passionate love affairs and they never seemed to work out. I'm 38 and I was looking more for love, companionship and friendship. I just realize I miss the passion also. He has always had a lack of passion and had a low sex drive. I even contemplated whether I could live with that and decided I could to marry a good man. If I was 20, I may not have done it, but would have continued to look for someone that had it all, but at 38, I guess I thought I was being more "sensible."
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