Ok, I thought I should post this update on a new thread, since the other one was probably getting too long. Turns out, I was right to not trust that ex of NG's whom we ran into at the beach on our third or fourth date. Apparently, she's been calling him, especially last week, and he said it somewhat "messed" with his head because he might still have some residual emotional ties to her. However, he said that he likes me very much and still wants to see me, but wants to be sure that he's being fair to me, etc. I asked him if he thinks he might want to get back with her, and he said he doesn't think so and that he hopes the upcoming trip will help him clear his head. He also said I am "amazing" and that he is not dating anyone else, nor does he have any desire to. I told him the residual feelings are understandable and they don't go away overnight, especially after a long-term relationship (they were together for two years), and that yes, hopefully the trip will be helpful. We then spoke about other lighter subjects and even joked around a bit.
I didn't want to seem too threatened by the ex, but I have to admit I don't like the sound or the look of her. I didn't like it from the minute I saw her hugging him so tightly in front of me at the beach. She was like an octopus! I guess I can't blame her, because I think NG is a great catch, but it wasn't too thrilling to witness from my perspective. I just KNEW instantly she will try to get him back. And since I know she still has some kind of an emotional impact on him and I sense she was saying a lot of "right" and lovey-dovey things in her phone conversations, well, I am just a bit afraid. But I guess there's nothing I can do, really, but try to act cool and not threatened by her, right? I asked him if he saw her last week and he said he only bumped into her at the gym a couple of times but that was it. I'm not sure if that's the truth, though. I'm more inclined to think they might have went out this past weekend and talked in person rather than on the phone but he's trying to spare me the details. Oh well, the plot thickens even more. They broke up about 7 months ago, maybe 8, for the record. How does this sound from an objective perspective? I mean, he didn't say for sure that he won't go back to her. Just that he needed to "clear his head." What to think of it? I didn't tell him my ex called me too, maybe I should have, so that he knows he also has some competition LOL.
Sophia....I posted on your old thread & decided to move it over here. So here goes....
Good morning, Sophia How are you doing this morning??? Did you sleep much....I sure hope so.
I know that you are going to speak to NG again today and probably are a little bit nervous about that. I am sure that he is too now that everything is laid out on the table. It'll be interesting to see what the others have to say but after sleeping I still go with my original advice (which is on your old thread ).
Pretty much the ball is in his court and it is really up to you whether of not you wish to wait around for another serve. Being ready is what is important for you......or you can choose to get back into the game on another day.....meaning that you can take a break from the whole entire thing. But I still vote for waiting it out....I'd be interested in knowing how you might react if two guys asked you out today??? Hmmmmm........the answer to that may indeed make a difference in how you are seeing things
Anyway....I just wanted to let you know that I am here and that you are in my thoughts & prayers that when you speak to NG that he offers you some type of sign as to where things may be leading. Keep that pretty chin up....Goody
Thank goodness for copy & paste
Last edited by goody2shuz; 07-12-2005 at 06:25 AM.
I know the feeling all too well about an ex wanting a guy back (this happened to me last April/May). It's not the best feeling to know that this girl may still be around, waiting to get this guy back. And it's especially hard not to show that you're upset about it and put on a smiling face. We all deserve to be with someone who is sure of us and only wants to be with us. Of course, it's understandable that he has some residual feelings for this girl because they were in a long term relationship. Hopefully, the trip will be helpful and it'll all work out the way you'd like.
Sophia, the fact that he was upfront with you about the whole thing speaks volumes in my opinion. He must truly care about you to be so honest about it.
I think you should not be too concerned about his ex and just realize that it may take some more time for him to completely let go of that relationship.
However, you should keep your expectations on a realistic level, if you know what I mean. That way, if it doesn't work out, you won't be too devastated.
Maybe you should date someone else to keep your self esteem up; that way, your thoughts won't be so centered around him.
Whatever you decide, I hope it all works out for you. I know how much you like him!
I got dumped on by a guy I'd been seeing for 2 1/2 yrs (making honeymoon plans etc) after an ex looked him up.
The DIFFERENCE is that he said absolutely nothing to me about it. He was trying that classic ploy of seeing how it went with her before he broke up with me... if it didn't work with her he wouldn't be out anything.
Well, bless those old intuitions, huh? I tracked him down and got the truth - and walked away.
YOU TWO have talked about this, and THAT is very very very encouraging.
And if you have to walk away????
Well, I met Mr. Ruth almost 6 months to the day later. It really does all work out for the best even when you can't believe it at the time.
Hugs,
What is it with these ex's?? Why do they have so much power and control over these men?! Personally, I couldn't care less who my ex's date and I'm certainly not going to go after them and try to win them back!
I feel your frustration, Sophia. I've been through the battle with the ex plenty of times and it's not fun. I have made a promise to myself, however. If an ex is trying to win back the love of the guy I'm dating, and he has trouble making up his mind, I always make his mind up for him and walk away. Regardless of whether he would have chosen me... I don't care. If he is at all unsure, I don't want to fight that war. I refuse. I don't have the energy for it.
I think you should explore other options at this point. I'm sure he is still very much into you and doesn't want to lose you. But he can't just linger in between 2 girls who both want to be with him and let you both suffer in the mean time. If it were me, I'd date other people. Why sit around waiting for HIM to make up HIS mind about what HE wants?? What about what YOU want? Me, I would want a guy who's not considering going back to his ex! Simple as that!
I'm glad he was honest with you, though. That shows his character. And I certainly don't mean to imply that he's in the wrong by being so undecided. He can't help his feelings. But it's important that he's honest with you. If you walk away at this point, telling him that you refuse to compete for him, then he will probably look at you with SO much more respect. Because you respect yourself. He'll admire that about you. And you never know! He might just make up his mind and tell her to take a hike!
At least you know the reason for his somewhat distant behavior this past week. It must feel good to not have to wonder anymore. Just don't let it get you down. We've all been there. I get so frustrated with situations like these, though, because these men give up on GREAT girls just because their ex's get a case of jealousy. What kind of magic spell do they have over these guys?? And why is it that they do it to US, when we are respectful of other women and would never try to steal our ex's back?? Not fair.
I try to stay away from terminology like "steal" in situations like these. It implies his will is not involved. I really don't think anyone can "steal" someone who doesn't want to be stolen. But since your relationship is still so new, I guess he has a right to "clear his head" so to speak and think about it, though I tend to feel that if he has to think at all, it's not really over between him and his ex, so how can he really start anything new? I don't think he's choosing between two women so much as deciding if the past is really in the past. Does he still want to hang onto the life he had, or is he ready to start fresh with something new? I think it's ok if you want to see what he says when he comes back, but if he decides he wants to pursue things with you to see where it goes, I'm not telling you what to do, I'm just saying if it were me, the ex would have to be removed from his life altogether, at least for a few months, so he could focus on us and so he could prove to me that he is commited to moving forward in his life. If he couldn't give that to me, I'd seriously reconsider getting in any deeper with this guy.
I have made a promise to myself, however. If an ex is trying to win back the love of the guy I'm dating, and he has trouble making up his mind, I always make his mind up for him and walk away. Regardless of whether he would have chosen me... I don't care. If he is at all unsure, I don't want to fight that war. I refuse. I don't have the energy for it.
What about what YOU want? Me, I would want a guy who's not considering going back to his ex! Simple as that!
If you walk away at this point, telling him that you refuse to compete for him, then he will probably look at you with SO much more respect. Because you respect yourself. He'll admire that about you. And you never know! He might just make up his mind and tell her to take a hike!
You know LittleRose, these are PRECISELY the thoughts I was having today. I couldn't really sleep that well last night (ok, I got 2 hours, that's something), so my brain might not be functioning at its optimal level, but I just can't help but feel SO disappointed that he even has to think about this. I wish he would tell her to get lost without having to go away to clear his head. It's not like they broke up a month ago--it was more than half a year ago, so I would think he should be able to decide quicker than this. The fact he pulled away to such an extent that he did and is now needing to think about this shows me that he is at least considering the possibility of going back with her. I don't care how much logical sense it makes to me, I still don't like it one bit.
Believe it or not, I WAS actually thinking about telling him tonight that I cannot date him at this time, when he's obviously still emotionally attached to his ex. I'm torn between waiting till he comes back and just telling him now that I'm not interested in dating anyone who's not emotionally ready for it. I mean, let's say he comes back and says he's choosing me, am I supposed to jump up and down for joy and wag my tail like a puppy who just got his favorite biscuit? I really, really resent having to compete with some ex girlfriend over a guy. See, this is what I'm most afraid of is that even if he comes back and wants to be with me, I will not be as enthusiastic about him anymore simply because I just don't feel like he's crazy about me. Nobody who's absolutely smitten with me would need to think about getting back with an ex who supposedly wasn't treating him so well. I just can't be happy about this situation either way
I got dumped on by a guy I'd been seeing for 2 1/2 yrs (making honeymoon plans etc) after an ex looked him up.
The DIFFERENCE is that he said absolutely nothing to me about it. He was trying that classic ploy of seeing how it went with her before he broke up with me... if it didn't work with her he wouldn't be out anything.
Well, bless those old intuitions, huh? I tracked him down and got the truth - and walked away.
YOU TWO have talked about this, and THAT is very very very encouraging.
And if you have to walk away????
Well, I met Mr. Ruth almost 6 months to the day later. It really does all work out for the best even when you can't believe it at the time.
Hugs,
Yes, Ruth, I remembered your story and was actually thinking about you when this happened. but your relationship was much more serious at the time, so I can only imagine the kind of devastation you must have felt. I am so happy that things worked out for the best in the end. I truly hope it will be the same for me.
I am/was trying to have my expectations low and not get any feelings for NG until I know for sure where things are going, and yet I surprised myself with how much I seem to care about him. Believe it or not, I am actually trying to "retrain" myself to go back to that first-date level of caring, when I was actually very annoyed because he went to the wrong restaurant and it took us longer to find each other, by which time I was dying of starvation! I was thinking, "that's it, one date and I"m not gonna see this guy anymore." And then I really liked him, both physically and his personality, even though he wasn't completely my usual type (I usually date very tall guys). Anyway, I don't really know what to do at this point, but I think I will have to back WAAAY off, just because I don't want to put my heart on the line again. I wish I could go away for a couple of weeks myself to clear MY head. But I can't because of my summer classes and shortage of dinero. I just want to RUN AWAY from my life and start over!
Yeah, I think maybe Rose's advice is correct. If he has to think about it, then NG hasn't gotten past his prior relationship and is not ready for a new one yet, whether it's with you or someone else.
Why don't you tell him before he leaves town and see what he says?
Good luck, Sophia. I hope you feel better. Are you going to put your ad back up?
Sophia ~ I can understand what your mind and heart are going through. And LittleRose's post makes alot of sense. I mean IF he was really into you then this ex entering the picture should not really make a difference. However, I am giving NG the benefit of the doubt for being honest enough to share his confusion with you. That shows integrity and good character.
When I was dating Tom, an ex fiance of mine contacted me. I believe I may have shared this story before but I think it may help you. I told Tom that I needed to see him because I needed closure....this guy was in the army and was stationed over in Germany after we broke the engagement and he was still in contact with me. Tom allowed me to go and it was difficult for him to do so, however, if I hadn't I wouldn't have been able to define how much Tom meant to me as my future and how this ex fiance was a part of my past. The closure I got was the greatest gift that Tom could have given me and to us as a couple.
Perhaps NG needs that same opportunity. You say that you don't know all the particulars. For me this ex wasn't ready for marriage & was seriously scared. It had been 5 years since I had seen him and he always left the door open to a possible future. I was in that one night able to close that door. NG may need the opportunity to do the same with this ex of his.
What do you think??? It takes a very caring and secure person to allow somebody to do what he needs to do. You will know, as I was able to show Tom, how grateful NG is for your allowing him that opportunity. He will demonstrate his relief and realization to you that this ex is only going to remain in his past once he is sure and has had the time to think about it. I say stay cool and see what happens after he returns. If he doesn't convince you that you are one special girl for giving him some thinking time....then perhaps it is time to find somebody else who will make you feel as if they are totally smitten by you. NG should come back feeling that way and letting you know if he has figured things out. I hope this helps and if you wanna run away....come visit Goody, I am lonely and missing Tom and could use the company.
Reality time, Do you need all these issues so early in the relationship? Either he"s in to you or he isn"t. As for you wanting to play his game by telling him about your ex. Why? Do you really care about your ex? Maybe you should cancel the trip.
A trip this early in a relationship is for a new beginning, "clearing ones head" is usually for an established one. Think about it.
I hope/wish you're right, Goody, but oh, I am sooo confused right now My female ego is seriously bruised that he's putting me in this kind of a waiting position, and I don't like it. I don't feel the least bit enthusiastic about the whole situation. I don't want to be always so understanding. I am sick and tired of being understanding and always waiting for someone to make up their mind, either if they want a committed relationship, or if they want to go back to the ex girlfriend. And even if he was indeed somewhat confused, which I can understand, what I don't understand is WHY should that prevent him from still going out with me? He was going to see me one day before he leaves for his trip, and then he made all kinds of excuses why he probably can't but said he would let me know for sure last night. Well, he didn't even mention it at all last night, so of course he has no desire to see me before his trip. Even if he still has some "residual" feelings for her, why should that interfere with him missing me and wanting to see me? Doesn't make much sense, does it?
I don't know...a part of me thinks that maybe he has already started dating her again, but since he's not sure where it's going to go, he's still keeping me around. Yes, I do give him credit for being honest but at the same time, does he think I'm Mother Theresa or something? How can he NOT MISS ME when I miss him is what I don't get. I mean, when Tom was generous enough to allow you to meet with your ex-fiancee to get closure, you were still seeing Tom regularly and you didn't put him on hold for almost a month and making excuses to avoid seeing him until after you've had the conversation with the ex. Am I correct?
I still don't know what to do. I'm so torn because I really like him, and I do think he's essentially a good guy (and never in my life dated a good guy like him), but apparently, good guys are not drawn to me! He called me tonight and left a very bland-sounding message on my voicemail. I didn't pick up because I just don't know what to do and I'm afraid of doing or saying something I might later regret. A part of me wants to just not deal with this and avoid his phonecalls altogether. If he starts pursuing me then, it will mean he truly cares about me, but if he lets me go easily, means he was only lukewarm about me and not the right guy. Does that sound like a reasonable strategy, or am I completely out of my mind?
Reality time, Do you need all these issues so early in the relationship? Either he"s in to you or he isn"t. As for you wanting to play his game by telling him about your ex. Why? Do you really care about your ex? Maybe you should cancel the trip.
A trip this early in a relationship is for a new beginning, "clearing ones head" is usually for an established one. Think about it.
Realguy, could you please clarify your post a little? I'm not sure I completely understand. No, I don't really want to be with my ex, I want to be with NG. And you're right, it would be stupid and childish to tell him about my ex's phonecall, so I didn't.
Now, what do you mean by I should cancel the trip? I am not going on any trips, NG is. And what do you mean by "a trip this early in a relationship is for a new beginning." Do you mean a new beginning for him and his ex-gf or a new beginning for him and me? What do you think would be a good thing to do from my perspective?
You know LittleRose, these are PRECISELY the thoughts I was having today. I couldn't really sleep that well last night (ok, I got 2 hours, that's something), so my brain might not be functioning at its optimal level, but I just can't help but feel SO disappointed that he even has to think about this. I wish he would tell her to get lost without having to go away to clear his head. It's not like they broke up a month ago--it was more than half a year ago, so I would think he should be able to decide quicker than this. The fact he pulled away to such an extent that he did and is now needing to think about this shows me that he is at least considering the possibility of going back with her. I don't care how much logical sense it makes to me, I still don't like it one bit.
Believe it or not, I WAS actually thinking about telling him tonight that I cannot date him at this time, when he's obviously still emotionally attached to his ex. I'm torn between waiting till he comes back and just telling him now that I'm not interested in dating anyone who's not emotionally ready for it. I mean, let's say he comes back and says he's choosing me, am I supposed to jump up and down for joy and wag my tail like a puppy who just got his favorite biscuit? I really, really resent having to compete with some ex girlfriend over a guy. See, this is what I'm most afraid of is that even if he comes back and wants to be with me, I will not be as enthusiastic about him anymore simply because I just don't feel like he's crazy about me. Nobody who's absolutely smitten with me would need to think about getting back with an ex who supposedly wasn't treating him so well. I just can't be happy about this situation either way
Hi there Sophia,
I'm so outraged and upset for you that NG would pull something like this just when you were opening up to him and starting to feel attached. I can't imagine how he let things get to this point rather than being honest with both you and his ex all along, and I'm bordering on no longer being much of a fan of his . I wish I could have posted sooner in response to some very kind comments like Goody's last night, but today was very busy and my internet access has been flaky. I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to write sooner--how are you doing, Sophia? Please remember that we are all here for you whenever you want to vent, ask questions, etc.--it's okay to wallow now and try to come to some sense of resolution regarding NG. Have you come to any conclusions about how you want to respond to him from now on, or if you're going to wait until after his trip or talk to him before he leaves? For what it's worth, I agree with Little Rose's advice and some of the other posters who agreed with you that you deserve better treatment--no woman should ever have to lower her dignity by competing for a man's interest! In fact, I don't think there is much that is a bigger turnoff to men than seeing women size each other up jealously, hearing them compare themselves to other women and beg for reassurance (do you think she's pretty? prettier than ME?), or otherwise feeling even the tiniest bit threatened by other women, who she doesn't even consider competition. Truly confident women with high self-esteem believe deep down that they are an excellent catch and that many men would love to have them, and this is one important component of inner beauty and confidence that everyone finds attractive and appealing.
My point here is that first of all, you deserve a guy who would never pull a mean and immature stunt like this regarding an ex (or any other woman, for that matter). Come on, he's been broken up with her for twice as long as I've been split from Patrick, and so I really don't think the whole rebound thing is any excuse. Either he never took the time and bothered to use his energy to move on, or he never cared about her all that much but now that she knows he has you, he's all of a sudden interested in her for the simple reason that she seems to be throwing herself at him. He’d have to be really blind not to see why she’s putting such an effort into rekindling their relationship now of all times, and so suddenly after seeing you guys together. I don’t know…to me there seem like a few different possible scenarios could be occurring with NG, and I’m not happy about any of them. So while I definitely think you deserve some answers, I also think you’re probably better off telling NG that he can call you if and only if he gets his head straight and wants to be with you exclusively again. If you are still single, you’ll consider giving him a second chance…that is definitely as nice as I would possibly be to NG if I was in your shoes.
That is both because he doesn’t deserve to be treated with courtesy and respect by you now after dangling a lot of promises in front of you then letting you down big time and because the first possible reason why he might be doing this that comes to mind is as a test of sorts. The way he’s been acting lately reminds me of a man who is uncertain about whether the woman he is dating is right for him—he seems kind of concerned that you will demand more of his time and energy than he is willing to give up, or infringe on his freedom and ability to travel light in life more than he wants. I don’t think you are—it seems more like he’s the one with the issues here …but still, he may have told you about his ex to see if you would react by acting clingy and jealous towards him or if you were the confident and independent woman he wanted and would therefore respond by telling him that you can do better and to get lost. He could also be seeing how threatened you get by other women, whether exes or platonic friends or coworkers, to see how much latitude he’ll have to be around other women without you being jealous, or see if you have the self-esteem not to lower yourself by comparing yourself, or competing, against any other women—you are better than that, and the right man for you will continually act like you are the only woman in the room. That’s the bottom line here, and I am really happy that you see how much better you deserve from the man in your life.
Anyway, whatever his reasons, NG’s behavior was really rude and slimy in my book, though I do grudgingly agree with whoever praised him for at least being honest. Still, none of us should ever waste another minute on a man whose only reaction to his ex resuming contact is to tell her politely that he is involved and happy with someone else now. If he has to think about it at all…well, I don’t think any of us like the implications of that! In your case, Sophia, I might consider giving him another chance if he decides for sure that he wants to be with you and make it up to you, but I’m not sure I see him having the confidence and astuteness to do so…maybe he’s just happier never leaving his little bubble world where he’s already dated all the female inhabitants? I am sorry if this came across as a little blunt; I’m not the best at being sympathetic but I do feel for you big time, Sophia. Unfortunately, as you said, neither of your options are all that great when it comes to NG, but I know one thing you should definitely do: go back to online dating and being willing to consider other date proposals from those cute guys on the street who can’t take their eyes off of you!
Sophia ~ This is just one of those times that Goody would like to hold your hand. I know that you are far more deserving of somebody who has his life in order and not full of confusion. I have been here with you for sometime now and you have been through the ringer with guys who are unsure and giving you mixed signals, ex's calling you out of the blue wanting to see you again andthen walking away.....enough is enough. Leave my friend, Sophia, alone!!!!
I don't have any magic answers except that this sucks and NG is a fool for allowing an ex to steer him away from somebody as caring and wonderful as YOU. All I can say is that you are right in the sense that if he were as crazy about you as you would like, he wouldn't be such a smuck and leave you tormented wondering which way he is going to go. Unless he returns with a way of telling you and showing you that he was a complete idiot for not seeing this ex's motives and that he is going to make it up to you....I think that there is little else he can do to restore your faith in him. I think you basically know that he has lost major points with you and most likely he will be unable to earn them back unless he does something outstanding to win your heart back. I know that you put alot into this in terms of hope but it could have been much worse. And you are right....I didn't leave Tom hanging and feeling confused as NG has done to you.
I wish I could help more, Sophia. Realguy may be right in the sense that NG has too many issues and I would hate to believe that he might be going away with the ex. Do you think that is a possibility from your phone conversations??? And I think it is best that you don't answer his calls. You really don't know what to say and you are giving him time to "clear his head". You are in no condition to talk.
The more I think about it the more I feel that you deserve a guy without the emotional baggage. He may be great looking and a nice guy, but he is not making you feel like #1. And you deserve to be a guys #1.
Stacy, are you saying that he might have MADE UP the whole story of his ex chasing him like a madwoman for the purpose of some sort of "test"??? That would be totally mind-boggling to me. Why spend so much energy on something so silly? Either way, I didn't show him I was threatened by her in any way, so at least I'm happy about that. I feel all the problems started on Monday, July 4th. He probably saw her somewhere when he went to see the fireworks with a bunch of people. He's been acting different since then.
I don't know what I want to do just yet. I am kind of inclined to just not speak to him again before his trip at all and see how he acts. I don't think he was "slimy" because at least he didn't try to play either me or the ex and he didn't try to take advantage of me by sleeping with me and then dumping me, so I think that's too harsh to call him that, but he definitely doesn't seem to know what he wants. I mean, if I could tell my ex to get lost (and didn't even bother to inform NG about his phonecall because why bother him with it), then he could have told his ex gf the same thing in so many words. Obviously he must have been encouraging her by having conversations with her; otherwise she wouldn't be calling. And why would someone who truly thinks I'm so "amazing" and "awesome" be willing to take a chance of losing me for someone who's already proved to be not good for him?
Goody, we are on the same wavelength again It also crossed my mind that, how do I know if he's not taking the ex on this business trip with him??? How do I even know it IS indeed a business trip? I have no way of finding out, of course. He told me he hasn't gone out with her at all, but as much as I want to believe him, it doesn't make sense that he wasn't available in such a long time and now needs this additional time to clear his head. Grrr, the more I think about it, the more irritated I get. Who the heck does he think he is? She wiggles her little finger and he runs to her like an obedient puppy? I am getting turned off as we speak. Maybe he doesn't really deserve any explanations from me and silence would be the best thing to do...
Where exactly is this business trip??? And when exactly does he leave and when does he get back???
I don't think that Stacy meant any harm in her use of the word "slimy". Your friends here are just very protective of you and any guy who plays with your feelings and hurts you has to deal with us.
I think we're all second guessing oursleves here. I would like to know that you are going to get a good night's sleep tonite and not allow NG to cause you any more distress....I know, easier said than done, but there's really nothing you can do until he "clears is head". Except leave your options open to meeting somebody who will make it easier to make up your mind on what to do about NG.
BTW...Goody may be heading out to NYC this weekend to celebrate a good friend's 40th birthday. We may stay at the Marriot Marquis after going to a comedy club. Any recommendations???? The plans are not yet finalized....her husband is making the arrangements and I should know more tomorrow. I think we both could use a good laugh.
Hang in there, my friend. As many of your friends have already said....confidence is a must and don't allow NG to make you feel any other way. Hope you get some better sleep tonight. (((HUGS))) ~ Goody
Last edited by goody2shuz; 07-12-2005 at 09:09 PM.
I may be way off here, but do you think that it really was a "coincidence" when you and NG ran into the ex on your date. She might have somehow found out that you guys were going to be there and then purposely showed up (deciding that since NG was suddenly unavailable that she wanted him back) or maybe NG was secretly not over her and knew that she would be at the beach and he wanted to make her jealous by being seen there with you. I don't want to give you any new worries and I may be totally off, but I just thought that either of the above scenarios could be a possibility. It just seems weird that the first time you visit the area where NG lives, that you guys run into his ex of all people! It just makes me SO mad that NG even has to THINK about possibly returning to his ex and that he hasn't wanted to spend as much time with you lately!!
*I just wanted to add that I hope my post doesn't come accross too mean--I am kind of in a man-hating mood right now--yet I still desperately want one--the right one anyway. I know there are still some good guys out there and hopefully NG really is one of them.
Last edited by glamourgal; 07-13-2005 at 12:41 AM.
Update--Ex wants him back 
How are you doing this morning??? Did you sleep much....I sure hope so.
). 
My female ego is seriously bruised that he's putting me in this kind of a waiting position, and I don't like it. I don't feel the least bit enthusiastic about the whole situation. I don't want to be always so understanding. I am sick and tired of being understanding and always waiting for someone to make up their mind, either if they want a committed relationship, or if they want to go back to the ex girlfriend. And even if he was indeed somewhat confused, which I can understand, what I don't understand is WHY should that prevent him from still going out with me? He was going to see me one day before he leaves for his trip, and then he made all kinds of excuses why he probably can't but said he would let me know for sure last night. Well, he didn't even mention it at all last night, so of course he has no desire to see me before his trip. Even if he still has some "residual" feelings for her, why should that interfere with him missing me and wanting to see me? 
. I wish I could have posted sooner in response to some very kind comments like Goody's last night, but today was very busy and my internet access has been flaky. I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to write sooner--how are you doing, Sophia? Please remember that we are all here for you whenever you want to vent, ask questions, etc.--it's okay to wallow now and try to come to some sense of resolution regarding NG. Have you come to any conclusions about how you want to respond to him from now on, or if you're going to wait until after his trip or talk to him before he leaves? For what it's worth, I agree with Little Rose's advice and some of the other posters who agreed with you that you deserve better treatment--no woman should ever have to lower her dignity by competing for a man's interest! In fact, I don't think there is much that is a bigger turnoff to men than seeing women size each other up jealously, hearing them compare themselves to other women and beg for reassurance (do you think she's pretty? prettier than ME?), or otherwise feeling even the tiniest bit threatened by other women, who she doesn't even consider competition. Truly confident women with high self-esteem believe deep down that they are an excellent catch and that many men would love to have them, and this is one important component of inner beauty and confidence that everyone finds attractive and appealing.
