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Old 08-24-2005, 03:11 AM   #1
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damselindistres HB User
bf issues

My bf is good to me in some ways he tells me how nice I look, how happy I make him etc. The only problem is he does not seem to want to go out in public with me. He wants me to come around his house . He says he does not have enough money to go out. But when I say I am going out to the cinema he says he wants to join me (when he does this I say but I thought you had no money-he sounds annoyed). I sometimes go to the cinema with other people but either though he knows I am going I do not invite him out b/c he says he has no money.

Iam not quite sure what to make of the situation. Do you think he just wants me around his house sometimes I feel used I do not know if I am being silly.

Oh by the way we virtually always split the bill. We have also been going out for over a year and he has only had an issue with money in the last few months (he tells me he spends alot of money on CDs).

Last edited by damselindistres; 08-24-2005 at 03:13 AM.

 
Old 08-24-2005, 05:49 AM   #2
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netle HB User
Re: bf issues

There's something weird about this arrangement.

It's not the fact that he says he doesn't have money or that you split things down the middle, but the fact that he only ever wants you to come to his house and never go out. Even if he doesn't have money, you can still go outside for a walk and do things that do not require any money.

I just find this rather suspicious and would probably be concerned about whether he has another girl on the side and that is the reason he doesn't want to go out or spend too much money. I'm not trying to just to conclusions, but I think you ought to put your foot down and insist on doing more than just sitting on his place.

 
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Old 08-24-2005, 01:15 PM   #3
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damselindistres HB User
Re: bf issues

I definately know he is not seeing anyone else. Also it is not only the not going out thing it is other things such as not talking about the relationship. Whenever I point something out to him he says I am sorry about that I did not mean to do such and such but he never talks about any issues no matter how hard I try to get him to talk. Has anyone got any suggestions.

 
Old 08-24-2005, 03:07 PM   #4
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OokieWonderslug HB User
Re: bf issues

He may think you're ugly. I am not trying to be mean, but if he likes your personality and being around you, but not going in public with you he may be embarrassed about being seen with you. Do you have a reputation? Some guys are embarrassed to be seen with a woman that's had a lot of partners or an "adult job".

Or possibly he just doesn't like being in public. I don't. My idea of going out is fishing in my boat or on a deserted riverbank. Or walking in the woods. Or panning for gold. Basically things that don't have people around all the time. He may be like that.

If you're of good reputation and aren't too hard to look at then maybe you should suggest outings that don't require money or the presence of lots of people. He may go for that.

 
Old 08-24-2005, 04:12 PM   #5
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damselindistres HB User
Re: bf issues

I am pretty sure he is not ashamed of me, whenever we meet someone new he annouces v. loudly that I am his girlfriend and tells people how clever I am etc. He also says that he thinks he is better around peeps than me socially (I personally do not agree I try to be myself while he copys what people do to make a connection with them). This means I do not think that he feels he should avoid interaction.

I have suggested going for a walk and he says he will do this sometime so I suppose this is something.

He will moan about going out even though he has only spent money on me occasionally (there have been a couple of times were he brought me dinner). He ask me to come to his place quite alot he does not seem to like going out to the cinema and resturants as much as most bf. It sometimes just seems like he only wants me for one thing maybe I am being paranoid but he tells me how much he thinks about it and also expects us to sleep together and gets annoyed if nothing happens. Iam I being paranoid? If so is there anyway to make him understand I do not feel appreciated , what do people think?

 
Old 08-25-2005, 12:43 AM   #6
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damselindistres HB User
Re: bf issues

Actually there is one thing I thought about last night and I think this is probably part of why I got fed up with him. He made a really big fussy about our anniversary he said we should go out for a meal etc. He also told me he would buy me this bracelet we went shopping for the bracelet the last one had been taken and when we looked at ones that were cheaper he did not offer to buy one so I choose a bracelet half the price of the original. I do not like asking for present but he offered to buy me one so I thought that he would not be too fussed about buying one. Also for our anniversary it ended up with me cooking him dinner instead of going out and I hd to tell him to get my a bottle of wine otherwise he would not have done so. After all the fuss he made he did not buy me anything like flowers etc that one normally does for an anniversary. Its just that he tells me how much he is going to do for and never comes through. I just think if your going to buy something fine but don't promise something and not go through with it. I know this is long but Iam annoyed this morning!!

 
Old 08-25-2005, 03:30 AM   #7
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eaglesgirl37 HB User
Re: bf issues

Quote:
Originally Posted by damselindistres
I am pretty sure he is not ashamed of me, whenever we meet someone new he annouces v. loudly that I am his girlfriend and tells people how clever I am etc. He also says that he thinks he is better around peeps than me socially (I personally do not agree I try to be myself while he copys what people do to make a connection with them). This means I do not think that he feels he should avoid interaction.

I have suggested going for a walk and he says he will do this sometime so I suppose this is something.

He will moan about going out even though he has only spent money on me occasionally (there have been a couple of times were he brought me dinner). He ask me to come to his place quite alot he does not seem to like going out to the cinema and resturants as much as most bf. It sometimes just seems like he only wants me for one thing maybe I am being paranoid but he tells me how much he thinks about it and also expects us to sleep together and gets annoyed if nothing happens. Iam I being paranoid? If so is there anyway to make him understand I do not feel appreciated , what do people think?

It doesn't sound like you are that happy in this relationship and to be honest, it doesn't sound like he is that into you. He sounds happy to have you around when you do all the work and come to him and it's easy for him to get laid, but otherwise, he doesn't want to put much effort or energy into the relationship. From what you wrote, it struck me that he was probably mainly involved with you for one thing, and if you are also getting that impression from him, then I'd bet you are quite right. If he doesn't like to take you out, doesn't like the way you act socially, doesn't like to buy you presents or spend any money on you instead of CDs, and wants you to be the one to come over when you get together, it seems pretty clear that he's just not that into the relationship. One thing I have learned from years of dating is that people very rarely ever change, and that if they do, it is because they want to and not because someone convinces them to change. So...if you aren't happy with the way things are, you will only be disappointed if you expect them to improve with time. Either you are content with the relationship as it is and want things to continue that way, or you need to leave him and move on. You sound pretty young and there are tons of guys out there who would like to take you out on dates, spoil you with gifts, socialize together, etc. So if you're not satisfied with the guy you are with, why not find someone else? There's no point in staying in a relationship that doesn't make you happy when life is so short and there are so many other great guys out there. Don't settle!!

 
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