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Old 08-22-2005, 09:53 PM   #1
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Roder HB User
I'm crying & need some advice

Please can anyone tell me how to go through a divorce? I'm in California & my marriage of 12 yrs just fell apart tonight!

We've always argued but last week he did something that showed he has no compassion or sympathy for me and I said we needed a break. He took me up on it & left Thurs. night. He came by tonight to see the kids and we had a bad discussion, nothing got resolved, he won't say he's sorry & realize he was wrong. I cry really hard for 10-15 mins. He says he loves me & that this is really sad (it really is sad) but does not approach me to offer a hug. I tell him after I gain composure that he can leave now, he doesn't have to stay & watch me cry. He says before leaving "If you can't give us some time, then go ahead & file for divorce.

I thought he would be at his friends house thinking of what he had done & want to fix it but he never called to do that. I guess the writing is on the wall, huh?

I'll go into the story tomorrow but can any of you who have been thru a divorce, please tell me what is the first step? Possibly in a way that doesn't cost a lot?

Thanks a lot! Now I feel like I'm going to go be sick to my stomach!

 
Old 08-22-2005, 10:01 PM   #2
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Piranna65 HB User
Re: I'm crying & need some advice

I am not married yet, and cannot offer much advice about divorce or costs but how about marriage counsiling?

I dont know what the fight was about, but what is important here is, are you willing to try and make this work, and is your husband? If it is then why not take a stab at the counsiling thing and see if some of these damages can be repaired before you just take a leap into divorce??

 
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Old 08-23-2005, 05:01 AM   #3
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Re: I'm crying & need some advice

Roder ~ It is not wise to use the big "D" word in a marriage else the other may act upon it. It sounds as if you had one of those moments with your hubby. Men are black & white sorta guys and when we would like them to react by saying something we expect a reaction from they often go fooling us by acting completely opposite than how we would have liked them too.
Been there and done that

I think it is time for you to think whether you truly want what was suggested and go from there. I know that your pride may stand in the way based upon what you needed from your husband, but if you allow it to stand in the way you may be watching your marriage go in the opposite direction than you actually want it to. It sounds as if you and your husband have some issues to work through with out using the "D' word. If I am right, I think you should tell your husband this so that he can see it in his black & white sorta way rather than misinterpreting what you really need from him ~ Goody

Last edited by goody2shuz; 08-23-2005 at 05:09 AM.

 
Old 08-24-2005, 08:46 PM   #4
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Roder HB User
Re: I'm crying & need some advice

Thank you Piranna & Goody, for coming to my aid with your advice! OMG, I was freaking out! I really felt like I was going to throw up. We had never split up in our 13 yrs. together. Ugh, all the different emotions & all the crying I have done, reminds me of high school!

Well, some good news for us tho....tonight (after 6 days apart) we decided to work things out & he's coming home. Actually, he text me the morning after I started this thread and said he wanted to talk again & that he still loved me...let me tell you, that was a relief! I didn't know how I was going to make it thru the day.

So, we've talked about the things we needed to & I wrote a 7 page letter to him that I had worked on all day just to get it perfect.....and he loved it, said it was my best one yet....whew!

I just want to say that if problems could be worked out, it is a much better way to go. Hey Goody~~~I'm never going to blurt out that we need to take a break again! LOL. I understand what you're talking about. Tomorrow, I'm going to post some wonderful advice that I had found in a book on ways for a couple to be happy. I told hubby that we both need to read them everyday since most of them apply to us. I think you guys will like them.

We still need to work on our issues but at least we will be together. Sounds like he didn't really enjoy his days away either...since he had to sleep on the floor at his friends' house!!

So, thanks again for the help!! I'll be back to write the advice tomorrow.

 
Old 08-25-2005, 06:52 AM   #5
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ibeeshell HB User
Re: I'm crying & need some advice

Wow, that must have been one powerful text/talk/letter!!

Good for you!!!

 
Old 08-25-2005, 12:53 PM   #6
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Piranna65 HB User
Re: I'm crying & need some advice

thats good news roder, im happy the two of you are going to work on things! Best of luck!

 
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