The Missing Piece ~ Is The Grass Always Greener???
Hey everybody As having experienced both single life and married life I found it quite interesting reading the following and thought others would find it interesting as well. It's a story I once read that went like this.....
"Once there was a circle that was missing. A large triangular wedge had been cut out of it. The circle wanted to be whole, with nothing missing, so it went around and around looking for its missing piece. But because it was incomplete, it could only roll very slowly as it rolled throughout the world. But as it rolled slowly, it admired the flowers along the way. It chatted with butterflies. It enjoyed the warm sunshine.
It found lots of pieces, but none of them fit. Some were too big and some were to small. Some were too square and some too pointy. So it left them by the side of the road and kept on searching.
Then one day the circle found a piece that fit perfectly. It was so happy. Now it could be whole, with nothing missing. With the replacement piece in place, the now perfect circle could roll along very fast, but too fast to notice the flowers, too fast to talk to the butterflies. When it realized how different the world seemed when it rolled along so quickly, the circle stopped, left its newfound piece by the side of the road, and rolled slowly away, looking for its missing piece."
Why is it that we see single people miserable trying to find their "missing piece" and married people who have found it but sometimes are miserable as well??? Like the story....the circle eventually finds the perfect "missing piece" that makes it finally able to roll along feeling complete. It searched it's whole lifetime trying to find it and yet once it does, it still feels like something's missing and realizes it was happier in it's old life when it felt incomplete!!! What's with that??? The more I think about it and the more I am around here, the more I see how our lives seem to parallel this story.
How many posts do we have of single people complaining about not finding that person that is Mr./Mrs. Right??? And how many married people come here saying that Mr./Mrs. Right no longer fits anymore??? Perhaps this story will open up our eyes to the realization that so long as we feel incomplete within our core and learn to appreciate each journey along the way, there is no missing piece that will be able to make us feel whole....it is all in how we live our lives as we roll along the way. I know that it's not always easy to see it this way whether we are single or married but I thought the story was one that made me realize how easy it is for us to think things are making our lives incomplete when we have the ability to change that by taking the time to smell the flowers and talk to the butterflies along the way
Re: The Missing Piece ~ Is The Grass Always Greener???
Wow..that really hit home...it makes me realize that even though I am single I am exactly where I need to be in life. And with great people like you guys I know I will be able to get through any obstacle....
Re: The Missing Piece ~ Is The Grass Always Greener???
Goody, that's an excellent question, and a very interesting story as well! I honestly think that people have become a bit too much me-oriented and too individualistic, that's why they're never fully happy with anything or anyone. So many people just want to feel constantly happy and satisfied (which is unrealistic), and if they stop feeling that in their relationships, they immediately think there must be something wrong with the relationship and discard their partner in search of a new one. I'm sorry but that's the way I see it. My grandparents, for example, were so committed to each other that they never questioned if there's something 'missing' or if they're happy enough with that person or would they be happier single, etc. I'm sure they were not deliriously happy and elated every day, but the days that were boring or plain bad, or stressful, they just let these days pass and accepted them as a natural part of human existence. But in the end, my grandmother still has tears in her eyes when she remembers when she was at her husband's side when he was dying and he said he wouldn't have traded the years with her for anything else and that if he had to do it again, he would choose her as his wife again. That's what I want for myself too.
Re: The Missing Piece ~ Is The Grass Always Greener???
Quote:
Originally Posted by SophiaM
But in the end, my grandmother still has tears in her eyes when she remembers when she was at her husband's side when he was dying and he said he wouldn't have traded the years with her for anything else and that if he had to do it again, he would choose her as his wife again. That's what I want for myself too.
Wow. Me too, Sophia. I hate being single and would gladly trade it for a life in a loving relationship. I think you get to the point where rolling along without that missing piece to complete you gets so hard that the sun is shining and the butterflies are flying and the birds are chirping and you couldn't care less. When I was single be (before ex) I loved the holidays, I baked, I loved summer, I went for long walks, traveled alone, got the most out of life as a young singleton. But I think I personally went too far. I spent so much time concentrating on being ok alone that I lost the ability to be around other people, to think of their feelings, take their needs into consideration, and I had no ability to tell what things I should say and what things I should keep to myself. but then I found a man who actually wanted to date me and the good parts were so wonderful that now, the sunshine, sunsets, and the pretty clouds and the butterflies actually hurt. BUT...
having said that, I have learned a thing or two along the way. I've learned that single isn't perfect, and married isn't perfect, and just because you have a husband doesn't mean all of life's problems and difficulties are going to just magically go away. But I think having a support system, just the confidence and strength that comes from simply being loved by a wonderufl person, is invaluable. Study after study shows how happily married people are better off than single people in so many ways, so I won't go into all that. But to use the analogy, perhaps the most perfect fit is a piece that helps the circle roll better, stronger and longer, but still allows time to chat with the butterflies and take in the flowers and sunshine. Of course, the circle also has to have the sense to know that the missing piece does make it whole, and adds a new dimension to its existence, it's still up to the cirlce to determine how fast and in which direction to roll.
Re: The Missing Piece ~ Is The Grass Always Greener???
Quote:
Originally Posted by SophiaM
Goody, that's an excellent question, and a very interesting story as well! I honestly think that people have become a bit too much me-oriented and too individualistic, that's why they're never fully happy with anything or anyone. So many people just want to feel constantly happy and satisfied (which is unrealistic), and if they stop feeling that in their relationships, they immediately think there must be something wrong with the relationship and discard their partner in search of a new one. But in the end, my grandmother still has tears in her eyes when she remembers when she was at her husband's side when he was dying and he said he wouldn't have traded the years with her for anything else and that if he had to do it again, he would choose her as his wife again. That's what I want for myself too.
I love hearing stories like your grandmother's...in fact I get such joy tallking to older people learning about their lives and how they lived through such hard times and their marriages survived through it all. And now we have so much and have life so easy and sometimes as the story says, roll along much too quickly forgetting about what's really important in our lives. I do it too.....married and all sometmes I get caught up in it all forgetting to look at things I often take for granted. And there are times like today which happened to be one of those bad days that you mentioned and still I am able to see Tom as the one I would chose all over again. Yesterday I may have said differently getting caught up in the moment but today after smelling the flowers and talking to some butterflies I find myself not missing anything at all....he's my missing piece that I found that sometimes has me rolling a little too quiclky but still allows me the opprotunity to smell the flowers along the way by putting the brakes on if need be I know it wasn't always this way and won't always seem this way but I wouldn't want it to be any other way. I know that you'll get here one day too.....just wanted to remind you that there are always flowers and butterflies along the way.
Gamecock ~ You just keep on looking ahead...I don't know if it is a "missing piece" we all are looking for or just that inner peace that we find along the way while we all go stumbling through life thinking something's missing but it's right in front of our noses the whole entire time. It just seems that alot of us go looking and searching for something stressing our lives all over it and it's all about taking the time not missing out on what's right there at a given moment instead of rushing things and missing out on another opportunity that we needed at the time. I hope that makes some sense. That's what I think alot of people do including myself and the happiest people seem to be those that take life moment by moment and treasuring each one without worrying about the next. Even I would like to be that way
Re: The Missing Piece ~ Is The Grass Always Greener???
Quote:
Originally Posted by goody2shuz
It just seems that alot of us go looking and searching for something stressing our lives all over it and it's all about taking the time not missing out on what's right there at a given moment instead of rushing things and missing out on another opportunity that we needed at the time. :
Yes, I agree. Was it Confusious (sp?) or Taoism that says "the one who seeks to pluck the stars will miss the jewels at his feet?"
Re: The Missing Piece ~ Is The Grass Always Greener???
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hiya
Yes, I agree. Was it Confusious (sp?) or Taoism that says "the one who seeks to pluck the stars will miss the jewels at his feet?"
I studied philosophy in college & you think that I would know!! If I were to take a guess I would say it sounds like Confuscious (sp?)
Anyway...I agree with you, Nini, that.....
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hiya
....perhaps the most perfect fit is a piece that helps the circle roll better, stronger and longer, but still allows time to chat with the butterflies and take in the flowers and sunshine. Of course, the circle also has to have the sense to know that the missing piece does make it whole, and adds a new dimension to its existence, it's still up to the cirlce to determine how fast and in which direction to roll.
Funny how in my post following yours that I describe Tom in that capacity So I guess he is my "missing piece" And you're not even a famous philosopher but yet are so very wise, my friend
Re: The Missing Piece ~ Is The Grass Always Greener???
Good topic Goody !
I'm one of those people who dated for years and years. A circle with a wedge cut out looking for someone to complete me.
The thing is, somewhere along the way I became a whole circle - and then I met someone who was ALSO a whole circle.
So, technically we are two whole people who created a third entity - our marriage. The tough part is making sure we both keep tending to the marriage and feeding it - harder to do day in and day out than it sounds - -
(a sense of humor helps the most!!)
Ruth
Re: The Missing Piece ~ Is The Grass Always Greener???
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth6:11
So, technically we are two whole people who created a third entity - our marriage. The tough part is making sure we both keep tending to the marriage and feeding it - harder to do day in and day out than it sounds - -
(a sense of humor helps the most!!)
Ruth
You got it sista!! I know all about the "tending to the marriage and feeding it" part and God knows I know how a sense of humor is the glue that holds it all together especially when you reach those big bumps Just today I said to my hubby if it weren't for our good sense of humors we'd be in for some really bumpy roads.
He was in what I refer to as marital "purgatory" today and hung some curtains that have been waiting to be hung for a good month now. As he came into the room he announced...."naked handyman" As much as I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of a smile I just had to laugh at that one Yes my "missing piece" definitely has a great sense of humor!!
Last edited by goody2shuz; 08-19-2005 at 05:45 PM.
Re: The Missing Piece ~ Is The Grass Always Greener???
Hi guys!
Just wanted to pop in and say hello and make sure you are all well and happy! I thought maybe that Goody's post might be the best place to come to because all the crew seem to congregate here!
Not much happening here... struggling with a new job, and I'm back with the ex (and it seems he has pulled his head in - but who knows)??
Anyways, I just wanted to stop by and say hello to all...
Re: The Missing Piece ~ Is The Grass Always Greener???
Hi, Storm Thanks for popping in!!! Does this mean that your BF may be your "Missing Piece"??? I hope he is treating you better....you certainly deserve it. And BTW, Mikey is around as well and could use some advice from his other BIG sis....he doesn't seem to be listening to this one lately
Hope all is going well with you and please give us an update.....I sense that things may be a little shakey but I could be wrong ~ Goody
Re: The Missing Piece ~ Is The Grass Always Greener???
Hi Goody, lovely to hear from you!
Hehehehe, perhaps you are right... my bf may just be my missing piece!! I just seem to be the circle that keeps rolling his way, no matter how hard I try not to sometimes!! Sometimes he fits perfectly, sometimes not and as you know we had parted ways, yet we keep travelling in the same direction and trying to find the perfect balance...
I take each day as it comes now. No matter what happens, I will never have regrets. I may have to admit that I made a mistake one day, but hopefully it will never come to that. If that day ever comes, at least I can say that I loved completely and had the experience... as they say, better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all!! I love him deeply, and somewhere inside, I know that he loves me too. I am still wary, which is something I don't like, but we are learning to trust again. We are trying to communicate better and I am trying to implement many of the wonderful things that I have learnt from this site. He has found a responsible job and is doing really well, and I have to say, I am proud of him. He is talking and working towards a future... and ours. So all in all, things are going well. Sometimes it feels like we never had the dramas. And he is trying. I believe that. I'm not a believer in saying "forever" anymore because you never know what's around the corner, but I am truly hopeful of it... and I like to think that he is too. Finally I think that he is growing up and maturing. Let's just cross our fingers that I am right.
My new job is probably causing more problems at the moment. I am finding it hard to forge a bond with my new boss. My confidence is a little shaky. It stems from the fact that I was given a position that I am not qualified for, but was given to me on my potential. This means that I feel I have to prove myself constantly amongst others who are far more qualified. But I'm sure that if I keep plugging away I will regain my confidence and be up and running. Sometimes I also think that I am my own harshest critic!!!
Anyway, that's my update. Thank you for asking. I hope to be coming back here more often again. I miss you guys. Apart from being busy, I needed a break because I found that I was over-analysing all my relationships and it became a little consuming. And now that I am an Analyst in my job, hopefully I will be all analysed out at the end of the day... and now that things are starting to look up for me on the relationship side, I may be able to rationalise things better and not let them consume me too much!!! I'd also like to catch up with the gang and see where everyone is at... I can only hope that they are all happy.
Talk soon!
Love,
Storm
PS. I did drop in on our Little Bro... I'm sad to see that he is still settling and afraid of being single again, but I'm sure that he will see his way through... even if it takes a little encouragement from his Big Sisters!! I would hate to see him manipulated and his good nature taken advantage of... I hope you are reading this Mike!!!
Re: The Missing Piece ~ Is The Grass Always Greener???
Storm ~ Thanks for the update. Sounds like you and your BF are trying to make a good fit with one another. So long as you are not draining yourself in terms of changing him and seeing the relationship as a positive growth experience you should be able to read that as a good sign that you are roling together on the right path. I recall that you & I are very much into signs and fine tuning our ability to read them
The job is probably stressing you out because you are getting use to a new work environment/relationship. Now that things are smooth on the relationship perhaps it's time for you to apply some of your techniques in the workplace. Afterall it is just a different kind of relationship...only you don't have to kiss your boss, thank God Hehehehehehehe
They say it takes some time to get use to the routine and feel comfortable with coworkers and bosses. He is probably gauging your performance and there is always a wedge between superiors and their employees. Perhaps that is why I had a difficult time adjusting to a position in which I was in the position in which my leadership skills were put into effect. I couldn't be my usual friendly self...somehow in earning others respecdt in the workplace you must take a step back but that was so not like me....I wanted to be in there with everybody else. After sometime I found a balance in acting as a superior and being my friendly self. However, not everybody in an authoritative can do so. Some view that as crossing a line. Perhaps that will help you better understand.
Glad you're back....I will look forward to seeing you more on the boards.
Re: The Missing Piece ~ Is The Grass Always Greener???
your are not alone in this world. the above quote fit my problem very well , I cried when I read it. but no can do that is life and life is not fair some times.
As having experienced both single life and married life I found it quite interesting reading the following and thought others would find it interesting as well. It's a story I once read that went like this.....
What's with that??? The more I think about it and the more I am around here, the more I see how our lives seem to parallel this story. 
It just seems that alot of us go looking and searching for something stressing our lives all over it and it's all about taking the time not missing out on what's right there at a given moment instead of rushing things and missing out on another opportunity that we needed at the time. I hope that makes some sense. 
And you're not even a famous philosopher but yet are so very wise, my friend 
