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Old 08-17-2005, 07:47 AM   #1
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How Important Is Looks In a Relationship?

Ok.....I have a big question for all of the men on the board! Just how important is a woman's looks in determining whether or not you will continue an ongoing relationship with her? I am 37 and of course not getting any younger. Although I'm no beauty queen, I do consider myself attractive. But these days, it just seems as if men in general prefer women in their 20s simply because their bodies are younger and more appealing. But what about us women who have given birth and no longer have a "20 something body"? I am just curious about what you all think about this and would love some advice from real men who can let us women know what is important as far as looks are concerned? I'm not being shallow here, and I know that personality does play a major role, but let's face it.....looks does matter to most people! If anyone has any input on this topic, I would GREATLY appreciate it!
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Old 08-17-2005, 12:03 PM   #2
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kingam HB User
Re: How Important Is Looks In a Relationship?

looks matter more to us guys. not to say everyone is shallow, but everything ive heard and read points to men being slightly more shallow. im guilty of it. my ex was gorgeous and im having trouble meeting someone i find as attractive. of course there is more to it than that, but its almost like i feel like i should at least find someone im equally attracted to.

but im only 28, so i only date between 26 and 32 or so...

 
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Old 08-17-2005, 10:06 PM   #3
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Re: How Important Is Looks In a Relationship?

Us men are more "visual" creatures. It does matter, the female body is a beautiful thing. You say you have given birth and don't have a "20 something body" anymore.....but I have seen many women who also have given birth and are quite sexy still. Just because you have a child doesn't mean you have to look un-sexy. It just takes a little more determination

 
Old 08-18-2005, 03:31 AM   #4
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Re: How Important Is Looks In a Relationship?

I am surprised at the responses of kingam and bruce, though I believe their responses to be genuine. In fact, the question is so mundane that I almost didn't read this post because the answer seems so obvious.

If looks were the priority criteria for men, then only young beautiful women would have mates and that certainly is NOT the case. We see many examples of average looking women with very handsome men. The reverse is also true. Have you ever seen a beautiful woman with a bald man? I certainly have - and it isn't about money either. It is about what is under the skin.

Physical beauty can quickly draw the attention of men, but it does not keep their interest.

I remember a phenominon I experienced dating an absolutely gorgeous woman. After about three weeks or so, the thrill was gone and her looks did not matter to me. I remember marveling at the fact that I was dating such a gorgeous woman and the excitement of her physical looks was not enough to keep me interested in her. She was nice enough, but lacked that certain something. I ended the relationship shortly after coming to that realization.

It is a woman's charm, intelligence, caring, and other traits that really catch a man and keep him.

When you talk with men who stayed married to a woman well into the sunset years, he will rarely tell you that the reason he stayed with her was because she maintained her physical beauty throughout the marriage. He always talks about his love for her and his wife's kindness throughout their partnership. You never hear him say, "Good thing she stayed a hottie or I probably would have dropped her".

A woman's charm and caring is what will set a young man's spirits into a spin and have him day-dreaming and pining for the next meeting. It is a woman's character that will let a man know that THIS is absolutely the woman he wants to marry -"and he has never been so sure of anything in his life". A woman's compassion and devotion will help make a man feel good about himself, but her looks cannot provide this morale booster.

When people divorce, you rarely hear about looks being a reason for the break-up. It is always for personality reasons. "She changed and turned into a mean crabby beach".

I hope that answers your question. I can assure you that I am not alone in this opinion. The majority of all women are not in their twenties and beautiful, yet most women have intimate long-term loving relationships with a man. This fact attests to the idea that it is the "something else" which is more important than physical beauty and youth.

Last edited by thghtsreal; 08-18-2005 at 03:39 AM.

 
Old 08-18-2005, 04:17 AM   #5
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MOONCHILD63 HB User
Re: How Important Is Looks In a Relationship?

As I get older and face facts, it is nice to view younger woman but I must say that a well kept older gal is still very appealing.A little rounder is very nice.A pretty face is probably my downfall and I don't know why.Keep the faith you are not old by any means.

 
Old 08-18-2005, 05:42 AM   #6
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Re: How Important Is Looks In a Relationship?

"It is a woman's charm, intelligence, caring, and other traits that really catch a man and keep him. "

well of course. you have to fall in LOVE, but were talking about that initial attraction that MAKES YOU want to learn more. there are plenty of traditionally not "attractive" women with mates, but then again, theres plenty of unattractive men who need someone too... i dont know... i think there is someone for everyone... when im physically attracted to someone there has to be someone underneath too... i think you assume that because looks matter i could care less about their personality...

thats not the case... i want someone i can connect with, but she has to be attractive to me as well... there is no crime in that... in fact, i would say the only people who would have a problem with me saying that would be people who dont have a great self image.

 
Old 08-18-2005, 06:51 AM   #7
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Re: How Important Is Looks In a Relationship?

Hey guys!!........Thank you so much for all of your responses! I am in the middle of going through a seperation with my husband and I know that later on I will be in the dating scene again. It just really worries me to have to be my age and dating again. I guess i'm just thinking that it will be harder to find someone now that i'm 37, not because of just looks but also the fact that I have children. But I just wanted some real opinions about how men felt about this. Thanks again to all of you!!
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Old 08-18-2005, 07:06 AM   #8
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thghtsreal HB User
Re: How Important Is Looks In a Relationship?

Quote:
Originally Posted by kingam
"It is a woman's charm, intelligence, caring, and other traits that really catch a man and keep him. "

well of course. you have to fall in LOVE, but were talking about that initial attraction that MAKES YOU want to learn more. there are plenty of traditionally not "attractive" women with mates, but then again, theres plenty of unattractive men who need someone too... i dont know... i think there is someone for everyone... when im physically attracted to someone there has to be someone underneath too... i think you assume that because looks matter i could care less about their personality...

thats not the case... i want someone i can connect with, but she has to be attractive to me as well... there is no crime in that... in fact, i would say the only people who would have a problem with me saying that would be people who dont have a great self image.
Indeed, Kingam. Your clarification reveals that there really is more to a man's heart than visual stimulus.

 
Old 08-18-2005, 08:12 AM   #9
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SophiaM HB User
Re: How Important Is Looks In a Relationship?

Quote:
Originally Posted by thghtsreal
I am surprised at the responses of kingam and bruce, though I believe their responses to be genuine. In fact, the question is so mundane that I almost didn't read this post because the answer seems so obvious.

If looks were the priority criteria for men, then only young beautiful women would have mates and that certainly is NOT the case. We see many examples of average looking women with very handsome men. The reverse is also true. Have you ever seen a beautiful woman with a bald man? I certainly have - and it isn't about money either. It is about what is under the skin.

Physical beauty can quickly draw the attention of men, but it does not keep their interest.

I remember a phenominon I experienced dating an absolutely gorgeous woman. After about three weeks or so, the thrill was gone and her looks did not matter to me. I remember marveling at the fact that I was dating such a gorgeous woman and the excitement of her physical looks was not enough to keep me interested in her. She was nice enough, but lacked that certain something. I ended the relationship shortly after coming to that realization.

It is a woman's charm, intelligence, caring, and other traits that really catch a man and keep him.

When you talk with men who stayed married to a woman well into the sunset years, he will rarely tell you that the reason he stayed with her was because she maintained her physical beauty throughout the marriage. He always talks about his love for her and his wife's kindness throughout their partnership. You never hear him say, "Good thing she stayed a hottie or I probably would have dropped her".

A woman's charm and caring is what will set a young man's spirits into a spin and have him day-dreaming and pining for the next meeting. It is a woman's character that will let a man know that THIS is absolutely the woman he wants to marry -"and he has never been so sure of anything in his life". A woman's compassion and devotion will help make a man feel good about himself, but her looks cannot provide this morale booster.

When people divorce, you rarely hear about looks being a reason for the break-up. It is always for personality reasons. "She changed and turned into a mean crabby beach".

I hope that answers your question. I can assure you that I am not alone in this opinion. The majority of all women are not in their twenties and beautiful, yet most women have intimate long-term loving relationships with a man. This fact attests to the idea that it is the "something else" which is more important than physical beauty and youth.
I think you make an EXCELLENT point in this post! Looks only matter to a degree, otherwise, all these beautiful Hollywood couples wouldn't be divorcing with the speed of light. True love comes from a deep connection to another person on a level that's far beyond the physical.

 
Old 08-18-2005, 08:57 AM   #10
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Re: How Important Is Looks In a Relationship?

Thank you Thghtsreal, that was really nicely put!

Also, I wanted to point out that once in love, you tend to look at your mate thru eyes of love and see them as beautiful no matter what anyway!!

 
Old 08-18-2005, 09:33 AM   #11
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Re: How Important Is Looks In a Relationship?

Quote:
Originally Posted by ibeeshell
Thank you Thghtsreal, that was really nicely put!

Also, I wanted to point out that once in love, you tend to look at your mate thru eyes of love and see them as beautiful no matter what anyway!!
Boy, that is for sure! I remember clearly that when I first met my wife, I thought she was pretty average looking. Fate brought us together enough times that we got to know each other and we fell in love. My view of her transformed to a point that I believed and still believe that she is a very beautiful woman. I look at her now years later and still think, Man, that is a beautiful woman. I tell her so, but she says, "knock it off. You are just saying that."

Other fellows probably don't see in her what I see, but to me, OOooh La La.

I remember being a teen and camping with my father and my buddies. Eventually, the conversation would turn to women. Trying to pry some candid manly talk from my dad, I would ask him who he thought was a hot chick. He would always say, "Well, to me, your mother is a very beautiful woman". I would say, "Jeez, Dad, isn't she like 50 years old or something? Come on, we are around the campfire. Let's talk about real cute chicks!" But he always stuck to his story and Mom was always his first and only pick. The rest of us would chuckle. Now, I know where he was coming from.

 
Old 08-22-2005, 08:44 AM   #12
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Smile Re: How Important Is Looks In a Relationship?

Hey,

Young persons perspective here!!

Looks are important for men and woman. This is because looks are what people see first. The first impression you get off any person is based on their looks, because its visual.

Its weird - Looks are obviously the first thing you see when you look at a person, whether it be in a pub, club or in the street and this is what you initially rate the person on. After this follows their personality, humor, way of life, etc... But these are things which you might never get to see or learn if you have overlooked the person on looks alone.

What im trying to say is that if people walked around with a list stuck on there heads like a CV/resume of their life/hobbies/interests/personalities then you would be attracted to different people. People who you normally wouldnt give a second thought to.

I have helplessly fallen for girls which originally havent attracted me because of their looks. Just getting to know them as friends made me warm to them and start to fall for them for the type of person they are and not what they look like.

If your walkinking down the street and you brush past someone, you might think "oh, she was fit" not "oh, she had a brilliant peronality"

You cannot judge anything but looks unless you spend time with someone.

So.... i dont really know what im trying to say but.... looks maybe most peoples first attraction to someone, but its everything else which keeps two people together.

and by the way, your in your 30's, so dont talk like your past it!!! Have you ever seen American Pie????? (If not then watch it cus there well funny) or heard of a M.I.L.F??? (look it up)

lol

 
Old 08-22-2005, 08:54 AM   #13
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airey HB User
Re: How Important Is Looks In a Relationship?

I'm almost 50. After I turned 40 I couldn't find anybody my age to go out with besides the fat guys. Women care about looks also. All the male friends my age that are single are at least dating somebody 10 years and younger. I find it very insulting and it has given my a bad feeling about men in general. I think women are still treated as sex objects. I was lucky to find somebody I went to high school with to date. We had an attachment from a long time ago but we were both equally attractive. We get along but I also feel like if this doesn't work out I'm in trouble.

I'm actually very attractive but can't compete with women half my age.

Good Luck!

 
Old 08-22-2005, 10:28 AM   #14
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Re: How Important Is Looks In a Relationship?

Had to chime in on this one for the original poster, Kellis. I recently have separtated as well and turned 38 in June. What you're going to find out is that there are MANY available men out there at our age. With the divorce rate being what it is, there are a lot of men in the same boat as us right now.

I never, and mean never have had 'em comin out of the woodwork like they are now. Women are prettier, smarter, and well...hotter at our age than at any other time in our lives, and men recognize this. Use this time to work on yourself, get to the gym and get some emotional closier to be happy with yourself. Thru some trips to the store to update your wordrobe, buying some pretty underware again(he he) and doing exactly what YOU want for a few weeks, you will start to feel sexy again, I promise.

I am settling for nothing less than one majorly hot guy with no issues! Your attitude about how you feel about yourself will shine thru, and if it is "I'm one hot mama and have a ton of fun wherever I go..." you will do great. My problem is not finding guys who are interested, it's weeding them out.

A word of caution---they are way better at the bull**** at the age we are now, so watch out. They usually have issues if they were never married, and may have some if they were left--so be careful to get the truth and go slow. Made that mistake already, and it hurt bad to go thru it again so soon after the breakup. Still kinda hung up on this one, which sucks bigtime, but I'll get over it.

Are you able to go out with friends yet? I feel it is very important to get back out there, getting attention and checking out your feelings. I find I am very good in group situations, but one on one is still a source of anxiety for me. The only one on ones I have had were with this previous guy I mentioned, and it was by total accident I fell in love with him---hard and fast. Turned out to be a lot of what he said he wasn't--so sometimes you have to live and learn. It's very hard to trust again--that's an issue of mine I continue to work on.

BUT--I got off track. DO I think looks are important?? You bet. Sorry--shallowand what not, but honest. I SO wish they didn't matter to me cuz I have met a lot of really nice guys that I am simply not attracted to. First guy was majorly, hot, hot hot--so now everyone's a darn comparison and I hate it.

It's not going to work well for me I am afraid b/c what I find hot are usually players. Hopefully that's just for now, and looking at them b/c it feels deep down as tho they are emotionally unavailable on some level cuz I really don't want a commited relationship. WHo knows--but hopefully I will stop wanting just really hot someday soon. I think it's just a phase in my life right now. A shrink would have a field day with me on this issue, huh?

DO looks matter to men? Yup!! I am treated differently by men if I go out looking good, than when I go out looking like crap. That's mattering I think. Now, I just go out looking good no matter what. It's more fun that way really and gives your self confidence a boost. It only takes a few more minutes, and it feels great. Grocery store, doctors offices, gas pumps-all places I used to not worry about what I looked like. NOW--I have realized--you never know where you're gonna run into someone, so always look good. Makes you feel better too, I swear.

You are going to do great. It's really a great thing to be on your own again--altho sometimes during the divorce it really is hard. I know for sure on this. Today sucks but this weekend is coming!! Good luck to you.

 
Old 08-24-2005, 06:26 AM   #15
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Re: How Important Is Looks In a Relationship?

Yes, of course. You knew that all along, didn't you?!

Looks are important in relationships and also in life, as well. To varying degrees, of course. We will be judged on our looks throughout our entire lives. There is no getting around that. But, I think our looks are somewhat less important as we get older. We aren't judged as harshly then. I am not shallow in saying all this, I am just being realistic and honest. In life we will be judged constantly about many, many things, looks just being one of them. In my experience, as we get older, we are judged more about money and material wealth. There is a shift in priorities here. The best thing a person can do for himself/herself, is to develop a strong self-esteem as possible, gain self confidence and self acceptance early in life. And the earlier, the better! Work on yourself in these areas, if you have a problem with this. So, when you do achieve a strong self esteem, you will be able to shrug off any judgement or criticism thrown at you, be it about looks, money, popularity, intelligence, etc. Developing confidence and self esteem is a prize worth fighting for! For your entire life.

Back to the thread's original question.... yes, looks do play a role, in many cases a big role. All is not lost though. Just accept that fact. And move on.

 
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