Thanks for your response.
I see now that I should have let our relationship go that first year when he was back and forth. We actually broke up a few times so he could ask her to come home, but she would reject him (she would cry and hint around to getting back together, but when it came down to it she couldn't hurt her then bf and leave him). I thought I was doing the right thing by letting him go each time. After a year, I told him it was the last time I would take him back if he went to her and we've been steady ever since.
After the last time, we were apart 7 days (his memory, my memory says only about 2-3 days). He said during that time he realized he didn't want his marriage and that he wanted me. But he still didn't really 100% give to our relationship.
We had another blow up last night (it's weekly) where he would cry like a baby because he felt I'm not supporting him and he needs help and only my help. I kept telling him he needs counseling because his love for me is unhealthy and suffocating. He gave up joint custody of his boys recently because he wanted to be with me. I think that is just wrong. He says he would have lost them anyway because his stbxw is a SAHM and he's in teh military and the court would have awarded her custody anyway. BUT he never even got that far. He never fought for the custody they've been doing for almost 3 years. The minute he got the paperwork from the court he emailed stbxw and said he would give her full custody and child support.
In doing so, he has no money left (pays 2 women child support) and had to move in with me. I think he tricked me by giving up his joint custody so quickly. It was his wishes all along to move in with me, but he knew I wasn't ready to just do it and would only do it because he was destitute.
I can't handle a grown man wailing the way he does! I told him last night to get a set of balls. He thinks I'm mean and unsupportive. I think he gets mean whenever I voice my likes or dislikes.
We're going in a big circle on a weekly basis. I told him I don't feel like I can be myself anymore... that he always takes things too personal. He refuses to go to counseling because he says he can't talk to people about our issues, that they are between us only.