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Women like jerks? Psychology or Mythology?

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Old 06-01-2005, 07:40 PM   #1
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Women like jerks? Psychology or Mythology?

From my experience, this is what women like.

1. A man who has a strong sense of his identity, is not afraid to show it, and is not ashamed of it.

2. A man who lives outside of the box.

3. A man who is independent, more so in terms that a guy isn't afraid to have a curve thrown at them.

Now, in my conclusion, it really isn't that women like jerks. However, it seems that many jerks fit the above criteria while nice, deserving guys don't. I have known plenty of attractive women who have had a thing for me, and while I fit the above criteria, and I far from being a jerk. I am crude, unorthodox, and non-conformal, but I am always hearing how others say how nice, smart, and funny I am at the same time.

What do you think?

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Old 06-01-2005, 07:50 PM   #2
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Re: Women like jerks? Psychology or Mythology?

Well I think it depends on the woman, and the timing. When I was younger, I liked guys who were "wilder" which often meant they weren't that nice. It was more exciting. Some of them were jerks, actually most of them. I didnt' really set out saying, wow that guy looks like a jerk I'm gonna go out with him, it just worked out that way. I find alot of times too, that men who are really really good looking, or popular or whatever, the things I looked for when I was younger, can be kind of cocky and what not.
But as I got older, probably about 20, I realized how stupid it was to only date a guy because of those reasons. The last three bf's I had (well the last one is my husband) were not drop dead gorgeous, nor were they the most popular, but they were NICE, and they were good to me, and respected me and what not. And I realized that that was WAY more important than the other stuff.
A strong sense of idenity is one thing, being over confident about yourself is another.
Living outside the box, I'm not exactly sure what level of that you mean. Depending on the person, that could be not wearing shoes in the rain, or it could be radical beliefs and wild actions.
Indepence is ok, but it is important for me to know that I am also needed. People really cannot survive alone. Whether people admit it or not, we all need love and acceptance, that doesnt' mean we will get it, but we all do need it. Humans are "pack animals" and not meant to be solitary.
I like that my husband is indepent of me in that he has his own work and hobbies, but that he depends on me for love, emotional support, dinner, laundry, what not.
Having a curve thrown at you, I don't think really has to do with indepence, it has to do with a person's abitly to cope, and yes taht it is important.

Old 06-01-2005, 09:52 PM   #3
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Re: Women like jerks? Psychology or Mythology?

I don't know.

I'm 21 soon, and I still have yet to be in a serious relationship. I've been dating a lot for the past year, but I only end up getting hurt and backstabbed.

I consider myself a "nice guy" and I've been told that I'm a great person, and I feel as if I am, but from what I've seen also is a lot like you said, most girls want "jerks"

I've pretty much given up on women in general. If I'm going to be alone, I don't care. It's not worth all the trouble.

Women don't respect "nice men" anymore.

Old 06-02-2005, 03:19 AM   #4
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Re: Women like jerks? Psychology or Mythology?

Yep Women like 'jerks', they never go for the guys who they should be going for.

Old 06-02-2005, 04:07 AM   #5
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Re: Women like jerks? Psychology or Mythology?

women do repsect nice guys! where are you nice guys???
ive been hurt so much in the past, if only i could tell you about it!
ive learnt from my mistakes of going for bad boys. but these guys who hurt me werent bad boys they were the innocent guys who everyone likes, you know the sort.
ive just learnt to be careful.
love takes time.

Old 06-02-2005, 05:17 AM   #6
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Re: Women like jerks? Psychology or Mythology?

human beings, both men and women, are generally speaking messed up. they rarely do what is in their best interest.

women go for those "jerk" males in the same way that men go for the "hour glass figure" chic. its simple biology. Women are attracted to alpha males (ie. leader of the pack types) regardless of their morality or whether they are "jerks". They are hardwired to look for a protector in their male mate. Nice guys often come across like Charlie Brown's, wishy washy, timid, etc. I mean, a guy like Einstein changed the world and was one of the few true geniuses in human history, and even with all that i bet most chics wouldnt give him the romantic time of day.

Add to this that most women don't really know how to flirt with this type of guy because instead of getting signals of interest back the guy often gets nervous and seems to clam up (which they take as a "not interested" sign.) Where as the jerks know how to flirt back (little does the woman know that they see her as nothing more than a piece of meat they want to eat.)

but ultimately it comes down to basic evolutionary biology. Women want a strong smart successful man first, then they want a caring sensivitve funny man second. i mean, women also like tall men versus short men, handsome versus ugly, and yes, arrogant cocky aggressive over kind sensitive and caring. its all biologically driven.

now some women don't think this way, but usually thats because they've been burned so many times by the jerks that they are willing to give the nice guys a chance.

my advice to nice guys, accept that people are messed up (including women) and that being a nice guy is its own reward. Women have and always will go for the jerks, because the alpha males are often jerks. But instead of letting that get to you, realize that most of those women are throwing away their years with a guy who will never care about them, likely cheat on them numerous times, and in the long run make them feel like they are worth nothing. Shes the one who losses out in the long run, not you.

keep your eyes peel for the woman whose evolved beyond her biological instincts and is looking for a genuine nice guy. if you get lucky you'll have a great future ahead of you with her.


Old 06-02-2005, 05:40 AM   #7
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Re: Women like jerks? Psychology or Mythology?

Women are often attracted to men that are similar to the important men in their lives when they were growing up. If your father treated you badly you're more likely to be attracted to the same type of men as an adult. If your father was an alcoholic you're more likely to be attracted to an alcoholic as an adult. Since most men in the past haven't always played an important part in their children's lives women as adults might be more attracted to distant men like their fathers. It kind of sound pretty simple but it might be true. You learn how to be in relationships by your parents. It should give men a motivation to have close relationships with their children.

Old 06-02-2005, 08:25 AM   #8
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Re: Women like jerks? Psychology or Mythology?

I think that younger, more immature women are attracted to the "jerks" because they have an elusive quality that is very magnetic and the woman feels challenged.

But I don't think that most women actually marry these men. They marry the nice guys because they know it's the nice guys and the "nerdy" guys that are more stable and would make better husbands.

When I was younger, I was very intrigued with this type of man and all I got was a broken heart over and over again. Then I finally realized it wasn't me, it was the type of man I was choosing. Now, older and wiser, I only date men that are nice, polite, and most of all, INTERESTED IN ME.

Old 06-02-2005, 08:37 AM   #9
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Re: Women like jerks? Psychology or Mythology?

I think the original poster is definitely on to something. As for stereotyping that a particular body type, height, or other physical attributes predict whether a guy will be a "jerk" or not, I don't think there is one particular type. I dated a super-nerdy, balding guy with glasses, and he turned out to be a major jerk. Then there are some good looking, smart, interesting guys who have everything going for them and they're the "nice guy" type. Also, some "nice" guys and some "nice" women have the potential to act "jerky" with some people but not with others. All in all, with the exceptions of the obvious "Jerks" with a capital "J," you just have to get to know them to really find out if they're a good person and are capable of treating you right. Even some guys who were acting like jerks to girls in the past sometimes change their behavior when they fall in love with a woman.

Old 06-02-2005, 09:02 AM   #10
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Re: Women like jerks? Psychology or Mythology?

Hmmm...well, I would say "GIRLS" like jerks...a woman has outgrown that childish infatuation. So if you know someone who is only going for guys that don't respect her or treat her badly, she is probably on of two things 1)still highly immature when it comes to relationships. OR 2)has low feelings of self worth.

Us women DO like nice guys. A LITTLE edge is nice (like maybe they dress different or have a crazy hair style....maybe a piercing....) but isn't a must. I use to end up with those jerks and finally came to a point where I realized that it was my feeling like I didn't deserve better that kept me from dating the nice I married the nicest guy on the planet! My only 'must' is that these 'nice guys' have a back bone. There's nothing worse than a guy (or woman for that matter) who lets people walk on him or take advantage of him. OR agrees with EVERY thing you say just for the sake of avoiding an arguement. Be nice , be respectful, but stand up for yourself.

Hope this helped! lol.....

Old 06-02-2005, 09:39 AM   #11
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Re: Women like jerks? Psychology or Mythology?

in my opinion most "jerks" cannot handle curves being thrown at them, so I disagree with that point.

Most men that I classify as "jerks" are those with control issues, who have to be in control at all times, do not compromise and do not listen to or value the opinion of others.

I agree that most women want men who are strong and have a good sense of where they are and what they want from life. Unfortunately we as women tend to find the "jerks" that fit the criteria that I listed above and we convince ourselves that these characteristics fit the category of "strong"...i.e. we confuse "strong sense of self" with "controlling"

The other thing we do is try to convince ourselves that the men that we are "infatuated with" are all the things that we look for in a guy. We let the infatuation rule the relationship and we don't look honestly at the guy. We ignore the red flags because we want it to work out so bad.

Old 06-02-2005, 11:36 AM   #12
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Re: Women like jerks? Psychology or Mythology?

I've read through this post and I like a lot of what I've read so far. I'm gonna have to add my two cents into this one. So, women seem to like "jerks" and men seem to like "cover models". Are these just stereotypes or are they the real thing? Well, lets take a look at this...

Women are seen as being notoriously attracted to the wrong kind of man for them. Well, does this mean ALL women? Are these women REALLY women at all or are they still just immature girls? Aren't guys also accused of going after the supermodel type girls that he knows won't treat him right when the girl next door was perfect for him but he threw her away? Again, are these really MEN we are talking about or are they still immature little boys? The point I'm trying to make is that very many of us grow up a lot from the time we start dating until the time we get married and settle down. We often start off dating people that are very different from the person we will actually marry someday simply because we MATURE along the way.

The thing is, as men, and men being very visual, we are often at first very attracted to "eye candy" and "cover model" looking girls. They look great and since we are so horny, why not just go for the gold, right? The thing is at 13-22 years old, we really don't know any better. We have no concept of what being with a "good girl" really means and how important that is for our futures. We honestly don't think about marriage or having kids that early in life...we are just searching for a girl that looks good to us and we can have fun partying with. Not to help matters much, we look at tv, movies, magazines, and the internet, and all we see are these gorgeous babes wearing practically nothing tempting us everyday. And our friends make it even worse...we feel the need to show off our little "trophy" girls in front of them because all we believe they are thinking what matters is how hot she is and how great in bed she will be when in reality they don't really care about that stuff. Our friends just want to see her treat us well.

But as we grow older, had a few bad breakups, and seen the ways that these kinds of women don't need us, care about us, or treat us right, we tend to realize that, "Hey, maybe being with a girl based solely on her looks isn't the best way to go about it!" Its a maturing process that takes doesn't happen over night. Of course, some guys never grow up but, hey, neither do some women, right?

As for the ladies, when they are still little girls, they start going through this rebellious stage where they want a guy that their parents WON'T approve of! Blame it on Madonna or Brittney Spears, but they start going after those wild, crazy, "bad boy" types who don't seem to care about them at all, treat them terribly, and have a thousand other chicks chasing after them. He seems like the ultimate challenge and the girl just wants to change him even though she can't but she doesn't know this yet. Does this seem like the type of guy most women marry?? Hell no! That's what I'm saying...women, just like men, go through a maturing process as they get older. They get wiser to the ways of the men and the world and they want to find a guy that will make a suitable father and husband. The unfortunate thing about these women that finally wise up is that they don't stay on the market very long! There are thousands of good guys waiting for this girl to show up and she's usually taken away very quickly.

So while there are those men and women that no matter how old they get, they never seem to mature enough to understand what's REALLY important in a relationship, the reality is that most just takes time and experience and before long we both, men and women, start to see what matters the most in someone.

Last edited by CFD 333; 06-02-2005 at 11:47 AM.

Old 06-02-2005, 01:09 PM   #13
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Re: Women like jerks? Psychology or Mythology?

Why when men are over 40 all of a sudden regress and go back to dating and marrying somebody cute and half their age? They all of a sudden forget everything they learned about how looks aren't everything or maybe they are.....which doesn't say much for many older men.

Old 06-02-2005, 03:55 PM   #14
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Re: Women like jerks? Psychology or Mythology?


Last edited by nothisprincess; 06-14-2005 at 10:38 PM.

Old 06-02-2005, 07:12 PM   #15
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Re: Women like jerks? Psychology or Mythology?

Originally Posted by icsue
Why when men are over 40 all of a sudden regress and go back to dating and marrying somebody cute and half their age? They all of a sudden forget everything they learned about how looks aren't everything or maybe they are.....which doesn't say much for many older men.

a small percentage of older men do this. most older men i know are still with their wives and are loyal husbands and good fathers. it's usually the guys who are divorced and have a nice bank account that buy the convertible sports car and get the younger woman. for them its nothing more than self indulgence. they see the woman the same way they see the car, just a stimulation.

anyway, i still believe a very very very small percentage of men end up doing this. it's just such a corny thing to do that it gets a lot of attention and we all end up thinking its more common than it actually is.


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