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Old 08-11-2005, 03:09 PM   #1
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normnailz HB User
GF and new Guy "Friend"

So, my girlfriend and I were dating for 6 months. She doesn't want me seeing other single girls that have been interested in me or that I have been interested in in the past. I agreed and have not seen any of those girls since and have no new ones to talk to, i want this relationship to work pretty bad. Anyway, she asks one day if it is okay if she hangs out with guy friends of hers because her GFs are always busy. She knew that it would be unfair but asked anyway. I was 100% okay with and didn't even think twice, i trusted her. One month later (7 months together at this time), she has been talking to this guy an awful lot and hanging out with him quite a bit. I then started to realize that something wasn't right. I confronted her and told her I was starting to get a little uncomfortable with her hanging out with him, she always told me when they were going out and where to, but I still just felt uncomfortable. She continues to hang out with him all the time and talking to him, she didn't change anything. After pleading with her and crying to her (literally) that I thought I was losing her, she realized and said that she has been insensitive and needs to change. But nothing changes. Finally I give her the dreaded "ultimatum". She chooses to be with me, but I still know she had been talking to him (cell phone bills). We break up. It's going on 2 weeks now and she is miserable. i have been talking to her best friend and have talked to co-workers of hers and they all realize that she just isn't the same without me. What should I do???

 
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Old 08-11-2005, 03:11 PM   #2
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dsleik HB User
Re: GF and new Guy "Friend"

do you want to get back together... but i see your point if youve told her you were uncomfortable w that and she continued, she isnt respecting you. it all comes down to trust.

 
Old 08-11-2005, 03:17 PM   #3
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normnailz HB User
Re: GF and new Guy "Friend"

I want to get back together with her. I feel pretty empty without her. BTW I later found out, right before we broke up, that this guy was someone that was interested in her before we started seeing each other. That's what sucks, it's like she kept that from me because she knew I wouldn't be cool with it. But after all this she is begging for me to come back and that this friend of hers will be a complete afterthought if we get back together. I think I can trust her if he is out of the picture. I kind of want to just take things slowly if we do get back together, restart with dating and all of that. But does anyone think this will work or is it just doomed?

 
Old 08-11-2005, 03:18 PM   #4
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Ruth6:11 HB UserRuth6:11 HB User
Re: GF and new Guy "Friend"

Quit talking to the best friend and coworkers for starters.
Either talk to her about the situation or consider yourself broken up for good and face forward instead of back...

If you two DO try to get back together, try a NON-steady relationship where you date others (or hang out etc) and sleep with no one - not even each other. Seems to help straighten out the "you belong to me even tho there's no ring around your finger" problems....

I know, no one else has been able to do it either (yet)

 
Old 08-11-2005, 06:01 PM   #5
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CarpeDiem2006 HB User
Re: GF and new Guy "Friend"

She should respect your feelings particularly if she doesn't want you to see other "female" friends. What's good for the goose is good for the gander. I don't think you should take her back but if you do...play her game...I know it sounds childish but again maybe she needs a dose of her own medecine. But if you ask me sounds like she cheated with that guy and it is more than friendship...bottom line you should trust each other. If you don't that's a bad sign but good to look at because maybe there is a reason you don't trust (like a gut reason).

 
Old 08-11-2005, 10:23 PM   #6
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eaglesgirl37 HB User
Re: GF and new Guy "Friend"

I don't think she has done anything so unforgivable...it also sounds like you're only really punishing yourself by staying away from her because you genuinely miss her. Have you considered agreeing to date again provided that she cuts off contact with her male friend? Or asking her to cut down on contact and only talk to or see him when you're around, and there are a big group of people involved? I can see this from both sides, though...it is possible that she was or is cheating, but having been in her situation numerous times when I was younger and not as considerate, when a girl is sleeping with her male friend before she ends her primary relationship, she will almost always then openly be with the male friend afterwards. If she is wanting you back, there is a chance he is genuinely only a platonic friend and your jealousy and/or insecurity could be clouding your perception. You certainly wouldn't be the first BF to freak out over his GF having a guy friend and dumping her, then regretting it. I would suggest that you talk to her in a calm and mature way. I don't think you should try to dictate who she can and can't contact...I can see why you might be bothered, but ultimately you can't control her, and it's not really right to tell her who to be friends with. But if you do want to give it another shot, you need to have an open, honest conversation with her about trust and decide what it will take for you to trust each other this time around before you get involved with her again, if you want to go that way. Do you have any reason to think anything more than friendship has happened between your GF and the guy in question? If so, then I'd say move on, but otherwise, I certainly don't think she's necessarily someone you could never trust again and deserves another chance. Assuming she is faithful to you and you can trust her and respect her independence, I think you guys might have a shot...and I usually disagree with the people here who take an optimistic approach to advising people about getting back together with someone after they've broken up. In most cases, I think it's a waste of time to mourn an ex and hold out any hope whatsoever of getting back together, but of course there are always exceptions to any rule. Hopefully you'll know what the best choice here is for you and decide accordingly...good luck!

 
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