What does this mean? - Relationship Health Message Board

skyguy · 07-21-2005, 06:03 PM

Now this is a wierd situation. I recieved this from a woman I was dating a while ago, while we were dating. We were only dating officially for about a month, and unofficially for about a month or two before that. We are no longer together. She now seems very certain that we are not a good match for a number of reasons, one being, she never became convinced that I had a genuine interest in her. But here it goes. To lay the context, we are both Christians, virgins, and unfortunately, she was raped recently(before I met her, but I didn't know it until after we met in person(we met first onling)).

Here is what she wrote...

...I know it may seem crazy, but sometimes, you just know
things.... and I know.... I know you're a wonderful man. I know you
make me exceedingly happy... and like my father reminded me, all
things work for good. I know that too.

What do you think that means?

Also, I have a question about myself as wierd as it may be. I don't really know if I am interested in her. I was certain that I was at first. After the first few times we met, I was in bliss. I was sure she was the one for me. Only thing is, after a while, she raised concerns that I wasn't actually romantically interested in her. That might make sense. I haad recently moved here and didn't have any friends and life wasn't going great. So maybe I was just lonely and happy to fiinda friend. I have to admit that is a possibility. Only thing is, now that we are apart, I think about her really often, and how great it would be to be with her again and spend the rest of my life with her and raise a family with her. On the other hand, at other times, I don't know what I feel. Also, I admitted to her that it was possible that I thought I cared for her as much as I did romantically because I was just reacting to a natural instinct to care for and protect a woman who was harmed, and in a sense still in danger and that I mistook that for romantic feelings. Also, she raised the concern that I was only interested in her out of a reaction to the fact that she was so interested in me. I don't know. I want to get over her, but I don't want to get over her. Why do I think how great it would be to be with her again and yet at other times have such great doubt? What's the deal here? Any thoughts?

Datura · 07-21-2005, 06:25 PM

You seem like a hopeless romantic. You barely know her, aren't sure if you like her, yet still fantasize about marriage and family [with her].

She leaves the impression that she's far too dependent on you, and you leave the impression you are dependent on some domesticized fantasy.

An unhealthy outlook all around. Might as well get out of it.

skyguy · 07-21-2005, 06:30 PM

Well, she's not dependent. She is as independent as they come. Just take my word for that. Consider what she wrote keeping that in mind.

I would not be suprised if I could be classified as a hopeless romantic. What's the definition of a hopeless romantic again?

I would still like a bunch more opinions on the situation.

Datura · 07-21-2005, 06:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by thompsbj

Well, she's not dependent. She is as independent as they come. Just take my word for that. Consider what she wrote keeping that in mind.

That's what my conjecture is/was based on.

Quote:

I would still like a bunch more opinions on the situation.

Don't worry, you'll get some.

skyguy · 07-21-2005, 06:47 PM

Another thing that I never brought up with her, that I didn't think about until recently. Maybe due to the rape, which happened only a month before we met in person, she was more interested in me because she was happy to meet a relatively nice, honorable man. One of the things with rape victims is that after the incident, they are compelled to be around men, at least she did mention that. We do have a lot in common, but the fact that I seemed very safe to her and seemed to genuinely care for her may have made her cling to me(be dependent) with more affection than was actually there. In that way you could be right.

I think I have come to the conclusion that we might be a good fit, but that she may not be in the best condition for a relationship with her still being so messed up from the rape. I probably wasn't ready for a relationship is a few ways too. It may have just been bad timing. If there is any possibility of getting back together, I know it won't be for a long time, probably at least 3-4 months at a minimum.