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need marriage defined please

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Old 08-16-2005, 05:00 PM   #1
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 2
ortho1 HB User
need marriage defined please

my husband of 20 years is quite a flirt which causes problems... I have gotten 2 phone calls over the 20 years with 2 different women involved in 2 different jobs (he has a track record" "there is a concern at work as your husband is spending alot of time with a particular women" they have had lunch and breaks alone-she is married-as I approach him with these "concerns" I am told "they are my friends,we have alot in common" I have tracked phone calls where he has called her on christmas eve and his birthday-he said "I will never call her again" she has also called him.they do have radios at work to talk back and forth so there is really no need to use the cells. I have called her and she tells me "you have to understand we have alot in common" both have said there is nothing physical going on and she has told her husband about the concern . he and my husband know each other. I am feeling a bit "concerned" myself as this is the second time with his flirtatious behavior getting the best of him. am I going overboard with my falling apart" or is this a normal marriage thing I have to get used to? thanks for any help here,

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Old 08-16-2005, 05:10 PM   #2
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Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 5,541
SophiaM HB User
Re: need marriage defined please

Well, I'm not an expert, but two phonecalls over the past 20 years doesn't sound too bad. I'm an attractive single woman and yes, I have to admit, I've had a share of married men interested in me, but I never pursued anything with them because I consider it wrong. Still, sometimes there is a lot in common, so if the marrried man sent me a birthday card, for example, I would be flattered to receive it, though I would not pursue anything further, because of my morals. I wouldn't like my own husband acting this way, but the longer I live, the more I realize that married men tend to flirt, even though they do not plan to leave their wives or even have an affair for that matter! Especially the middle aged ones need to feel like at least they are desired by other women. It's strange but that's what I've noticed. Doesn't mean they want to physically cheat, either.

Old 08-16-2005, 05:57 PM   #3
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 2
ortho1 HB User
Re: need marriage defined please

sophia- I think you might just have someting there! he is also a scorpio which might have abit to do with that-he is 48 and I am 51--ya... it might be that middle aged thing and "being desired by other women" but how it hurts the ones that love them! thanks for responding-it does make sense.

Old 08-16-2005, 06:36 PM   #4
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: PBG, Fl, USA
Posts: 197
Kali HB User
Re: need marriage defined please

There doesn't have to be anything physical going to be cheating on your spouse. If my husband was calling another woman on christmas, his birthday, or basically 'flirting', I would go balistic.

He has female friends, I have male friends. But there is difference between being friends with the opposite sex and emotionaly cheating.

Old 08-16-2005, 07:13 PM   #5
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Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: TN
Posts: 11
joep1016 HB User
Re: need marriage defined please

Why is it that women think that talking to, or calling and saying Merry Christmas or happy birthday to a co-worker is flirting. I have been in many situatuations where I work with women and I have to talk to them. Should I treat them bad just because I am married and My wife might think I'm screwing around. I have been married for 21 years and have never cheated. I love my wife and she knows it.
You don't need to worry about your husband.

Old 08-17-2005, 06:21 AM   #6
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 120
jenna1 HB User
Re: need marriage defined please

I think you should worry if your husband is contacting her without your knowledge. If that's the case - I agree that they could be having some type of affair whether it's physical or emotional. Now, I do agree that there's nothing wrong with being "friendly" with a coworker of the opposite sex, but when you're finding that you have things in common and having to contact eachother throughout the day well, that's a red flag in my book.

Old 08-17-2005, 07:39 AM   #7
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: PBG, Fl, USA
Posts: 197
Kali HB User
Re: need marriage defined please

Originally Posted by joep1016
Why is it that women think that talking to, or calling and saying Merry Christmas or happy birthday to a co-worker is flirting. .
Because you're a man and you fail to see how your 'innocent' actions will effect your loved ones.

Like I said, there is nothing wrong with having male and female friends. One of my very best friends is man, we go camping and hunting together, work on our jeeps together, AND my husband is fine it. What wouldn't be fine is if I was doing this behind is back.

If this is all legit and is just a platonic situation, then why the need to sneak around? I see red flags all over the place.


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