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Old 08-23-2005, 12:26 PM   #1
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bendb HB User
Where to live?

It's me once again. My ex and I have been living together for about a week now. It is not going well. She wants her space and it is hard for me to give it to her when we are always together. I have the option to move out. One of her friends in looking for a place to live and is willing to stay here. I don't know what to do. I've tried talking ot my ex and seeing what she wants, but I think she is more afraid of people thinking she kicked me out than anthing else. Here is what I told her. I told her that I hope and pray we can work things out because my life is empty without her. I told her this was hard on me and she said it was hard on her too. I told her that I didn't really want to move out, but that I didn't like the way things were getting between us. I had a friend live with his gf, now ex, last year. They broke up and by the end of the year, they absolutely hated one another. I don't ever want that to happen with me and her. I told her that I would move out before I let that happen. We agreed that me moving out was the best solution. I talked it over with our other roomate, her sister, and she said ok. The thing is, my ex flipped out when I talked to her sister about it. She asked why I had to start doing it so soon. When am I supposed to start? I am just trying to do the right thing. I'm hoping that me moving will give her the space she needs, and I'm really hoping that she will see how much I love her and come back to me. I am scared to death that I will move out and she won't ever see me again, but what other option do I have. Today she came in my room and told me that if I was going to move, I needed to talk to the new rommate about it. She was almost crying and said she wanted to make it clear that moving out was my choice. I am just trying to save whatever we have left. I'm really trying to do the best thing here. Is she really wanting me to move so she can hever her space? Or is this basically her signaling the end of our relationship? I just want to make the right move. Any advice from my friends would be greatly appreciated.

PS--If there are any questions about what is going on, my past posts ought to explain it.

God bless you all,
bendb

 
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Old 08-23-2005, 12:59 PM   #2
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WhiteLily HB User
Re: Where to live?

BendB

I haven't read your previous posts but your decision to move out just sounds the right one. If you were going to lose her, then staying in the same flat would just make the the loss heavier, because it might just create resentment and bitter feelings by giving the impression that you are not respectful to her wish to have her own space. Move out and try to give your own self a space so that your and her decisions, and steps become healthier and built on clear thinking.

Good luck to you

 
Old 08-23-2005, 07:48 PM   #3
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bendb HB User
Re: Where to live?

I don't want to lose her. but I have to come to grips with the situation. I can't make her love me. It isn't my decision. I'm just not sure what the best decision to make about living is. Is she acting like a young girl who is confused, or is this more like her telling me she done with me? I honestly don't know. All I can say is that it is hard on me living here, but moving down the road isn't going to put me to sleep any better. I am trying to do the right thing for her. What is it that she really wants me to do? Would she rather me stay and leave her alone or move and be gone?

 
Old 08-24-2005, 04:40 AM   #4
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Painyoufeel HB User
Re: Where to live?

Ive read all of your posts and I think the best thing you could possibly do for yourself is move out and move on. This girl basically wants to have you and her freedom too. I think she knows that you are a good guy and that she would be a fool to lose you, but she isnt ready to settle down. You deserve better !

 
Old 08-24-2005, 11:31 AM   #5
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Posts: 59
bendb HB User
Re: Where to live?

Hello all. I want to update things real quick. I did a bad thing today. When I got home, my ex was gone. I have been trying to get her computer going, so I was in her room working on it. She just got a new cell phone. I picked it up and looked through the call log. I know I shouldn't have done it but I did. Guess what I found. If you were to go back to april and read my post you would find she cheated on me with an old family friend. She called him a few times this week and he called her. Then I picked up her old phone to see how long this was going on. Her birthday was Aug. 12. We went ot a concert that night. The next day I didn't see her. That Sunday night she was supposed to come to my house for the evening. She never came and she never called. In fact, her entire attitude changed overnight. He called her that night. They talked several times over the next few days. She swore to me that this had nothing do with another guy. They are old family friends, so it may have been innocent, but I'm not ok wiht him being around. The note I wrote about in my last post begged me to trust her and told me that if I wasn't ok with him being in her life, then he wouldn't be. A few nights later they are talking? What kind of monster is she? She has done it too many times now. I'm moving out as soon as possible. Tonight we are going to sit down and work out what we are going to do with the stuff we bought together. She doesn't know that I know about them talking. I am going to confront her about it tonight. I have never been so angry. All I ever tried to do was love her and she leaves me for a guy who told her he doesn't like her--TWICE. I'm not perfect, I've done a lot of things wrong, and I will do many more, but I know that I never in a million years would have done that to her. I don't think I will ever be able to trust another. I am truly disgusted with this. She is out of my life for good. I swear on everything holy that I will never fall for her again. A life alone is better than what I have now. Thanks for listening.
bendb

 
Old 08-25-2005, 06:37 AM   #6
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Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 59
bendb HB User
Re: Where to live?

We didn't get to have our talk last night. I talked to a good friend of mine(who happens to be my ex's cousin) and he suggested I just leave and not mention anything of the phone calls. What do you guys think? That doesn't sound like a bad idea to me. I mean what will it accomplish? All it will do is make her feel bad. Her time is coming, and she will feel bad enough when the dust settles without me shoving it in her face. But then again, I would kind of like to let her know that I know what is going on. Anybody suggest what I do? Thanks a bunch.
bendb

 
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