About a month ago, I told the man I had been dating for a year that I didn't want to see him anymore.
-He has called, texted, IMed, and written letters begging me to take him back, accusing me of sleeping with various people, demanding to know what I've been doing, etc. I haven't responded to most of this correspondence.
-Sometimes his messages say something like "where are you?" or "why aren't you home?" so I know he's coming to my house and looking for my car.
-Then to put the icing on the cake, I talked to a friend yesterday who said that he stopped by her house twice this weekend fishing for information on me & if I'm seeing anyone new. They are only acquaintences themselves, so his visits were very out of place.
He's never been violent toward me, but I'm wondering where to draw the line. How much does someone need to harass you before you get a Personal Protection Order? At this point he is just a nuisance, not a threat to my safety. Should I just ride it out and hope it goes away?
I can block him from my IM, but I can't block his phone calls & text messages unless I change my cell phone number. I don't want to do that because I'm job-hunting and might miss an important call. He also knows where I live & there is no way I can stop him from driving by. I have also threated to get a PPO before and it didn't phase him.
Last edited by greensapphire; 06-16-2005 at 08:13 AM.
I actually feel for people in these situations. He obviously cares about you alot or he wouldnt do these sort of things. Why did you say you didnt want to see him anymore? Had he done something wrong or hurt you before? Was he not a good enough boyfriend? Do you flirt around other guys, see other guys/friends often and leave him out? I feel that people have the right to be suspicious in some cases. I mean he obviously dont mean that much to you because youve told him you dont want to see him again. Thats abit harsh isnt it? I dont want to sound disrespect as i dont know exactly what has happened. But from what ive read i wouldnt call that harrassment, i'd call it someone who loves you alot. I wrote letters to my girlfriend apologising for things that werent even my fault when she dumped me. She always went out clubbing, flirting with other guys, telling me she'd rather spend more time with her friends then me. But when her friends didnt want to know her, she'd phone me up. Ive been treated like **** in every relationship ive been in. Im sorry if you feel your being stalked but unless you've been there yourself you dont realise how much it hurts for someone who you really loved to dump you. I fought for my girlfriend too, i didnt go round her house, follow her around but i wrote to her, phoned her. I actually feel sorry for the guy because i know how it feels. And believe me he will be hurting so bad and for you to report him for harrassment, it would probably kill him. Blocking his IM's, he probably cant wait for you to come online to chat to you. See someone wouldn't write you letters and text you if they didnt care. Instead of throwing in the towel, hes showing how much you mean to him and making an effort to fight for you back. But like i say i dont know the half of it, for all i know he might of done bad things to you. But i think referring to him as a stalker when he was once someone special to you is nasty. And im sorry if you think im against you, im not i dont even know you. But having been in a similar situation i know exactly how it feels for the person whos been dumped, its not nice. Unless hes cheated on you or treated you badly, then i think you should show a little sympathy. Just my two cents.
I don't feel I should even have to defend myself against your post, but I'm going to anyway.
1. No he wasn't always good to me. He had major problems with lying, and could at times be controlling & verbally abusive. We had a rocky relationship.
2. I was fine with remaining on friendly terms with him at 1st, but we couldn't have a conversation without him accusing me of doing things, grilling me about where I've been, demanding to know what I've been doing. That isn't a friendship, and I refuse to carry on any kind of correspondence with him as long as he acts like that. Frankly, I broke up with him (which is my choice) and he has no right to get an attitude with me over how I spend my time. If he doesn't want to hear about it, he shouldn't ask.
3. Yes, I know he loves me. It looks like love anyway- but I think its more of an obsession. He doesn't want me to be happy...he wants me to be with him at any cost. Its incredibly selfish and immature.
I agree with you green sapphire... I'm really sorry you're going through this. I know it can be a scary thing. It happened to me in high school... But the simple threat of a restraining order made my ex stop... (that, and the fact that the threat was coming from my rather large older brother... haha )
Seriously though, I wish I had some good advice for you. I think if I were you, I would contact the local police department and let them know the story and see what they think. Just to get the advice of a professional might help some. Stuff like this always concerns me because it can escalate and turn into something very dangerous... and I would rather over-react and be safe than under-react and not... Have you asked him flat out to leave you alone? Maybe if you told him that he is freaking you out and you'd rather him to leave you alone for a while, that would wake him up. Keep me posted. I'll be thinkin good thoughts for ya.
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A positive attitude won’t solve your probs, but it will annoy enough people to be worth the effort.
First of all as i said in my post its not an attack on you. I merely stated that i have been in a similar situation. I didnt know he wasnt good to you. Im getting mixed up now whether this was a friendship or a relationship? Theres nothing wrong with wanting to be with someone you love, how you can say that is selfish and immature i dont know. He knows he cant make you, hes just trying to grab anything thats left. Quite obviously theres no feeling on your behalf. I just think (my opinion from my perspective) that calling him a stalker, selfish, immature and saying hes harrassing you is too harsh. Everyone makes mistakes and everybody lies at times. I bet you have. At the end of the day its your call, you do whatever makes you feel good. But i think reporting him as a nutcase shows lack of respect and caring. He must of been a bad guy, was he really THAT bad? I'd do anything for my girlfriend too, does that mean im selfish and immature? I wouldnt just give up on someone i loved, id at least TRY. He will eventually realise that you dont wanna know him.
My Ex Is Stalking Me 
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