In Depth Question Re Cohabitation Agreements - Relationship Health Message Board

Curious One · 08-22-2005, 05:44 PM

I'm wondering about Cohabitation Agreements/Living Together Agreements/Domestic Partnership Agreements. Wondering if my partner and I should have one. Wondering what would be in it. If you are in a long-term, committed monogamous relationship, would you mind sharing? I'd appreciate it.

Do you own a home together? If so, which of you claims the interest/taxes at tax time? How did you come to that decision?

Do you both work?

Are your incomes about the same or is there a significant disparity? If there is a disparity, how does that play out in terms of spending and saving?

Do you pool your money? Keep separate accounts?

Does one person have more of a say-so in how money is spent or not? How did that person get that role?

How do you pay the bills? Is it 50/50, a percentage, or something else?

How do you decide who pays for groceries, household items, wedding gifts, birthday gifts for friends and extended family, going out for dinner, etc?

Do you have an Agreement or something similar that covers all of this?

Thanks a lot -- your thoughts really are appreciated.

LittleRose1982 · 08-22-2005, 07:41 PM

Hey curious one! I am about to move in with my boyfriend and I have a lot of the same questions you have. I've never lived with a boyfriend before, so this is a huge deal for me. We've discussed marriage and everything, and we know it's going to happen, so living together makes sense for both of us right now. Here's how I plan on handling some of the things you asked about:

He owns the condo. He pays the mortgage. I am going to contribute towards the mortgage so that we can build equity together and eventually when we buy a home both our names will be put on it. We haven't discussed exactly how much I'm going to pay towards the mortgage, but I'm pretty sure it's all up to me.

I would like to maintain seperate accounts. We aren't married yet. No joint accounts. Our finances are our own.

I think it's going to be a pretty equal partnership. He makes more than me, but he's also going to pay the majority of the bills. As far as spending goes, we each have our own money so neither of us will tell the other one what they can/can't spend their money on.

I was thinking maybe we would start some kind of joint savings together in the future, but I'd like to wait a bit on that and just keep things entirely seperate for now.

Like I said, I've never done this before. So I don't know if our plan is good or bad. I'd like to hear from others who have lived with a significant other. What has worked? What hasn't worked?

Ruth6:11 · 08-22-2005, 08:21 PM

If there are issues like this and you can be married I would say to just go ahead and get married.
In a same sex relationship I would see a lawyer so that each person would be protected.
Ruth

Hangin in There · 08-22-2005, 08:35 PM

My experience was short. I only lived with a guy two months. He moved into my home. He didn't make a lot of money, but it was more than me. He gave me half of his paycheck every week toward mortgage, utilities and food (he ate a lot). The rest he used for gas, his own car insurance and whatever he wanted.

I really barely knew him when he moved in (yes, dumb, I know). He claimed to have no bank accounts. I was going to add him to my checking account. Fortunately, the bank wouldn't let him. They discovered he had a number of bad checks from a previous account. Of course, he said his previous girlfriend was responsible for that. Anyway, that relationship was short lived and thankfully he didn't do anything to ruin my credit or rip me off.

Painyoufeel · 08-22-2005, 08:53 PM

My boyfriend and I put all our money in one account. I do the budgeting and we have both agreed to pay all of our bills and household expenses, put aside a certain amount to savings(for a house) and then whatever is left we split 50/50. He buys what he wants with his money, I buy what I want with my money. As far as who pays for going out to dinner, I made a rule that we have to both take the other out on a date at least once a month

He loved that idea, kinda keeps things fresh. As far as birthday gifts, I buy for my family and friends, he buys for his.