how do i get over my fear of rejection? - Relationship Health Message Board

edwardsmith17` · 06-17-2005, 01:27 PM

Ok, so its like this folks. I have a fear of rejection in being able to meet women when I got out. As a person I am confident with the way am and look, comfatable within my own skin. So what is the problem I hear you cry, well its like this; when I got out with my friends (being a student) we will normally end up in a club and onto the dance floor. From here im dancing having a good time, at this point I will see if there are any girls around that I find attractive and if so are they responding to my looks. If both are yes, and on most occasions they are (being male means that the slightest battered eye lid in my direction will be taken as responding), it is then I feel the fear. I know, or at least my brain says, that if I approach them in a round about way I will have a pretty good chance of kissing and if not that then at least having the pleasure of speaking to them. But I cant, my feet will go, my stomach sinks, and my brain says ‘you know what you should just be happy in the knowledge that she likes’. And so I stay right where I am, never knowing but to scared to be rejected. This also applies to bars. As a result of this it is leading to me getting on downers for a couple of days after going out and running through of what if scenarios through my head. If also means that I have to rely on others to meet prospective partners which can lead to frustration as most of my friends are not that interested in meeting new women. Thoughts and advise most welcome, thanks.Ed.

Ruth6:11 · 06-17-2005, 03:49 PM

When you're really ready to meet someone it most likely won't be in a club or bar.
The kind of woman you are looking to meet (hopefully!) would have her defenses up against being picked up in those surroundings.

Meeting someone will be alot more natural and you won't be so anxious when the time is really right. I went on alot of dates while I was single and I never met ONE of them in a bar or club!!

joekerr30 · 06-17-2005, 03:59 PM

your thinking too much. your not making a move until you analyze every element of the situation. problem is that you only have a few seconds or at best a few minutes, to do something or do nothing.

and since there are way to many factors to analyze you freeze and then the moment passes you by.

the problem is that you arent comfortable with yourself and dont think well of yourself, so you're always worrying that the worst might happen and how to react if it does (and by that time the moment is gone.)

my advice is figure out why you arent comfortable with yourself and make whatever changes are needed to start feeling good about yourself. then when an opportunity presents itself you'll move on it and if you get reject youll move on to the next girl that catches your fancy.

J

greeneyes100 · 06-17-2005, 07:09 PM

The only way to get over any kind of fear is to face it head on. If you need to have a couple of shots to get more confidence, then do it. Fake it until you make it. It works every time. Once you start to approach women and see that they like you, you will lose your fear of rejection. But you must take that first step. Try approaching a woman you aren't that really attracted to practice with, then keep practicing until you have the confidence you need to approach a woman you are really attracted to!

People attract what they fear. If you fear rejection, you will receive it. Just go out by yourself some night and approach a girl who doesn't really seem that appealing to you, and it wouldn't make any difference if she rejected you or not. Get a little confidence, then move on to another one you are more attracted to. Practice makes perfect. Pretty soon, they will be flocking like bees to the honey!

I used to be really shy, but I learned to practice being confident and pretty soon I became more confident. FAKE IT UNTIL YOU MAKE IT. Very wise words!

Tru521 · 06-17-2005, 08:03 PM

I'm girl in her 20s, and It's true what green said in the last reply. If you're confident (even if you have to fake it a little) the girls will respond to it, maybe even when you least expect it. It's like we have a confidence radar or something.