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Old 06-19-2005, 10:15 AM   #1
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xKiNGPiNx HB User
Girlfriend is going on holiday with another guy

My girlfriend is going on a 2 week holiday in August. I havent been invited.. Its her, her girl mates and some lads "for protection" she says. One of the lads is the same guy shes always talking about over the phone and the same guy she wrote on her internet profiles under the category "favourite animal" and "favourite person". Im scared to death, i dont know what to think i really dont. I dont come up in any of her plans and she said it may some selfish but she doesnt care. Every phone call we have its always about how great this guy is, how hes giving her driving lessons and all this other stuff. She says hes just a friend and that she didnt write him on her profile one of her mates did. But i know it was her. She says she never uses the profiles anymore but it only gets updated when she comes online. Even her email profile has his initial on it with wink signs and stuff. I feel rotten, ive done loads for this girl. Never done anything to hurt her, always tried my best and bought her everything she ever asked for. My lifes a real mess, this whole year has been the worst of my life. Someone please give me any advice?

 
Old 06-19-2005, 12:55 PM   #2
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Re: Girlfriend is going on holiday with another guy

XKing
I am going through a terrible mess in my relationship. I know what it feels. But you need to stop panicking about this girl. I don't know her but I doubt that she's taking advantage of your insecurities. Did you express your concern to her and thought she had satisfaction winding you up, or do you feel that she's genuinely unaware of the hurt she's causing you? If it's the latter, I suggest that you say it to her crystal clear that you are not happy with her mentioning this man all the time and letting him intrude on what's supposed to be a nice conversation between her and you.
Why weren't you invited to the holiday? Is it like a university trip or work trip? Normally, a woman looks forward to spending her holiday with her BF, and vice versa. I am not at all against spending time with friends, on the contrary, it's not healthy for you or her not to have friends. But she shouldn't do what makes you feel excluded. She's obliged to respect your feelings, and she would not be doing you a favor by respecting you. IT's a MUST.
On the other hand, your worries might be exaggerated so I suggest that you be open with her, and tell her how you feel. If she loves you, she won't hurt you.
All the best
D

Last edited by Dido_H; 06-19-2005 at 12:57 PM.

 
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Old 06-19-2005, 01:57 PM   #3
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Re: Girlfriend is going on holiday with another guy

I really dont know why i bother asking for advice on this board. Thanks for making me feel a whole lot worse dorel.

 
Old 06-19-2005, 02:06 PM   #4
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Re: Girlfriend is going on holiday with another guy

You state that you are having the worst year of your life -- so... uh... what's the benefit to you to continue this relationship that is making you miserable?

You are NOT in a healthy relationship here.

I agree: your own post says everything you need to know.

This girl is already disrespecting you in the worst possible way. Her online profiles should have been CHANGED if she really cared about you. "Winking" emoticons near this guy's initials is NOT acceptable. Even more unacceptable is her dominating conversations with discussions about this dude. Her behavior is not only rude and disrespectful, it is ignorant. Now, ignorance can sometimes be tempered and forgiven because the implication of the word is that the person doesn't know any better. IF indeed she has NO CLUE how deeply her words and actions disturb you, then it is up to you to make sure she understands. You must temper the ignorance and then forgive it if you want to continue this relationship.

Yet is sounds as if you have more or less told her that this stuff bothers you and she just doesn't care one bit. In that case, her behavior is no longer ignorant -- she KNOWS what she's doing and continues to do it. There is no way to temper that anymore -- and forgiveness becomes nearly impossible or at best a temporary facade that will only allow this relationship to continue on in its current dysfunctional state.

I would tell her that since she is so focused on this other man and doesn't appear concerned with your feelings -- then she should probably put ALL her focus onto him and leave you alone. Tell her GOODBYE and let her go do her own thing. This isn't "just" a matter of taking a holiday with an innocent friend: clearly, she's INTO this guy and is biding her time until he makes a move on her. She's holding onto YOU as a security blanket -- having her cake and hoping to eat it, too!

Is that what you want? To be second-fiddle to some other dude?

I'd put an end to this immediately. You are filled with fear and anxiety and you are quickly losing self-confidence. Though her behavior is the impetus for this, YOU can still gain back your self-respect by getting rid of her. It is true that each of us is responsible for our own emotions and that we cannot blame others for how we feel in response to someone else's actions. But sometimes -- other folks make it very, very difficult for us to feel anything but what they WANT us to feel. Therein lies the challenge and the mark of becoming a self-sufficient and confident man: CHANGE your own feelings by taking ACTION.

Do this NOW. Send her off on holiday with well-wishes and tell her to never contact you again.

Or you can keep on having the most miserable year of your life. What will it be, then?

 
Old 06-19-2005, 02:20 PM   #5
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Re: Girlfriend is going on holiday with another guy

dont son me dorel, this board is an absolute joke. You clearly have no respect. I hope you get hurt one day and know how it feels.

 
Old 06-19-2005, 02:28 PM   #6
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Re: Girlfriend is going on holiday with another guy

XKing

Nobody can hurt you. Don't ever let anyone shake your happiness and self-confidence, not your girlfriend, and not other people's opinions.

Cheer up mate, nothing is worth it
D

Last edited by Dido_H; 06-19-2005 at 02:30 PM.

 
Old 06-19-2005, 04:08 PM   #7
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Re: Girlfriend is going on holiday with another guy

im with dorel.

you're letting her treat you like a doormat.

either put your foot down or leave hte relationship.

J

 
Old 06-19-2005, 06:03 PM   #8
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Re: Girlfriend is going on holiday with another guy

im not gonna make you feel bad.....i give you my support! what im getting from this is that she is trying to make you jealous or push you away( sad to say)..thats what i did w my ex bf of 4 yrs. i got sick of long distance relationship and found someone else and tried to make my ex jealous at first. i see that you dont trust her going on her trip....in any relationship thats not healthy and will not work out.. just dont be in denial, i see that youre a caring guy and you derserve someone much better! the major fact is that she said she doesnt care. basically she is saying she doesnt care if she hurts you..and thats nto right. i suggest taking some time off from this girl and you will be happier and less worried and stressed--trust me, i know its hard to deal with a breakup but she isnt being a good person. good luck and keep me posted... stacey

 
Old 06-19-2005, 07:34 PM   #9
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Re: Girlfriend is going on holiday with another guy

Quote:
Originally Posted by xKiNGPiNx
My girlfriend is going on a 2 week holiday in August. I havent been invited.. Its her, her girl mates and some lads "for protection" she says. One of the lads is the same guy shes always talking about over the phone and the same guy she wrote on her internet profiles under the category "favourite animal" and "favourite person". Im scared to death, i dont know what to think i really dont. I dont come up in any of her plans and she said it may some selfish but she doesnt care. Every phone call we have its always about how great this guy is, how hes giving her driving lessons and all this other stuff. She says hes just a friend and that she didnt write him on her profile one of her mates did. But i know it was her. She says she never uses the profiles anymore but it only gets updated when she comes online. Even her email profile has his initial on it with wink signs and stuff. I feel rotten, ive done loads for this girl. Never done anything to hurt her, always tried my best and bought her everything she ever asked for. My lifes a real mess, this whole year has been the worst of my life. Someone please give me any advice?
Ask her how she would feel, if the shoe was on the other foot.

 
Old 06-19-2005, 09:40 PM   #10
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Lightbulb Re: Girlfriend is going on holiday with another guy



As the saying goes: What goes around comes around. She is not worth it and she will get her come upense.

Find someone who is not shallow. I am sure in time you will. I just stopped seeing someone who was shallow (and they are 52 yrs of age).

Good luck eh?

not your fault unless you keep seeing her.

Last edited by LoveLife88; 06-19-2005 at 09:41 PM.

 
Old 06-19-2005, 09:59 PM   #11
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Re: Girlfriend is going on holiday with another guy

Quote:
Originally Posted by dorel
XKX,
Re-read your own post. Your ......x.......girlfriend has already told you all you need to know

Kingpin, you asked for advice and were told the answers would be found in your own post. Why on earth would this statement offend you?

You can't blame dorel for making you feel worse. It's not his fault your gf treats you the way she does, and it's not his fault that you take it.

I agree with the other posters that you deserve better than this. She's a liar and she doesn't even WANT to change.

 
Old 06-19-2005, 10:52 PM   #12
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Gundam HB User
Re: Girlfriend is going on holiday with another guy

Sorry King, but I tend to agree with Dorel too, I mean ... she already expressed that she didn't care (you said it) ... then why should you give a fu_k ?!

You sound very young ...

Life is short; & there are still tons of fishes in the pond. You should GO fishing mate ~ ~ ~

good luck.

 
Old 06-19-2005, 11:20 PM   #13
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Re: Girlfriend is going on holiday with another guy

Scruffyguy:

Great Post! Too bad it was wasted on someone who isn't REALLY looking for a real solution to his problem!

KINGPIN:

I agree that you are being a little harsh on dorel....you DID come here asking for advice. And unfortunately, the best advice is usually the hardest to hear. When I read your post, I thought the same thing: Why is he with her? You answer all your own questions there. Its also a little harsh to say these boards are a joke (yet you come back to them).....when you post something like what you did.....it seems so clear that this girl is using you (and you seem to be a nice guy). Did you really think that anyone would encourage you to waste MORE time on her?That they would hear such a story of a nice person being treated badly and suggest that you stay and spoil her some more? It sucks to hear the truth, but really, you should take most of the advice posted here. Hope it works out for you. Sorry you are hurting.

 
Old 06-20-2005, 01:04 AM   #14
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Re: Girlfriend is going on holiday with another guy

you were really helpful on giving me your honest opinions and advice on my thread and now I'm going to give you mine. I once went through a phase where I would say things to my bf that I knew was killing him inside, but I didnt care and I was younger then an I guess I just wanted to make myself feel secure in a sense that I wouldnt have to have my life revolve around him because honestly, he was so good to me it was scarry.You know it was like I was scared to give him the best of me because I felt like it was too good to be true and its very rare to find someone so...nice?!I never had that.Maybe she wants to have fun and at the same time have you around but she doesnt know how to make that happen and honestly, I dont think it would be a good idea because you are the boyfriend and I'm sure it would be akward.I also think that this might be her way of trying to brush you off because she cant or does not want to straight out tell you what she really wants from your relationship.Yeah,i think its selfish that she doesnt include you i n ANY of her plans and the vibes you get from her should tell you something.This is just my opinion, so I hope other people who read this dont quote me on this and reply, but I think that the woman is the one who carries on and takes care of the relationship.It is the woman who makes sure that the relationship is strong, and dont get me wrong, it takes two to work out a relationship, but its always two different roles.You should probably just give her her space and if freedom from you is what she wants then give it to her because its unfair not just for her, but specially for you that you guys stay in a relationship where one doesnt want to be in.You should talk to her about this and if she wants to stay in the relationship still, i suggest there be changes or compromise.

 
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