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Old 08-19-2005, 08:29 AM   #1
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lostsoul1 HB User
I'm crushed

I'll write more about it later when I'm not at work... I wrote before about that relationship I knew was doomed with a married woman. Well, she wised up after a 3 week trip to see family in Europe and backed off. We mutually decided to call it quits, but I have a feeling she would have anyway if I didn't put it on the table, because she was distancing herself. I'm devastated but knew this day would come, just not so soon.

I deserve everything I got because she wasn't mine to begin with, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. Bad. I guess I can go back to being an upstanding citizen, at least.

 
Old 08-19-2005, 02:06 PM   #2
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Hiya HB User
Re: I'm crushed

Quote:
Originally Posted by lostsoul1
I'll write more about it later when I'm not at work... I wrote before about that relationship I knew was doomed with a married woman. Well, she wised up after a 3 week trip to see family in Europe and backed off. We mutually decided to call it quits, but I have a feeling she would have anyway if I didn't put it on the table, because she was distancing herself. I'm devastated but knew this day would come, just not so soon.

I deserve everything I got because she wasn't mine to begin with, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. Bad. I guess I can go back to being an upstanding citizen, at least.

I'm sorry you're hurting, lostsoul. Even though you must have known on some level it would end this way, it doesn't make it any easier, I know. but I hope in time you will be able to find some relief in knowing that the relationship wasn't really "real" and you didn't really lose her, because you can't lose what was never yours to begin with. I hope you can find a way to utilize those feelings and relationship skills and lessons learned to a real relationship with a woman who is free and clear to love you and only you.

 
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Old 08-20-2005, 08:26 AM   #3
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Re: I'm crushed

Here's the e-mail that sort of prompted the break-up. I had sent her something basically saying I couldn't hide my feelings anymore.

Here was her response

..........

edited to remove e-mail, just in case she or anyone familiar with my situation ever reads here.

Last edited by lostsoul1; 08-20-2005 at 04:47 PM.

 
Old 08-20-2005, 08:56 AM   #4
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Re: I'm crushed

Hiya, thanks so much for your kind words. I didn't expect anything in the way of sympathy or empathy... this is one of those situations where I know something's wrong but carried through on it anyway. I'd say this is the first time in my life I allowed myself a sin of this magnitude, but once I crossed that line it felt impossible to pull back. Anyway, thanks again.

 
Old 08-20-2005, 02:52 PM   #5
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Re: I'm crushed

I think it is very hard to control who we choose to care for. I think we often fall for people we know are bad for us. But, I do believe that we open ourselves to even more pain when we pursue the ones we know will end up hurting us. It's just so hard though, when the feelings are so strong, to fight them day after day...........

 
Old 08-20-2005, 03:19 PM   #6
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Re: I'm crushed

Well, I have no sympathy for those who choose to persue another man's woman/another woman's man. I was 'the other woman', and like you, I paid the price. BUT, I got the same thing in return and wised up to the magnitude of it. It hurt being on the loosing end, wondering why I wasn't good enough that he had to stray from the relationship. Wondering why I wasn't worth the truth, the freedom to leave a situation that I was being FORCED into.

I've come to learn that those who cheat, on both ends, are usually nothing but cowards and loosers. It took me a long time to learn that I fit that bill, and even longer to get over being a looser.

You may not be able to controll love, as is often the excuse, but you can controll being a theif.

I'm not going to say sorry that your heart is broken, but I did you want to know you're not alone. You now have to own up to your actions, and hope like he!! that you didn't ruin the life of another man (and his childen?). This part will be even harder then the break up, because realizing that you aren't a good person hurts more then anything else in the world.

At least you can recognize that what you did was wrong. I didn't get that far until it was done to me. Karma sucks. Maybe you have spared yourself that pain with your remorse.

Best of luck.

 
Old 08-20-2005, 06:26 PM   #7
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Re: I'm crushed

I want to make one thing clear. I didn't pursue her... if anything it was exactly the opposite. We had chemistry on an internet bulletin board, and then a trip was arranged for 8 of us from that board to meet as friends in NYC. At the time, I was told she was going as a "single woman." Still, I didn't pursue her, and actually resisted her advances.

It wasn't until months later, after many, many hints and innuendos on her part, that I finally caved and yes.. at that point I proposed a meeting. But this was definitely not a case of me seeing something I wanted and simply chasing it despite the fact that it was not mine... if anything, she kept pushing herself in front of me screaming "take me."

 
Old 08-21-2005, 04:01 AM   #8
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Re: I'm crushed

I really don't think it matters who chases who. If you know a person is married, it is your moral obligation to TURN IT DOWN. Months and months of her being unfaithful in her advances does not justify a reason to 'cave'. Just because she wants it, doesn't mean it's Ok.

Marriage is a committment. One that needs to be respected from both the inside, and outside. If you're married, you do not stray from that. If you want/need too, get a divorce. And as a single person, you need respect that committment, too. She may have been persuing you for months and months, but back home was some guy who was probably unware that his wife was cheating. Probably being lied too.

 
Old 08-21-2005, 05:29 PM   #9
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Re: I'm crushed

The problem is, I totally agree with you, and yet for some reason I'm still more fixated on figuring out why (or if) her feelings suddenly died. Maybe for my own self confidence going into the future. She told me she wants to continue using me as a "boytoy" but without feelings lingering out there so we don't get hurt. I mean, isn't the guy supposed to be the one after just sex? What's wrong with me that I can't inspire any feelings other than sexual ones.

Maybe that's what's getting to me more than anything. Yes, I'm a bad person. But I'm an insecure one and I can't get beyond the "what's wrong with me" line of thinking.

 
Old 08-21-2005, 05:43 PM   #10
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shiznit HB User
Re: I'm crushed

Maybe she had a "wakeup call" that if she didn't nip this in the bud right now, she could destroy something she's worked on for many years -- a relationship with a man she was about to cuckold big-time.

Truth of the matter? She probably does have feelings for you still.
Fact of the matter? She's a married woman and has someone in her life already.

 
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