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Old 08-19-2005, 10:49 PM   #1
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Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Nanaimo, BC
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mlnd HB User
Unhappy Cheating?

Need advice..
My boyfriend and I have been together since April 2004, we met on an online game, and began chatting daily, then phone calls. During this time we played online games with each other, pretty much daily. It was our thing that we did together. In about June-July 2004 I learned that he had gotten involved with another woman, who is married. This involved cybering/phone sex.. Etc.. He did tell me about her, but he told me they were involved before He and I got together; however when I came to visit him in Nov 2004 ( He came first to meet me in Sept 2004) I found chat logs and discovered that he lied about the date. I never confronted him about this, and to this day he doesn't know I know he lied. Now it is August 2005, I've since moved to live with him 2000+miles from my home. Our relationship has been mostly good, we fight rarely, and when we do it's over little things. The biggest thing is getting him off the computer, and out of the house.. Now we still play online games, him more than me, and we meet a lot of people. Recently about a month ago we began spending time with one girl, and I sort of supsected something was going on between them. (I work all day, and I go to bed fairly early, he stays up until 5,6 or 7 am on the computer) Now after a while we stopped hanging around with her, and he did also. I eventually confronted him about her and asked if anything happened. He said nothing happened, however two days ago I found pictures of her on his computer of her in little outfits, (nurse, goth, and one of her just in a sheet around her waste with her back to the camara. My problem is how to confront him about this, and whether or not he is worth the time and effort I put into this relationship. Part of me just wants to forget about them and continue, but it seems to be a pattern with him.
Sorry this is so long, and if anymore information is needed please ask, or something needs to be cleared up. I've been reading on these boards for a very long time, and everyone is always so helpful.
~Mel

Last edited by mlnd; 07-26-2006 at 12:26 PM.

 
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Old 08-20-2005, 03:00 AM   #2
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Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: California
Posts: 210
MzPrincessReina HB User
Re: Cheating?

he is addicted to the net and meeting people off of it, it wont stop until he is mature and want to stop himself.

 
Old 08-20-2005, 07:30 AM   #3
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Join Date: Dec 2003
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Ruth6:11 HB UserRuth6:11 HB User
Re: Cheating?

Quote:
Originally Posted by mlnd
My problem is how to confront him about this, and whether or not he is worth the time and effort I put into this relationship. Part of me just wants to forget about them and continue, but it seems to be a pattern with him.
Hi mind, sorry to hear what you're going thru.
I guess my honest advice is that you cannot change another human being. And men don't deal with criticism very well at all. Confronting him will most likely only make him defensive. Or he'll find a way to go on the offense and make you the bad guy...

Your comment about whether he is worth the time and effort you've put into the relationship is an interesting one.
The question isn't so much how much the last 16 months have been worth - it's how much the next 50 or 60 years are worth to YOU.

You have to assume that he won't change much.
How's that looking next to your idea of a good husband?
Only you can make that decision....
Ruth

 
Old 08-20-2005, 03:16 PM   #4
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Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 621
evy38 HB User
Re: Cheating?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth6:11
Hi mind, sorry to hear what you're going thru.
I guess my honest advice is that you cannot change another human being. And men don't deal with criticism very well at all. Confronting him will most likely only make him defensive. Or he'll find a way to go on the offense and make you the bad guy...

Your comment about whether he is worth the time and effort you've put into the relationship is an interesting one.
The question isn't so much how much the last 16 months have been worth - it's how much the next 50 or 60 years are worth to YOU.

You have to assume that he won't change much.
How's that looking next to your idea of a good husband?
Only you can make that decision....
Ruth
I agree with Ruth. What are you looking for, in a man and what are you willing to put up with to get it? Big questions, I know, but once you know what you really want, from a man, (ie. marriage, children, fun, companionship or friendship) and what you will not tolerate in a relationship, (ie. cheating, neglect, preoccupation, not taking an equal share of the housework, budget or childrearing, ect), you will be able to take the action necessary to achieve your goals. Until then you will kind of float along not knowing when his behavior is opposed to your own goals in life. Is this relationship, and his behavior in it, helping you or preventing you from achieving those goals?

Last edited by evy38; 08-20-2005 at 08:24 PM.

 
Old 08-21-2005, 07:15 PM   #5
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Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Nanaimo, BC
Posts: 25
mlnd HB User
Re: Cheating?

Thank you all for your replies. As for what I want in a man, that is something even I haven't figured out myself. I'm working on that, at this point in my relationship I know I can't be with someone like this forever. I'm just not certain I'm ready to completly give up. I still haven't confronted him about the pictures, I thnk part of me is worried that if I do, it will be over... However it's something that needs to be talked about. I was very hurt when I found them, and every time I think about it, it makes me feel like I'm not good enough for him. Thank you all for taking the time to read this.

 
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