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Old 08-25-2005, 07:29 AM   #1
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Lilly10 HB User
Heartbroken

Hi everyone,

I guess I'm just looking for a little support right now. My fiance and I are breaking up after being together for 6 years. We own our home together and in our state you cant sell before 2 years with out paying capital gaines tax so he is going to live there till April and I will find an apartment. This is all so surreal to me at this time. When it first happened he told me that we are broken and unfixable. I have already passed the denial phase and now just trying to accept this but I'm a mess. I am reliving every moment of our relationship. A big issue I have is that I live in a state where the only people I know are my coworkers and him so I feel so alone. I thought about moving back to my home state but I have a good job here and I would feel so overwhelmed looking for a job and an apartment (funny when I bought my house I never thought I would look for another apartment) at least here I have a steady income.

Everyday I go through these moments where I feel so strong then I just crash and cry. We have talked to eachother and he feels heartbroken as well. The shock to all of this is that I did not see this coming at all. Im just so heartbroken and do my best to just exist right now!! How do I cope with all of this ???

 
Old 08-25-2005, 07:41 AM   #2
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YeahImScared HB User
Re: Heartbroken

Let me start off by saying that I'm sorry. :-( Love really is the best thing in the world, and the worst at the same time... Have you TRIED working it out? I guess the only way to cope with it... is really to get out of where you are. I know you said it would overwhelm you, but that really is the only way. Go back to your home town. Go back to your old friends, somewhere your familiar with. Keep him in your heart, but not your thoughts 24/7 you know? Keep your time occupied. Don't just work all the time. Take some time to yourself. Vacation maybe? With a few friends? Anything would really help.


I hope it all works out for you.. :-(

 
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Old 08-25-2005, 08:04 AM   #3
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LittleRose1982 HB User
Re: Heartbroken

Lilly,
I can only imagine your pain. I've been heartbroken before, but never when it also involved the stress of finding a place to live or finding a job, it's got to be exhausting! You've got to show your strength. Try to push the pain back as much as you can while you get your living situation under control... then let it out and grieve over the relationship. That's the only thing I can think of. Because feeling heartbroken leaves you tired and miserable and with no energy to get up and make life changes. But you're faced with a situation that requires you to. I would say look for an apartment where your job is. It's much easier to meet new people than it is to change your job. Many people only socialize with co-workers. That's not a big deal. I talk to maybe 2 or 3 friends from my home town, and all the rest of my close friends I have met through work. So I wouldn't worry about that. Try to nourish those friendships. And come here whenever you need to vent!
Best of luck to you!

 
Old 08-25-2005, 11:43 AM   #4
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Lilly10 HB User
Re: Heartbroken

Thank you so much for your responce! I am trying to be as strong as possible but it is so hard. I have no idea how I will be able to move away from the life we built together but somehow I will. As far as trying to work things out I attempted that and he agreed to try but I felt his heart was not there so I told him that it makes no sence to do this just for me. I miss him with all my heart!! Yesterday I went shopping after work so I did not have to go home but it is so hard to force yourself to do things just to pass time but I have a feeling I will have alot of time to pass in the next few months!

 
Old 08-25-2005, 11:43 AM   #5
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Ms_ENV27 HB User
Re: Heartbroken

Almost a 2 1/2 years ago my Mom and Dad split up. They were married for 14 years and out of the blue my Dad didn't want to be with my mom anymore. No signs of him being unhappy, nothing. They had to sell the house because my Dad was the one who moved out and she couldn't afford the house by herself. She was also starting a new job around all this time. So I know what your saying about being overwhelmed. Yes, it is overwhelming but it is nothing that you can't handle! Your being strong just by going to work everyday and NOT going back to your hometown. Some people would go right back to there parents, stay in bed all day, and forget about work! My Mom was so heartbroken. She would cry everywhere! The grocery store, restaurants and driving..she thought she could never love anyone ever again! Or no one would want her if her own husband didn't! But ya know what? Things are really good for her right now. She did meet a wonderful man about almost 2 years ago who treats her so good. She even had a baby and now I finally have a sibling, 21 years age difference, but hey, I got a brother finally. She is so complete and content with her life now.

Things WILL get better! I promise!

 
Old 08-25-2005, 02:25 PM   #6
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emma_j_21 HB User
Re: Heartbroken

Oh my god do i know how you feel. I broke up with my fiancee a month ago because i found out he cheated on me. I've since been to South Africa whichwas planned before all this. He ended not going.But now i'm back home and back to reaility. I don't know what to do with myself. I was and still am so in love with him but he's got himself a new gf. He obviously didn't love me very nuch.
MMMMMEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNNNN

 
Old 08-25-2005, 06:45 PM   #7
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Ruth6:11 HB UserRuth6:11 HB User
Re: Heartbroken

I also broke up with a live-in boyfriend in a large city where the only people I knew were my co-workers and the ex.
I loved my job, but because the break-up was so hard on me emotionally I did end up moving back to my home city. Needed more support than I could realistically expect on the job. Stayed with my folks until the job & apt. shopping was done. The thing is, for me it worked out fine because I eventually met Mr. Ruth back here...

 
Old 08-25-2005, 08:22 PM   #8
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marty30 HB User
Re: Heartbroken

I am so sorry for what you are going thu. i am in a similar state, as H left 3 weeks ago tomorrow and left a note! i was stuneed, heartbroken and a wreck. i too will feel strong , angry and able to handle it, then the next i am a crying bundle of mush. we have been married 20 yrs with 2 kids. i feel for you as the only comfort i have is the regular routine with my home.i too have no family here, i have friends but not like the ones i grew up with.
i have a friend who moved away after the divorce-back to her hometown as she couldnt bear to see him again.she didnt have a job here tho. hang in there, dont make any life decisions just yet(how long has it been). hopefully things will get clearer as time goes on, that is what i am counting on too....

 
Old 08-26-2005, 05:33 AM   #9
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YeahImScared HB User
Re: Heartbroken

No, don't say that you'll have alot of time. I'm sure your attractive?... GO OUT. Meet some ppl. Grab a few friends and really do something. It is the only thing that's ever helped me. I cant' sit at home, and I can't TRY to pass time. It has to pass itself.

 
Old 08-26-2005, 06:19 AM   #10
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Lilly10 HB User
Re: Heartbroken

Well this is the 1 week mark today. It all happened last friday we had plans with each which we made at around 4:30 pm we were going to take our new puppy to the beach. He called me at 5:30 pm said that he would be late as a manager at work has requested a meeting, I said a meeting on a friday night and why did you not have this meeting set up at 4:30 well turns out this meeting was really just a group of people from work going out to a bar. I was really upset with him and I admit I got very angry and did over react. So that night he turned off his cell phone and did not even attempt to reach me till late. I was so upset and worried sick about what was going on. He never just shut me out like that and I mean never. Even that morning I still have the emails he sent me telling me he loves me and so on?? So when he did get home friday night I was hysterical and he told me that he just snapped all of a sudden and does not want this relationship anymore well hearing that hit me like a ton of bricks and I felt panicked about what would happen. We ended up talking on Sunday and he said he would like to try to work on things but I knew that was just for me so on Monday I told him that I will just try to find a place till we can sell the house in April he agreed. He did offer to leave and let me stay in the house and send me money to help with the mortgage but I declined as I dont want to go home to the empty house every night alone and the house is in the suburbs so not much going on there to help pass time. He is 35 and I am 26 years old (just thought I would throw that in). So I guess now I will just need to move forward from here and figure this out as I go along. So this is my story in love one day and gone the next!!

To Everyone who responed I feel for you all as well!! Being this hurt is the worst feeling, but I guess we can only grow from it and focus on the now and see what the future brings. This what I try to tell myself.

 
Old 08-27-2005, 05:57 AM   #11
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markline HB User
Re: Heartbroken

Lilly10, I'm in a very similar situation as you, but with two young children. I can also very much relate to your comment of "he never just shut me out like that".. My "wife" is doing the same and it hurts. We used to share everything and now she disappears for consequative evenings rather than coming back to you house..

I can't offer much advice on going forward as I'm in the same situation as you, I don't know myself to offer advice, but people have said to me that it will get better. Time heals!

 
Old 08-27-2005, 08:20 AM   #12
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SophiaM HB User
Re: Heartbroken

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lilly10
Well this is the 1 week mark today. It all happened last friday we had plans with each which we made at around 4:30 pm we were going to take our new puppy to the beach. He called me at 5:30 pm said that he would be late as a manager at work has requested a meeting, I said a meeting on a friday night and why did you not have this meeting set up at 4:30 well turns out this meeting was really just a group of people from work going out to a bar. I was really upset with him and I admit I got very angry and did over react. So that night he turned off his cell phone and did not even attempt to reach me till late. I was so upset and worried sick about what was going on. He never just shut me out like that and I mean never. Even that morning I still have the emails he sent me telling me he loves me and so on?? So when he did get home friday night I was hysterical and he told me that he just snapped all of a sudden and does not want this relationship anymore well hearing that hit me like a ton of bricks and I felt panicked about what would happen. We ended up talking on Sunday and he said he would like to try to work on things but I knew that was just for me so on Monday I told him that I will just try to find a place till we can sell the house in April he agreed. He did offer to leave and let me stay in the house and send me money to help with the mortgage but I declined as I dont want to go home to the empty house every night alone and the house is in the suburbs so not much going on there to help pass time. He is 35 and I am 26 years old (just thought I would throw that in). So I guess now I will just need to move forward from here and figure this out as I go along. So this is my story in love one day and gone the next!!

To Everyone who responed I feel for you all as well!! Being this hurt is the worst feeling, but I guess we can only grow from it and focus on the now and see what the future brings. This what I try to tell myself.
Lily, I am so sorry that you are going through this horrible pain. It must feel surreal, since it all happened so quickly and without a warning. I can't believe a 35-year-old man would want to throw out a long-term relationship so fast for such a trivial reason. Basically no reason. You said this situation has never happened before, so it's not like he was fed up with constant fights, correct? Maybe what really happened is that he got very scared of getting married--could that be a possibility? Did you guys talk about engagement or marriage? I mean, what's the purpose of buying a house together if there are no plans for a future... I was once in a similar situation living for 4 years with a man much older than me, and I was also 26, almost 27 when we broke up, seemingly for no reason. He later told me it's because he "fell out of love withe me" and didn't know why. I was pretty, young, educated, faithful, we had so much in common, never fought, blah, blah, blah.. This was a man who told me he loved me at least 10 times a day, to the point of annoyance. I was really heartbroken and in shock that our relationship ended.

What can I say, you do get over it in time, athough it leaves a scar in your heart maybe forever. But the small (at the moment) consolation is that if this man truly loved you and was "the one" for you, he would have never left and broke your heart like he did. Also, another "warning sign" was that he was in his 30s when he met you and yet he was willing to just date you for 6 years without proposing. I have seen very few relationships like this (including my own) work out. Usually when a guy in his 30s doesn't propose within 2 to 3 years, the relationship is not going anywhere. As hard as it is, please try to realize that it just wasn't meant to be and that the man who will truly love you with all his heart is still out there, looking for you.

 
Old 08-27-2005, 02:52 PM   #13
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Destiny79 HB User
Re: Heartbroken

I'm really sorry for your break up. Life is so hard sometimes. I broke up with my boyfriend 3 months ago. We's been together 7 years, owned a house together, shared bank accounts, everything. It was so unbelievable hard. Many a night I prayed that I'd go to sleep and not wake up the next day, as I really didn't want to go on anymore. There are still many times I get very upset and depressed, and I don't do anything that we used to do together as I find it just too hard. But i know it was for the best. WE just werent meant to be together. I so believe that everything happens for a reason, sometimes you just have to work out what the reason is. There is someone else out there for you, I know there is. Someone better, someone who loves you as you are from the bottom of their heart. They'll come onto your life when they're supposed to. But in the meantime, keep busy. Work lots, read books, watch films, or like me do a course or something. I've just started a beginners spanish course to keep my mind preoccupied. I'm also now seeing someone and i've fallen in love with him. DOn't know if it'll last as he's not exactly single, but if its meant to be, it will be. Who knows just what the future holds........

Keep your chin up. And just think to yourself, no matter how bad things get, things can always get worse. Very pessimistic I know. But o so true. At least your healthy and your family are healthy. We must try and keep positive in even the worse of situations as things can always get worse, but they can also get better, and in time they will..............

 
Old 08-30-2005, 07:45 AM   #14
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Lilly10 HB User
Re: Heartbroken

Well just an update on my situation. This past weekend was pretty bad he went to work on Saturday then out with some friends from work told me it was ok to call at 7 just to make sure all is well and safe and he ignored my call then turned off his cell phone. I did not keep trying to reach him but felt pretty hurt then I got over the hurt and got mad I said to myself what a loser acting like this! I got home at 11:30pm and he was there and seemed drunk at first I did not say much just that I thought he acted mean. Then I decided why mince words he is the one turning this bitter and I let him know exactly how I feel we exchanged some words then I went to sleep in the guest bedroom he came in and said you know I never wanted this to happen and Im sorry I said "thanks" and went to bed. Well the next morning he must of known what an a**hole he was and acted depressed all day. But I have been showing my strengh and seems he does not like it to much! When I got home from work Monday night he was acting fine at first then did a 360 he said to me did you find a place yet? Well let me tell you that did not go over well with me ( he acted as if I was shacking up in his apartment) I said no I did not and further more this is my house too and why dont you find a place!!! I really feel he may have feelings for someone else but of coarse he wont admit it I wish he would that would make my life much easier to move on. Sorry this is so long I just wanted to vent a little.

Last edited by Lilly10; 08-31-2005 at 05:18 PM.

 
Old 08-31-2005, 10:38 AM   #15
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TTBABM HB User
Re: Heartbroken

I Had A Feeling You Were In The Same Boat As Me(i'm Sorry). The Going Shopping So You Don't Have To Go Home Brought Tears To My Eyes, I Have Done The Same. It Is Amazing How Alone You Can Feel, This Forum Helps It Makes You Realize That There Are People Who Care. I Cant Wait For The Day We Both Stop Writing Into This Forum (except To Help Others) It Will Come

 
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