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Old 08-20-2005, 09:04 PM   #1
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Cher1943 HB User
Emotional Turmoil????

Hi:

I am 60 years old - you would think I would know everything by now but I guess not.

I met a man online on a dating website almost 3 years ago we spoke for approx 3 months on line and I went and lived with him for 2 1/2 years......we got along great he is a very hard working guy and loves to laugh and have fun.........sex in the beginning was great but really diminished after about 6 months. Since he lived out of province and I had moved away from my family I decided I should return to my hometown back with my family. However I loved him with all my heart and I believed he loved me but not by his actions but by the beautiful jewellery he bought me on special occasions.

I have been home about 6 months and he calls me 3 times a day never missing .... I miss him and love him still however here is my dilemma.........

I met a man through casual conversation and see him regularly since we work together. We seem to look for each other on coffee breaks and I look forward in seeing him and having great talks....that is all it is but I believe he would like this to go further (he has told me so) and I will admit that through talking to him I don't believe we would be compatible however he has tweeked my interest in him sexually..........I would love to go to bed with him and am scared to death that it would open another dilemma for me plus I would feel so guilty about the other guy who said he wants to move to my area and marry me.

My question is.........If I am so in love with the first guy why am I looking forward in spending time with this new guy and why would I want to go to bed with him....he talks about us doing fun things and he is always looking for me and I find myself looking for him to spend time together.

I know this kind of thing comes up with people all the time and maybe we just have to walk away from the temptation but for me right now - this is very difficult because it has added some doubt on how strong my feelings are for the other guy.....which by the way I wait for him to call me everyday and enjoy him also.

How do I decifer this dilemma......HELP

 
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Old 08-20-2005, 11:07 PM   #2
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Join Date: Aug 2005
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shiznit HB User
Re: Emotional Turmoil????

I dunno how seriously you'd take a 21 yr old with this, but I've been in an LDR for a while, so maybe I can help.

Sex lasts about 15 minutes to a few hours...and builds up with an orgasm, and crashes down afterwards, waiting to be built up again.

Love takes time to build, but it's stronger and even when it falls, it usually doesn't fall away completely, waiting to be built up again from scratch.

So now you're thinking "what the heck is this girl talking about?"

First, a Long Distance Relationship is not for everyone. And to be honest, I have been attracted to other people over the years. But not once have I ever acted on it. You can imagine how my peers feasted on that little tidbit of my behavior when I was younger...let's not go there.

But the lack of physical contact with someone you love so much does get draining at times. And intimacy IS important. It's paramount, particularly in the time constraints of visitation time in a LDR.

Your question should ultimately be -- "Do I want to do a LDR?"

Can you set times to meet up for long periods of time (ie 2 or 3 weeks at a time, 2 weekends a month, etc?) Can you learn to make it a "game" out of counting it down in a sense, teasing each other and building up the anticipation of that moment of release when you'll be with the man you love?

Can you be faithful? What are you exactly looking for in the relationship? Are you going to be with this man long term and marry him, spend your life with him, grow old together? Can you merge your lives together and be one forever? What do you see for the two of you?

Can you see those things above with the other guy?

Maybe neither?

It's a lot of adjustment to deal with distance when it comes to being physical, but to decipher it properly, you need to ask if you can sacrifice consistent intimacy for the sake of maintaining a deep, close relationship with this man who obviously loves you enough to call you 3x a day and move into your area -- someone who essentially is willing to make sacrifices.

Instant gratification...or patient waiting for the reward? You need to decide that.

 
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