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Old 08-19-2005, 08:35 PM   #1
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FairyMagick HB User
Unhappy

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Last edited by FairyMagick; 08-21-2005 at 10:12 PM. Reason: error

 
Old 08-19-2005, 10:35 PM   #2
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eaglesgirl37 HB User
Re: B/F told me to kill myself

I am so sorry you are stuck all alone in an unfamiliar part of the country with a man who demonstrates so little respect for you and your feelings. To be honest, he sounds extremely bitter and resentful of you for some reason, maybe he's feeling like he is doing more than his share of the work? That's completely unfair and still doesn't give him any excuse to be so condescending and cold to you. It also sounds like he is hostile and disrespectful of women in general--I cannot stand those ignorant Neanderthal men who patronize women by dismissing all their feelings as "hormonal." It's so sad that such sexist, ignorant thinking still persists, and my heart goes out to you having to not only hear it, but have it directed at you by a man who purports to love you! Is he always this mean, or is it a relatively rare occurance? Regardless, please remember that you don't deserve this kind of treatment, NO MATTER WHAT. He is emotionally and verbally abusing you, and I can't imagine he isn't having a seriously detrimental effect on your self-esteem by treating you so cruelly. I can't urge you strongly enough to stop giving this man a chance to impregnate you. You are an adult and capable of making well-informed, responsible choices for yourself, but it would be a terrible injustice to bring a child into this world with a father who is full of rage and bitterness toward women in general and its mother in particular. Please, please don't force an innocent child to grow up with such an angry man who lashes out at those he loves...no one should have to experience his father being rude and cruel to his mom, to say nothing of telling her to kill herself? This behavior is completely out of line, and I think you need to put your foot down and get away from him as fast as you can...angry, hostile men like these unforunately only grow increasingly abusive the longer their relationships last. For your own sake, I hope you seriously consider moving back to your hometown, even if you have to stay with a friend or relative for awhile. Forgive me for saying I hope you are not pregnant with this man's child...there are billions of wonderful, gentle, patient men out there who would jump at the chance to build a family with you. You and your baby deserve a man who will cherish and respect both of you, and accordingly will treat you both with love and devotion.

I was in your shoes once, stuck in an unfamiliar city that I hated with my BF and his intolerably rude, miserable relatives...I wanted to leave more than anything, but it didn't seem realistic, so I rode it out because I loved my BF. I wish now I would have trusted my instincts and fled home as soon as it became clear how bitter and hostile some of his family were, but I stayed and things only grew more and more intolerable...and my BF at least treated me well. Please believe and trust me that this situation will only get worse the longer you let it continue, and know that you have much better options. It's hard when you feel stuck and alone, but that doesn't mean you have no choice but to stay...reach out to your family and friends, explain how he's treating you, and I'm sure they will be happy to help in anyway they can. Don't worry about all the details...just find a place to go and get far away from him ASAP. This might seem melodramatic or extreme, but this man is demonstrating some very serious problems and anger which vents itself as abuse...there is nothing you can do to change or help a man like this, all you can do is protect yourself (and your potential children) by staying out of his life and not letting his hostility and negativity have any additional impact on you. Again, I'm so sorry things turned out as they did...please take this very seriously, your instincts that you're not overreacting are 100% right. Your gut is sounding an alarm for a reason, it's doing it's job to protect your physical and emotional well-being--so please listen to it and get out as soon as you can!

 
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Old 08-20-2005, 01:55 AM   #3
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SophiaM HB User
Re: B/F told me to kill myself

I agree with Stacy's comment. This guy sounds really appalling. How could he say something horrible like that to a possible mother of his child? To me, that and his other behavior, sound like verbal and emotional abuse. These are not the words and actions of a loving man, and if he belittles you now for staying at home and tells you you're "hormonal" and should kill yourself (even if he doesn't seriously mean it, it's still unexcusable and absolutely horrendous to say such a thing to someone!!!), wait until you're married to him and even more "trapped." I also hope that you're not pregnant at this time so you can get away from him as easily as possible. I know you said it's not possible, but there's always a way, and you must have lived somewhere before you met him, right? It will be a lot more difficult to make a clean break later, after you've married him and have children and possessions together. My friend is a stay at home mom but her husband has the utmost respect for her, and would never dream of belittling her this way. He actually helps with the kid after he comes home from work.

 
Old 08-20-2005, 11:44 AM   #4
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ibeeshell HB User
Re: B/F told me to kill myself

You need to immediatly stop trying to conceive a child!!!! The posters above are correct!!

Children are a big responsibility and if you can't even afford to pay bills how would you afford a child? That's hardly fair to a baby.

As for living with a man who has no respect for women, what if you were to give birth to a baby girl?

My boss has a husband who doesn't respect her at all and now neither do her two boys!!! It is horrible to watch!

I have a hubby and 3 boys who adore me and I have major respect. I also in return, teach my boys to respect their father. That is how a family works. It takes both parents to raise good children and to teach respect. (Unless you are a single parent, of course, then you can also raise good childen too.) But if you have one parent who is disrespectful and a jerk, your kid will pick up on it!!

Don't let him shut you up!!! Shut him up instead by leaving his sorry a**!!!!!

 
Old 08-20-2005, 02:30 PM   #5
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evy38 HB User
Re: B/F told me to kill myself

Quote:
Originally Posted by ibeeshell
I have a hubby and 3 boys who adore me and I have major respect. I also in return, teach my boys to respect their father. That is how a family works. It takes both parents to raise good children and to teach respect. (Unless you are a single parent, of course, then you can also raise good childen too.) But if you have one parent who is disrespectful and a jerk, your kid will pick up on it!!

Don't let him shut you up!!! Shut him up instead by leaving his sorry a**!!!!!
That is EXACTLY how it's supposed to work, Bee. She gets respect because she KNOWS she deserves it and would put up with nothing else. She gives resect because her husband has shown it to her and she knows he deserves it right back. Almost always, you will get the kind of behavior you believe you deserve. On those rare occasions you get treated, in a manner you don't believe you deserve, you get out while you have a chance. Staying only implies you deserve what you are getting and that is exactly how a disrespectful man sees it.

 
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