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Old 08-19-2005, 06:13 PM   #1
Junior Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 17
marty30 HB User
Don't know what to do----feel lost

Well it has been 2 weeks since hubby packed his bags and left before we woke up.
we have started counseling and have gone twice, am feeling good about it. but i have my ups and downs, mixed emotions. angry that he left the way he did with no warning, we never faught, had just come back from vacation, but have been living like room mates for so long with no communication.
i am sad and lonely and living in limbo.....just waiting for his next move. i hate it all. he says it is too soon, and he doesnt know what will happen. what do i do? just hold down the house and kids and go on and just wait to see what he decides? what other choice do i have really. hopefully the counseling will help. then again will i be able to forgive and forget .
i have anxiety and 3 yrs ago was agoraphobic, he was so not there for me. i hold a lot of resentment over that. basically he doesnt communicate at all, never has. and i am not a mind reader.
would love to hear others input.
thanks for letting me spew..
ps we have been married 20 yrs. have 2 teens who seem to be handling it all very well. he was barely here anyway so they dont miss him.

Old 08-19-2005, 06:40 PM   #2
Join Date: May 2004
Location: New York
Posts: 5,813
goody2shuz HB Usergoody2shuz HB User
Re: Don't know what to do----feel lost

Marty ~ Hi Sorry that you are going through all of this. I read through your last thread and you sound alot better after 2 weeks.

How do you feel in terms of the anxiety?? That should be your first concern in making sure that you take care of yourself. Are you able to go out and take care of everything in terms of you & the kids???

In reading through your posts I can't help but think that your husband may be involved with somebody else. Is this possible?? It seems as if he has emotionally and physically abandoned you and a man wouldn't do this unless he has definite intentions. That's just how I see it. And personally, after how things have been in your marriage I don't see why you would wish to salvage anything when you really seem to not have anything worth salvaging. This is a rare occurrence where two people virtually do not communicate or give more than a 2 minute phone conversaton to one another for so many years. I am amazed that it lasted as ong as it has.

When you went to counselling what did he say??? And what did you say???

I just think that you have way too much anger & resentment inside and I don't know if there is enough of a committment or love in this marriage to "fix" it. It almost seems in your posts that you are actually functioning better without him. What do you think??

Please know that you can come here anytime to vent....there are many here who will help you through this. ~ Goody

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Old 08-19-2005, 07:09 PM   #3
Junior Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 17
marty30 HB User
Re: Don't know what to do----feel lost

i Have chosen to believe that he isnt seeing anyone. that is what he says at least.
the marriage counselor really hasnt said much but we are talking and that is a good thing.i ammaking it very easy for him to see the kids and trying to keep it all pleasant, wonder if that is wrong, i mean he isnt making anything easy for me.i feel that we had a foundation that was initially good and dont want to just throw in the towel. i have this stupid image of the "perfect" family, and i know it is all bs anyway. i am just so lost and lonely. thankfully i have the kids, but it feels hopeless at times.
when i am in angry mode i get strong, but then i get sad and turn to mush.a part of me feels it was a good thing this happened as now we are talking, but he is gone and what will really motivate him to come back? he blames me for everything, and where as i do take responsibilty for my half, i dont blame him for it all. just the way he left.
the anxiety is up and down, was verey very bad til a few days ago. i just feel like i am holding it together by a thin thred. having no one here i tend to call him and cry and then hate myself for it. he is calm and kind and listens, but i still hate myself for it.
i am not ready to throw in the towel yet. maybe if i was it would be easier.
maybe i am a fool.

Old 08-19-2005, 07:17 PM   #4
Join Date: May 2004
Location: New York
Posts: 5,813
goody2shuz HB Usergoody2shuz HB User
Re: Don't know what to do----feel lost

Marty ~ Try not to be too hard on yourself. Are you on any meds for the anxiety??? I know that you don't want to give up on the marriage and that is admirable, however, it must hurt to know that he has abandoned you bothe emotionaly in your time of need and physically by removing himself from the household without uch of an explanation. I mean from what I have read it was a total surprise.

Anyway....I think it s good that you are in counselling. Remember that it took years to get to where you are & it isn't going to be easy to get back to where you were when things were good. If you have a solid foundation of love & committment then it is possible to rebuild but you both have got to want it.

Focus on taking good care of yourself & the kids right now. Keep yourself busy and build up your self esteem. learn to be your own best friend ans show yourself & your family how strong you are. You can do it.....Goody

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