Ok, this is really hard for me to do but I feel that I must do it. I am a 29 year old male who is so terribly lonely in this world that I donít know what to do. I have no one who really understands me and I have felt alienated my entire life. The only people who I have ever loved or cared for have all stabbed me in the back and the sad thing is I miss them terribly despite the terrible relationships we had.
I have a very hard time meeting people let alone women who could possibly understand me and it has left me just isolated and alone. I have been through therapy and prescription drug treatment for Depression and my grief but I just cannot seem to get past it.
I still miss all three of my ex girlfriends especially the one from 10 YEARS AGO!! What is wrong with me. Am I alone? I am in so much pain right now that I donít even feel like trying to start another relationship and it has been over 3 years since Iíve been in one. Does anyone else understand what I am feeling? Am I alone?
I can understand feeling lonely .. and feeling like you have no match in this world .. Im 27 .. single mom ... I wonder sometimes if there will ever be someone to love me .... so the short answer is no .. are not alone ..
You have to beleive that everone has a match .. we just have to patient .... dont give up hope!
Mother is the word for God on the lips and hearts of children - The Crow
Hi there. So sorry to hear you are in pain. It sounds like you have some serious grief, as stated, you need to work out. I don't know what the extent is of your suffering but it sounds like you still need some therapy?? You need people around you that care about you. Can you get into some type of "group" counceling with other individuals sharing similar problems? I know it's hard to meet people when you are depressed and it's hard to see things rationally. Without knowing more about your situation and what you're grieving over, this is the best advice I can give. The group therapy will at least give you the opportunity to share with others and possibly meet some friends to help you through your situation. I would definitely try to deal with whatever it is before you venture out to another relationship. I hope this helps at least a little. I think you are lonely and just need some support. We have all been there, you are not alone at all. This will also sound like lame advice but if you have depression even just 10-15 minutes of exercise will help you see a little clearer and feel better. You need to get some good chemicals floating around your brain. It won't solve your problems but it will at least help get you out of a funk. I have bouts of depression and it's the best way for me to fight it. I wish I could help more. There are some great people on this board that are just waiting to give support and help. You should find some comfort here.
Thanks Dewdrop. Everyday I go forward saying that one day it will be better, but that day never seems to come. I've contemplated suicide but know I cannot do that because I will hurt my parents and family and coworkers. This feeling leaves me with the thought that maybe my entire life is to be lived for others and not me, and that god is testing me or something by leaving me alienated and alone. I guess I just have to keep going despite the fact that I feel it will never ever be better.
I know how you feel exactly. I have had several relationships in my lifetime that didn't work out and was hurt a couple of times very badly.
I'm still single at 50! I did learn a lot from my past relationships and have posted an online ad at a couple of websites. It's a very useful tool for meeting people, especially if you don't like going to bars.
There is someone out there for you, so just hang in there. I tried different antidepressants also, but the one I like the best is Wellbutrin because it doesn't have the sexual side effects and or weight gain.
I am also a single parent like the other poster (female). When my daughter was younger, I simply didn't have the time or energy to date much. The only thing I could do was work and take care of her. I used the weekends to recoup and relax. My job is a hectic one, since I work for a law firm and have done this all my life. Being a single parent really drains you and it doesn't leave much energy left for a social life. Now that my daughter is older and pretty much holding her own, I have more free time, so I decided to really work on my social life.
Try posting an ad at the one of the singles websites. There are lots of nice women out there who are also very lonely and looking for someone just like you. Good luck!
I recently went through a pretty ugly breakup .. recently being a year (hell it still feels recent to me) anyway .. I stopped talking to all 3 of my friends .. I only had the 3 but durring and after the breakup I just felt like staying home .. so I did .. until one day I realized that I was sitting in this very clean apartment .. stylishly decorated and the likelyhood that I would have someone over for coffee was 0!!! ...
So what did I do you ask .. well keep in mind that I only gave this great experient a try this weekend but I called up a girlfriend I had in High School and we went out for Coffee .. nothing big but a nice re-connection .. and I felt human for the first time in a long time ...
Not that I felt atractive to the opposite sex .. because I dont feel that yet .. but I felt like I could have a conversation .... small steps ...
I am not saying that you should run out and go try and find your love .. but maybe try and connect with someone to be friends with .. friends introduce you to their other friends .. this is my cunning plan to meet a guy! I have no other hope .. too much of a wall flower I am affraid!
Anyway .. the group thing sounds like a good plan .. even if its not a therapy group .. how about a class where you have to have a partner or something .. a cooking class .. hell and art class at a local college ... get out of the house that is the most importiant thing!
Mother is the word for God on the lips and hearts of children - The Crow
sorry you're going through a tough time. my advice is to forget about everything you dont have and start focusing on what you want.
if you're depressed try reading some philosophy, psychology or self help books. see if you can figure out a perspective on life that makes you feel better.
if you arent happy with your physical shape start working out.
the most improtant thing ive learned in life is that its a long journey (so theres lots of time to get to where you want to be) and that you have a lot ot be thankful even when it doesnt feel that way.
i mean, you could have been born with aids in africa and died at age 5. So at the very least you can wake up each day and thank god that wasnt your life.
as for the beign single thing. I'm 30 and haven't dated for 3 years. i find that not a lot of women catch my interest. Either way, I've actually enjoyed being single more than in years past where i was in relationships.
Jean Paul Satre once said "Hell is other people." that can soooo be the case.
Im actually looking forward to the next relationshp now because i know who i am, im also mature enough to do my part to build a healthy relationship.
i think relationships are doomed if you are in one becuase you dont want to be lonely. the difference with me now is that the next girl im with it wont be because im lonely, but because there's a real connection there.
anyway, my advice is to enjoy life and what you have. you can waste your years wondering 'whats wrong with me?' but that wont get you anywhere. youll still grow old and die.
so try to stop judging your life or wishing for a different life. embrace the one you have and set goals for yourself and occupy your time working towards them. youll enjoy your time more that way, and irionically thats usually when all the other things start falling into place.
Joke ... you sound like a smart .. synical guy ... but hell is other people ... what a quote! What was your plan there ... people suck so dont feel bad that you arent in a relationship .. OMG!
I agree that relationships are doomed if entered into for the wrong reasons though .. I was more concered that our friend here was feeling so isolated .. but think about it this way ... how many people have read his post .. see its like making friends .. feeling human .. and interacting with others of our species ... its a good thing ..
No more philosophy for you Joker .. perhaps some .. Luis Carol .. the Land of Laughs .. Fiction has its place ...
Mother is the word for God on the lips and hearts of children - The Crow
It is hard not to get discourged and lonely in this world today. However, there is most definitely hope! My husband is extremely unsociable and very shy. One person recently wondered how did we ever start talking since I am a bit more social but definitely not outgoing...however, we were blessed with someone who saw our potential and went to work (she ended up being Maid of Honor at our wedding and is still my best friend!). He was 29 when we got married. I still worry about him, he doesn't really seem to connect with most people and I think he gets lonely for other friends, but I just wanted to use the example to show you there is hope even for those that are shy and not outgoing...hang in there....
I agree that the best relationships are entered into, not because you are lonely, but because you are happy with yourself and your life. The person should add to your life, because you are already complete and whole by yourself. You just cannot depend on something outside yourself to make you happy. Happiness is a journey and not a destination. So, enjoy the journey and whatever may happen along the way!
I must say that I like being single also, but I sure wouldn't mind finding a partner to complement my life.
And for all the things Mr. Sartre got wrong, he got that right. There are lots of sayings that support this: "The masses are asses", "If it weren't for people life would be okay", etc.
The lesson here is you must look to yourself for peace and accept the plain and simple fact that if you let them, people will make you think life sucks. That is a healthy outlook, not a negative. People come here every day not to offer praise of the human experience, but to offer their woes and internal struggles over the human experience, most of these coming from "relationships", or how we choose to see the world.
If you are not drawing interest to you, you need to consider why. Lighten up. Be happy. Self-confident people are rich in good experiences, regardless of their physical attributes or financial status. You need to search within yourself why you are not self-confidant and approach life with this as your goal, not focusing on how others can make you feel better. Others will come, but only when you are secure within yourself. Insecure people take part in unhealthy relationships, which leads to "life sucks" conclusions.
Get out your guitar and play...but don't wallow in it, use it as a tool uplift.
I would suggest online dating sites and don't worry about rejection.Just keep trying.Make a list about yourself,have a picture taken of yourself.Are you looking for marriage,a growing relationship,or just friendship,a companion and best friend,someone to share life with,good times and bad,or just someone to love ?What activities you enjoy doing,hobbies,your needs,do you need lots of affection,cuddling,what kind of woman your looking for,a blonde,brunenette,what weights and heights you except,what kind of personality, independent woman or if that doesn't matter state it,what is your personality like,shy,quiet,etc, so any women that looks at your profile knows what to expect.Then, I would look for profiles that you have things in common with.
You have to keep in mind that there are a lot of women just looking for sex,or a good time,or just someone to talk to but don't put that in their profile,so you have to be prepared that the person you are going out with might not really fit what they say in their profile because they really don't know what they want themselves.Theres somebody out there for you,just be patient,and don't stop looking.Theres a lot of other really lonely people out there too.Work on having a positive attitude,but don't stress yourself over it.Relax,and be yourself.Your a great person and have the capacity to make someone else happy along with making yourself happy.
Last edited by daylight568; 06-28-2005 at 08:21 AM.
Thank you all for your kind words of encouragement. It's good to know that I am not the only one who feels the way I do. It's not as good as how I once felt when things were better in my life but I now feel that things could get better, as long as I don't give up ( I guess). I guess that is the message I have to take to heart here and just kep on keeping on.
Go IMMEDIATELY to your local video store and rent the documentary film titled "What The Bleep Do We Know?"
It deals with quantum physics and can be tough to follow for those not at least initiated with the subject. However, it is designed to be understandable by just about anyone. Watch it several times if you need to until you GET it.
Pay special attention to the scene in the subway station regarding the experiment with water and positive/negative words. Then pay careful attention to the scene with the reflection in the mirror.
Take note of how your body actually becomes ADDICTED to your emotions -- a lifetime of misery makes your cells want MORE misery.
You CAN break free of this, but it takes some radical changes in thinking and attitude. You CAN manifest your life to be what you want it to be.
You don't necessarily have to accept some of the more esoteric notions implied by quantum physics, but do understand that the peptides and neuropeptides your body produces in response to your emotions ARE addictive. This is FACT -- and you can CHANGE those chemicals if you truly want to do it -- AND you can do it WITHOUT drugs.
WATCH this movie, trust me.
And take it from me: I made this very change in my own life, three years ago, LONG before this film came out. IT WORKS.
Well, I am kind of going to disagree with everyone and say that what motivates us most in seeking another person for either friendship or a relationsihp IS that fear of loneliness. I think it IS precisely because we can't stand spending our life in isolation why we seek the company of other people. If it were indeed only an icing on the cake and we were so darn content with our own company, we would never get off of our lazy butts and do anything about it I personally believe there's a reason why most people don't feel truly happy or fulfilled on their own--we ARE social beings and we crave human contact. That's just the way we were built, at least most of us. So, to the original poster, I can understand you feeling down because you're lonely, but the thing is you are not doomed to a lifetime of loneliness if you really WANT other people in your life. If you have ANY interests whatsoever, you can always find other people who share these interests and make friends, or even a girlfriend through this venue. Trust me, you don't have to look like Brad Pitt either to find love and friendship. Just have some faith in yourself and what you have to offer (you sound intelligent, for one!). That is the fist step. I myself put an extremely high value on people who are intelligent because I cannot relate at all to the Neanderthal-type It's normal to feel so down when you are lonely or isolated, but even if you're a shy person, trying to overcome that shyness and test your limits is much better than resigning yourself to an unfulfilled life. YOu have to discover your interests and try to find people who share them. If you have a network of people, or even just one or two close friends, you will feel a lot better and just confident enough to ask some cute and equally lonely girl out on a date